It has been a banner year for idiots and idiot doings. Not just the "oocupy" movement either, although the two dolts I hauled to McPherson Square who bitched about "big corporations" and bank bailouts all the way there and then paid their fare with a credit card - issued by Bank of America, no less - wound up with a third quarter nomination for Idiot(s) of the year.
But advertising has really gone off the rails, especially drug advertising. This year I have beheld an asthma drug which has a side effect of INCREASED RISK OF ASTHMA RELATED DEATH!
Yikes. Not to mention Lunestra, the sleep aid that might put you to sleep PERMANENTLY (and has a side effect of "drowsiness". Ya think?)
And, let's not forget, all those anti-depressants with the side effect of "Suicidal tendencies". That's an anti-depressant?
Newest among these worse-than-the-disease "cures" is a stop-smoking aid that has the side effect of making the user grouchy and bitchy. Why in hell anyone would get a prescription for something that mimics the effects of quitting cold-turkey is beyond me. I think the pill is something called "Placebowe" and the main ingredient is some substance called "sugar".
At least the 20-year storm of idiotic bumper-stickers seems to have abated, if you don't count the ones that say "Obama 2012". But nothing really galling like the one a few years ago: "I HAVE AN HONOROLL STUDENT AT GARFIELD MIDDLE SCHOOL".
Yes, "honoroll", spelled just like that. How absolutely ghastly. No wonder Mac McGarrity quit "It's Academic". He likely couldn't stand it anymore.
Well, it's time to announce the latest addition to our own "Honoroll of Infamy". But first a re-cap of the rules and the reason I have made an exception to the rules this year.
The Official Alexandria Daily Poop Idiot Of The Year must meet the following qualifications unless an exemption is made by your beloved Editor in Chief, Moi:
- The candidate must be someone I have met in the course of my main job of driving a taxicab.(this rule has been WAIVED FOR 2011)
- The candidate CANNOT be retarded, insane, or otherwise mentally deficient by no fault of the candidate's own. What qualifies as the above is solely up to the judgement of the Editor.
- The candidate cannot be intoxicated. In the competition for Idiot of the Year, alcohol and drugs are disqualifying performance-enhancers. However, a sober candidate who boasts about an idiotic thing he or she did when drunk or high; who does not recognize that what the candidate did was embarrassingly stupid, will still be considered unless the candidate is in alcoholic denial.
- The candidate must, in my presence, do or say something or boast -not just relate sheepishly or ruefully, but boast- about doing or saying something that is, when considered and compared against the candidate's degree of education and station in life is toweringly and spectacularly stupid beyond the simple foibles common to us all. (This rule has been partially waived for 2011)
AND NOW, THE MOMENT ALL THREE OF THE READERS OF THIS E-RAG HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR, THE ANNOUNCEMENT OF THE ONE AND ONLY OFFICIAL WINNER OF THE ALEXANDRIA DAILY POOP AWARD
AND THE WINNER IS.....
TIME MAGAZINE! FOR THEIR PICK OF "THE PROTESTER" AS "PERSON OF THE YEAR"!
Congratulations, you stupid motherfuckers. You put a picture of some person with a bandanna on his (her?) face and announced that bitching that you don't like something - and without even having the guts to show one's face at that - entitles one to a coveted national honor. Are you fucking stupid? YES! You are fucking stupid and more! You have probably blown away any hopes of anybody else making Idiot of the Decade in 2020. Like Obama's Nobel, I'm awarding you Idiot of the 2010s on the come.
And that includes every man Jack and woman Jane and Ruby Tubesteak trans-sexual freak on the entire Time Magazine staff. The publishers and editors for making the choice and approving it, the staff writers and photographers who did not quit in disgust over it, ditto the contributors and right down to the entire membership and stockholders of whatever concerns manufactured the very paper, ink, and printing presses used to manufacture the copies of this travesty. You are a pack of god damned IDIOTS every single one of you.
You fools did not, of course, mean the TEA party, who leave their rally sites cleaner than when they came. No, you mean the people in the "Arab Spring" who just started rioting, intending to bring down tyrants. Sounds like a good idea until you realize that worse tyrants have been awaiting just such a moment and are currently maneuvering to install Islamic extremist theocracies to lord it over the supposedly "newly freed" peoples.
You mean the "peaceful" "Occupiers" here who among other things leave shit - not just a generic mess but real, stinking human shit - everywhere (including the guy who took a crap on a police car), push old ladies to the ground, and block traffic and cause massive disruptions because they have decided to pool a plethora of real and imagined grievances and throw a massive national infantile temper tantrum which includes a few real boneheads who are threatening to starve themselves to death unless the Congress IGNORES THE CONSTITUTION and gives the District of Columbia full state's rights and representation. (and at least these idiots are being considerate to their pallbearers, who will have a light load to carry.) BUT "ignore the Constitution" (as they "interpret" it) in any way that adversely affects them, and they squeal like stuck pigs.
I could go on and on, but all any thinking person needs do is watch the news. Yes, the lame-stream drive-by media tries to sugar coat it, but - like "Bit o' Honey Candy" - the nuts pop through after you chew on it a while.
SO. For giving global honor and recognition to any misguided malcontent who decides to throw a public fit, YOU, THE OWNERS, PUBLISHERS, EMPLOYEES, AND ANY PERSON WHO IN ANY WAY CONTRIBUTES TO THE PUBLICATION AND VIABILITY OF TIME MAGAZINE HAVE THE SINGULAR HONOR OF BEING THE FIRST GROUP RECIPIENTS OF THE DECIDEDLY DUBIOUS ANNUAL AWARD OF THE ALEXANDRIA DAILY POOP'S
IDIOT OF THE YEAR 2011
and as a bonus
IDIOT OF THE DECADE 2010-2020!
We usually make a suggestion as to where the award recipient should go and what the recipient should do, and in this case and oddly enough following this suggestion will help get the economy going. As a bonus, it will accomplish one of the goals of some of the occupiers in that when you all get those vasectomies and tubal ligations to avoid birthing another generation of imbeciles, you will generate the income needed for a whole lot of doctors, nurses, anesthesiologists, medical technicians, and the like to finally pay off those student loans some of you have been bitching about between public shits.
Oh yeah. And don't ask me to pay for it. Try for a volume discount. Idiots.
PART II: PREDICTIONS FOR 2012
I had some partial success in my predictions for 2011. Gold did fall, but not as much; ditto oil. I am rather disappointed in the lackluster performance of the TEA party Republicans but they did fight hard to point out that - as the editorial position of the ADP states - "there ain't no fuckin' money". The Democrats successfully ignored this.
I wasn't wrong about the Euro, however. It's currently down more than a nickle from where it was last year. Germany - good old Deutchland - is poised to become the new global superpower alongside the United States.
Europe has responded somewhat more sluggishly to the Moslem threat than I would have liked, but the awakening is taking place all the same.
Apparently the person who draws "Sally Forth" reads this blog, as Hilary now has a long-distance boyfriend named "Jon". Funny how fast that happened after I made that prediction. As to Justin Bieber: Hey, Justin. Anybody young, cute, and famous can get any squeeze he likes. But this whole "paternity suit" bit? I personally still think you're a gayboy. If so, drop the facade and stop making yourself miserable.
Now, here are my predictions for 2012:
- Either Barack Obama will be landslided out of office in November, OR he will kick Biden upstairs and take Hilary Clinton as a running mate. Should this happen, I have three names for "president" Obama to think on: Ron Brown, Vince Foster, and Lyndon Johnson. (Yeah, Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone; but that was only because he could never remember his lines.)
- The Republican Party will re-take the Senate and strengthen their hold on the House, regardless of who wins the Presidential contest.
- Open and violent street confrontations between elements of the supporters of the Democrat Party's statist views and patriots will erupt across the country. These will begin in the wake of the first "super Tuesday" primaries in the southern states and will intensify over the summer.
- Gasoline will shoot to ten dollars per gallon when the nutbars in Iran decide to shut down the Straits of Hormuz. They will be thoroughly spanked by the United States military, but the dithering idiot we have been cursed with as "president" will not authorize the needed step of a military conquest of the Islamic Republic of Iran. Things will settle down within a month, but it will be one hellish month gas-price-wise.
HAPPY NEW YEAR FROM THE ALEXANDRIA DAILY POOP!