I do mean right now. There's a brand new virus out, "Vista Security 2012". It slipped right past my Microsoft Security Essentials (It's free, it works as good as anything else, and I'm a cheapskate) even though I had updated security days ago.
This is a nasty fucker. It is one of those false flag attacks that tries to get you to send it money (and give it your account info into the bargain) to make it go away. It starts - as do many virus attacks - by popping up and informing you it is "scanning" your system. Then within seconds it alerts you that your computer has umpteen mega-jillion viruses and you should "click here to remove threats". If you do, you will be confronted with a form demanding your payment information. If you don't, then it will throw up "virus warnings" and the like with increasing frequency, probably to keep you off balance as you try like mad to find a way to get the damned beastie killed. That's tough to do.
This virus blocks access to every program on your computer. I couldn't even open MSE security to deal with it. Finally I hit on a solution. I'd just keep the fucker busy while I gained access to my security system. Here's what I did:
I closed out a bank account a couple of years ago, but I kept the invalidated debit card and the checks, figuring they would come in handy for just such an emergency. So I dug out the old card and cliccked the "remove now" button. Sure as hell, a payment form popped up.
I entered the card number and phonied up an expiration date. used the name Roger Kaputnik as an alias and gave a phony phone number and an email address of "fuckyouwithadonkeydick@jackmeoff.com" and sent the phonied-up info.
Then I rapidly summoned up Microsoft Security Essentials while the greedy bugger was trying to process my "payment". I ran an update and then started a full scan. When the "payment" came back "declined" the bug began peppering the screen with dire warnings of "permanent damage" etc. as it frantically tried to get me to quit trying to kill it and get busy with paying it.
The virus died after a two-hour scan, and just to make very sure I went to Microsoft's security site and had the emergency security scanner run through the system (It's a great tool, it's FREE and it is entirely compatible with ALL security systems).
If you encounter this bug and you don't have an old, expired card for a closed account, I suspect you could do this with any sixteen random numbers, as long as the first four numbers start with 4 and add up to two numbers that add up to 2; the second 4 start with 4 and add up to 5; (example: first set 4412 =4+4+1+2=11; 1+1=2, got it?) the third set start with 9 and add up to 1; and the last set begins with 1 and adds up to 8. Just phony up any old 3-digit number for the security code. Ditto the email address, and make it as obscene as possible so that whatever human sifts the results will know what you think of him, her, or (in case it might be Chaz Bono) it. Also, phony up a phone number. Better still, (boy I wish I'd thought of this earlier today!) use the number for the fraud section of the local police department, one that doesn't look like an office number. Like not 756-6600 but one like 756-6634. If your local cops don't have a number that looks private somewhere, I'm sure you can find one that does.
Update your security twice a week or oftener.
Oh, yes. and you fucks who are running this scam? I am a former criminal investigator. Read my book "The Peterson Investigation", and do it while you still can.
Because you can't have a Kindle in the joint, and I am after your worthless asses. I have a brother who used to be in charge of production for Lexis-Nexis and between us we will eventually get you locked up for a long, long time. You count on every system having flaws and vulnerabilities? You bet your ass they do, motherfuckers. And that includes YOURS.
I'll be seeing you. Count on it.
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