Those zany homicidal lunatic socio-psychopaths who run the upper half of the Korean Peninsula are at it again. For some reason or another, the latest Kim to lead North Korea has seen fit to threaten the United States with nuclear attack.
The Alexandria Daily Poop has an Official Message to North Korean Dictator Kim Jong Un (or whatever, his family name is Kim. He comes from a long line of lunatics.)
You pissant. Are you STONE COLD FUCK NUTS?? Threatening the United States of America with NUCLEAR WEAPONS? (Which, by the way, you don't have; at least not very powerful ones. Estimated yields of your "underground tests" are not even at Hiroshima levels. What you got there, Kim, is not a "nuclear bomb". More like a "nuclear fart".)
Now, looky here, Mister Kim. This here United States of America is the most powerful nation on the planet. No brag, just fact: WE OWN THE EARTH. Nothing happens on the face of the globe unless the United States of America either underwrites it or allows it. We have the power and the prowess to conquer and enslave the entire world. Oh, don't you wish you could say the same!!
Of course, you can't. And try and wrap your head around this truth, Kim: WE DO NOT ENSLAVE THE GLOBE BECAUSE WE ARE THE GUARDIANS OF FREEDOM AND LIBERTY. WHY THE FUCK DO YOU THINK THAT NOBODY WANTS TO MOVE TO NORTH KOREA, BUT EVERYBODY WANTS TO COME TO AMERICA?? MOSTLY THEY WANT TO COME HERE TO GET AWAY FROM ASSHOLES LIKE YOU, YOU PRICK.
Now, Mr. Kim we have thoroughly insulted and disparaged you in this letter. We have done so because your behavior warrants it. Freedom is precious. I can say, right here without any fear of punishment, that Barack Hussein Obama is a piece of shit and should be removed from power. Nobody can do a damn thing about it except disagree with what I say. In fact, I personally think Obama ought to be arrested for TREASON.
See? I have just put out on the global internet, on a blog using my own real legal name, my opinion that the current (alleged) "president" of the United States is a traitor. And I need fear no secret policeman knocking on my door at two o'clock AM. What might happen to a Korean who called YOU a traitor, Mr. Kim?
Instead of showcasing the military might and power of North Korea, Mr. Kim; instead of using threats to get handouts, you could instead decide to show the world what your free people can do. Maybe you ought to think about how you would feel if you knew that the adoring crowds praising your name were doing so because they actually appreciated you and were not being forced to make nice at gunpoint.
Well, Mr. Kim, you do as you please. If you want to keep on with your nation being the absolute worst dictatorship on the planet, these United States will respect your right to reduce your common citizens to eating tree bark and to imprison those who bitch about it in conditions that would make Dachau and Mauthausen look like Club Med. Oh, and I personally am obligated to warn you, Sir: THERE IS A GOD, AND THERE IS A HELL. GOD DOES NOT WANT YOU TO WIND UP IN HELL, BUT YOU ARE WALKING RIGHT DOWN INTO IT. You best turn around.
Doesn't it make sense to you to unleash the productivity of your people? And why does freedom frighten you so? I can give Obama "the finger" in public, and he cannot do a damned thing about it. Mister Kim, North Korea has much in natural resources and much advantage as concerns the various talents and capabilities of her people.
Yet you - as did your father and your grandfather - squander all this potential and use it as wherewithal to heap the altar of your personal glory.
Mister Kim, the choice is yours, and it is three fold: You might just continue on and starve your own people so that you might sit and stuff your face with goodies. Alternately, you might just decide to become "Kim the Liberator" and guide North Korea to freedom and prosperity.
Or in the third case you could wind up provoking the United States to doing away with you and your nation. I will repeat my opening question: ARE YOU STONE-COLD FUCK NUTS? Just ONE B-52 bomber OR just ONE "Ohio Class" ballistic missile submarine has enough firepower to exterminate your entire nation several times over. And what's ironic is that most people under your rule would actually welcome being incinerated quickly to being forced to live another day under your regime.
So, Mr. Kim, the choice is yours:
(1) remain a pissant dictator and die and face God, and find out what God thinks of pissant dictators like you (oh, and I know you don't believe in God. Don't worry, Mr. Kim. You will.)
(2) Do a 180 and free your people and lead them to prosperity. Come now, don't you think it would be great to have people cheering you because they were actually grateful for your leadership, as opposed to being fearful of being punished if they didn't cheer? Then of couse we have option...
(3) Just try even faking an overt nuclear attack on the United States (or anyone else). Before you try this, you ought to just take a pistol and blow out your brains.
So there are your choices, Mr. Kim. Which would you rather be? Pissant, Liberator or corpse?
Your choice, Chuckles.