2012 PREDICTIONS AND 2011 IDIOT OF THE YEAR AWARD

AULD LANG SYNE, same old crap.  Happy effing New Year, and here is the year's final Poop. 


It has been a banner year for idiots and idiot doings. Not just the "oocupy" movement either, although the two dolts I hauled to McPherson Square who bitched about "big corporations" and bank bailouts all the way there and then paid their fare with a credit card - issued by Bank of America, no less - wound up with a third quarter nomination for Idiot(s) of the year. 


But advertising has really gone off the rails, especially drug advertising.  This year I have beheld an asthma drug which has a side effect of INCREASED RISK OF ASTHMA RELATED DEATH! 


Yikes. Not to mention Lunestra, the sleep aid that might put you to sleep PERMANENTLY (and has a side effect of "drowsiness". Ya think?)


And, let's not forget, all those anti-depressants with the side effect of "Suicidal tendencies".  That's an anti-depressant?


Newest among these worse-than-the-disease "cures" is a stop-smoking aid that has the side effect of making the user grouchy and bitchy.  Why in hell anyone would get a prescription for something that mimics the effects of quitting cold-turkey is beyond me. I think the pill is something called "Placebowe" and the main ingredient is some substance called "sugar".


At least the 20-year storm of idiotic bumper-stickers seems to have abated, if you don't count the ones that say "Obama 2012".  But nothing really galling like the one a few years ago: "I HAVE AN HONOROLL STUDENT AT GARFIELD MIDDLE SCHOOL". 


Yes, "honoroll", spelled just like that. How absolutely ghastly. No wonder Mac McGarrity quit "It's Academic". He likely couldn't stand it anymore. 


"Honoroll", indeed. 


Well, it's time to announce the latest addition to our own "Honoroll of Infamy". But first a re-cap of the rules and the reason I have made an exception to the rules this year. 


The Official Alexandria Daily Poop Idiot Of The Year must meet the following qualifications unless an exemption is made by your beloved Editor in Chief, Moi:

1. The candidate must be someone I have met in the course of my main job of driving a taxicab.(this rule has been WAIVED FOR 2011)
2. The candidate CANNOT be retarded, insane, or otherwise mentally deficient by no fault of the candidate's own. What qualifies as the above is solely up to the judgement of the Editor.
3. The candidate cannot be intoxicated. In the competition for Idiot of the Year, alcohol and drugs are disqualifying performance-enhancers. However, a sober candidate who boasts about an idiotic thing he or she did when drunk or high; who does not recognize that what the candidate did was embarrassingly stupid, will still be considered unless the candidate is in alcoholic denial.
4. The candidate must, in my presence, do or say something or boast -not just relate sheepishly or ruefully, but boast- about doing or saying something that is, when considered and compared against the candidate's degree of education and station in life is toweringly and spectacularly stupid beyond the simple foibles common to us all.  (This rule has been partially waived for 2011)

AND NOW, THE MOMENT ALL THREE OF THE READERS OF THIS E-RAG HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR, THE ANNOUNCEMENT OF THE ONE AND ONLY OFFICIAL WINNER OF THE ALEXANDRIA DAILY POOP AWARD 

IDIOT

OF

THE

YEAR!

AND THE WINNER IS.....

TIME MAGAZINE! FOR THEIR PICK OF "THE PROTESTER" AS "PERSON OF THE YEAR"!

Congratulations, you stupid motherfuckers. You put a picture of some person with a bandanna on his (her?) face and announced that bitching that you don't like something - and without even having the guts to show one's face at that - entitles one to a coveted national honor. Are you fucking stupid? YES! You are fucking stupid and more! You have probably blown away any hopes of anybody else making Idiot of the Decade in 2020.  Like Obama's Nobel, I'm awarding you Idiot of the 2010s on the come. 

And that includes every man Jack and woman Jane and Ruby Tubesteak trans-sexual freak on the entire Time Magazine staff. The publishers and editors for making the choice and approving it, the staff writers and photographers who did not quit in disgust over it, ditto the contributors and right down to the entire membership and stockholders of whatever concerns manufactured the very paper, ink, and printing presses used to manufacture the copies of this travesty. You are a pack of god damned IDIOTS every single one of you.

You fools did not, of course, mean the TEA party, who leave their rally sites cleaner than when they came.  No, you mean the people in the "Arab Spring" who just started rioting, intending to bring down tyrants. Sounds like a good idea until you realize that worse tyrants have been awaiting just such a moment and are currently maneuvering to install Islamic extremist theocracies to lord it over the supposedly "newly freed" peoples. 

You mean the "peaceful" "Occupiers" here who among other things leave shit - not just a generic mess but real, stinking human shit - everywhere (including the guy who took a crap on a police car), push old ladies to the ground, and block traffic and cause massive disruptions because they have decided to pool a plethora of real and imagined grievances and throw a massive national infantile temper tantrum which includes a few real boneheads who are threatening to starve themselves to death unless the Congress IGNORES THE CONSTITUTION and gives the District of Columbia full state's rights and representation.  (and at least these idiots are being considerate to their pallbearers, who will have a light load to carry.)  BUT "ignore the Constitution" (as they "interpret" it) in any way that adversely affects them, and they squeal like stuck pigs.

I could go on and on, but all any thinking person needs do is watch the news. Yes, the lame-stream drive-by media tries to sugar coat it, but - like "Bit o' Honey Candy" - the nuts pop through after you chew on it a while. 

SO. For giving global honor and recognition to any misguided malcontent who decides to throw a public fit, YOU, THE OWNERS, PUBLISHERS, EMPLOYEES, AND ANY PERSON WHO IN ANY WAY CONTRIBUTES TO THE PUBLICATION AND VIABILITY OF TIME MAGAZINE HAVE THE SINGULAR HONOR OF BEING THE FIRST GROUP RECIPIENTS OF THE DECIDEDLY DUBIOUS ANNUAL AWARD OF THE ALEXANDRIA DAILY POOP'S 

IDIOT OF THE YEAR 2011

and as a bonus

IDIOT OF THE DECADE 2010-2020!

We usually make a suggestion as to where the award recipient should go and what the recipient should do, and in this case and oddly enough following this suggestion will help get the economy going. As a bonus, it will accomplish one of the goals of some of the occupiers in that when you all get those vasectomies and tubal ligations to avoid birthing another generation of imbeciles, you will generate the income needed for a whole lot of doctors, nurses, anesthesiologists, medical technicians, and the like to finally pay off those student loans some of you have been bitching about between public shits. 

Oh yeah. And don't ask me to pay for it. Try for a volume discount. Idiots.

PART II:  PREDICTIONS FOR 2012

I had some partial success in my predictions for 2011. Gold did fall, but not as much; ditto oil. I am rather disappointed in the lackluster performance of the TEA party Republicans but they did fight hard to point out that - as the editorial position of the ADP states - "there ain't no fuckin' money".  The Democrats successfully ignored this. 

I wasn't wrong about the Euro, however. It's currently down more than a nickle from where it was last year. Germany - good old Deutchland - is poised to become the new global superpower alongside the United States. 

Europe has responded somewhat more sluggishly to the Moslem threat than I would have liked, but the awakening is taking place all the same.

Apparently the person who draws "Sally Forth" reads this blog, as Hilary now has a long-distance boyfriend named "Jon".  Funny how fast that happened after I made that prediction.  As to Justin Bieber: Hey, Justin. Anybody young, cute, and famous can get any squeeze he likes.  But this whole "paternity suit" bit?  I personally still think you're a gayboy.  If so, drop the facade and stop making yourself miserable. 

Now, here are my predictions for 2012:

1. Either Barack Obama will be landslided out of office in November, OR he will kick Biden upstairs and take Hilary Clinton as a running mate. Should this happen, I have three names for "president" Obama to think on: Ron Brown, Vince Foster, and Lyndon Johnson.  (Yeah, Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone; but that was only because he could never remember his lines.)
2. The Republican Party will re-take the Senate and strengthen their hold on the House, regardless of who wins the Presidential contest. 
3. Open and violent street confrontations between elements of the supporters of the Democrat Party's statist views and patriots will erupt across the country. These will begin in the wake of the first "super Tuesday" primaries in the southern states and will intensify over the summer. 
4. Gasoline will shoot to ten dollars per gallon when the nutbars in Iran decide to shut down the Straits of Hormuz. They will be thoroughly spanked by the United States military, but the dithering idiot we have been cursed with as "president" will not authorize the needed step of a military conquest of the Islamic Republic of Iran.  Things will settle down within a month, but it will be one hellish month gas-price-wise. 

HAPPY NEW YEAR FROM THE ALEXANDRIA DAILY POOP!

   

DAYTON vs HUBER HEIGHTS

Most of you have probably noticed the sidebar with all the articles about Huber Heights, Ohio; the Dayton suburb which is  my hometown.  There is a rather remarkable article there telling about a new company which took over and remodeled a vacant industrial building to found a new manufacturing company.  And what is truly jaw-dropping is that in hurting, mass unemployment suffering Ohio they are having trouble finding qualified machinists, etc. 


Now, there is a really great site for Dayton history research called Dayton History Books Online (DHBO).  The site is administered by Curt Dalton and is quite comprehensive. One component of the site is called the "Dayton Memories Blog"; a forum where folks can share their memories to times past in Dayton and/or ask questions of the membership.  


There are many of us who bemoan the state that the City of Dayton has fallen into. However, whenever we start talking about what to do about it, the forum falls into squabbling, and Curt has had to delete entire threads. So I'm taking MY stand on MY blog (where it belongs) and keeping it OFF DHBO (where it doesn't). However if you want to get an idea of what Dayton once was just before the place started falling apart (or if you want to know just about anything about the history of Dayton and the Miami Valley) DHBO is an excellent place to get the information. 


Now, down to brass tacks.


Huber Heights was not always the City of Huber Heights. Prior to 1981 it was the name of a huge tract of all-brick homes taking up the lion's share of what was then Wayne Township, Ohio.  Almost as soon as Huber Heights was developed, the City of Dayton began an effort to annex it and grab the property and income taxes. The citizens of Wayne Township waged a 20-year battle to beat back the annexation. Finally and under the guidance of Charles Monita Wayne Township incorporated as the City of Huber Heights.  

On my last trip to Dayton back in 2008, I beheld jaw-dropping desolation.  I have described the area around North Main and Helena as "Something (Zap Comix artist) R. Crumb might have drawn" and I was and am not exaggerating. Crumb is well known for his surreal and vaguely brooding city scenes. Dayton made me glad of a firearm in my waistband. 

Dayton has scads of empty former factories and businesses. Lots of them are more strategically situated as to access to supply lines, etc. than this building that caught the attention of these intrepid Huber entrepreneurs. The question is, what happened and why.

I well remember dire discussions about the layoffs and closures at Chrysler Airtemp and Frigidaire back in the late 60s and early 70s. Most of us kids had at least one friend in our circle whose dad had been laid off or was unemployed. The Dayton custom of cutting a round pizza into bite-sized squares was a blessing, as it made sharing easier and if one of our impoverished pals needed a bite, not removing a whole big section of pizza at once let him look and feel like less of a moocher.  I was fortunate enough to have a father who was a senior engineer at NCR and others of my friends had dads who were either officers or high-level NCOs at Wright-Patterson AFB. 

One guy in my circle was the son of a laid-off drill press operator who had flat given up. The father drank most of his unemployment check and on Sunday mornings the family car often wound up parked halfway in the front yard, and my pal would get up and park it straight in the driveway before the neighbors woke up and started talking.  Fortunately he was able to get a job part-time washing dishes. He got fed free at the restaurant, but most of the money he slipped to his mom to pay the bills.  Still, enough of us were well-off enough to afford to chip in and let him have a good time with us (and he had connections for some darn good marijuana, too).  There were always high hopes that the ant would move the rubber-tree plant and the crisis would pass and the factories would start hiring again.

But in 2008, Chrysler closed its last Miami Valley facility.         And last year, NCR - which had once been the premier industry in Dayton but which had withered to a shadow of its former greatness - NCR, the former National Cash Register Company; whose founder John Patterson single-handedly saved Dayton from being wiped from the Earth during and after the 1913 flood - pulled completely out of Dayton and re-located to Atlanta.  ATLANTA!

Rike's Department Stores is dead.  Elder-Beerman is still around, but its Dayton stores are closed (But the one located in Huber Heights continues to thrive). There are a short ton of empty buildings and rents and prices are dirt-cheap. But a couple of guys who want to start an industrial manufacturing business drive right through Dayton and pick a building in the City of Huber Heights. What's the explanation?  

In a nutshell, Huber Heights was conceived to be "business friendly".  The slogan of the City is "Come Grow With Us!", and very bluntly they do not look at corporations as cows to be milked for all the money that can be gotten out of them, but rather as fellow citizens and neighbors.  

On the other hand, Dayton's message to those who would base a manufacturing (or any other kind of) business is: "Welcome to Dayton. Now Stand and Deliver!" The city of Dayton has become liberal Democrat to the point of absurdity, and their efforts to lure companies into their tax-trap have been patently cheesy and ridiculous.

 A few years ago Dayton had a mayor who wore custom-made glasses with one square lens and one round lens "to represent that Dayton is well-rounded and you can get a square deal".   I hardly know where to begin in describing the utter vacuity of that statement, and I can hardly imagine how absolutely ridiculous those specs must have made her look.  If I were looking to locate a business in Southwest Central Ohio I would have run screaming from Dayton, and I imagine many have. 

Dayton now sees business primarily as a source of revenue to fuel the government, which will then re-distribute the confiscated wealth to the deserving.  Huber Heights sees business primarily as an employer of citizens, and the primary and best creator and distributor of wealth. And Huber Heights prospers as Dayton slips further into decay.  

I am not here saying that Huber Heights is an oasis of plenty in a desert of desperation. The two main retail centers, Huber Center and Marian Meadows, were on my last visit raddled with shops that had died young and a few that were stillborn.  But there were more than a few that are not just hanging on but thriving.  The leaders and authorities in Huber are hell-bent on attracting as much business to the city as possible and in allowing these businesses to thrive.   

Dayton, on the other hand, is looking to entrap slaves.  I cannot imagine what Huber would look like today if Dayton had successfully annexed Wayne Township. Or more accurately, I CAN imagine it, but I try like hell not to. 

NEED A LAST MINUTE CHRISTMAS GIFT?

Need a last-minute Christmas gift for someone who has a Kindle?  
THE PETERSON INVESTIGATION IS BEING OFFERED FREE FOR A LIMITED TIME!


That's right, FREE! So far more than 100 people have "bought" the novel FREE. 


Best of all, it appears magically in the blink of an eye. You can download it Christmas morning. (Which it will be soon here in the USA).  


I'm not gonna make a dime off this. 35 percent of zero is zip. But, it is a good story, and so far more than 400 people have gotten a nice Christmas present, not just from their loved one but from me. 


Plus, if you suddenly remember someone who might be miffed that you forgot, you can make up some lame excuse about a glitch in the Internet or whatever.  Like I said, it's a good read; and about the time they get suspicious and check the listing on Kindle, the promo will be OVER and they'll at least think you spent two bucks on them! 


Merry Christmas.  Even if I can't stand you. Yes, even YOU, Mister "president".

CORRECTION

In my last post I misidentified the virus I was having trouble with. (Need to keep those reading specs handy for the small print!)


The name of the virus - a literal virus, not a trojan - is Win32/Sirefef:N. I learn from Microsoft Security that it was published on December 20, 2011 and they are still working on details about it, which explains why MSE was not able to remove it completely from my machine. I have reflected this in my OP on this by making the necessary changes.  


Since this virus seems to bee targeted at denying internet connectivity, and seeing as I visit law enforcement sites while researching the prequel novels I am writing vis-a-vis The Peterson Investigation; I am betting the aimpoint of this attack is American law enforcement. I strongly suspect the "Anonymous" group (Which supports accused Wikileaks traitor Bradley Manning) is involved in the dissemination of this malware. Any law enforcement personnel viewing this blog should take this into account. 


This seems to be a particularly insidious and vicious piece of malware, which would explain why Microsoft Security has not been able to explain it in detail as yet. That it only activates after a scan tells me that it targets your security program itself.


Anyone from Microsoft Security who wants to talk about this virus may contact me in the "Comments" section. I will be making attempts to contact your security people, but as yet I cannot get an immediate on-line live contact.  

NEW VIRUS: WIN32/Sirefef:N

This is a really insidious piece of crap virus. "win32/sirefef:N" is about as close to AIDS for computers as you can get. I have dealt with this exact same virus three times so far, and I have yet to fully eject it from my system.  It seems to partially infect Microsoft Security Essentials. 


What this bug does is shut down a service that enables the detection of signals from the internet.  Specifically it disables something called "DHCP Client Services".


The virus seems to lie dormant until you update and do a MSE scan. When the scan is complete, the history shows the name of this virus and you are advised that a restart is necessary to complete the removal of the virus. 


BUT when you re-start, you will find that you are unable to connect to the net.  Diagnostics suggests "restart DHCP Client Service" but that does not take care of the problem.


Going to the control panel and opening "administrative tools" and clicking on "services" reveals a list which includes DHCP. But, when you try to manually start the service you are greeted with a message that says that the service either does not exist or has been "marked for deletion".


YIKES.


I have twice gone through a procedure I have found to get around this bug, and have run Microsoft's "Malware Removal tool" and the emergency security scan,  This last says only that the bug was "partially removed".  


I even went to the length of uninstalling MSE and then re-installing a pristine copy.  But right now the MSE icon is glowing orange and advising me I need to re-start (to finish removing the threat).  What do you want to bet I will have the headache all over again if I do? 


What is worse, Microsoft Security has "no details" about this bug other than it hides in your files in order to replicate. As I said I have found a way around it, but it takes the better part of an hour and is a pain in the ass, and of course at the end when you re-start you are urged to run another scan and re-start. (I am not about to discuss how to get around this bug lest it give the bug's deigners ideas about "improvements")  


I hadn't intended to get online in the middle of the holidays, but I wanted to warn you all about this dangerous new trickster.  It's harder to get rid of than a broke-ass cousin who found out you just won the lotto.  Good luck.

NAP TIME

I really need to take a break from doing this blogging bit.  I am sure that all three of you readers will be fine until I get back, which should be sometime around New Year's (and don't worry, the Idiot of the Year and my predictions will be published).  

Thing is, folks, I need to quit sitting down at this keyboard as soon as I come home.  I get so busy with this stuff (and writing the first of a series of sequels to my 4-sales hit "The Peterson Investigation"; and working on spreadsheet formulas to try to find a more elegant proof of Fermat's Last Theorem and other stuff) that often I don't get enough sleep before going to work. So I'm putting a sock in it until New Year's.

One last jab at "president" Obama: He finally found a way to use Christmas to his advantage.  He wants everyone to go home and convince their Republican relatives to support Obama.  Talk about a fool's errand. 

(Just a note to my nephew: Brandon, I love you, but as to converting me to an Ubamanista;  fah-geddabowdit.)

HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS. THAT'S AN ORDER.

WHERE THE RICH MINORITY WANTS TO DICTATE TO THE MAJORITY

All of you "occupy" types are really disgusted when a wealthy minority lords it over a less-well-off majority, right?  Why, by golly, that wealthy minority needs to be TAXED and their money given to support the majority, RIGHT???  


And boy, that rich minority, do they EVER try to get themselves little exemptions here and there and play by different rules than the majority. Oh yes, it happens all the time, and by your lights it is a sad state of affairs. 


Well, as you  sit there in your tents like shepherds of you-know-not-what; BEHOLD I BRING YOU GOOD TIDINGS OF GREAT JOY that there is a place in this country where the wealthy minority has been brought to heel.  


That place is the magical Old Dominion, the Commonwealth of Virginia.


Once upon a time, the Northern parts of Virginia were merely bedrooms for the workers of the Federal government, and mainly the military.  But Virginia's tax policies brought in more and more companies; and more and more people sought out Northern Virginia as a desirable place to live, made possible by the State's reluctance to interfere with the lives of its citizens and by its strict and effective criminal justice policies.  


In time, the population of the Northern counties began to shift. Northern Virginia was increasingly the home of young professionals sporting fifty-dollar haircuts (on two-bit heads).  Somewhere along about the 1980s, Northern Virginia was saturated with money, much of it belonging to statist "Progressive" liberals (STaPLes , or for the convenience of the writer STAPLEs).  


In the course of time, Virginia's  firearms laws were - to the horror of the STAPLEs - loosened further. No longer could some County or City in Virginia ban the open carry of a loaded firearm, nor could they adopt firearms restrictions more severe than those authorized by the Constitution and Statutes of the Commonwealth.  What is worse, a law was made that anyone who was over the age of 21, who was not a wife-beater, a drug addict, a felon, or insane MUST be issued a permit to carry a concealed handgun.  


The STAPLES began to bitch and pule that these policies would lead to "a blood bath".  (it didn't; crime in fact dropped!) It was then that the STAPLES hit on using the fact that Northern Virginia was sending boatloads of money to Richmond, but none of it was being spent on them; and it wasn't fair that Northern Virginia had to live under the laws of the rest of the Commonwealth.


Typical one-percenters, no?  They have all the money, yet they are outvoted, and outfoxed at every turn.  These one-percent STAPLES want all their money to make things all their way.  


SING HALLELUJAH!  It doesn't work that way in our Blessed Commonwealth!!




(Something tells me you neo-hippie idiots are not pleased with this state of affairs.)

NORMAN - OBAMA 2012!

Yes, folks, that is the OFFICIAL TITLE of my Presidential campaign.

I know a lot of you are wondering if somebody put LSD in either your oatmeal or mine. Well, I HATE oatmeal, so we're safe. You see, I have no running mate, so when I am elected Obama will be my veep. This serves two very important purposes.

FIRST, there are a lot of folks who due to misbegotten white guilt, misplaced black pride, dithering liberal-schmiberal tendencies, etc; who know that Obama is a screw-up and it would be extremely dangerous to allow him to continue running the country. But they just can't bring themselves to vote against the man.

SO, it's simple. Voting for ME will not be a vote AGAINST Obama as much as you will be voting FOR Obama for Vice President. He still gets a real nice house in a good neighborhood, and as a plus it's real near that pricey Quaker school he sends his kids to. AND any time he feels unappreciated he can mosey down to Dupont Circle, where the homosexuals at the Fireplace bar can buy him drinks and tell him how much they adore him for ending "Don't Ask Don't Tell".

He'll still be able to attract A-list guests to his parties, too; and still gets access to a plane and can cut right through traffic with a huge motorcade any time he wants to go down to the Seven-Eleven to get a carton of those cigarettes he doesn't smoke (right).

SECOND, If I piss off some other country, I just send him to apologize. That's what he's good at. In fact, his first job is going to be to go down to the British Embassy and ask for that bust of Winston Churchill he sent back, apologize for the insult, and carry it to the Oval Office and put it where my secretary tells him to put it.

I know some of you might be concerned that the Vice President has the tie-breaking vote in the Senate. I can pretty well assure you that with about 23 Democrat seats in play next year, there aren't going to BE any ties.

Oh, another thing. By voting for me, you Ubamanistas can really help your boy, because he'll be getting a Presidential pension AND a Vice-Presidential salary!! What's not to like?

ANNOUNCING MY CANDIDACY FOR PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!

Might as well run for President. If nothing else it will look GREAT on my resume' (Accomplishments: Candidate for President of the United States, Independent, 2012). So I am announcing my candidacy and asking every one of you readers out there to write my name in, and tell everyone you know to do the same.

Now as to why you should do this, the reason is staring you right in the face. NO, NOT THE GUN, IDIOT. The reason you should give me your write-in vote is because of the financial mess this country is in. Observe that this campaign will take place solely on the pages of this blog, which is hosted by a free service. I also use whatever free public net signal I can glom on to to write this. I won't be flying anywhere for a public appearance and I don't need a bunch of campaign donations, so you can spend your cash on stuff that will revive the economy. See? I'm improving things already!!

N0w, I am running as an independent, but you can write me in in either the Democrat or Republican primaries (providing the Dems are going to go through the formalities of a primary this year, but wouldn't it be a hoot if I beat out Obama in his own party's primary vote??)

If nominated, I will run; and if elected I will serve. I'm not doing this for joke value. I have to take the ads off this blog so they don't count as campaign funds, so the only ads here until November 2012 will be those that benefit Blogspot and not me. I do, however, realize I have approximately the same chances of winning as Frosty the Snowman would have of surviving a day at the beach in Cancun, or as a Special Olympics baseball team would have of beating the Washington Nationals.

(Well, actually, considering the way the Nats have been playing that might be a bit optimistic).

As to my platform, it will be addressed in future posts. However, a cornerstone of this platform will be weaning people off of their "entitlement" habits. Since we now borrow forty cents of every Federal dollar spent, then for starters EVERY FEDERAL AGENCY WILL HAVE ITS BUDGET SLASHED BY FIFTY PERCENT and here I do not mean increasing spending less than it would have been increased, nor do I mean cooking up crackpot schemes that would cost trillions, "deciding" against implementing them, and calling this "savings" while the dollars continue gurgling merrily down the crapper. I have previously published a post here which outlines a plan to eliminate the unconstitutional - I don't care what the Supreme Court said back in the 30s - "Social Security" nonsense WHILE STILL ENSURING THAT THOSE WHO WOULD BE HURT BY AN IMMEDIATE CUTOFF ARE TAKEN CARE OF.

There is much more to my plan for America, but my goal will be to return this country to the place where anybody can do pretty much as he or she pleases without some idiot in Washington D.C. forcing his or her idea of how you should live your life issuing fiats to you while you pay the idiot who is bossing you around. That's how taxi companies are run. It's no way to run a free country.

ATTENTION AMAZON PRIME MEMBERS! "THE PETERSON INVESTIGATION" NOW AVAILABLE FOR FREE LENDING!

If you have an Amazon "Prime" membership, Kindle books such as mine are available for FREE borrowing in the Kindle library.

(full disclosure: I still get paid. What? you think I work for free? But aside from your trial Amazon Prime membership, YOU pay NOTHING)

In associated news, I am now hard at work on a series of "prequel" novels featuring "The Peterson Investigation" main character Detective John Philip Waterman (J.P.). These will be set in Washington, D.C. and track the progress of Waterman's career from the time he went into the Detective Bureau in March of 1977. This initial "prequel" will involve the traffic in Methaquaalone ("Soapers") in the "disco" scene of the era. I should finish and publish it sometime around late March of next year.

Vista Security 2012 - the virus that just will NOT give up.

I must have really pissed the programmers of this virus off with my last post. I have been hit three more times by the virus, which each time used a slightly different mutation to get past Microsoft Security Essentials. In each case I defeated the bastards, and am now working through different web sites to identify which one(s) this bug is coming out of.

I have backed up all of my files, of course; so in the event I need to replace my hard drive it will only cost me a couple hundred dollars. I also update security each time I go onto a different web site. Sure, it's a pain in the ass, but every time I get attacked that's one more winnowing of possible origins for this bug.

Look, you assholes who are running this scam. I have sworn to get you, and get you I will unless you stop bothering people who are just trying to work and communicate online.

You know what I think would be fun? Finding a way to "boomerang" your sabotage right back at you. Once I find an infected website, the fun will begin. take your crap off the web or suffer the consequences.

You can end this now, or you can get shit-hammered. The choice is yours.

THE LATEST PAIN IN THE ASS VIRUS, VISTA SECURITY 2012

TIME TO UPDATE YOUR SECURITY FOLKS.

I do mean right now. There's a brand new virus out, "Vista Security 2012". It slipped right past my Microsoft Security Essentials (It's free, it works as good as anything else, and I'm a cheapskate) even though I had updated security days ago.

This is a nasty fucker. It is one of those false flag attacks that tries to get you to send it money (and give it your account info into the bargain) to make it go away. It starts - as do many virus attacks - by popping up and informing you it is "scanning" your system. Then within seconds it alerts you that your computer has umpteen mega-jillion viruses and you should "click here to remove threats". If you do, you will be confronted with a form demanding your payment information. If you don't, then it will throw up "virus warnings" and the like with increasing frequency, probably to keep you off balance as you try like mad to find a way to get the damned beastie killed. That's tough to do.

This virus blocks access to every program on your computer. I couldn't even open MSE security to deal with it. Finally I hit on a solution. I'd just keep the fucker busy while I gained access to my security system. Here's what I did:

I closed out a bank account a couple of years ago, but I kept the invalidated debit card and the checks, figuring they would come in handy for just such an emergency. So I dug out the old card and cliccked the "remove now" button. Sure as hell, a payment form popped up.

I entered the card number and phonied up an expiration date. used the name Roger Kaputnik as an alias and gave a phony phone number and an email address of "fuckyouwithadonkeydick@jackmeoff.com" and sent the phonied-up info.

Then I rapidly summoned up Microsoft Security Essentials while the greedy bugger was trying to process my "payment". I ran an update and then started a full scan. When the "payment" came back "declined" the bug began peppering the screen with dire warnings of "permanent damage" etc. as it frantically tried to get me to quit trying to kill it and get busy with paying it.

The virus died after a two-hour scan, and just to make very sure I went to Microsoft's security site and had the emergency security scanner run through the system (It's a great tool, it's FREE and it is entirely compatible with ALL security systems).

If you encounter this bug and you don't have an old, expired card for a closed account, I suspect you could do this with any sixteen random numbers, as long as the first four numbers start with 4 and add up to two numbers that add up to 2; the second 4 start with 4 and add up to 5; (example: first set 4412 =4+4+1+2=11; 1+1=2, got it?) the third set start with 9 and add up to 1; and the last set begins with 1 and adds up to 8. Just phony up any old 3-digit number for the security code. Ditto the email address, and make it as obscene as possible so that whatever human sifts the results will know what you think of him, her, or (in case it might be Chaz Bono) it. Also, phony up a phone number. Better still, (boy I wish I'd thought of this earlier today!) use the number for the fraud section of the local police department, one that doesn't look like an office number. Like not 756-6600 but one like 756-6634. If your local cops don't have a number that looks private somewhere, I'm sure you can find one that does.

Update your security twice a week or oftener.

Oh, yes. and you fucks who are running this scam? I am a former criminal investigator. Read my book "The Peterson Investigation", and do it while you still can.

Because you can't have a Kindle in the joint, and I am after your worthless asses. I have a brother who used to be in charge of production for Lexis-Nexis and between us we will eventually get you locked up for a long, long time. You count on every system having flaws and vulnerabilities? You bet your ass they do, motherfuckers. And that includes YOURS.

I'll be seeing you. Count on it.

EMMA SULLIVAN, GOVERNOR BROWNBACK, AND THE FIRST AMENDMENT

HERE AT THE ALEXANDRIA DAILY POOP WE ARE VERY CONCERNED WITH THE RIGHT OF FREEDOM OF SPEECH. AS IS THE CASE WITH ALL OTHER RIGHTS, FREEDOM OF SPEECH IS GOD-GIVEN AND IS NOT "GRANTED" BY THE CONSTITUTION, IT IS MERELY GIVEN SPECIAL SAFEGUARDS, PARTICULARLY TELLING THE GOVERNMENT NOT TO TRY TO SHUT CRITICS UP.

Comes now the case of one Emma Sullivan, an 18-year-old woman-child who insulted Kansas Governor Sam Brownback (R). Brownback's office is demanding an apology. Or so it was originally reported, and we here at the ADP were concerned about this. When first we heard of this, it was alleged that the young lady insulted Brownback to his face and that Brownback had demanded she either apologize or the school board ought to expel her. Naturally we feel this is completely unacceptable.

And it matters not that the Governor is a conservative Republican and that Ms. Sullivan is a jejune teenaged twit who constitutes an excellent reason for repeal of the 26th Amendment. She has a right to call the Honorable Governor of her State an idiot right to his face without fear of reprisal. One can only imagine what we would tell "president" Obama to his face, given the opportunity.

BUT AS IT TURNS OUT THE TRUE STORY IS QUITE DIFFERENT.

Not only is Emma Sullivan a jejune teenaged twit, she is a liar, and she libeled the Governor. She didn't insult Brownback "in person"; but she claimed to have done so while posting a message on "Twitter", the medium of twits.

Twits tweet on twitter, and Ms. Sullivan claimed to have just publicly told the Governor that "he sucked" to his face. This was a lie, and since she communicated that Brownback had just been publicly "dissed" when in fact he had not, Ms. Sullivan thereby committed LIBEL.

And it was not Brownback but a member of his staff tasked with monitoring social media who notified her school of the "tweet". The apology the school wants her to write is NOT for the insult in the "tweet" ("Heblowsalot") but for the LIE that she embarrassed the Governor in front of others.

Well, Ms. Emma Sullivan, here at the Alexandria Daily Poop we know that you are an adult woman at age 18. We think the Governor should show you what "adult" means. See, Emma, "Adult" means "FULLY RESPONSIBLE FOR AND BOUND BY ONES WORDS AND DEEDS". Among other things, that means you can be sued for libel.

And so, Governor Brownback; we at the ADP think that you should give this young woman a lesson in Civics and file a lawsuit for libel. And do it with a private lawyer so she can't claim the whole state of Kansas is coming down on her precious li'l puddin' head.

We bet she changes her tune very quickly.

Emma Sullivan: "Tweet-le DUMB"!

BLACK FRIDAY: THIS IS THE SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS??

EXACTLY TWO POSTS AGO, We warned the dolts who are running the "Occupy" "movement" against trying to stop the shoppers on "Black Friday". We warned them that this might have serious - even fatal - consequenses. And, since each and every one of those sophomoric fools is some Mommy's Li'l Puddin'; we are glad that our warning was heeded.

AS CAN BE SEEN IN NEWS ACCOUNTS OF "BLACK FRIDAY", holiday shoppers can be a violent lot. Personally, we always get our holiday shopping done sometime around Columbus Day. It just seems to us that whatever good karma comes from giving gifts with the anticipation that they will be recieved with pleasure is swamped by a 30-foot tidal wave of BAD KARMA when fighting for parking space, cursing traffic, and jostling (and, as was shown amply, worse) for merchandise in some crowded shop or store. Pushing and shoving, fighting over parking, etcetera; just so one may have the pleasure of seeing a smile on another person's face - be that other person a beloved relative, close friend, or just a co-worker - means that to please ONE person you have royally pissed off DOZENS of others. Which means that the only person you REALLY wanted to please after all was YOUR OWN SELF.

"WELL, EVERYBODY ELSE WAS DOING THE SAME THING!" Yes, and if all this Holiday is to you is "Festivus for the rest of us", then I suppose you can justify it.

BUT if this season you are really and truly celebrating the birth of GOD as a human being, who said that all the Commandments and the Prophets could be distilled to : "Love God with all thy heart, and all thy mind, and all thy strength, and love thy neighbor as thyself".........

THANKSGIVING 2011

I am sittting here stuffed with - what else? - turkey and all kinds of goodies, and man am I ever late for the rack. But I would be remiss if I didn't do a little public counting of blessings.

I am healthy. I haven't had a bout of flu in two years of driving the coughing, hacking public around. I'm a bit fatigued from working on four or five hours sleep, and Mr. Sandman's collection agency is after me; but other than that sleep debt I'm fine.

Wealthy? Not as much as I might be or wish, but I am thankful I stuck around the National Capital Area. My home State of Ohio is a mess, and Dayton and the Miami Valley are being hit with the loss of one big industry after another.

Wise? Heck, folks; one read of this blog will tell anyone what a wise-ass I am. I'm at least smart enough to write a novel, even though so far it's selling like day-old erstwhile hotcakes; but that may also be a blessing. Because while I'd like very much to be rich, I don't think I'd much care to be famous. (Except to you three guys who read this thing once in a while, of course).

So happy Thanksgiving, all. Remember to play that football game BEFORE dinner. Now I'm gonna turn on a football game and let it bore me to sleep. Hope you all enjoy the day

WARNING TO THE "OCCUPIERS" : DO NOT EFF WITH 'BLACK FRIDAY". YOU WILL RISK SERIOUS INJURY.

I originally posted a lighthearted goofball post here, but now I am given to understand that you idiot kids have gotten it into your damnfool noggins to try and get between crazed Christmas shoppers and major retailers selling stuff they want on what is commonly known as "Black Friday".

ARE YOU NUMBNUTS KIDS OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MINDS?

Getting between a mother grizzly and her cubs is arguably less dangerous than getting between DC area Christmas shoppers and a pantload of promised bargains. Don't believe it? Then just try it. I can promise that you will be very seriously injured, possibly even killed. You wouldn't get in front of a herd of stampeding rhinoceroses, would you?

Or would you?

The 1960s era park-and-beach trash that has been egging you on won't be anywhere near where harm could come to them, I will guarantee you that. They know better. Tell them to stand in the way of those holiday shoppers. Let them go to the ICU (or the morgue).

I am not kidding one bit. And you lamebrains have nearly zero support here or anywhere else. When you get hurt, all but a few people will say you deserved what you got for being such idiots.

I had all my Christmas shopping done last month, so I won't be walking over you. But, if you actually have been wondering what it is like to have a ruptured spleen or a ruptured kidney, etc. then you just TRY getting between holiday shoppers and a sale. You will be facing a mob, you will be vastly outnumbered, and you will wish you had never decided to fuck with holiday shoppers.

A word to the wise is sufficient. I have here written a whole lot of words, and I hope for the sakes of you dolts that they will be sufficient. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED, so don't blame the Alexandria Daily Poop when you wind up in traction.

SOME REALLY NICE KIDS.

Late this morning I was pleased to serve three very nice young ladies who are students at Episcopal High School. The kids The kids at Episcopal are very nice young ladies and gentlemen, and it is always a pleasure to serve them. They tip pretty darn good too!.

Not only that, but they're pretty darn smart, too; so they will undoubtedly be able to decipher these here "webdings".

And girls? Just be glad I didn't post this in double-encrypted Enigma. Happy Thanksgiving.

Well, heck. "Webdings" is one of the fonts on the blogging widget. I just checked the post and the webdings didn't show up. So here's a message encrypted on an electronic copy of the 3-rotor ENIGMA machine for you all:

PQK/HDZ

IQPSU MGCAV VNWDP MLATO KMWZB DYJFL IGIDS DOSWQ NNFCX BJHHX MVDID LNDYW JCUOF MMRCP BLGRP NQVMS HCUFT

Again, happy Thanksgiving, kids. You wanted a blog shout-out, so here it is.

FASTER THAN THE SPEED OF LIGHT PART III: THE NERDS' HEADS EXPLODE

For the second time in three months, European scientists have shown that it is possible for at least a sub-atomic particle to travel faster than the speed of light. This has really got the internet's armchair "physicists'" knickers into a very tight twist. You'd get a more reasoned reaction from a Foursquare Pentacostal Holiness minister if you told him that Man is descended from apes.

I mean the nerds are just having a FIT. But, there it is, "Hi! It's Mr. Neutron!" and THEN the doorbell rings.

Imagine: Superman is found dead of gunshot wounds, and the medical examiner winds up arguing with everybody about how this is IMPOSSIBLE, even as the corpse stiffens and begins to stink.

Maybe it's just possible that the brainiest folks on the planet (or so they claim) DON'T know everything, after all.

CHAZ BONO, CIRCUS FREAK

YET ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF AMERICA'S NEWEST AND MOST LUCRATIVE CAREER PATH, THE "PROFESSIONAL PUBLIC SPECTACLE", HAS BEEN FOISTED UPON US BY THE MEDIA IN THE PERSONAGE OF "CHAZ" BONO, THE WOMAN WHO WANTS US TO CALL HER A MAN.

We here at the Alexandria Daily Poop are so very glad that "Chaz"'s father Sonny Bono is not alive to have to deal with this idiocy. The former Chastity Bono is of course the offspring of Sonny Bono and his mate and one-time hippie act singing partner Cher Bono, now known to most of us simply as "Cher".

At some point Chastity began "self-identifying" as a lesbian. Now she has had her genitalia surgically modified and takes male hormone injections. She wants to be called "he"; and most of the "mainstream media" is compliant with her wishes, but we at the Alexandria Daily Poop refuse to participate in this "Chaz-rade" "Chaz" is a "she".

She cannot father children, but perhaps if the mutilation her hyper-indulgent mother paid some Frankenstein of a "doctor" to inflict on her can be reversed she can give birth. And if her hormone injections are discontinued her beard will disappear and her tits will regenerate.

Really, if some chick wants to assume the male role with a female partner; then there is an amazing piece of rigging known as a "strap-on dildo" which is much less expensive and light years less controversial than spending a fortune on mutilating one's own self.

Some time ago we knew a young man who got a similar "surgical re-assignment" to a "female" genital configuration. He had been a homosexual male, so he thought he would be changed to a heterosexual female.

As it turned out, we ran into him in a public venue several years later, and asked him if he had a steady beau or a husband yet. Here is his response, and brace yourself:

""Oh, men are only after one thing. I've stopped dating men. I'm a lesbian."

Yikes. Finally, the cure for homosexuality. Yikes.

Maybe "Chaz" will similarly straighten out and become a heterosexual woman.

Keep a tight asshole, Chaz.

THE PENN STATE SCANDAL

Okay, let me get this straight:

Catholic Priest alone with altar boy: BAD!

Football coach alone in shower with boy: BAD!

Homosexual male alone in woods with young Boy Scout: MUST BE PERMITTED OR ELSE IT'S A MATTER OF CIVIL RIGHTS DISCRIMINATION??

Honestly, you people are so full of shit I scarcely know where to even begin.

HERMAN CAIN AND THE NOOSE MEDIA

Herman Cain scares the living hell out of the Statist Lefties who control the Democrat party. The accusations against him are flying and the media is harping and harping about Cain's alleged sexual harassment (whatever that means, and the Democrat party operatives have differing definitions depending on party) of a growing group of women who are said to have "come forward" even though only one or two of them have given their names.

Of the two who have given their names, there is evidence that at least one of them has a history of financial troubles and of filing complaints in whatever job she holds. Both of them claim they are "not being paid" and that's probably the only true thing they are saying. Payday will come later in the form of interviews and book deals AFTER they have done the job of stringing up Herman Cain in the good old Democrat tradition of the KKK. Welcome to the "noose" media.

It boils the blood when we think of how the Democrat party would have handled such an attack on "president" Obama when he was only a candidate. Democrat operatives would have ripped the accusing women apart like the flying monkeys ripped up the scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz. Remember when Gennifer Flowers made her accusations against Bill Clinton? Democrat women paraded around with signs saying "Gennifer, Gust Get Lost".

Well, the noose media is demanding a lie detector test.

But not for the accusers. They want Cain to take one.

The good news is that Cain is not about to climb the gallows like a good "boy". His support is not dwindling, it is increasing; and the Democrat party is baffled and infuriated, and wonders how this could be. Here's why:

BECAUSE THE AMERICAN PUBLIC IS NOT FREAKING BLIND AND THEY ARE ON TO YOU FILTHY RACIST DEMON-RAT SWINE is why.

Noose media. Has a nice TRUE ring to it.

HERMAN CAIN

HERE AT THE ALEXANDRIA DAILY POOP, WE STILL THINK THAT RICK PERRY WILL BECOME THE NEXT PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. However, Herman Cain may well prove us wrong.

We certainly hope that Mr. Cain will win the nomination and wrest the White House from "president" Obama. Cain is what we call a "straight shooter". If you ask Cain what time it is, he won't try to put you to sleep with a lecture on how to build a watch. And if nominated he will beat Obama like a rented mule.

The statists on the Left know this, and fear Cain. They want Mitt Romney, whom we here at the ADP believe to be the most likely Republican to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.

And so the Left is on the attack. They have now stooped to the lowest of the low, a sexual smear campaign. This campaign is based on some nebulous claim that one or two women were given settlements in some kind of contremps that allegedly involved allegations of alleged "sexual harassment" (which these days could mean some guy complimenting some gal on her clothing!) The "Settlements" have been said to be in the "five-figure" range.

FIVE FIGURES??? FIVE???? THAT'S ALL??? That's mighty cheap for a sex-harassment suit involving a top executive in a major Washington lobbying group. If there were any substance behind such an accusation ANY D.C. shyster worth his salt could have gotten half-a-million AT LEAST; and that's even BEFORE Cain became a household name.

Our guess is that these women were screwups who were on the verge of getting fired, managed to trump up and blow out of proportion some such thing as Cain giving them a wink as a compliment on a job well-done (for a change) and made such a pain in the ass of themselves that they were allowed to resign and paid some small severance pay on the condition that they shut up and go away (which explains the non-disclosure order that supposedly prevents them from coming forward).

Some lawyer claiming to represent the women claims that they want to come forward but cannot get the non-disclosure agreement nullified. Meanwhile other sources say the women just want to be left alone. (We can't blame them. There is nothing to this allegation and they know that if they come forward it will not enrich them but rather blow up in their faces.)

For his part Cain says that this is just an effort to get him to shut up and, as Cain said;

"IT AIN'T GONNA WORK."

In our opinion, this non-scandal will go down in history as the desperate groping of the Statist Left as their grasp on power slips. The poor, deluded Lefties. They really thought they could game the system of government so ingeniously laid out by the Founders of this Republic. One has to give them credit, they tried. They almost succeeded. But "nearly" as they say only gives success in horseshoes and hand grenades. The gears of our system of government were cleverly designed to crush even the largest monkey wrench thrown into them. Freedom of speech is the chief wrench-breaker. The Alexandria Daily Poop is proud to be part of that.

THE PETERSON INVESTIGATION - PRICE SLASHED TO $1.99 USD

That's right, folks. Now you can get my novel "The Peterson Investigation" on Kindle E-Books for a mere $1.99 US.

Don't have a Kindle device? There's a free app you can upload to read the sample, and it can be used to buy and read the entire story.

I (egomaniac) still think it's worth $3.99; but there is a recession on after all.

GRATUITIES

Folks, I am just a dirt-poor cab driver. The reason I make my living this way is not because I cannot do anything better - and in fact if my books take off I may not have to do this much longer - but because I have a degree of freedom in this line of work unmatched by almost any other. For instance I can choose to sit on my fat ass and write stuff here if I wish, and today is one of those days I wish.

I just read something on AOL news about a waitress who received a credit card slip with no tip, with the notation that "you could stand to loose some weight" (pretty sure the a-hole meant "lose". But people these days evidently can't be bothered to apply what they know of spelling and grammar. However, I digress.)

Now, we cab drivers are not as dependent on tips as wait staff are. Waiters and waitresses are usually paid about two bucks an hour and absolutely rely on gratuities. I have waited tables before and have some real horrible cheapskate stories of my own.

Once, I had a young lady and her father in. The young lady had a sore throat and wanted scrambled eggs, and I patiently stood and listened as she explained in excruciating detail that she wanted her eggs soft, but without any raw, runny parts; as if she were the only person in the world who could know what having a raw sore throat was like. I actually had to take a seat because she wanted me to take extensive notes. (I am not making this up!) She could have just said she wanted the eggs very soft but fully cooked, but instead I had to listen to this whole fucking song-and-dance.

This took place in a Falls Church "Steak and Eggs" clone in Seven Corners where I was managing the joint. I was there between shifts and our waitresses and the assistant cook had not come in, so I was faced with these two PLUS four other tables. That's right, folks. Take the orders, cook the food (fry the fish, put the steaks on, flip the burgers, keep track of everything, collect the payment, EVERYTHING. )

So I made the eggs perfectly. I know I did because the young lady thanked me effusively.

But when I bused the table, what did I find?

Exact change for the tab, and a business card that said:

"While I appreciate the service you have rendered and the quality of my meal, I believe that the practice of "tipping" is unfair to both you and I. I and others believe that your employer should pay you a living wage. I would gladly pay a higher price for my meal, but I believe it to be deceptive for a restaurant owner to expect his customers to pay a price higher than what is listed on the menu. Please give this card to your employer and tell him that I and others like me expect the price of a service to be what is stated at the outset of the transaction."

WHAT A FUCKING DICK.

Let me be clear about this. I understand that some people HAVE to eat in a restaurant if they want a hot meal, and we had regulars in that place who came in nearly every morning for the "special" of one egg, one piece of toast, and a cup of coffee for $1.45 (this was 1980). These folks rarely if ever left anything extra; and if they did it was because they didn't want to wait for change of a dime. But really, if you're that bad off then God bless ya, and would you like me to warm up your coffee?

THESE ASSHOLES LEFT IN A 1979 CADILLAC ELDORADO.

It's the same thing in the taxicab biz. I get a regular going to work who has to take a taxi every day, I don't expect a tip. After all, I'm taking the passenger to someplace he probably would rather be anywhere else but. Charon doesn't get tips from people he is ferrying across the Styx to Hell, so why should these folks tip me?

As to every other situation, a "gratuity" should be determined by the level of service provided. I have gotten gigantic tips from people who loved the entertainment value of the ride as provided by me. (I have also been stiffed by people who did not like my sense of humor)

Gratuities, let me make clear, are always gratefully accepted. They are in no wise expected, and neither I nor any other person in the service industry has a right to expect them. I have many regular customers who tip not at all, but they are regular riders and truth be told they are pleasant enough that I would not charge them at all save for the fact that I am working to pay the rent. And after all, I'll take a cheapskate before a fare-evader or a robber any day.

Having said all this, I will say one thing further.

IF I EVER get a credit card slip returned to me with such a personal insult written on it, it will never be posted on the Net.

Because if I was that waitress I would have chased the mug down and shoved the paper down his throat. No kidding.

OCCUPIED DINGBATS

WE HAVE BEEN WATCHING WITH AMUSEMENT AS THE IDLE YOUTH OF THE LEFT CONDUCT A SERIES OF EVENTS THEY ARE PLEASED TO CALL THE "OCCUPATION" OF VARIOUS CITIES AND AREAS. These crowds of kids with too much time on their hands, (and of course led and organized by the usual 1960s park and beach trash who raised hell back during the Nam) have engaged in ever-more ridiculous stunts since their multi-city circus began.

First the kids dressed up like money-eating zombies, makeup and all, and gave press interviews sounding like: Ugggh! Arrg! Must... eat... all...money! Yurggghh!"

How very original. How very mature.

Then, disappointed and angry that nobody gave them any candy (Halloween's 20 days away, idiots), they then tried to barge into the Air and Space Museum in order to scream curses at a Predator drone plane for killing bad guys.

Hey, fools. Obama is the guy who commands the plane. Scream at him. The plane can't hear you.

At any rate they were so insistent that the police had to be summoned, and pepper spray and batons and tasers had to be used to repel the demonstrators.

One guy was so pissed about the economy being so lousy and jobs being so scarce he quit his job to demonstrate against the lack of jobs. I hope that yokel receives the effusive thanks of the guy who got the job of replacing him. I also hope he finds some way of spreading that thanks on a cracker to feed himself. What an idiot, and these - demonstrations, are they? - are absolutely loaded with human cartoons like him.

A bunch of folks protested their lack of fundage by burning ones, tens, and twenties. "I'm broke, dammit!! See, I'll prove it, I just set fire to my last five bucks! Hey, by the way, could you get me some coffee? I just burned my last money."

What is really astounding is the amount of racism these mobs of boneheads demonstrate. I guess it's understandable, because Commie rat and former Obama czar Van Jones said that the Occupiers were "the TEA party" of the Left, and Lefties have always said the TEA party is racist.

That explains the jerks bitching over a PA system about the "Thieving rich Jews", etcetera. Huh. Socialism plus anti-Jewish rhetoric. Where have we heard that before?

And in Atlanta, an overwhelmingly white mob elected to forbid civil rights legend congressman John Lewis from addressing their rally. When someone tried to issue an apology to Lewis, he was shouted down by the mob.

And so it goes, all of these white leftists "demonstrating" what a complete and utter pack of scatterbrained, destructive, foul, demanding pains-in-the-ass they are. And here at the Alexandria Daily Poop, we thank you old hippies and you young fools for putting on this demonstration of what exactly it is that "president" Obama and Missy Nancy Pelosi support. They support YOU IDIOTS and have said so. You have exposed beautifully just what a gang of flaming assholes the "progressive" Statist lefties are.

The taking a crap on a police car was a nice touch. On behalf of the TEA party and the Republican nominees for all offices next November, we here at the Alexandria Daily Poop thank you.

Now go home. Mommy has your din-din and nice warm beddy-bye all ready for you.

You punk-ass maggots.

FASTER THAN THE SPEED OF LIGHT PART II: DARK MATTER V. DARK POWER

WELL, AS IT TURNS OUT AS FAR AS THE HIGH FALUTIN' SCIENTISTS KNOW, THEY DON'T KNOW A DAMNED THING. This is borne out by the revelation that despite the existence of "dark matter" holding the universe together, there is also a "dark power" (which has nothing to do with Al Sharpton, by the way) which is pushing the universe to a rapidly accelerating expansion. What this "dark power" consists of they do not know, but they have observed that the universe is not only expanding but it is doing so at an accelerating rate.

AH HAH! THE FIRST PROOF THAT THE "POOP THEORY OF DARK MATTER" IS INDEED CORRECT!

So I herein posit the "Poop Theory of Dark Power", as follows:

All the energy given off since the beginning of the Universe has been slowing and transitioning back to mass, and a spherical shell of pure mass has been for eons building and accumulating just beyond the edge of the limits of human technology's ability to detect it. At some point, this mass became great enough to exert attraction on the mass contained in the stars and planets; and as this outer shell of mass grows it exerts an ever-greater force that compels the rest of the universe to move outward at an ever-increasing rate of speed.

I'd look into this further except that on the pittance I make driving a hack I cannot afford to launch a space telescope nor operate a particle collider. And when you guys win that Nobel and split it with me, I'm going to use the money to go fishing. Hell's bells people, I just stated what's going on. What, you want me to try to stop it?

Anyway, just remember that I hold the copyright to everything I publish here. When you find out I am right, give me the credit and fork over the money. Somewhere in some stream there is a fish that waits for me to dine upon it. Personally, there isn't anything I can do to stop any of this, and frankly I can't be bothered to wring my hands over things that probably won;t happen for a million years or more.

FASTER THAN THE SPEED OF LIGHT (Mr. Einstein, meet Mr. Newton)

Recently a group of physics scientists reported they had detected evidence that a sub-atomic particle had traveled faster than the speed of light. The article I read contained a rather snorey and nebulous explanation of the phenomenon, but the upshot is that Einstein's Theory of Relativity states that it is impossible for an object to travel faster than the speed of light (E=MC2 or Energy equals (consists of) matter traveling at the speed of light squared is just one part of the theory.) SO if a particle can travel faster than the speed of light, Einstein's whole theory is reduced to bullshit.

Now, Yours Truly is not no physical science maven nohow no way. But I do know enough about that sort of thing to know that physicists have for decades argued about the existence of "dark matter". "Dark matter" is physical mass that is undetectable but that the presence of which is the only feasible explanation for the gravitational force which keeps the universe from flying apart willy-nilly.

As I said, Einstein posited that energy is just mass traveling at the speed of light, squared. Enter Issac Newton, who posited the idea of entropy, that everything is acted upon by outside forces that will eventually slow everything to a dead stop.

Now if entropy is true, then wherever energy is released it travels through an environment which offers some kind of resistance through the gravitational pull of mass. As Newton said, mass traveling at the speed of light squared will continue to do so until it is acted upon by an outside force. Cannot light itself be bent by gravity? And is it not correct that the amount of matter in the universe is constant?

Given this, the Poop Theory of Dark Matter is that sub-atomic particles observed traveling at more than the speed of light are bits of energy which have been slowed by entropy and are transitioning to pure mass again. And while the release of energy is concentrated at the point of release and is dramatic, the slowing of it is spread out over time and space and is so much less so as to be all but imperceptible to man-made instruments. Yet it exists, and "dark matter" consists of these transitional particles.

Now if any of you eggheads out there find what I have posited here to be true, then you damn well share that Nobel for Science with me, 50/50. And you will call it "The Poop Theory of Dark Matter" (boy, the jokes you could make about that). Fail to do so and I will sue your ass off.

THIS IS THE REASON WE HAVE THE SECOND AMENDMENT

When the election of "president" Barack Hussein Obama was looming, the value of firearms rose and firearms sales took off. There was much discussion on the various gun-owner's forums about what the election of Obama would mean, and of how close we were to "The Day" when we would have to either take up arms against a rogue government or in the alternative be plunged into the darkness of a statist tyranny. Serious debate was waged over such things as to whether to get an AK-47 (since it is famously reliable - let it rust shut, then kick open the bolt, load it and fire) or a semiautomatic version of the M-16 or its variants (since ammunition could be obtained by theft from Government sources if need be).

For the most part I tried to calm such talk. After all, "The Day" would mean the onset of American Civil War II; and this war would not be fought as the first one was, with one rebel government and its loyal States fielding uniformed orders of battle, as ACWI was fought in the East. ACWII would be fought more like what occurred in Kansas and Missouri during our last civil conflict. ACWII would resemble Somalia or Rwanda complete with the unspeakable butchery and horrors those conflicts engendered.

My position has always been that everyone needs to be prepared for something like this, BUT keep in mind that it is extremely unlikely to happen. After all, the Founders of our Nation put into place a system of division and separation of powers and a brilliant staggering of elections which make it all but impossible for a bunch of kooks to seize power and do irreparable damage to the Nation.

Here's a little Civics 101: The most powerful single PERSON in government is the Executive (or the Presidency). The President (currently "president" Obama) signs treaties, nominates high officials, commissions military officers, and is the Commander In Chief of the American military. BUT!

The most powerful BRANCH of government is the United States Congress. Congress can block just about anything the President wants and can force just about anything they want to past his objections. However, Congress is split into two parts. The most powerful part of the Congress is the House of Representatives. Nothing gets done without the approval of the House of Representatives, because the House must first approve ANY expenditure of money. A bill might pass both Houses for example authorizing the construction of a replica of the Colossus of Rhodes. But until the House of Representatives votes the money to actually fund it, the thing will not get done.

But no matter what the House of Representatives does, it STILL needs to get past the Senate. One hundred Senators - two from each State - can turn on MAJOR stopping power simply by refusing to shut the fuck up, and all they need is 41 motormouths. But at the same time, if the Senate wants something, they STILL need to successfully woo a majority in the House; which has more than 425 squabbling members.

The other Branch is the Judiciary, with the United States Supreme Court at the top. But judges and Supreme Court Justices are appointed by the President with "the advice and consent of the Senate"; and the House must still approve the Judiciary's budget.

And so the most powerful PERSON in the United States is subject to re-election every FOUR YEARS; and his tour of duty cannot exceed two tours of four years in elected office as President.

The most powerful House of the most powerful BRANCH of government, the House of Representatives, faces the prospect of a 100 percent turnover every TWO YEARS.

However, the Senate (which is allowed to call itself the "upper house of Congress" despite the fact that they have to beg the House of Representatives for money) only faces the election of ONE THIRD of its membership every SIX years. This means that even if the Presidency is taken by an extremist AND House winds up being overrun with extremists, there will almost assuredly be enough opposing Senators to foil attempts to pervert the government, and the extremists will either have to move so slowly that they will not accomplish their goals in two years, OR that they will have to move so fast that they will not be able to hide the jiggery-pokery from the voters, who will of course eject them in the next election.

But what would happen if one party were effectively hijacked by extremists and gained control of the Presidency and both houses of Congress - with a filibuster proof majority in the Senate?

That is what happened in November 2008. And for two years, the Democrat left sought to push through its statist agenda; and they had quite a measure of success. Then, in November of 2010, We the People had our say. And we said to the Statists:

FUCK YOU!

The writing is on the wall for the Statist Left. They are doomed in November 2012 and they damned well know it.

Now comes Governor Beverly Perdue (D-NC) to say that, um, well maybe we need to suspend the November 2012 elections. This sentiment has been voiced by more than one Obama official also.

See, folks; I have long said that the only scenario that would justify the implementation of the Second Amendment in its true intent - defense against tyranny - would be the announcement that the people holding office refused to leave and that our Constitution be suspended to allow them to stay in power. Even in that event, mechanisms exist to disabuse the powers-that-be that peculiar notion.

But in the event that the Statists are successful, it will be time for We the People to defend ourselves by main force of arms.

We must pray this contingency never comes upon us. But if it does, I am ready.

How about you??

IDIOTIC STATEMENTS BY THE LEFT

IN RECENT DAYS THE EXTREME LEFT OF THE DEMOCRAT PARTY HAS BEEN BANDYING ABOUT A LOT OF WARMED-OVER LEFTIST GARBAGE, RE-PHRASED OF COURSE TO MAKE IT SOUND TIMELY. DEMONRAT ELIZABETH WARREN, WHO IS RUNNING TO UNSEAT SCOTT BROWN AND WIN BACK THE JUNIOR SEAT IN THE SENATE FOR MASSACHUSETTS KICKED OFF THE BALL.

Warren gave a speech in which she gave a spit-flying excoriation of some unnamed "factory owner" and said: well good for you, keep a big chunk of that money you made, but also "give back" a big hunk for the rest of us who paid to educate your workers and pay for the highways you transport your product to market on and protect your business against crime and fire, etc.

Now this would be perfectly reasonable IF the factory owner were exempt from all taxes already; AND if the only people being educated were his "workers" AND if he and the other "rich" business owners were the only ones paying for and using roads and police protection, AND if Federal income taxes were the main source of all these State and local amenities.

Aside from a woman running for a seat in the United States Senate lecturing about State and local matters, Warren failed to address the issue of what an employee of the factory owner would owe HIM if that employee parlayed the work experience he had gained at the factory to find a way to create his own wealth. Elizabeth Warren is a stupid bitch and a spit-flying maniac.

Then yesterday we were treated to what was almost certainly a planted shill in a "town hall meeting" who said he was "unemployed by choice" and asked "president" Obama to please raise his taxes.

HUH??

THE IDIOT IS UNEMPLOYED!! WHAT FUCKING TAXES IS HE TALKING ABOUT??? The dude is taxing my patience, that's for sure. What he really meant was "Please raise taxes on my working neighbors". A few years ago, Arlington County, Virginia wanted to impose some kind of special tax which local governments are prohibited from imposing in the Commonwealth. In the news coverage of that item, the local TV channel had an interview with some skinny bearded foofer who lisped, "If I want to tax myself, what business is that of the State?" Hey, if he wants to tax himself, he can just send money into the general fund. Again, he wants his neighbors to pay more (probably to pay for his AIDS treatment).

But the piece d' resistance was an alleged statement by Abraham Lincoln which was purported to infer that workers are not being paid "what they are worth".

Labor is like any other commodity. It is worth exactly what someone is willing to pay for it. If I have two guys who want me to hire them to paint my house - both being equally competent and doing an equally good job - and one wants five hundred dollars but the other only wants two hundred; then the "worth" of the first guy is exactly one hundred ninety-nine dollars and ninety nine cents.

It is really frustrating to have to explain this stuff. Are you people who follow Obama and the leftists REALLY this FUCKING STUPID?????