Wednesday, August 16, 2017


GENTLE READERS, if you are confused about the events that transpired in Charlottesville over the weekend, we are not surprised. Rather than reporting the FACTS, almost every member of the media was doing his or her best to tie everything to President Trump and make him look as bad as possible. 

Ignore all the posturing and read the facts here at the Alexandria Daily Poop.

FACT I: The "alt right" demonstrators had secured a permit for their assembly. And despite the extreme unpopularity of the political and racial viewpoints of this group and the various sects of National Socialism and the Ku Klux Klan, their right to argue them in public is protected by the Second Amendment to the Constitution. (So is the right of the public to leave them listening to the crickets when they finish). 

FACT II: The hordes of filthy hippies who call themselves the :ANTIFA" (ANTI FAscist ) movement are in fact the same bunch of freeloading troublemakers who infested city after city in the "occupy and shit on the cop cars" movement. These people are largely a BUNCH OF IDIOTS who came to Charlottesville equipped with home made armor and blunt force weapons (chains,  clubs, etc.) with the express purpose of causing as much trouble as possible. These lice did NOT have any sort of permit, they just showed up and immediately began to egregiously disturb the peace. We don't know who "threw the first punch"; but we DO know that the folks throwing bags and balloons full of piss and shit were not the licensed demonstrators.

FACT III: Charlottesville, like every other place where these "ANTIFA" blowholes pull their crap is run by DEMOCRATS. This in our estimate explains why the Charlottesville police did not immediately get between the two groups and in fact pushed them together. 

FACT IV: President Trump was right when he said the blame rests with all sides. It does indeed take TWO to tangle.

FACT V: There is nothing good to say about either side here. Thinking people realize that what was seen down in Charlottesville was nothing more or less than "Smallpox meets Ebola" Nobody wants their town to be a Petri dish for these microbes. 

There is nothing more to elaborate on than these facts. We are sick of hearing the fake newsies trying to tie the President to these events and distorting the facts and even blatantly making things up. You can no longer trust the lamestream driveby media. Send these idiots an Email and tell them you trust the Alexandria Daily Poop more than them. Now on to some important issues, please.

Saturday, August 12, 2017


Abraham Lincoln was fond of repeating this riddle:

"If you call a dog's tail a leg, how many legs does it have?"

Of course there were morons who replied "five"; but of course there were mostly intelligent people who realized that just calling an appendage a leg did not make it a leg (although many men who were in the service are familiar with observing in the common shower facilities another male who was so endowed as to be said to have a "third leg"; but we regress...)

Come now the American Statist Progressives, who as usual wish to answer any question so as to be taken in a way which will benefit their broader argument. Ask an ASP this riddle and he will say something along these lines: 

"Well, it depends. There have been great advances in veterinary medicine in the last few decades, so if the dog had been crippled it is entirely possible that his tail and the controlling muscles might be adapted for locomotion and thus considered a leg. And if part of the crippled leg still played a part in the dog's locomotion, you might say the dog had five legs. But if the affected leg were useless or missing, then the dog would still have only four legs. And if the tail did not compensate sufficiently for the missing leg, then the poor animal would have in reality only three legs."

Straight answers are an uncommon commodity among ASPS. 

Friday, August 11, 2017


Yes, Gentle Readers, it's true. A couple of the more reputable polls are reporting President Trump's approval numbers to be in the mid-40s and rising since he has begun dealing with the Norks in the only language they understand. The lamestream drive-by media is going bananas as a result. 

It is important to note that just about every entity in the American media has all but come out and announced that their mission is no longer to report the news; but rather to gather and disseminate as much derogatory information about the President as possible. As such the American media and especially CNN News and the Washington Post newspaper are absolutely NOT to be trusted or taken seriously. 

And so at this writing CNN is featuring an old leftist blowhard who is angrily holding forth that "You just do not do this (talk like President Trump), you use every means of diplomacy' blah blah blah. 

 Really? "Every means of diplomacy" has been done to death since Kim Il Sung bit the dust. The Norks were promised and received all kinds of food aid and money, which they collected and promptly resumed the same old same-o. Now they have tiny nukes and the means to deliver them, and they are really cranking up the old nuclear blackmail machine. 

Well, cometh the hour, cometh the man. President Trump has, in his capacity as a real estate developer in New York City, had to deal with mob types. He knows how to deal with hoodlums. and today he said our military option is "Locked and loaded". Some idiot reporter asked him breathlessly what that meant. The President said that the Norks know damn well what it means. 

(If you don't, we'll tell you. It means a rifle with a round in the chamber and the bolt locked closed and ready to fire. If the safety is off, the weapon is said to be "cocked and locked".)

This is why President Trump is gaining approval. Americans don't like to be shoved around, especially by some pissant who wants to play tough guy. And we can assure both you and the pissant, President Trump is NOT playing games. 

Thursday, August 10, 2017


Folks, we apologize for not putting out our immediate reaction to the President's statement to North Korea (except to say that the Norks had best take Trump seriously). But it is our practice to make sure we have sifted through all the nonsense being uttered by parties all around before we comment on it.

We are glad we finally have a President who will no longer play patty-cake with a pissant country whose capital city (Pyongyang) sounds like a "Slinky" toy or two being tumbled in a clothes dryer. Nevertheless, we have lots of folks here in the USA who would rather damage President Trump than deal effectively with a clear and present danger. 

So we have all these congressmen and senators and media hypes gasping in horror as they call the President's statement "Unpresidential".  But in researching that claim, we find that President Harry S. Truman promised the Japanese a "rain of ruin from the air the like of which has never been seen" if they did not surrender pronto.  And he proceeded to deliver.

Disgraced newsman Brian Williams stated that the job of the media was to "scare people to death" to silence talk of a "first strike".  Pardon us, but we don't think the job of the media is to manipulate people's emotions or "scare" them into or out of supporting this or that, except in a dictatorship.

The left wasted no time in portraying President Trump as a madman and a reckless warmonger who is going to get us all killed. This in turn emboldened the Norks to threaten to nuke Guam and deride President Trump's remarks as "a load of nonsense". 

In the end, the Norks know very well that they have been put on notice. Kim Jong Un cares very much about his own big fat ass, and he knows what will happen if he does attack Guam. Seeing that Kim is in no hurry to die, Guam will be fine. 

HERE at the ADP, we believe there's an excellent chance China will finally act to defuse a dangerous situation by instituting a military coup d'etat. They do that, problem solved. For the time being.

Tuesday, August 8, 2017


North Korea was today reported to be in possession of several to several dozen weaponized small nuclear devices capable of being fitted onto an ICBM. He of course began running his yap about using them... on US.

When asked about this, President Trump said that Kim "Best stop" threatening the USA and if he didn't knock off the 'tude he would be met with "Fire and fury such has never been seen on Earth."

Kim responded by having a factotum say that the Nork military was waiting only for Kim's order to begin a "strike" at Guam.

Do that, Fatso, and your entire country and you will be promptly turned into the world's biggest piece of Corningware (trademark).

Don't think that President Trump won't do it. You are not dealing with Barack Obama anymore; and if you think our Congress and media will be able to stop President Trump you have another think coming. And you can have it right between the time you see the flash and the blast wave arrives.  

Try anything funny, Porky; and th-th-th-that's all folks. 

And remember with your last thoughts that you have been a long time asking for exactly what you are getting. You loony toon.

Saturday, August 5, 2017


We have decided to take a little respite from politics today and discuss the idiotic common belief that "driverless" automobiles will soon put taxis (and semi trucks and Ubers etc.) out of business. 

Those who subscribe to this lunacy state that "Autonomous vehicles" will "eliminate human error" in driving. But unless God Himself is doing the programming, it's being done by error prone humans. Which means that far from being eliminated, human error will be coded in permanently.

And, let's not forget how much information a driver is bombarded with in the course of operating a motor vehicle. Consider that some of it may not be immediately relevant to the task at hand (like a girl in a thong bikini walking down the road) but may immediately become relevant (such as when said girl suddenly runs across the street to greet her similarly bird brained boyfriend). A computer won't recognize the threat before it becomes a threat. A human driver will realize that the girl has a nice butt, but also realize that teen ditzes do stupid stuff and will be prepared for just such an event. And all this information will be running in the background of a human driver's attention span; along with other signs of possible trouble (such as a car sitting at a cross street waiting to enter the stream of traffic. The human's visual "sensors" - his eyes - are able to pick up multiple visual inputs at once; such as how fast approaching and same direction traffic is moving AND if the car on the cross street's wheels are rotating; not to mention the aforementioned bikini-clad lass.) And when any of it becomes indicative of a possible impending emergency, the human brain can come up with possible avoidance scenarios BEFORE they are needed and modify them mid crisis as new information is received. This involves the receiving and processing of multiple thousands of bits of information in a thousandth of a second. To attain that level of processing would require three Cray "Supercomputers" linked together. These supercomputers are each the size of a small broom closet and must be constantly cooled;  which begs the question: Where do you put the passenger?

On top of all of this, we don't believe the geniuses who are trying to foist these "autonomous cars" off on the public will EVER convince people to let some robot take the wheel of a vehicle they are riding in. We want to go where we want to go when we want to go there, and we like to have control. 

There are some people who are so stupid they actually want these "self driving autos". We met one of them the other day. Her reason for wanting this technology?

Quote: "I don't like to have to think about what I'm doing"

No, unfortunately that is a real quote from a real Millennial ditz, who will probably wind up with 2016's "Idiot of the Year" prize in this blog. 

Back in the 1960s we were supposed to have "flying cars" by now. We don't. and we won't. 

Like "flying cars". "self driving" cars are a self-gratification fantasy for this age.  Even if they existed, they would cost as much as an F22 Raptor fighter jet. Self Driving Cars? Not in the lifetime of anyone living today. Get serious, folks.

Friday, July 28, 2017


There was a time here in the D.C. Metropolitan Area when the population was smaller, younger, and lots more fun. It was actually possible to get a speeding citation without looking for someplace where there was space in traffic in which to speed. 

Ditto being able to un-ass your ride when you went into - it's unbelievable, we know - even Georgetown for a night's entertainment. 

And entertainment was lots more accessible; and you could still see nationally known acts such as Blue Oyster Cult, Roy Orbison, John Denver, John McLaughlin and many others at venues such as Crazy Horse, The Bayou, Desperado's and the late lamented Cellar Door. The Cellar Door was one of the best "small rooms" in America for big name acts, and for jazz there was Charlie Byrd's Blues Alley and the One Step Down lounge at 24th and Pennsylvania NW. 

Even major arts venues were more accessible back then. The Kennedy Center (where we saw performances by Carlos Montoya and Andres Segovia)  and George Washington's Lisner Auditorium were easily reached by car, which said car could be parked within easy walking distance of the performance.

We must admit to having had a penchant for going to strip clubs once in a while. These existed in Virginia but were "Pasties and g-string" clubs. D.C. clubs were "bare tits and everything" clubs, and the best of them were found on 14th Street NW between I and K Streets. Benny's Rebel Room, the Butterfly Club and "This is It?" were the most famous and busiest on the Strip. Their flashing marquees were powered by incandescent bulbs sequenced by rotary analog timers whose "tic tic tic tic tick" provided a background rhythm for the scene.

Eating out was less complicated then. The big ongoing competition between rival restaurants was between Mel Krupin's and Duke Ziebart's over who had the best matzoh ball soup. French was French, from formal classic restaurants like the Rive Gauche (now a Banana Republic clothing store at the southwest corner of Wisconsin and M) to informal bistros like La Nicioise (where the waiters came on roller skates) and "Au Pied du Cochon" which was open 24/7/365 (Famous for the re-defection of a Soviet defector and now a hamburger stand). 

Chinatown was palpably Chinese and had some very good and very authentic regional Chinese restaurants. Li Ho Food, a humble little place where slabs of roast pork and whole roast ducks hung from hooks in the front window finally bit the dust a few months ago after decades of very authentic Chinese cookery. Now Chinatown is identifiable mainly because Fuddruckers and Subway and other American shops are required by law to post their names in Chinese characters (fun fact: Mandarin for Chinatown Metro Stop translates literally to "Beautiful Village Underground Ox Cart")

The time we are here writing about is the early 1970s to the early 1980s. Those were the days of very interesting Washington scandals. There was the Representative Wayne Hays scandal featuring Elizabeth Ray, whom Hays hired as a "secretary" although she could barely type.  Then there was the Wilbur Mills affair, when Congressman Mills was having an affair with "Argentine Bombshell" stripper "Fanny Fox". One night they had a fight in the back of Mills' limo and she jumped out. Mills chased her around the Tidal Basin by the Jefferson Memorial, begging her to come back, until they both fell into the drink and had to be pulled out by the United States Park Police. The resulting loud and very public scandal provided much salacious and entertaining evening news and newspaper fodder for the better part of a month.

There was one such scandal wherein we personally knew every participant: The Bauman affair; wherein a conservative Republican congressman (Robert Bauman) who was a closet gay propositioned a 16 year old boy working as a "go-go" stripper in a failed seafood restaurant called "The Chesapeake House" which had been re-purposed as a homosexual strip club (Things were outrageously loose back in the day).  The boy's 17 year old lover filed a complaint and Bauman was in trouble plenty. Every person involved in that affair had been a passenger in my taxicab. 

Speaking of the taxicab business: Back then, the government limited itself to making sure the cab and the driver were safe for the people who used the cabbie's service and the system for determining fares was Hoyle. Today I miss the old days, and thank God I didn't cross over from Virginia to D.C.. 

Back in the day, D.C. cabs operated on a zone system, and a savvy rider could save himself a dollar or more on a ride just by hailing a cab from the other side of the street. But then D.C. decided to force taximeters on the drivers.

Next they required D.C. cabs to accept plastic for payment, even on street hails. Goodbye days when one could knock off early and drive into Maryland for a seafood dinner. This practice has since spread to the Virginia suburbs, where we resist it (but futilely). And D.C. - having forced their cabbies to pay for at least $3,000 worth of modifications to their vehicles less than 10 years ago; now wants to require them to modify their cabs again with GPS based meters and other such things to the tune of almost five grand per cab. 

Living here has gotten too damn complicated and restrictive. I'd move back to Dayton, Ohio in a New York second but for one thing:

THERE AIN'T NO FUCKING MONEY IN DAYTON. Not like there is here. 

Gawd, I miss the old days.


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