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Saturday, October 21, 2017

DEMOCRATS AND ASPS IN FULL BLOWN MELTDOWN AFTER GENERAL KELLY EXPLAINS PRESIDENT TRUMP'S CONVERSATION WITH SLAIN SOLDIER'S WIDOW AND PUTS CONGRESSWOMAN WILLIAMS IN HER PLACE

Before we begin, let us say that the image of a white Marine general putting a black Congresswoman "in her place" could easily be construed as "racist". We don't care. Ms. Williams was out of ANYONE'S place when she listened in on a call placed by the President of the United States to the widow of a man who gave his life in our common defense. 

Congresswoman Frederica Williams is one screwy character. Our beloved DC area talk show host Chris Plante suggested she change her name to "Kookie Mc Kookbutt"; and we quite agree. Williams is in our view loopier than Maxine Waters, and that's a high bar to jump. 

The main theme of Williams' complaint about Trump is that he told the slain man's widow that "He' (her husband) 'knew what he signed up for".  She also claimed that President Trump was "sarcastic" and mocking in his tone of voice when he said it.

SO It was left to General Kelly, the White House Chief Of Staff to inform the yapping Leftist lap-dogs in the media that he, Kelly, had personally advised Trump what to say. And Kelly has had a son die in our common defense, and he knows military protocol toward the surviving family. He also referred to Congresswoman Williams as an "empty barrel" which makes lots of noise. 

Kelly's address to the White House Press Corps left them stunned and no one challenged him. Why?

Because, apparently, the media had to get together and pow-wow some talking points with the Congresswoman. In short order it was being claimed that "empty barrel" was a "racist term" and that the White House had people following Ms. Willaims around. This prompted Ms. Willaims to announce that she was a "rock star".

Kelly was then denounced by late night hosts Kimmel and Fallon as a "racist", a theme picked up by Hillary Clinton and others. 

And so it continues. The Left can't help but show their true colors, and the American People now see them flying above the crow's nest. And it's a good thing. 

Know what we'd like to see? A televised debate between kook Congresswoman Williams and Alexandria's own White Nationalist leader "Picky Ricky" Spencer.  Popcorn sales would go through the roof, and the popcorn farmers would benefit. Have to put it on Comedy Central, though...

Friday, October 13, 2017

DOUBLE DIPPER: BOY SCOUTS TO ADMIT GIRLS; STUPID ASS ARGUMENTS FOR "GUN CONTROL"

Gentle readers, we wish we could write every day, but we are constrained by the fact that; unlike most of the ASPs we have to make a living without recourse to handouts; which means we must WORK. And we put in some serious hours, too: 12 to 14 EVERY DAMN DAY INCLUDING HOLIDAYS. So today we're doing a "twofer".  First up:

IDIOT BOY SCOUT NATIONAL COUNCIL VOTES UNANIMOUSLY TO ADMIT GIRLS.

Seriously, folks, what is with these numbskulls? First gay kids, then gay adult leaders, THEN "transgenders". AND NOW GIRLS? (Are Junior Lesbos ok?)

The reason given for the decision was that "membership has declined by about a third over the last few years". Really?

WELL NO GODDAMN WONDER YOU FUCKING NUMB NUTS! "THE LAST FEW YEARS" ARE THE YEARS YOU SUCCUMBED TO ALL THE PRESSURE FROM THE LEFT AND GOT PARENTS WORRIED ABOUT LEAVING THEIR KID WITH PEOPLE WHO SEEM TO BE THINKING ABOUT GIVING A MERIT BADGE FOR ADVANCED SODOMY.  

Well, congratulations. I doubt even California has enough whack-a-doodle-doos to sustain more than a few troops based on the insane policies you've been bullied into by the pervert Left. There are some who say that girls "deserve the opportunity" to become vested with the prestigious rank of Eagle Scout; which males have for decades found looks great on one's resume'. But by the time y'all finish fucking up the Scouts, that Eagle badge won't mean a damn thing, even if you upgrade it to a neck order. Thanks for destroying a piece of America. Idiots.

Next up:

STUPID ASS ARGUMENTS FOR "GUN CONTROL"

Almost all arguments put forth by the ASPs and the rest of the anti gun crowd fit this description, but here's a few snappy answers to the dumbest of them:

"THE SECOND AMENDMENT WAS WRITTEN TO PROTECT THE KEEPING AND BEARING OF SINGLE-SHOT MUZZLE LOADING FLINTLOCKS"
AND
"THE PEOPLE WHO WROTE THE CONSTITUTION COULD NOT HAVE FORESEEN MODERN WEAPONRY"
AND
"OKAY, SO I GUESS WE HAVE A RIGHT TO KEEP AND BEAR FLAMETHROWERS AND BAZOOKAS. I GUESS I HAVE THE RIGHT TO HAVE A HYDROGEN BOMB!"

(1) The term "arms" in the Second Amendment means everything up to and including the weapons issued to a modern Light Infantryman. Then it was a flintlock and a bayonet. Today it's a select-fire assault rifle. 

(2) They could not have foreseen TV, the radio, movies and the Internet, either. So do you think we should limit freedom of the press to mimeographed pamphlets?

(3)No, idiot. Flamethrowers and bazookas are specialized weapons not generally issued to every soldier. And neither, of course, is a hydrogen bomb. Stupid ass. 

Hope this gives you some power to deal with the idiots who try to brainwash folks with the idiocy of the Left.


Wednesday, October 4, 2017

AS USUAL, THE ANTI-GUN LEFT STARTS UP WITH POLITICS BEFORE THE BODIES ARE COOL

Yes, good readers; in the wake of the horrendous slaughter in Las Vegas the American Statist Progressives wasted no time in stirring up the emotions of as many as possible in an attempt to get "emergency legislation" passed. 

Even as this is being written we still do not feel we have enough facts to write in detail about this. The Left is far less concerned with the facts and as with every single shooting is going to milk it to the max to try to get pressure on for the passage of ill considered legislation.

One thing we DO know is that the ASPs have marshaled ever resource they have, including "progressive" clergymen with their own agendas. A group of these met at Washington National Cathedral, and some schlemiel of a rabbi intoned that the common denominator of the killers was "Not income or political affiliation...Nor mental health nor zip code.. but GUNS! GUNS, GUNS, GUNS!" We would like to address this rabbi:

Hey, Mr. Clergyman! guess what you left out? THE COMMON DENOMINATOR IS EVIL, WHICH YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO DEAL WITH. 

Funny how nobody wants to deal with good and evil, isn't it?

Friday, September 22, 2017

SEPTEMBER 23RD 2017: RELAX, FOLKS, THE PLANET WON'T EXPLODE TOMORROW

We have been hearing comments about tomorrow bringing dire events on the Planet Earth. Relax.

The first comment was that some "mystery planet" would collide with ours. That's a lot of hooey (rhymes with "phooey"). I guess since the Weekly World News went out of business (do we ever miss Ed Anger!) the folks peddling imminent catastrophe and "Bible foods to keep you young" have turned to the Internet to peddle their garbage. 

The second comment may have some actual Biblical significance, such as heralding the onset of the "Tribulation" which will precede Armageddon. It concerns a constellation and the planetary motions around it which seem to recap the story of the Virgin Mary, the birth of Jesus, and Satan's attempt to destroy Jesus before he could complete His sacrificial mission. In the end, the constellation representing Satan throws one third of the stars to Earth (symbolic of the angels who joined Satan in his mutiny against God) and ends with the warning: "Woe to the inhabitants of the Earth! For the Devil has come down to you having great wrath; for he knoweth his time is short". 

The following interpretation of this event is mine alone:

This celestial event is a sign that the end times are coming rapidly. The main event of the end will be an attack on Israel to be carried out by Russia, China, Iran and their allies, of course with Satan urging it all on. Before this will be the reign of the Antichrist and the famous 666 that everyone will have to be marked with to buy food or pay rent. Before that will be the Rapture of the believers out of these troubles. This Rapture might happen tomorrow, or not. But this heavenly sign doesn't mean the world will end tonight.

Only that it's getting very, very close. And one only need to look at the news to confirm that.

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

PRESIDENT TRUMP SOCKS IT TO UNITED NATIONS GENERAL ASSEMBLY BUT GOOD

Yesterday President Donald John Trump addressed the General Assembly of the United Nations and delivered a speech that knocked the ball out of the park. We didn't comment on it as we wanted to sample the unhinged reactions of the ASPs (American Statist Progressives) to the speech first. The ASPs did not disappoint.

Particularly Trump's excoriation of socialism was treated as a fart at a Holy Communion service. He also called Islamic Extremism by its name as the enemy.  And he warned the Norks that if they continued to follow "Rocket Man" Kim Jong Un that they would share his grave. 

President Trump plainly laid out his position on dealing with threats to America and her allies. We believe that he gave new hope to those in Iran who wish to overthrow the deranged theocrats who bear rule in that benighted nation.

So too bad ASPs. Trump made it plain that these nutball dictatorships have gotten their last free blow job from an American President in a good, long time. 

Hail Trump!

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

TOYS R US EMPLOYEES BEWARE OF THIS BANKRUPTCY SCHEME

If you work for "Toys "R" us particularly in Virginia, you are doubtless aware that the company is filing for bankruptcy protection. They may be about to pull a little scam to screw you out of unemployment benefits. Here's how it works (Magruders pulled this same crap):

They'll tell you that the company is "reorganizing" under Chapter 11 and say that a new company will be formed and in order to b e considered you must resign and re-apply.

WARNING! DO NOT RESIGN! IN VIRGINIA YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO COLLECT UNEMPLOYMENT BENEFITS IF YOU RESIGN AND IF TOYS ARE US DOES WHAT MAGRUDERS DID THEY WILL WAIT UNTIL EVERYBODY HAS RESIGNED AND SCREWED THEMSELVES OUT OF UNEMPLOYMENT AND OTHER BENEFITS AND THEN CHANGE FROM CHAPTER 11 REORGANIZATION TO STRAIGHT CHAPTER 7 LIQUIDATION.

Do not fall for this dirty trick, and don't believe the suits when they tell you everything's fine. It's not. Be careful and don't resign until you've found something else. Lotsa luck.

ANGRY MOB OF ILLEGALS SHOUTS DOWN NANCY PELOSI FOR WORKING WITH TRUMP

You see, Gentle Readers, we told you so!

Just like in Hunt for Red October, President Trump has turned the torpedo coming for him right back at the enemy, and it has blown up in their faces. Yesterday Nancy Pelosi sought to have a press conference when a mob of illegals showed up and started shouting her down for the crime of having even met with Trump about anything at all. We believe President Trump knew exactly what would happen when he allowed himself to be seen eating and perceived to be negotiating with Pelosi and Schumer. These illegals are largely ignorant and are rightly suspicious that the Democrats are just using them and will toss them under the ICE bus as soon as they are inconvenient.

People, President Trump knows the Democrat playbook, having been one. And he knows how they perceive the "little guys" they are trying to "help". He knew this would happen, and now Pelosi and Schumer are catching hell from these illegals who thought that the Democrats were there to help them. 

Heading 3-1-5! 


Friday, September 15, 2017

TRUMP MAKES HIS HEADING 3-1-5, REPUBLICANS FREAK

Remember the movie "Hunt for Red October"? Sean Connery plays a Russian officer who wants to defect and give a top-secret nuclear ballistic missile sub to the United States. The Soviets guess his game and send an attack sub to destroy both him and Red October. Eventually the attack sub, captained by a young officer who had studied under him at the Soviet Naval Academy, launches a torpedo at Red October. Connery's character instructs the American at the helm to head right into the torpedo, saying: "Make your heading 3-1-5. As the Russians and Americans sweat and count down the seconds to impact, Connery makes small talk. And when the torpedo hits, it does not explode but breaks apart. Connery explains that he knows the other boat's captain as he taught him at the Academy and knew he would set the torpedo to arm itself at a certain point, thus he guided Red October to meet the torpedo head-on before it was armed, destroying it. Later the opposing captain fires again and Connery, knowing he won't make the same mistake twice, executes a series of maneuvers that cause the opposing sub to become the target of the torpedo. The opposing sub is killed by her own weapon.

Similarly, a few days ago President Trump had dinner with Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer and let it slip that some deals had been made. Most conservative talk hosts and the entire Republican establishment is freaking out. 

Relax, folks.

President Trump knows Pelosi. He knows Schumer. He used to be a Democrat and knows the playbook. And he is well aware that Pelosi and Schumer want to destroy him. 

Let the Captain make the heading 3-1-5. He knows what he's doing.

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

CITIZENS AND BUSINESSES REACT TO PLANS TO CHANGE THE NAME OF JEFFERSON DAVIS HIGHWAY IN ALEXANDRIA AND ARLINGTON VIRGINIA

The governing Councils of the City of Alexandria and the County of Arlington in the Commonwealth of Virginia today announced that the portion of U.S. Route 1 running through the two jurisdictions; currently known as Jefferson Davis Highway; will be renamed "Martin Luther King Junior Memorial Highway" pending approval of the State legislature, which is needed for the change to proceed in Arlington. 

We interviewed some residences and businesses along the route of the proposed change. Surprisingly, although the corridor voted overwhelmingly for Obama in 2008 and 2012 and for Clinton in 2016, the residents and business owners were largely not pleased by the development.

Shopkeeper after shopkeeper told our investigators that they were pleased to have their shop located on a route named after such an important icon, but that the costs of changing letterhead and signage would be burdensome. At several of these locations corrugated steel rolldown doors were being installed, having just that day been ordered. Only one merchant was deliriously happy: Harvey's Custom Signs; whose owner Harvey Smithers told us he had been cranking out "FOR SALE BY OWNER" signs as fast as he could print them. Smithers, who is African American, told the ADP:

"See, I ain't no fool. I know all these liberal white folks in Del Ray and Crystal City can't stand th' notion of having to tell folks to take a right or a left off of Martin fuckin' Luther King t' get t' they house. So I found out about this yesterday and set up to print out these signs. They cost me a dollar to make and I sell 'em for twenty bucks. So far today I made fifty thousand dollars. And my brother owns a moving company, so I steer people to him.'

'Talk about affordable housing. The politicians gonna have lotsa affordable housing within days of that name change taking effect. My brother and me gonna buy a bunch of it. Then we gonna rent 'em out. Then, when the City realizes that the tax assessments is way down, they greedy asses gonna change the name back and give some lame excuse, and all the whiteys gonna wanna move back an' my brother an' me are gonna like buy houses at $25 thou each and sell 'em back to the whiteys for the three or four hundred grand they paid in the first place. Then we gonna move to someplace where white folks ain't so goddamn crazy."

Mayor Silberberg and the City Manager and Council did not respond to the ADP's request for comments.

Note: ONCE AGAIN THIS IS A SATIRE! However, in this case the possibility of it coming true is all too real.

Sunday, August 27, 2017

CONTROVERSY ERUPTS AFTER ALT RIGHT OBTAINS PERMIT TO ERECT STATUE OF JOHN WILKES BOOTH AT FORD'S THEATER

Washington, D.C.
August 27 2017

City officials in the Nation's Capital are red with embarrassment as they struggle to quash a "special use" building permit obtained by "Alt Right" leader Spencer Richards. The purpose of the permit is to allow the demolition of a souvenir shop across the street from Ford's Theater (and next to the house where President Abraham Lincoln died) in order that a statue memorializing what Richards calls "The alleged" assassin of Lincoln, Confederate sympathizer and actor John Wilkes Booth.

The property was purchased by a "front group" and the Special Use permit stated only that the property was to be used as the site of "a memorial".  

"We just assumed it was gonna be a memorial by some private person, and that the subject of the memorial was going to be President Lincoln' said a D.C. official who declined to be identified.  'I mean, who could have even thought about this crazy-ass shit happening here in the 21st Century? And less than a month after Charlottesville?"

"We just wanted to get the truth out' said Richards when asked why his group had performed such an elaborate ruse. 'Booth didn't shoot Lincoln. Lincoln shot himself, and Booth fled thinking - and rightly so - that he'd be blamed for Lincoln's death".

Richards claims that Booth had only gone to Ford's Theater to deliver a message to Lincoln:

"Lincoln had been drinking heavily during the last few weeks of the war' Richards claimed; 'And Booth went to the Theater to inform the President of the fact that he had freed the slaves whilst he had been drunk. He was carrying a letter informing the President of that fact as he approached the Presidential Box."

Richards produced a copy of the letter, which he claimed had been found in the alley behind Ford's Theater by an unknown person and given to Richard's organization by descendants of that individual, who wish to remain anonymous. The letter reads:

Dear Mr. President:
It is my concern that you did not, by reason of your inebriation, know what you were doing when you freed all the slaves earlier this year. Please reflect on this fact, and rescind your order. Respectfully, JWB.

According to Richards, Booth told Dr. Samuel Mudd that when Lincoln read the letter, he gasped, started and handed the missive back to Booth as he said "I FREED THE WHAT!??!!" Handing the letter back to Booth, Lincoln drew a derringer from his pocket and shot himself in the head. 

As to additional elements to the assassination, Richards claims that Mary Todd Lincoln told Major Rathbone that if Lincoln's death were deemed a suicide, she would be ineligible to benefit from the multimillion dollar life insurance policy on Lincoln's life. So Rathbone stabbed himself with a dagger and threw it into the alley where Booth was escaping. 

The other alleged "conspirators", claims Richards, were people Booth knew and were only coincidentally involved with incidents erroneously tied to the assassination. George Atzerott was only trying to burglarize Vice President Johnson's hotel suite; and Louis Paine attempted to kill Secretary of State Seward for drugging his 12 year old niece with laudanum and molesting her in the woods in what is now Rock Creek Park. 

Richards' claims have been met with extreme skepticism by most members of the public, and City officials have filed for a restraining order forbidding the "alt right" from doing any work or demolition on the site while they attempt to revoke the permit on grounds of fraud and deception by Richards and his group. The next hearing on this matter is scheduled in D.C. Superior Court for October 13th.

Note to readers: The foregoing post is SATIRE. NO ONE (at least to our knowledge) is planning such and outrageous memorial. This blog post is nothing but satire... and click bait. Got it? 

Monday, August 21, 2017

THE RACIST ECLIPSE

That's right folks, you read right. Some whiny lady discovered that the "path of totality" of today's eclipse of the sun passed over only areas with majority white populations. 

Two things: Number one, the eclipse did NOT "pass over" anyplace. everybody saw it at the same Grenwich Meridian Time. What looks like a "path" is just where you'd have needed to be to see the full effect at XX:XX Hours Greenwich Meridian Time,

Number two: HOW FUCKING STUPID AND/OR OBSESSED DO YOU HAVE TO BE to believe that there are racial implications to a fucking eclipse? Somebody needs a straitjacket and a rubber room. Cripes. Need we elaborate? Stupidest thing I have heard in a long time. sheeesh.

Sunday, August 20, 2017

MEDIA GOES OFF THE RAILS IN CHARLOTTESVILLE REPORTING

We cannot believe the utter bullcrap being peddled by the Left and the media about the Charlottesville riots of last week. 

Perhaps the most egregious statements are those who compared the filthy hippies (who just showed up unpermitted and uninvited and began raising hell) to "noble and heroic" figures in history. They have been compared to the troops who invaded Normandy to take down Adolf Hitler's criminal regime. They have also been compared to the people who fought the German National Socialist Worker's Party in the streets before the Nazis took power. 

What a load of crapola.

The American forces at Normandy took the toughest of the obstacles at their assigned beachheads. We rather doubt that any of the "ANTIFA" blowholes would have obeyed orders to scale cliffs with ropes dangling from grappling hooks while the Waffen SS fired down on them. 

And the people who fought the NSDAP in the streets in Germany were BOLSHEVIKS. They were a pack of goddamned Communists whose ultimate aim was a similar world totalitarian state as desired by the Nazis. It was smallpox vs. ebola then, and it's smallpox vs ebola now. 

And of course there are calls for stricter gun control, even though there was not one shot fired the whole time. In fact, the armed "militias" who showed up arguably prevented things from getting WORSE; as some of these got between the "alt right" and the ANTIFA idiots, who had more sense than to try to fuck with men who had rifles. 

The Second American Civil War continues to heat up, and the Media are fanning the flames. God help America. And God bless President Trump.

Wednesday, August 16, 2017

THE FACTS ABOUT THE CHARLOTTESVILLE VIRGINIA RIOT

GENTLE READERS, if you are confused about the events that transpired in Charlottesville over the weekend, we are not surprised. Rather than reporting the FACTS, almost every member of the media was doing his or her best to tie everything to President Trump and make him look as bad as possible. 

Ignore all the posturing and read the facts here at the Alexandria Daily Poop.

FACT I: The "alt right" demonstrators had secured a permit for their assembly. And despite the extreme unpopularity of the political and racial viewpoints of this group and the various sects of National Socialism and the Ku Klux Klan, their right to argue them in public is protected by the First Amendment to the Constitution. (So is the right of the public to leave them listening to the crickets when they finish). 

FACT II: The hordes of filthy hippies who call themselves the :ANTIFA" (ANTI FAscist ) movement are in fact the same bunch of freeloading troublemakers who infested city after city in the "occupy and shit on the cop cars" movement. These people are largely a BUNCH OF IDIOTS who came to Charlottesville equipped with home made armor and blunt force weapons (chains,  clubs, etc.) with the express purpose of causing as much trouble as possible. These lice did NOT have any sort of permit, they just showed up and immediately began to egregiously disturb the peace. We don't know who "threw the first punch"; but we DO know that the folks throwing bags and balloons full of piss and shit were not the licensed demonstrators.

FACT III: Charlottesville, like every other place where these "ANTIFA" blowholes pull their crap is run by DEMOCRATS. This in our estimate explains why the Charlottesville police did not immediately get between the two groups and in fact pushed them together. 

FACT IV: President Trump was right when he said the blame rests with all sides. It does indeed take TWO to tangle.

FACT V: There is nothing good to say about either side here. Thinking people realize that what was seen down in Charlottesville was nothing more or less than "Smallpox meets Ebola" Nobody wants their town to be a Petri dish for these microbes. 

There is nothing more to elaborate on than these facts. We are sick of hearing the fake newsies trying to tie the President to these events and distorting the facts and even blatantly making things up. You can no longer trust the lamestream driveby media. Send these idiots an Email and tell them you trust the Alexandria Daily Poop more than them. Now on to some important issues, please.

Saturday, August 12, 2017

AN OLD RIDDLE AND THE MODERN AMERICAN STATIST PROGRESSIVE RESPONSE

Abraham Lincoln was fond of repeating this riddle:

"If you call a dog's tail a leg, how many legs does it have?"

Of course there were morons who replied "five"; but of course there were mostly intelligent people who realized that just calling an appendage a leg did not make it a leg (although many men who were in the service are familiar with observing in the common shower facilities another male who was so endowed as to be said to have a "third leg"; but we regress...)

Come now the American Statist Progressives, who as usual wish to answer any question so as to be taken in a way which will benefit their broader argument. Ask an ASP this riddle and he will say something along these lines: 

"Well, it depends. There have been great advances in veterinary medicine in the last few decades, so if the dog had been crippled it is entirely possible that his tail and the controlling muscles might be adapted for locomotion and thus considered a leg. And if part of the crippled leg still played a part in the dog's locomotion, you might say the dog had five legs. But if the affected leg were useless or missing, then the dog would still have only four legs. And if the tail did not compensate sufficiently for the missing leg, then the poor animal would have in reality only three legs."

Straight answers are an uncommon commodity among ASPS. 

Friday, August 11, 2017

PRESIDENT TRUMP'S POLLS RISE THE MORE THE LEFT ATTACKS HIM FOR HIS KOREA POLICY; LEFTIST MEDIA TYPES ANGRY AND SHOW IT

Yes, Gentle Readers, it's true. A couple of the more reputable polls are reporting President Trump's approval numbers to be in the mid-40s and rising since he has begun dealing with the Norks in the only language they understand. The lamestream drive-by media is going bananas as a result. 

It is important to note that just about every entity in the American media has all but come out and announced that their mission is no longer to report the news; but rather to gather and disseminate as much derogatory information about the President as possible. As such the American media and especially CNN News and the Washington Post newspaper are absolutely NOT to be trusted or taken seriously. 

And so at this writing CNN is featuring an old leftist blowhard who is angrily holding forth that "You just do not do this (talk like President Trump), you use every means of diplomacy' blah blah blah. 

 Really? "Every means of diplomacy" has been done to death since Kim Il Sung bit the dust. The Norks were promised and received all kinds of food aid and money, which they collected and promptly resumed the same old same-o. Now they have tiny nukes and the means to deliver them, and they are really cranking up the old nuclear blackmail machine. 

Well, cometh the hour, cometh the man. President Trump has, in his capacity as a real estate developer in New York City, had to deal with mob types. He knows how to deal with hoodlums. and today he said our military option is "Locked and loaded". Some idiot reporter asked him breathlessly what that meant. The President said that the Norks know damn well what it means. 

(If you don't, we'll tell you. It means a rifle with a round in the chamber and the bolt locked closed and ready to fire. If the safety is off, the weapon is said to be "cocked and locked".)

This is why President Trump is gaining approval. Americans don't like to be shoved around, especially by some pissant who wants to play tough guy. And we can assure both you and the pissant, President Trump is NOT playing games. 

Thursday, August 10, 2017

THE FLAP OVER PRESIDENT TRUMP'S WARNING TO NORTH KOREA

Folks, we apologize for not putting out our immediate reaction to the President's statement to North Korea (except to say that the Norks had best take Trump seriously). But it is our practice to make sure we have sifted through all the nonsense being uttered by parties all around before we comment on it.

We are glad we finally have a President who will no longer play patty-cake with a pissant country whose capital city (Pyongyang) sounds like a "Slinky" toy or two being tumbled in a clothes dryer. Nevertheless, we have lots of folks here in the USA who would rather damage President Trump than deal effectively with a clear and present danger. 

So we have all these congressmen and senators and media hypes gasping in horror as they call the President's statement "Unpresidential".  But in researching that claim, we find that President Harry S. Truman promised the Japanese a "rain of ruin from the air the like of which has never been seen" if they did not surrender pronto.  And he proceeded to deliver.

Disgraced newsman Brian Williams stated that the job of the media was to "scare people to death" to silence talk of a "first strike".  Pardon us, but we don't think the job of the media is to manipulate people's emotions or "scare" them into or out of supporting this or that, except in a dictatorship.

The left wasted no time in portraying President Trump as a madman and a reckless warmonger who is going to get us all killed. This in turn emboldened the Norks to threaten to nuke Guam and deride President Trump's remarks as "a load of nonsense". 

In the end, the Norks know very well that they have been put on notice. Kim Jong Un cares very much about his own big fat ass, and he knows what will happen if he does attack Guam. Seeing that Kim is in no hurry to die, Guam will be fine. 

HERE at the ADP, we believe there's an excellent chance China will finally act to defuse a dangerous situation by instituting a military coup d'etat. They do that, problem solved. For the time being.


Tuesday, August 8, 2017

CAREFUL, MISTER KIM. YOU ARE PLAYING WITH THERMONUCLEAR FIRE.

North Korea was today reported to be in possession of several to several dozen weaponized small nuclear devices capable of being fitted onto an ICBM. He of course began running his yap about using them... on US.

When asked about this, President Trump said that Kim "Best stop" threatening the USA and if he didn't knock off the 'tude he would be met with "Fire and fury such has never been seen on Earth."

Kim responded by having a factotum say that the Nork military was waiting only for Kim's order to begin a "strike" at Guam.

Do that, Fatso, and your entire country and you will be promptly turned into the world's biggest piece of Corningware (trademark).

Don't think that President Trump won't do it. You are not dealing with Barack Obama anymore; and if you think our Congress and media will be able to stop President Trump you have another think coming. And you can have it right between the time you see the flash and the blast wave arrives.  

Try anything funny, Porky; and th-th-th-that's all folks. 

And remember with your last thoughts that you have been a long time asking for exactly what you are getting. You loony toon.

Saturday, August 5, 2017

SELF DRIVING CARS IMMINENT? IN A PIG'S EYE THEY ARE

We have decided to take a little respite from politics today and discuss the idiotic common belief that "driverless" automobiles will soon put taxis (and semi trucks and Ubers etc.) out of business. 

Those who subscribe to this lunacy state that "Autonomous vehicles" will "eliminate human error" in driving. But unless God Himself is doing the programming, it's being done by error prone humans. Which means that far from being eliminated, human error will be coded in permanently.

And, let's not forget how much information a driver is bombarded with in the course of operating a motor vehicle. Consider that some of it may not be immediately relevant to the task at hand (like a girl in a thong bikini walking down the road) but may immediately become relevant (such as when said girl suddenly runs across the street to greet her similarly bird brained boyfriend). A computer won't recognize the threat before it becomes a threat. A human driver will realize that the girl has a nice butt, but also realize that teen ditzes do stupid stuff and will be prepared for just such an event. And all this information will be running in the background of a human driver's attention span; along with other signs of possible trouble (such as a car sitting at a cross street waiting to enter the stream of traffic. The human's visual "sensors" - his eyes - are able to pick up multiple visual inputs at once; such as how fast approaching and same direction traffic is moving AND if the car on the cross street's wheels are rotating; not to mention the aforementioned bikini-clad lass.) And when any of it becomes indicative of a possible impending emergency, the human brain can come up with possible avoidance scenarios BEFORE they are needed and modify them mid crisis as new information is received. This involves the receiving and processing of multiple thousands of bits of information in a thousandth of a second. To attain that level of processing would require three Cray "Supercomputers" linked together. These supercomputers are each the size of a small broom closet and must be constantly cooled;  which begs the question: Where do you put the passenger?

On top of all of this, we don't believe the geniuses who are trying to foist these "autonomous cars" off on the public will EVER convince people to let some robot take the wheel of a vehicle they are riding in. We want to go where we want to go when we want to go there, and we like to have control. 

There are some people who are so stupid they actually want these "self driving autos". We met one of them the other day. Her reason for wanting this technology?

Quote: "I don't like to have to think about what I'm doing"

No, unfortunately that is a real quote from a real Millennial ditz, who will probably wind up with 2016's "Idiot of the Year" prize in this blog. 

Back in the 1960s we were supposed to have "flying cars" by now. We don't. and we won't. 

Like "flying cars". "self driving" cars are a self-gratification fantasy for this age.  Even if they existed, they would cost as much as an F22 Raptor fighter jet. Self Driving Cars? Not in the lifetime of anyone living today. Get serious, folks.


Friday, July 28, 2017

WHEN LIVING IN THE NATIONAL CAPITAL REGION USED TO BE TOLERABLE. FUN, EVEN.

There was a time here in the D.C. Metropolitan Area when the population was smaller, younger, and lots more fun. It was actually possible to get a speeding citation without looking for someplace where there was space in traffic in which to speed. 

Ditto being able to un-ass your ride when you went into - it's unbelievable, we know - even Georgetown for a night's entertainment. 

And entertainment was lots more accessible; and you could still see nationally known acts such as Blue Oyster Cult, Roy Orbison, John Denver, John McLaughlin and many others at venues such as Crazy Horse, The Bayou, Desperado's and the late lamented Cellar Door. The Cellar Door was one of the best "small rooms" in America for big name acts, and for jazz there was Charlie Byrd's Blues Alley and the One Step Down lounge at 24th and Pennsylvania NW. 

Even major arts venues were more accessible back then. The Kennedy Center (where we saw performances by Carlos Montoya and Andres Segovia)  and George Washington's Lisner Auditorium were easily reached by car, which said car could be parked within easy walking distance of the performance.

We must admit to having had a penchant for going to strip clubs once in a while. These existed in Virginia but were "Pasties and g-string" clubs. D.C. clubs were "bare tits and everything" clubs, and the best of them were found on 14th Street NW between I and K Streets. Benny's Rebel Room, the Butterfly Club and "This is It?" were the most famous and busiest on the Strip. Their flashing marquees were powered by incandescent bulbs sequenced by rotary analog timers whose "tic tic tic tic tick" provided a background rhythm for the scene.

Eating out was less complicated then. The big ongoing competition between rival restaurants was between Mel Krupin's and Duke Ziebart's over who had the best matzoh ball soup. French was French, from formal classic restaurants like the Rive Gauche (now a Banana Republic clothing store at the southwest corner of Wisconsin and M) to informal bistros like La Nicioise (where the waiters came on roller skates) and "Au Pied du Cochon" which was open 24/7/365 (Famous for the re-defection of a Soviet defector and now a hamburger stand). 

Chinatown was palpably Chinese and had some very good and very authentic regional Chinese restaurants. Li Ho Food, a humble little place where slabs of roast pork and whole roast ducks hung from hooks in the front window finally bit the dust a few months ago after decades of very authentic Chinese cookery. Now Chinatown is identifiable mainly because Fuddruckers and Subway and other American shops are required by law to post their names in Chinese characters (fun fact: Mandarin for Chinatown Metro Stop translates literally to "Beautiful Village Underground Ox Cart")

The time we are here writing about is the early 1970s to the early 1980s. Those were the days of very interesting Washington scandals. There was the Representative Wayne Hays scandal featuring Elizabeth Ray, whom Hays hired as a "secretary" although she could barely type.  Then there was the Wilbur Mills affair, when Congressman Mills was having an affair with "Argentine Bombshell" stripper "Fanny Fox". One night they had a fight in the back of Mills' limo and she jumped out. Mills chased her around the Tidal Basin by the Jefferson Memorial, begging her to come back, until they both fell into the drink and had to be pulled out by the United States Park Police. The resulting loud and very public scandal provided much salacious and entertaining evening news and newspaper fodder for the better part of a month.

There was one such scandal wherein we personally knew every participant: The Bauman affair; wherein a conservative Republican congressman (Robert Bauman) who was a closet gay propositioned a 16 year old boy working as a "go-go" stripper in a failed seafood restaurant called "The Chesapeake House" which had been re-purposed as a homosexual strip club (Things were outrageously loose back in the day).  The boy's 17 year old lover filed a complaint and Bauman was in trouble plenty. Every person involved in that affair had been a passenger in my taxicab. 

Speaking of the taxicab business: Back then, the government limited itself to making sure the cab and the driver were safe for the people who used the cabbie's service and the system for determining fares was Hoyle. Today I miss the old days, and thank God I didn't cross over from Virginia to D.C.. 

Back in the day, D.C. cabs operated on a zone system, and a savvy rider could save himself a dollar or more on a ride just by hailing a cab from the other side of the street. But then D.C. decided to force taximeters on the drivers.

Next they required D.C. cabs to accept plastic for payment, even on street hails. Goodbye days when one could knock off early and drive into Maryland for a seafood dinner. This practice has since spread to the Virginia suburbs, where we resist it (but futilely). And D.C. - having forced their cabbies to pay for at least $3,000 worth of modifications to their vehicles less than 10 years ago; now wants to require them to modify their cabs again with GPS based meters and other such things to the tune of almost five grand per cab. 

Living here has gotten too damn complicated and restrictive. I'd move back to Dayton, Ohio in a New York second but for one thing:

THERE AIN'T NO FUCKING MONEY IN DAYTON. Not like there is here. 

Gawd, I miss the old days.

Monday, July 24, 2017

COMPLETE AND TOTAL DISREGARD FOR HUMAN LIFE

A couple of days ago we were shocked, saddened, and revolted to find out that down in Florida a man had fallen into a stormwater retaining pond and drowned. 

While he was drowning a group of young men showed up. But not only did they not help the man, they mocked his struggles and his pleas for assistance and told him he was going to die. 

Unfortunately, since they did nothing to compound the man's inability to save himself these pitiless idiots could not be charged with a crime. 

What is worse, they videotaped the whole thing and posted it on social media. 

We are glad to report that the local police chief did find a statute criminalizing failure to report a death. The subhuman filth will be charged with that statute, but we doubt they much care. Particularly outrageous (but not at all surprising) is that both the drowned man and these pitiless subhuman vermin were all black. What might "Black Lives Matter" have to say about this? Not one whole hell of a lot, we'll wager.

They ought to be made pariahs and hounded out of the black community wherever they poke their heads. Let them crawl on their knees to whatever Christian pastor will listen to them, and let them only be redeemed when they show true repentance. 

But this will not be. If they are arrested on the failure to report charge, people like BLM will begin a campaign to make them collectively into (as we like to say here at the ADP) the Blessed Little Baby who was Born, Born, Born in Bethlehem. 

What a fucked up world.

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

SINCE REPUBLICAN LAWMAKERS WILL NOT DO WHAT THEY WERE ELECTED TO DO, TRUMP SHIFTS GEARS

How boldly during the last three Congressional elections did the Republicans who now park their worthless butts in the House and the Senate proclaim that they would finally get rid of the job-killing travesty and spectacular waste of money called "Obamacare".

Then: excuses, excuses. First they said they needed the Senate. They were given the Senate. Then they needed a President who would sign the repeal. Back in November they got him. So what did they do?

They started listening to the goddamned Demorats, who immediately started a campaign of blather about how the mean old Republicans were going to "take peoples' health care away". Do that, the DemonRatz said, and kiss your chances of being re-elected in 2018 goodbye. 

Do any of you Republican goofballs realize that the Democrats want to see you DEFEATED? WHY THE FUCK WOULD THEY HELP YOUR ASSES GET RE-ELECTED? "Taking Obamacare away" is NOT depriving people of health care. It is removing a burden that no one wants or needs. Removing that burden is why you are sitting there in Congress IN THE FIRST PLACE YOU IDIOTS! Don't you know that the reason the Ratz are trying to convince you to betray your constituents is so that they can regain the House and impeach our President on any charge they can think up, no matter how specious?

President Trump is not an idiot. He now realizes that he is leading an army of egotists whose main goal in life is to stay in Congress and be members of the club. It's really so very simple: REPEAL OBAMACARE AND LET THE DEMOCRATS PANIC AS PEOPLE BEGIN TO REALIZE THAT THEY'RE BETTER OFF WITHOUT IT. So the President has taken a new tack: Let Obamacare implode as it has mostly already done. Of course, the Democrats intended this to happen so as to implement "single payer" healthcare. Now he has to thwart this, and we believe he has plans to do so. 

So all you blowholes in Congress - every one of you - may now go and adjourn the House and the Senate for the August recess. During which we are sure President Trump will make a whole bunch of recess appointments to assist him in implementing his agenda. 

Come Labor Day, watch out. The Donald is coming to getcha.

Monday, July 17, 2017

AFRICAN AMERICANS: BE AWARE THAT THE DEMOCRAT PARTY HOLDS YOU IN CONTEMPT

We have said this before but it bears repeating: The Democrat Party is the true Party of Racism in these United States. They only care about black folks when there's an election pending. 

One needs only look as far as the City of Alexandria, Virginia to observe this. Our City Council and the local Democrat Party need - for now - a solid corps of black citizens to vote for them in order that they may control the City government permanently. This is why the Council has resisted splitting up the City into wards, with each Council member answerable to the constituents of that neighborhood in which he or she lives. 

They think that black folks are stupid and won't notice how they make a great show of being concerned about the loss of "affordable housing" and then, almost in the same breath, allow some developer to condemn hundreds of units of affordable housing so that some developer may install "luxury apartments" to replace it. (They always then claim that they are requiring the developer who will destroy hundreds of affordable units to provide a dozen or so units of "affordable" housing in the development. They then want you to applaud them for "saving" affordable housing.)

They are also incredibly obvious about what they are doing. Over half of the "Berg" (or Parker-Gray) is gone now. One of the Council remarked, when trying to justify this, that "Not everybody can live in Old Town". They are trying to shove all the black folks in the city into someplace less trendy than Old Town (but they'll make sure you have voting machines).

Not even some of the city's prominent black citizens are immune from this aggrandizement of self. The Alfred Street Baptist Church is a City institution. It is an "Historically Black" church and a must "be seen" location for any Alexandria politician who wants to court the black vote. The church among other things owns a fleet of buses which are very useful in getting people to the polls on Election Day.  The ABC is so big right now that when church lets out on Sunday traffic is screwed up for a radius of five city blocks and the better part of an hour.

Now ADC wants to grow even more, and to do this they are getting permission from the City to tear down two square blocks of "affordable housing" (or else they'll have to re-locate and stop being such an advantage to the Democrat party. Wonder what Jesus would say about THAT?)

The black folk in Alexandria need to quit the Democrats and join the Republican Party where you will be welcomed. Lyndon Johnson (Democrat) told his party that all they had to do was vote for the Civil Rights Act and (quote) "Those ni***rs will be voting for us for the next hundred years". Time for you to tell the Democrats that time is up. Don't you agree?

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

PRESIDENT TRUMP: HERE'S AN IDEA FOR DEALING WITH THE FAKE NEWS MEDIA

Mr. President:

We have noticed for some time now the snide manner in which certain members of the news media conduct themselves during press conferences. 

Our suggestion to you is that the next time one of these so-called "reporters" begins running his or her yap in a way clearly betraying a total disregard for responsible news reporting and becomes disruptive, have your press secretary immediately revoke that news organization's White House credentials and announce that they will be given to this blog, The Alexandria Daily Poop. 

Although we could not possibly attend every press conference (we work for a living) it would be delicious to see the likes of Chicken Noodle News convulsing in outrage at being thrown out in favor of an obscure web log with a semi-scatalogical title. 

Best hopes that you will succeed in fulfilling your promise to Make America Great Again.  God Bless and keep you, Mr. President. And God bless the United States of America.

Saturday, July 8, 2017

WHAT CAN WE DO WITH NORTH KOREA AND ITS NUTBALL DICTATOR? PLENTY.

We have been hearing and reading ad nauseum about the threat posed by North Korean dictator Kim "fatfuck" Jong Un, whose regime recently tested an intercontinental ballistic missile capable of reaching Alaska. (Why the global warming freaks who are so damned concerned about the polar bears are not up in arms over this we don't know; but they aren't). 

The worst panicking has come from folks who are worried about a Nork "super electromagnetic pulse" (SEMP) attack launched by exploding a nuke in low orbit shorting out "the grid" and causing 9 out of 10 Americans to die within a year. Most of these folks have solar powered electric generators or ultra shelf stable "survival food" to sell you. 

But if Werner von Braun were alive, he'd tell you that getting range is one thing. Precision guidance is quite another. Most of North Korea's nukes (if they do have any, and there's still room for doubt) are fission devices in the 10 to 50 kiloton range. That's one half to two and one half times the power of the bombs that destroyed Hiroshima and Nagasaki. For bombs that small to have a desired specific effect, they would need to detonate within 400 feet of the intended objective. Plus, they would need to be much smaller than the "Fat Man" Nagasaki type plutonium implosion devices Kim most likely has. And Kim has a long way to go before he can mount a SEMP attack from outer space. 

But Kim has an allies in Red China and Iran who are helping him out: Iran to help with the research; and China to help out with the money to pay the Iranians. So how long we can allow this to fester is anybody's guess. We need to start dealing with this three years ago (and thanks a pantload Mr. Obama). Fortunately, President Trump sees the need to deal with Kim and his goons NOW. 

So, what do we do?

Our suggestion is simple: CUT OFF THE MONEY. Kim's engineers and scientists are not gonna work if they have to survive on dog shit and tree bark like the rest of their countrymen. Get his officers down to starvation rations and they might even assassinate him as he sits his porky ass down to one of the lavish meals he eats.
So blockade all Korean ports and ensure China cuts Kim off by promising to downgrade China's trade status with the United States. And remind the Chinese that if they call in the nearly trillion dollar debt, all we have to do is turn on the presses and squirt out another thousand billion dollars. This will of course weaken the US dollar, but it will likely destroy the RinMinBi. 

And President Trump should announce that effective immediately, any missile launched from North Korea will be blown out of the sky by our anti-missile technology. Then do it the next time he tries it. And let him know that in any military action we take, his lard ass will be the primary target.

 Kim is a fat, selfish asshole and he doesn't want to die. His life is the only life he cares about. He should be put on notice that if hostilities break out on the peninsula, he will be among the first to die even if we have to put a hydrogen bomb into Pyongyang to accomplish this. 


Tuesday, July 4, 2017

BARRON TRUMP IS NOT AUTISTIC NOR DOES HE HAVE "SOMETHING WRONG WITH HIM". STOP THIS CRAP AT ONCE.

We are really getting tired of hearing people speculate on the mental health of President Trump's tweenager son Barron. The most common rumor is that he is autistic.  

We don't know how this idiotic rumor got started. Perhaps Barron has some creative talent and his mother  bragged about him being "artistic" but her accent made it sound like "autistic". More likely some sore-loser Progressive creep like the blowhole who shot up the ballfield here in Alexandria decided to make Trump's whole family as miserable as possible.

In any case we have employed our considerable investigative skills and our boodle of contacts and can now assure you that 

THERE IS NOT ONE GODDAMNED FUCKING THING WRONG WITH BARRON TRUMP.

Now knock it the fuck off, you child abusers.

Sunday, July 2, 2017

THE SMARMY TACTICS OF THE ASPS: THE AMERICAN PEOPLE ARE GETTING WISE TO THEM

After the near-massacre at Simpson Field here in Alexandria, the local Democrat Party organization sought out a "Useful Idiot" in the Republican Party to help spin the near-tragedy (which was committed by an ASP gunman; which fact the Dems want you to forget). 

So they had this Republican dude say some blather about how bad "hate" is, and he and some ASP hung a big banner above the bleachers at Simpson Field that says "REJECT HATE". 

Meanwhile of course the Left is engaged in an effort to link the word "hate" exclusively to the Republicans and the Right. They want so many as possible to see that banner and think it was some conservative "hater" who shot up the ballpark. It wasn't. It was some Bernie Sanders fan who the police put out of our misery.

Now President Trump has come up with another of his "tweets" that has the Left in an uproar (as Trump intended).  They are saying all over that Trump is degrading the Presidency and he's "vulgar". We rather doubt that he's summoning young interns into the Oval Office to suck his dick. And vulgar? The Left are some of the most vulgar people in this country. 

And they are being exposed by themselves as the hypocrites they are, not in small part when they react to one of Trump's "tweets". It drives them nuts that when in the past they pulled their shaming routine on a Republican he would just cave and play right into their hands. But not Donald Trump.

Trump used to be a Democrat, so he knows their playbook. And unlike other Republicans, if someone throws a bag of mud at him, he'll throw a flaming bag of dog shit at them. And The People having seen the way these ASPs lie are delighted to see these smarmy bullies and un-American cretins being exposed for what they are. They bitch about the way Trump responds to them, not knowing that he was elected to do just that. This is getting good...

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