Sunday, December 18, 2011


Yes, folks, that is the OFFICIAL TITLE of my Presidential campaign.

I know a lot of you are wondering if somebody put LSD in either your oatmeal or mine. Well, I HATE oatmeal, so we're safe. You see, I have no running mate, so when I am elected Obama will be my veep. This serves two very important purposes.

FIRST, there are a lot of folks who due to misbegotten white guilt, misplaced black pride, dithering liberal-schmiberal tendencies, etc; who know that Obama is a screw-up and it would be extremely dangerous to allow him to continue running the country. But they just can't bring themselves to vote against the man.

SO, it's simple. Voting for ME will not be a vote AGAINST Obama as much as you will be voting FOR Obama for Vice President. He still gets a real nice house in a good neighborhood, and as a plus it's real near that pricey Quaker school he sends his kids to. AND any time he feels unappreciated he can mosey down to Dupont Circle, where the homosexuals at the Fireplace bar can buy him drinks and tell him how much they adore him for ending "Don't Ask Don't Tell".

He'll still be able to attract A-list guests to his parties, too; and still gets access to a plane and can cut right through traffic with a huge motorcade any time he wants to go down to the Seven-Eleven to get a carton of those cigarettes he doesn't smoke (right).

SECOND, If I piss off some other country, I just send him to apologize. That's what he's good at. In fact, his first job is going to be to go down to the British Embassy and ask for that bust of Winston Churchill he sent back, apologize for the insult, and carry it to the Oval Office and put it where my secretary tells him to put it.

I know some of you might be concerned that the Vice President has the tie-breaking vote in the Senate. I can pretty well assure you that with about 23 Democrat seats in play next year, there aren't going to BE any ties.

Oh, another thing. By voting for me, you Ubamanistas can really help your boy, because he'll be getting a Presidential pension AND a Vice-Presidential salary!! What's not to like?

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