Thursday, November 28, 2013


It's been a hectic year, and not without more than it's share of troubles. But thankfully, these have far from worn down either we here at the Alexandria Daily Poop or our gentle readers.

The Democrat Party has managed to - just barely and not without every dirty trick and lie they could muster and every dollar from every phony American Statist Progressive they could contact - install the carppetbagging Terry McAuliffe (rhymes with "qui'ffe") in the Governor's Mansion in Richmond. The Attorney General's race has been certified to ASP "Red" Herring, but these results are being challenged by Ken Cuccinelli. Interestingly enough, when it liiked as though the Republican Obershain might win the Virginia Attorney General race, the DemonRatz just happened to find an unopened box of ballots that had just enough votes to hand McAuliffe's fellow ASP the victory.
Something is fishy here in Virginia, and I don't mean the James River either.
On a positive note, and thanks to the design of our Republic; ObamaCare had to be rammed through with bribes and arm-twisting, and since no one had bothered to read the thing, no one could have foreseen the dog's breakfast of fuckups and problems that have seemingly daily been rising up. This circus of a "health care law" has people pissed off and concerned, and the Democrats in Congress are feeling the heat of the voters down their necks. Barack Obama is finally showing - without any help from us - just what a stupid, incompetent, lying, low-down snake in the grass we have always said he was.
But the ASPs and those who follow them are hell-bent on turning these United States into a one-party State wherein all that is not prohibited is mandatory. Make no mistake, we are now engaged in the American Civil Cold War. From time to time and in (up to now) isolated cases the war heats up and violence occurs. And it is noteworthy that every last bit of this violence is instigated and incited by the "peaceful" syncophants of the ASPs and NOT the (as the ASPs keep trying to depict them) "radical violent extreme" elements of the TEA party.
Well, enough about politics for now. One other thing I am thankful for is the fact that I am almost ready to publish my THIRD NOVEL on Kindle. The title is "A PIPER FOR DANNY". The rollout will be announced here, and it's bound to be more successful than the rollout of ObamaCare. (Not that this is a hard thing to achieve).

Friday, November 22, 2013


Fifty years ago today, the world turned upside down in a way it would not again until September 11 2001. I was 10 years old and sitting in a fifth grade classroom in what was then Wayne Township, Ohio; having been detained ffrom recess for some classroom mischief.
I learned of the Kennedy assasination when a girl in my class came in skipping and clapping her hands, gleefully announcing Kennedy'd demise. Her parents were hard-shell anti-Catholic Baptists who hated the idea of a "Popish" President. As I sat in disbeloef and watched her gaather her books and skip out the door, the Principal's voice came over the intercom and announced the event, instructing students who rode the bus to gather at the stop and for kids loke me who were in walking distance to leave for home; and that school would resume after Thanksgiving break.
Of course the conspiracy theorists started up immediately, and the controversy continues to this day.
My take on the matter is that Lee Harvey Oswald was a lone nut, but this is because all the conspiracy theories presented thus far are full of holes, and some have been completely debunked. However, if I had to guess at the most likely author of a plot to assasinate Kennedy, I'd have to put my money on then- Vice President Lyndon Baines Johnson. There is a new book out on this very subject, and I have heard it reviewed by some very sane and reasonable people.  It is called "The Case Against Lyndon Johnson"; and I bet there is not a dull page in it.
Sooner or later the truth will come out. Whatever that truth is, it would be nice to find out for sure exactly what was going on in Dallas, Texas on Novebember 22nd, 1963.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013


No, gentle readers, you have not read a typo. Despite our best efforts to help expose Current Resident of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Northwest Barack Hussein Obama as a charlatan, a Marxist, a nincompoop and a borderline traitor; HE HIMSELF HAS COMPLETLY VALIDATED EVERY SINGLE THING WE HAVE BEEN SAYING ABOUT HIM, AND OUT OF HIS OWN MOUTH AT THAT. 
We have not published a post for weeks, as the things that have come to light recently are eclipsing anything that it might be needful for the ADP to add to the debate.  Commenting on what is so publicly taking place would be the equivalent of shouting "FIRE" in a burning theater that the crowd has already left.
There was back during the Bush Administration a snarkish Leftie bumper sticker that said: "If You Aren't Completely Appalled, You Haven't Been Paying Attention".  Right back atcha, you pinko swine. The Democrat Party now resembles (as another commentator called it) the Hindenburg crashing into the Titanic at the Pearl Harbor attack.  And it's a joy to behold. 

Monday, November 11, 2013


"On the eleventh hour if the eleventh day if the eleventh month" the guns went silent, and the First World War came to an end. This war was so very horriblle that it was supposed that it would put an end to war. That was a wrong-headed notion.
I don't know who wrote the ballad "Willie McBride", but I will excerpt it here and hope that in the event the song is still under copyright the author will forgive me for citing these lyrics:
Oh, how are ye doin', young Willie McBride,
Do ye mind if I sit down here by your brave side?
And rest here and look at the red settin' sun;
I been walkin' all day,
And I feel like I'm done.
And I see by your headstone you were only 19
When ye died in the service o' your Country and Queen,
Well I hope ye died quick,
An' I hope ye died clean;
Or Willie McBride, was it slow and obscene?
Did they play the fife lowly,
Did they bang the drums slowly,
Did the rifles fire o'er ye, as they lower'd ye down?
Did the band play "The Last Post" in chorus?
Did the pipes play "The Fleur o' the Forest?"
And now I must ask ye, brave Willie McBride,
Do all those who rest here now know why they died?
Did ye really believe in the Truth of the Cause?
Did ye really believe, that this War would end wars?
For the bravery and the glory,
The suffering and shame,
The killing and the dying,
It was all done in vain.
For Willie McBride, it's all happened again;
And again, and again, and again, and again. 
And so it has, human nature being what it is; and brave men will always be called upon to answer the threat to freedom. My fellow Veterans, this day is ours, and especially to those who saw the face of the enemy. Bless you on this Veteran's Day and always; and thank you for your service to our Republic.

Sunday, October 27, 2013

VIRGINIANS! VOTE FOR KEN CUCCINELLI! (The Libertarians can wait)

The upcoming Gubernatorial contest in Virginia is crucial both for the Commonwealth and the Republic. Cuccinelli, the current Attorney General is running in the face of an unprecedented smear campaign run by the completely inexperienced Democrat Party fundraiser and party-line toadie Terry McAuliffe.

The Democrats would have you believe that Cuccinelli is a  "Radical TEA party racist".  BUT the FACT is that Cuccinelli stood up for a black man who had been unjustly imprisoned, and obtained for him NOT a pardon, but a writ of actual innocence. If that man were dependent on McAuliffe to free him, he'd still be in jail because he doesn't have half a million bucks laying around to donate to the Democrat Party.
Even if you believe the bullcrap about Cuccinelli being "anti-gay", you should consider that partying costs money. Moral crusaders defeat their own purposes when they try to ensure that we commoners have more money to spend on our desires.  The Democrats talk a good game, but by the time McAuliffe gets through with Virginia, everyone will be so broke that the verb "to party" will become outdated.
For these and so many more reasons, vote for Cuccinelli for governor of Virginia on election day. DO NOT WASTE YOUR VOTE ON A THIRD PARTY CANDIDATE! (Use your vote for Lieutenant Governor for that purpose).

Sunday, October 6, 2013


Yesterday we were sitting here in Market Square in downtown Alexandria when we noticed that there was a horde of teenagers wandering around with ID tags denoting their participation in ssome kind of youth leadership conference. I spoke with several of them, and all of them were rightly appalled at the way the Federal railroad is being run.
Here they are, trying to get an up-close look at the Federal sausage factory, and they can't because they are being turned away at every point. But, as one lad from Tennessee said, in most of the country people are beginning to realize that the no-frills version of Washington D.C. suits them just fine.
Notice how the news stations, when they need to get footage of people bitching about the shutdown, never get footage in Dayton or Terre Haute or Lansing. No, nobody's bitching anywhere except here in the National Capital region.
It's been revealed that the National Park Service people have been instructed to make things as tough as possible for the tourist crowd in D.C., so here they are in Alexandria; where everything is open and there's a mile-wide moat called the Potomac separating us from the idiot hacks and fuckups in Washington.
In closing, we are back to making regular posts. The City of Alexandria has a free WiFi service here in Old Town, just a pleasant stroll down King Street from Poop Central. There are some tables and umbrellas set up in Market Square, and it's quite pleasant. Hey. If you see me, it's okay to wave.

Friday, October 4, 2013


I am grateful that even in my absence I still have a corps of faithful readers. I know most of you have been wondering what I have to say about the current situation with the Federal  shut-down. I have a two word opinion on the issue: GODDAMNED POLITICIANS. (Of course, the Demonratz are the biggest slimeballs in this crap, but somebody needs to teach the Republicans how to play the blame game. Of course Ihave more extensive views, but time does not permit me to air them right now)
The reason I don't have time to air these views is that last Wednesday at 2:15 in the morning a dude driving a Metro street sweeper backed the fuck into my cab, and I've been dealing with lawyers and insurance people.
However, my cab's security camera captured a hilarious (and useful, but also if you weren't driving the cab it's a riot) video of the sweeper backing up, me blowing the horn and then yelling "Goddammit!" when the truck hit my cab.
The vid is coming to You Tube soon, and it will be titled "D.C. Metro Street Sweeper Backs Into Taxicab As Seen By The Taxi Driver"
So look for the vid, it'll probably be up sometime on Monday. And as always, thank you for reading the Alexandria Daily Poop.

Monday, September 30, 2013


We were feeling pretty apathetic these last few days. In fact we were thinking of stopping production of this E-rag. But nothing inspires us better than to hear the torrent of lies that has been poutring forth from the mouths of Obama and his handlers regarding the impending "shut down" of the Federal government.
We grew up in the Dayton, Ohio area, and although we have had a few rough spots here in the DC area, it is nothing compared to the suffering being endured in our beloved home town. We are more than a bit amused at the angst being expressed in the National Capital region at the prospect of the Federal government being stripped down to "just the essentials". In fact, that ought to be permanent.
Be that as it may, I will gladly endure the suffering that will descend on the DC area as a result of a Federal shut-down. It's about time that the weenies who live here get a taste of what it's like (and has been like for a LONG GODDAMN TIME) In Ohio.
Now, the Democrat Party has been trumpeting this impending shut-down as a national emergency and they have been trying to lay it at the feet of the Republican Party. But the current goings-on are the result of the efforts of conservatives attempting to work the will of the People, who can see that Obamacare will ruin EVERYTHING. The situation we are in right now is NOT the result of Republicans "holding the economy hostage for political ends". It is the result of Obama and his henchmen using every filthy trick possible to make sure that this Statist Trojan horse masquerading as "health care law" gets completely inside the gates of the city. That will enable their dream of mandating every aspect of every American citizen's life.
And that is why the Federal government will probably shut down - except for "essential services" - tomorrow. Here in the DC area, we will suffer, no doubt about it. But as to my beloved Dayton and the rest of the nation, it may well be a welcome respite.
No matter the consequences, however, this impending shut down is not the result of Republicans being "sore losers". It is the result of Obama and his coterie of gangsters trying to shove fascism down the throats of a populace who do not want it. However this works out, remember this when you vote. 

Wednesday, September 11, 2013


We have been having technical difficulties in that the neighborhood WiFi hot spot has fallen victim to the Obama "recovery" and shut down. This is being written at a bar in the west end of Alexandria, and it is really hard to concentrate. Also I cannot smoke here, so I'm not relaxed.
Fear not, gentle readers; Your Beloved Editor has not had some ghastly fate befall him. The aforementioned technical difficulties ave however combined with the fact that this Syrian affair is so multifaceted and is developing so damned fast that anything I post will likely turn out to be wrong before the first person reads it.
I do have a few opinions.
The way Obama has been handling this conjures up an image in my mind of him in a clown suit, with one foot in a bucket of paint and the other stepping on his dick.
What we should do about Syria is watch, and remind both sides that whoever wins had better make nice with Washington or else no money, honey.
We'll be back online as soon as we can get an internet connection without having to travel clear to the other side of the city. (I am a cheapskate).

Monday, September 2, 2013


Here it is, the first Monday in September of yet another year. Tomorrow everyone goes back to work and/or school. Labor Day is meant to be an appreciation of the American working man, and that's pretty much how we're treated. "Yeah, we appreciate youse. Now get the hell back to work and fork up yer taxes".
(NOTE: We are aware that some folks will find the term "working MAN" to be "sexist".  GFY.)
This is traditionally "the last day of summer", even though summer still has over half a month to run. But by "summer" we here in the USA traditionally mean a relatively carefree season of rest and relaxation. "Summer" in this sense meant, when I was a lad, that period of time between the Friday after Memorial Day and this day.
Sadly, today kids wind up staying in classes until the middle of June, and many go back to school in the middle of August; and there are many jurisdictions and individual schools which hold class year-round. The reason cited for this is that kids "forget 40 percent of what they learn" when given 3 months of relative freedom.

This is baloney. What kids call "play" is increasingly as one grows older "creative application" of what was learned during the school year.  For instance, there was a day in July - I believe it was 1968 - when some pals of mine and I had ridden bikes to a swimming hole where we got the shit bitten out of us by the bluegills. We found an old bucket and decided it would be fun to dump water on unsuspecting cars passing under an overpass. But naturally, we couldn't dump the water on the side where the car was approaching, because the driver would see us and be able to avoid being doused.

(Note: we were at least responsible enough to ensure that any car we dumped on was not traveling alongside anyone else, nor had any other vehicles behind or in front for a good, long distance. We called that "being careful".)

After about ten misses, I got exaspirated and decided to work out a "firing solution", using the lessons I had learned in algebra and geometry, based on how long it took a water dump to hit the pavement and how long it took a car sighted from a certain angle to come out from under the far side of the overpass. I actually made calculations on paper.

Basically I figured out that if it took a car x seconds to pass between points A and B, it would come out at the far side of the overpass at y seconds. I discovered that counting the seconds between these points would yield the number of seconds it would take for car and water-dump to encounter each other.

I guess I've always been a little geeky, because I insisted that we go through some dry runs, with the "firing party" doing the final countdown and reporting whether or not the countdown ended with the water hitting the targeted vehicle (although there was no actual dumping).

My freinds got impatient and insited on dousing the next car to come along.  I said okay.

As it turned out, the next car to come along was a Montgomery County, Ohio Sheriff's deputy. As the cruiser passed the second "fire control point" I called out: Mark! four three two one, go!"

Six seconds later, a bucketful of water hit the windshield of the cruiser, and the Deputy careened all over the road.

Naturally, we all leapt on our bikes and split up, and got the hell out of there; using shortcuts through woods whenever possible.

I don't think people ought to worry about what kids might forget over the summer. Summer is the season where kids apply what they've been taught, in a creative manner. (The foregoing is a true story, and I hope I am correct in assuming the statute of limitations has run on that car dousing.)  If teachers and parents are worried about anything, it ought to be that some kids were taught too well.

I say, from the first week in June to the Tuesday after the first Monday in September, let the kids play. Let them explore and find things about which to be curious.

The kid who wants to go to Mars will need to know all kinds of math. Use his dreams to pique his curiosity, and if he discovers other interests along the way, then show him that education is the means to his ends.

Let some kid  who wants to be a rock star play in garage bands all summer long. When he gets back to school, explain to him that music is math. And it is.

Grant today's kids what I and my fellows had: nearly three full months of unfettered, unsupervised (well, mostly. I don't mean with LSD or some such, parents still have to do their duty) experimentation and discovery.

Well, that's my polemic for the day. Now if you will excuse me, the coalss are hot and I have a 3 inch thick Porterhouse to grill along with two ears of corn.

Happy Labor Day.

Friday, August 30, 2013


Gentle readers, we know you have been waiting for our comments on the recent week of commemorations of Dr. Martin Luther King's legendary "March on Washington" and his "Dream" speech. As most of you three know, not only are we on a semi-break, but also we take time to digest what is going on, the better to know what we are talking about. Also in this case we barely knew where to start.
What ought to have been a national memorial carrying a message of unity was instead turned into a Leftist Democrat partisan circle-jerk.  It was absolutely disgraceful. And the black folks in attendance seemed to be completely oblivious to the fact that they were being used by the Democrat party to pursue and promote a partisan agenda.
Some of the tactics were sublime. Providing only one entrance for the general public enabled the State-controlled media to show what looked like hordes of people waiting to get in, when actually there were - according to our estimates, and we're pretty good at judging these things - less than 30,000 people watching what was being presented from the stage.  The fact that there were NO "Jumbotrons" indicates to us that the organizers knew that not that many people would show up. And in aerial views, the crowd starts to thin halfway down the Reflecting Pool and peters out to nothing at the east end of the pool.
A particularly galling tactic was the inviting of several white Republicans to speak at the event. None accepted, wisely knowing that there were most likely trained hecklers in the crowd. And one Republican who was NOT invited was the South Carolina senator who replaced Strom Thurmond. He, however, is black and might have swayed the crowd away from the Democrat point of view. And of course the white Republicans' failure to attend was used to depict them as racists.
And it was absolutely obscene that the "Reverend" Al Sharpton, who participated in the frame-up of a U.S. Attorney on rape charges in the infamous Tawanna Brawley affair; and who makes his living stirring up hatred between blacks and whites, was invited to stand where Dr. King stood and to deliver a racist screed, which he ended by reminding everyone that "Rosa Parks wasn't no ho". 
The white Governor of the State of Maryland stood at the dais and delivered a pandering speech full of the usual Democrat crap. And when Current Resident of the White House Barack Hussein Obama delivered his speech on the anniversary of the day King made his "dream" speech, it was a self serving screed in which he said I, I, I, I to the point where it sounded like a rap version of "Ceilito Lindo".
Martin Luther King would have been appalled at how blacks were depicted as being too stupid and/or lazy to obtain a photo ID in order to vote. This was of course not said in so many words, but it was implied, along with an implied dare to anyone to call this tactic out for being what it is (and we just did).
Of course the anti-Second Amendment agenda got its innings, too; with the corpse of Trayvon Martin being (figuratively) dragged out and compared to Emmit Till.
Leave it to Bill Clinton to come up with a quip that neatly tied the themes of the event up in a nice little bow. He said:
"A great democracy does not make it harder to vote than it is to get an assault weapon". 
(First, America is NOT a "democracy" it is a "representative republic". Second, the definition of "assault weapon" is a rifle or carbine firing an underpowered cartridge and capable of select (full auto or "burst") fire. These can only be obtained with a full background check and the obtaining of a special tax stamp. And third, if by "assault weapon" Clinton - as do most Democrats who use the term - means "firearm"; then even in states which allow "private sales" (between relatives or friends, or the tranfer of firearms as part of an estate); one still has to fork out hundreds or thousands of hard-earned dollars. To vote, one only need obtain a photo ID. So, no, it is NOT easier to get a gun than it is to vote.)
Here at the Alexandria Daily Poop, we are aware that there are many who will accuse us of "ignoring the many positive messages given at the event" or some such thing. But that is rather like telling a drowning man that he shouldn't bitch because he's in no danger of dying of thirst.
This event was to the memory of Dr. King what Miley Cyrus's little presentation on MTV was to the dignity of American womanhood. Which is to say, an obscene slap in the face.
If you are offended, tough. Here at the Alexandria Daily Poop we call it like we see it, and we tell it like it is. 

Sunday, August 25, 2013


In a recent post we pointed out that the guy who draws the kiddie mystery cartoon "Slylock Fox" had done a propaganda piece designed to convince the kiddies that scientists who are skeptical of "man-made climate change" were evil, like his character "Count Weirdly". 
Today Skylock's creator really screwed the pooch. In the panel, "Bruno Bear" is hooked up to a lie detector. The story explains that Bruno knows the identity of a vandal.
The caption goes on to explain that Bruno Bear made two statements: (1) "I have no brothers or sisters" and (2) "The father of the vandal is my father's son". 
Based on these statements, Slylock advises the police to arrest Bruno Bear. 
False arrest city. If Bruno had no siblings, and the father of the vandal was Bruno's father's son; then that would mean that the vandal was BRUNO BEAR'S KID, NOT BRUNO BEAR!!!
Somebody write the dimbulb who publishes Slylock and tell him he fucked up, and that you read  about it in the Alexandria Daily Poop.

Friday, August 23, 2013


Actually I'm not all that surprised by this idiotic move. Wikipedia is absolutely infested with leftists and rainbow-and-unicorn shitheads. But I had been hoping that they would at least be factual enough to acknowledge that Manning is still a human male - I'm rather loathe to consider this punk a man - and has only "requested" in a letter to the "Today" show that he be referred to as "Chelsea" and alluded to with female pronouns. This is not sufficient reason to do so in an objective article about Private Worst Class Manning.
This referring to persons - especially children - who have only expressed in some fashion a desire to be thought of as someone as the opposite sex according to their (alleged) personal perception of themselves is just as spurious as referring to Fredo Corleone as "Doctor Corleone" because he's smart (not like everybody says, like dumb) and he wants respect.
Especially after this loopy dumbass Manning betrayed our country, I really don't give a FUCK what he wants to be called, or what he wants, PERIOD. Wikipedia (and the Washington Post and the New York Times) calling Manning a female when he has not even legally changed his name is absolutely absurd, and an abdication of responsible objective reporting. It is also an abdication and abandonment of any credentials of news journalism any of these entities may have held and a full-scale leap into the waters of advocacy and propaganda.
I tried to post these objections at the "village pump" section of Wikipedia, but the village idiots were hanging around the water cooler posting snarky remarks directed at anyone who took the side I am taking here. (And a new insult has been invented by these idiots. If you don't agree with them on this issue, you are - according to them - "transphobic", whatever the fuck that means.) 
The reason these jerks do this is to drown out the remarks of the folks who hold with the opposing view in a sea of type. Well, that doesn't happen on this blog. Stupid, snarky lefties who post stupid, snarky comments have those comments dispatched into the ozone before they even see the light of day. 
In terms of being a research tool, I have always thought of Wikipedia as being not a treasure map but rather a metal detector. You have to do some digging to make sure what you have is gold and not an old sardine tin or a rusty nail. Case in point, this is.

Thursday, August 22, 2013


Bradley Manning, the treasonous American soldier so adored by the Left, was sentenced yesterday to 35 years in the United States Disciplinary Barracks in Fort Leavenworth, Kansas. He will forfiet all pay, allowances and benefits and recieve a dishonorable discharge.
Quite personally I think he should have been sentenced to hang, but I will take what I can get. The dishonorable discharge is most appropriate. My discharge is Honorable, and it is a nice-looking document declaring my service to have been "Honest and Faithful". A dishonorable discharge is a piece of drab-pink, onion-skin paper less than the size of a postcard. It looks just as worthless as Manning is.
But here's a corker: Manning is demanding sex-change therapy while he is incarcerated at Fort Leavenworth.
Hey, Brad. Don't worry, there's a whole bunch of guys in Leavenworth who are probably fighting over who gets to be the first one to "make you a girl".  I'm quite sure they'll all call you "Chelsea" as you're riding the baloney pony. Hells bells, you twit. Why didn't you ask the judge for the full 90 years?
You fucking traitor. 


Our Alexandria, VA readers will be happy to know that the Pizza Box bar and grill, which has been a bit warmish of late, has finally been able to replace the groaning old A/C unit which completely plotzed a few weeks ago. So no longer will you need to slather your pits in Ice Blue Secret and put up with a fan blowing your money and lottery tickets all over hell. Your brewski will no longer get prematurely warm and your ice won't melt so fast that it waters down your drink.

Speaking of those drinks, the Box is probably the only place in the West End of Alexandria that doesn't overcharge outrageously for a watered-down Long Island ice tea. The LIITs at the Box are full strength - especially if Pete is tending the bar - and only $7.15.  Compare that with the weak-ass versions most other joints charge ten bucks and change for. 

Also, ask for the LIIT variant invented by Don, the bar's will-work-for-drinks handyman; the "Gilligan's Island".  Try it, you'll like it! (More than one and you'll need a cab home, especially if Pete is making yours).

Ex-pat Daytonians will be delighted to know that your beloved Editor has taught the night cook to make a thin-crust pizza cut "Dayton style" (That's a round, thin crust pizza cut into bite-and-a-half sized squares) and a pretty fair approximation of a Cassano's classic submarine sandwich (order a hoagie made and toasted "Dayton Style", and make sure Belushi the cook knows to leave off the tomatoes).  NOTE: This stuff isn't on the menu and if you order it before about 8 PM the day staff will probably look at you like you're nutso.

So, if you haven't been to the Pizza Box for a while because of the schvitz-from-the-pits factor, everything's cool again. And if you've not been there, stop in and enjoy full-strength non-watered and very reasonably priced mixed drinks, draft and bottled beers and wines, and pretty good food for a bar.  Oh, yeah; and five large screen televisions, and a juke box too. Plus they have full service Virginia Lottery facilities.

What's not to like? Tell Karl the Owner that you read about the place in the Alexandria Daily Poop!

Tuesday, August 20, 2013


Despite the efforts of Current Resident of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Northwest Barack Hussein Obama and his henchmen to make the "sequester" as painful as possible, it has inconvenienced no one except for a handful of civil servants; of which there are too damn many to begin with (and of which there are many who seem to have forgotten the "servant" part of their job description and think THEY are in charge of YOU and not the other way around).
Particularly disappointing to the ASPs (American Statist Progressives) is the fact that Virginia, with its Defense industry-intensive economy has barely felt a hiccup of "pain" from the sequester. The Commonwealth has fairly sailed through the sequester and in fact the Commonwealth has posted a net surplus this year. So the lamestream news media have begun a campaign trying to convince everyone in Virginia that the disatrous effects of the sequester are beginning to hit Northern Virginia hard - finally.
This is a load of baloney, processed through the lower tract of the Leftist media spin meisters and dumped out as crap. What is happening right now has nothing to do with the sequester. What is happening right now is called "August", and it happens every year. What is raising trouble with the economy in the D.C. metro area is that Congress has left town, and taken the fifty dollar haircuts riding on two bit heads (otherwise known as lobbyists and lawyers) with it. This happens every year without fail, and things get better almost immediately right after Labor Day. 
Now marinate some beef cubes in garlic, soya sauce, white wine, pepper, what-have-you; and soak some wooden skewers for about an hour; and fire up a hibachi and make mini kabobs. Serve 'em up with some home-made sangria (red wine, citrus juice, sugar, and brandy) and have a nice picnic-tabletop cookout.  All hell is going to break loose next month, and I for one am eagerly anticipating the money I will make taking government types and lobbyists to Capitol Hill and the airports and train stations as they resume the important business of trying to fuck up the Republic (or trying to stop the idiots from fucking it up. Both sides pay in green money, so ces't si bon, as they say.)

Thursday, August 15, 2013

ASHTON KUTCHER, CONSERVATIVE? (And other matters - mid August Break posting)

THERE IS, IT SEEMS, NO REST FOR THE WEARY. Every single time we take a break, stuff mounts up. So, for our gentle readers we feel obligated to sit down and write a small commentary on some of the biggest and/or most important and/or most unusual events of late.
We are mostly familiar with Ashton as the lovable dumbass Michael Kelso on the TV sitcom "That 70's Show"; or else from his going on Saturday Night Live sans pants, with tight white briefs showing the outline of a package that would have had PFC Bradley Manning drowning in his own drool.
But he may not really be a dumbass, even if he did play one on TV. Recently Kutcher accepted some kind of reward and gave a speech in which he extolled the values of hard, menial work to a bunch of kids who probably needed to hear it.
Ashton Kutcher is probably a Democrat, probably a big leftie, and probably voted for Obama. But the other night, he sounded eerily like US.
Hope springs eternal.
We were shocked to learn yesterday that PFC Bradley Manning, during the sentencing phase of his court-martial for espionage and other offenses, had said that he had told his commanding officer about his emotional instability about "transgender issues".   Further, he had sent a photo of himself wearing a wig and lipstick to his commander.
For his part, the commander made no move to begin administrative proceedings to separate Manning from the service. In fact, no effort was made to revoke his TOP SECRET CRYPTOLOGIC SECURITY CLEARANCE, and he was allowed to handle ultra-sensitive classified information, even though his commander knew (or should have known, and no duh about it) that he was about as stable as an ice cube in a forest fire.
We predict that Manning willbe sentenced as follows: Reduction in rank to basic Private, forfieture of all pay and allowances, and fifty years confinement at hard labor in the United States Disciplinary Barracks; with all but ten years suspended, a suspended fine of ten million dollars, and an Undesirable Discharge (one step above Dishonorable) upon release from custody.
Once that has been accomplished, a general court-martial should be convened to look into what should be done about the officers who let Manning keep handling classified material even after it was clear that he was a fruit cake.
The guy who's putting out these radio ads about how to get banks to give you "free silver" by saying five words just ran another ad with the first three words at the end. these words are: "Do you have any".  Here are the last two: "half-dollars".
SO when you walk into a bank and say "Do you have any half-dollars", then if they do, you can trade every dollar you have for two half-dollar coins. Some of these may have some silver content, but it is almost certain that every half-dollar you recieve will have the same "shiny on the outside, phony on the inside" composition of the quarters people will drop in your cup if you quit your job hoping to get "free silver" and wind up a homeless beggar. Rotsa Ruck.

Saturday, August 10, 2013


We suppose that the Current Resident of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Northwest thinks that just because we aren't writing daily this month then it's safe for him to start up with a bunch of bald-faced lies. His "press conference" yesterday afternoon was full of them.
We had been trying to get some sleep (having driven the hack for a whopping 24 hours straight, and thanks Obama for the lousy economy that makes it necessary to do that to earn the pittance we make) when we awoke to hear the Current Resident speaking on the TV. 
It was mostly blather, pap and evasion as he dealt with questions about the Snowden affair and the Benghazi, IRS, and NSA scandals. Then someone asked Obama about the possibility that the Republicans might stand firm and refuse to finance ObamaCare. At that, he went into full campaign mode and started vomiting up talking points. 
Chief among these points was the lie that the Republicans "Have an agenda to deny health care to 30 million people" and that the Republicans "want to deny health care to 30 million people" and furthermore that the Republicans are willing to shut down the government "so they can deny health care to 30 million people". 
Of course NOBODY is trying to "deny healthcare" to ANYBODY. What the Republicans will do - if they have the guts, and they better - is to deny OBAMA the means to completely ruin the economy. Because if the hook of ObamaCare is allowed to be set, say goodbye to 40 hours a week with weekends and holidays free; and say hello to working 3 jobs at 20 hours a week each, with NO benefits and NO weekends free and NO paid vacation, since employers are going to seek ways around the ruinous requirements ObamaCare demands of people who employ more than a set number of people at more than a set number of hours. And that's just the tip of the iceberg.
And say hello to walking around all day with some Infernal Revenuer's finger up your ass. That's right, the agency adinistering ObamaCare will not be the Department of Health and Human Services, it will be the IRS; which is the closet thing this country has to the Gestapo. This is because ObamaCare is at root NOT a "healthcare bill" IT IS A TAX. Obama and his henchmen still swear it is not, but the Supreme Court says it is; and if it isn't then why are the Infernal Revenuers going to "manage" it?? 
This is ObamaCare: Two goons show up at your house, with guns and blackjacks hanging out of their pockets, and say: "If youse wants t' stay healthy, youse better buy dis. Or, just give the money to us, see?"

This is why the Democrats are so desperate. Obama was not so much answering a question as he was telling the Republicans exactly how the Democrats will paint them if they refuse to pass any budget that funds ObamaCare. The message will be that it's not the kindly Democrats who are shutting down the government by insisting on funding a measure that the vast majority of Americans would like to stick up the Democrat's asses, but that the fault lies with the mean old Republicans who want to deny 30 million people basic health care.

If the Republicans stand firm, the Democrats will have to yield. But they have to make the Democrats OWN the shut-down, if it occurs. Call, write, and e-mail your Representative, your Senators, and the Republican leadership in both houses and tell them not to fold, that you don't and won't believe the sleazy Democrat lies, and that you want this economy-wrecking jobs-destroying piece of crap legislation defunded and then dismantled when the Republicans once again control both houses of Congress. And tell them if they don't defund and dismantle, then they won't be employed much past November 2014.

Wednesday, August 7, 2013


Not five minutes after we announce we are taking leave, and we hear about a scam, and on conservative talk radio at that.

Some yutz is yakking about how you can just waltz into a bank and get silver "just by saying five simple words".  He has a web site with a video that purports to tell you how to get the silver and what to say. 
Do not waste your time. The whole thing is a lot of argle-bargle promoting his investor's service. You'll have to get his "special report" to find out the "secret words".
A bit of searching the Net yielded the facct that this "free silver" is mostly in Kennedy half-dollars, which some banks DO have in stock but which for the most part contain very little if any silver. And of course you have to exchange other money for them.
All you have to do is ask for half-dollars in exchange for your dollars. If the bank has any, they'll probably do it. You might get some real silver. You also might be able to pan some gold out of your local creek, too.
"If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is". The old axiom has been proven again.
Now, dammit, we are on vacation. Cripes.


We have decided that since the slimeball politicians across the Moat (aka the Potomac River) from us leave every August to fuck off, then we here aat the Alexandria Daily Poop shall have our own "August recess" this year.
Barring some really important stuff coming up, like Obama creating another Constitutional crisis by issuing an executive order making himself President for life or something, we shall resume making posts some time during the week after Labor Day.
In the meantime, we need to get our ass over to the beach, and do some fishing and barbecueing and try to wring some summer out of this sorry-ass year. 
We hope you, too are enjoying your summer (or winter, for our below-the-Equator friends). See you in September.

Tuesday, August 6, 2013


And it's a bit odd that, according to Christian belief, the "original sin" that taints the entire Human race began when the first Humans got too curious and decided to scarf down the Fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil.
From this story has flowed the popular belief amongst certain wrench-heads that Adam and Eve were blind, and after - as the Bible says - "their eyes were opened, and they knew they were naked" - that Adam and Eve never thought of each other as sexually desirable before they got the knowledge of good and evil. Then, all of a sudden, they were "ashamed". Really?
Dollars to donuts that Adam and Eve had fucked merrily away on damn near every night since they came into being. Probably did it twice on Sundays, too. Probably even got together for a mid-day "nooner" once in a while.
But once they had eaten of the Forbidden Fruit, they realized the dynamics of sex, the psychological dynamics. They realized suddenly that each of them had a weapon to use against the other. Thus were their eyes opened to the possibilities of using sex as a weapon, and thus was their shame awakened and aroused. Innocence perishes once the dichotomy between right and wrong is realized.
So we ask you: Are you nuts? Or do you know the difference between right and wrong?
If you don't, then please check into the funny farm, because you are legally insane.
But if you DO know the difference between right and wrong, kindly write into the "comments" section and explain to your fellow man exactly what that difference is.
We have put this question to random people before, and the response we have gotten was -well- insanely wide-ranging. Go ahead and write an essay in comments. We'll publish it so long as it's on topic and does not contain ad-hominem attacks.
Are you nuts? No?
Here's your opportunity to prove it.


Many of our gentle readers probably wonder why we put out this assortment of serious essays, spoofs, satire, meandering random thoughts and small jokes (and large yawns). And at times, so do we.
But in large part this blog is a chronicle and commentary on how much the United States in particular and the world in general is coming more and more each day to resemble a 24-hour nonstop production of the Gran Guignol, the French theater of the grotesque, macabre, and absurd.
The re-election of Barack Hussein Obama to the Office of the President of the United States is inexplicable. It is as if someone hired the Three Stooges to paint the outside of a toolshed and, having seen the havoc they wrought and the slap-dash job they did, then paid them and hired them to paint the inside of the main house.
The Democrat Party keeps telling the Republican Party that if the Republicans don't do things the Democrat way, they will never regain the White House. And the Republicans - or enough of them anyway - FALL FOR THIS CRAP.  An apt metaphor for this is if a burglar told a home owner that his house would never be secure unless he removed all the locks from the doors and took out his alarm system; and the home owner complied with the burglar's suggestions.
Down at the most basic levels of human interaction, we are told that weighing more than is healthy for you is a disaster not just to you but (and much more importantly) "the collective". And so attempts are being made to dictate to you just what and how much to eat, and especially in Mike Bloomberg's personal fiefdom (otherwise known as New York City) large strides have been made toward encoding these restrictions into statutes.
All manner of things have been decreed by wannabe-tyrants to be a threat of some sort, and all manner of intrusive measures have been - with varying degrees of success - implemented to make your life ever more inconvenient and scripted. Meanwhile Bloomberg enjoys his Pate' de foi gras and Al Gore pollutes the planet with his private jet while he flits from town to town to scold the inhabitants about polluting the planet.
You cannot get into an automobile wreck and then buy insurance which will cover the wreck. But Obama's defining "achievement", "ObamaCare" actually MANDATES that an insurance company CANNOT deny you coverage for a disease or condition you have had BEFORE YOU BOUGHT THE POLICY. This is insane.
The entire population of the United States seems to have been lured into a state of mind wherein they all to some degree believe in fairys and magic. They believe that, since the government can print money; then we will always have enough money for anything we want. And isn't it odd that none of these hammerheads asks that; if this is the case; then why is it necessary for ANYONE to pay ANY taxes, ever, seeing as how the Feds can just print up more money? (And if you don't understand what we are talking about here, you are a fucking stupid-ass.)
Only in these United States will you find people so indulgent of deviancy that they will advocate allowing a little boy, having decided he wants to be a girl, to take himself and his dick into the girl's restroom. And this is not limited to children.
We learn from D.C. talk host Chris Plante that a prominent member of the lamestream media named Don something-or-other showed up in the office recently wearing a dress and decreeing that everyone should now call him "Dawn" instead of "Don", since he had decided that he "self-identified" as a female.
We hear of "tolerance" for the "LGBT" community. But the most prominent support group for that outfit is "P-FLAG", short for "Parents and Freinds of Lesbians and Gays".  Tolerance, our ass. They just went and threw the "BT" (Bisexual and Transgendered) of "LGBT" right under the bus.
Right now in New York there is a candidate for Mayor of America's largest city who has a penchant for sending pictures of his wiener to teenage girls, and who continued to do so even after he swore he had stopped it; and he is nuts enough to believe he has a shot at Gracie Mansion (and he has people who publicly support him).
And faced with all this, some minor, piddling-fiddling indiscretion  from years ago, commited by some national celebrity, is enough to capture the attention of the entire nation. The citizenry cannot be bothered to be outraged about any of the above things we have written about here, but when a Southern cook and internationally respected authority on Southern culture and cuisine admits under oath that she - being white - uttered the word "nigger" years ago; the entire country goes completely crazy and forgets everything else while she is given a good drubbing.  
This blog is a commentary, a warning, and a call to action. And, it is a way to occasionally get in a laugh or two lest, as Jimmy Buffet has famously sung, we otherwise all go insane. We would challenge all our readers to read this entire blog from the first post to this one to see how it has evolved and is evolving. Then you will know why we continue to put out The Alexandria Daily Poop.

Monday, August 5, 2013


We are somewhat baffled as to why, twice in the last five days, our readers in Latvia have outnumbered those here in the United States. In fact, Latvia is the first nation in the history of this blog to match or exceed our U.S. readership.
Well, we do hope you folks in Latvia enjoy reading the Alexandria Daily Poop. Someone over there write in to comments and tell us why this blog is so popular over there, please. Thank you for reading the Alexandria Daily Poop!

Friday, August 2, 2013


The main thrust of the Left is reminding everyone how the last Federal shutdown over the budget cost the Republicans dearly. (Actually that is not the case, as in the next Congressional election the Republicans - albeit they did lose seats - reatained a majority in the House. And not only this, but the Republicans picked up two more seats in the Senate.  Due to the unique ability of the Senate to bring things to a grinding halt, those two Senate seats were more than worth every seat the Republicans lost in the House. The only real loss was the loss of Bob Dole to Clinton in the race for the White House, but Dole ran a rather drab and lackluster campaign.)
But it should be noted that the 1995-96 shutdown was over some complicated budget items that the common voter probably has a poor understanding of, plus (and a very big deal) the Republicans were trying to force an increase in Medicare premiums, and the voters love their Medicare but don't want to pay more for it. To the extent that the 1995-96 shutdown hurt Republicans, it was over one thing that most everyone has at least a basic understanding of (and mostly likes): MEDICARE.
On the other hand, if the government shuts down this fall, it will be over a program that nearly everyone considers flawed, overly expensive, and unacceptably intrusive into their lives; a program that is a proven job-killer and one which was sold to the public with out-and-out lies and passed through both houses only with bribes, questionable (to say the least) parliamentary maneuvers, and other chicanery; and over the loud objections of a majority of the American people.
The shutdown will not be over a proposed increase in the cost of the beloved Medicare program. It will be over a Democrat refusal to de-fund and starve to death the hated, monstrous, money-sucking and freedom-destroying, economy ruining, job-killing Democrat power grab disguised as an "entitlement": OBAMACARE.
We call on all members of Congress and the Senate to defy these false claims of potential ruination and vote NO to any budget or resolution that authorizes funds in any amount to any action implementing or enforcing any facet of ObamaCare.
Further we call on every Democrat member of the House and Senate, when Obama vetoes the budget so passed, to tell your leadership to go straight to Hell and vote to override that veto. Accomplish that, Democrats, and we will stop writing "Democrat Party" and begin writing "Democratic Party"; at least until you people screw up and succumb to the ASP wing of your party. That's a promise. Now everyone man up and defund this monster. This isn't Medicare and this isn't 1995. This is very different.


If you thought you didn't like the prospect of ObamaCare taking over your life and finances, think about how the idiots who passed it and the schlemiels charged with enforcing it feel.

They suddenly realize in Congress that what they passed will affect them and their staffs just as disastrously as it will you. The IRS also does not like the idea of having to obey the very law they are charged with (trying to, and let them try) cramming ObamaCare down the throats of the rest of us peons.
Fortunately (for them) these entities are headed by some Very Powerful People. And a deal is on the verge of being cut wherein IRS and Treasury people will still be required to register with some "exchange"; but the costs will be borne by the Federal government. That's (nominally) us taxpayers.
Funny how these idiots always pull their crap on a Friday or the eve of a holiday when the attention of most of the public is directed elsewhere.
I know a number of Congressmen and their staffs read this publication.  Well, so do a lot of voters, including voters who don't read Britebart or Tucker Carlson. Hey you voters, look up those two sites, Britebart and The Daily Caller, and read up on this stuff. Then start pestering the hell out of these Representatives and Senators to stand pat and refuse to fund ObamaCare. Don't let them think they can just weasel out of being affected by it and think that you won't notice.
Remember (to paraphrase Smokey the Bear): Only YOU can light a wildfire under a Congress member's ass.

Monday, July 29, 2013


We have mentioned Adam Kokesh before in these pages. Kokesh is yet another "professional public spectacle" for whom apparently the only bad publicity is no publicity. Up until a few days after Independence Day, he was perhaps best known for trying to rally one million people to march across Memorial Bridge from Virginia to Washington, D.C. with loaded rifles on July 4th. He was promptly informed by the Metropolitan Police and the United States Park Police that this would not be countenanced. We don't know if it was because Kokesh couldn't find one million people who were both as nutty as he is AND owners of functioning rifles; or if Kokesh himself just (wisely) chickened out. In any event, the "protest" was cancelled.
But Kokesh was not out of tricks. He made and posted online a video of himself loading a pump-action riot gun in Freedom Plaza on Pennsylvania Avenue. This got the attention of the Park Police, MPDC, and no doubt the Secret Service (Freedom Plaza is within a stone's throw of the White House).
Kokesh's house was searched and authorities came up with a baggie full of psylocybin mushrooms. He was promptly arrested and faces drug and firearms charges in Virginia and the District of Columbia.
What a dope.
Therefore, we have written a little ditty in his "honor":
(sung to the tune of "Yankee Doodle")
Copyright 2013 by F. Allen Norman, Jr.
Adam Kokesh went downtown,
loaded up his shot-gun,
Made a YouTube video and thought it was a hot one.
Adam Kokesh, you're a dope,
now you sit in jail,
Mind that you don't drop the soap
(we hear you can't get bail!)
The cops then raided Adam's crib
They turned it upside down,
They found his shotgun and his drugs;
Now Adam wears a frown
Now he sits in D.C. Jail,
Adam sho' is crazy
If makin' folks think he's nuts is work,
then Adam sho' ain't lazy!
Adam Kokesh, you're a dope,
now you sit in jail,
Mind that you don't drop the soap!
(We hear you can't get bail)
What can we say? Sheesh.

Sunday, July 28, 2013


The Current Resident of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Northwest has spent the past few days making speeches in which he bemoaned what he calls "phony scandals" which are "distracting" Washington from his saintly goals of taking everything away from the people who work and giving it to the people who don't; and creating as large a pool of dependent non-workers as he can.
Obama's bemoaning of "phony scandals" is the truth. However, he cannot be talking about Benghazigate, because that IS a scandal and it is NOT going away (but it has been somewhat dormant).
He also cannot be talking about IRS-gate, the scandal that only becomes more scandalous every day, and the Obama team's efforts to cover it up and sweep it under the rug are failing spectacularly.
So, he must be talking about the Democrat attempt to hang a bunch of phony, trumped up scandals aimed at tarring Virginia Attorney General and gubernatorial candidate Ken Cuccinelli by hanging suspicion over the head of current Virginia Governor Rob McDonnell.
Leave it to the ASPs* in the Democrat Party to focus like a laser on completely legal activity and call it suspicious, while at the same time completely ignoring the Supreme Law of the Land - the Constitution - and doing what they damn well please. McDonnell took a couple of loans and some gifts from some rich guy he happens to be friends with. That is really all there is to it, but to hear the Democrats howl one would think he had gotten the money by murdering his friend's mother-in-law.
In a typical Democrat filthy trick, last night the local NBC (No Believable Content) affiliate ran a story on this phony scandal with a picture of McDonnell in the background. Above McDonnell's head was the seal of the Federal Bureau of Investigation. The intent, of course, was to imply that a criminal investigation of McDonnell was underway. That is an excoriable LIE. NO FBI involvement in the McDonnell "affair" has been announced to date.
The intent of the Democrat party and their toadies in the media is not to force McDonnell to resign (although they will be very happy if that is a side effect of this smear campaign). The main target is Ken Cuccinelli. The Democrat Party would love to install the appalling Terry McAuliffe in Richmond, where he no doubt would be happy to encourage and sign (for starters) any and all anti-second amendment bills to come his way and to exercise all of his Executive power to make life hard for law-abiding firearms owners any way he could.  
THAT is the reason for this phony Democrat scandal in Virginia, to allow the Democrat Party to install a satrap in the Commonwealth. We can only hope our fellow Virginians will see this game of dirty pool for exactly what it is.
"Phony scandals"? Why, yes, we would say so.
*ASP= "American Statist Progressive(s)"

Friday, July 26, 2013


We should have known we would be writing again on the subject of the trial of George Zimmerman in the - it has been established by verdict of a jury - justifiable homicide of teenage thug Trayvon Martin. However, an incident has arisen that rises above all of the predictable and banal stupidity that swirls around this verdict and takes its place among some of the most spectacularly idiotic and dangerous things to be said about that verdict to date.
When I was in sixth grade, I had a teacher named Mrs. Hubler. She ridiculed the idea of a woman ever becoming President of the United States because, as she mockingly put it:
"Can you imagine a woman president negotiating with (Soviet) Premier Brezhnev? 'Oh, boo-hoo-hoo, Premier Brezhnev, you're so mean!' Women are just too emotional to be President." (Actual quote from Mrs. Hubler, Wayne Township Public Schools, circa 1965).
Comes now Juror B-29 (known as "Mandy") from the jury room of the Zimmerman murder trial, and this woman has me wondering if maybe Mrs. Hubler was right.
"Mandy" came forward and gave an interview to ABC, in which she said that "in (her) heart" she believed that Zimmerman was guilty of murder but that she was constrained by the fact that the evidence showed that Zimmerman did not violate Florida law. She then declared that Zimmerman "got away with murder". Then she said that the rest of the jury browbeat her into rendering a "not guilty" verdict.
Her statements were all over the place and it sounds to us like she is full of crap. In our opinion, she's trying at a minimum to call atttention to herself and at a maximum to cash in on her participation in this ado.  Well, if "Mandy" wants some ink, she should get herself a tattoo.
Predictably, "Mandy"'s pronouncements have sparked an "AH HAH!" reaction among the followers of scumbags Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson. A guest on one of Sharpton's programs excoriated "Mandy" saying that if she had a feeling in her heart, she should have gone with that and not the evidence. This is an extremely dangerous attitude. Justice is not the satisfaction of gut feelings and emotion. Justice is law, evidence, and process.
Here's what we here at the Alexandria DailyPoop think should be done: Put all these female jurors in a wading pool full of Jello, let them have a cat-fight, put it on pay-per-view, and use the proceeds to help retire the national debt. Why not? Nearly everyone involved even peripherially with this matter has been to some degree trying to make hay from it, and things are getting more and more ridiculous. Why not just cut to the chase?


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