Sunday, March 3, 2013


Aren't you sick and tired of watching a bunch of people thrown together in a situation wherein mutual cooperation is needed for survival - and then are slathered with motives to betray and shaft each other for a prize?
Do you really enjoy watching a bunch of lard-ass waddlers trying to lose the most weight for a prize? Hells bells, people. If you really are entertained by a watching a bunch of fat pigs trying to sweat off the weight, go over to the YMCA and see if you can't get them to build an observation lounge over the excersize room (the membership "fitness clubs" and gyms only have people who aare already fit. You need to go to the Y to see the real sweathogs torture themselves).
"AMERICAN IDOL"???!!! GOOD LORD. That and its ilk have week upon week of excruciatingly awful and lame "acts" before someone who possibly has some real talent emerges. For the most part you could be treated to screeching, yowling, and acrobatics just by dabbing some turpentine on the family cat's asshole and watching it tear all over the house. And this with no commercial interruption!
Why do people like to watch a bunch of people engaging in office politics while they brown-nose the boss? And this applies equally to "The Apprentice" and "The Office" (and speaking of "The Office": who gives a fuck about Scranton, Pennsylvania? Scranton gave us Joe Biden. Thanks a pantload, Scranton). Don't you people get enough "office reality" AT THE OFFICE ALREADY??
Really, it's time to bring back the good, old-fashioned variety show. The hell with "America's Idols Got Talent". Screw watching a bunch of weight watchers watching their lard. Have some host present a show full of real talent from around the world. It's been done. It was called the "Ed Sullivan Show". 
You name it, it might be on Ed's show any given Sunday night. Mom and Dad might want to watch for Robert Preston singing a scene from "The Music Man" while the kids waited for, oh, say THE BEATLES. And in between, acts nobody ever heard of that were fascinating. Maybe a Mongolian "throat singer" or a troupe of acrobats from Burma.  Perhaps violinist Isaac Stern or flamenco guitarist Carlos Montoya; Spanish puppeteer Senor Wences. George Carlin took a turn or two on Sullivan's show. So did Jonathon Winters, the master comedian from my hometown of Dayton, Ohio.
There are great sitcoms and dramas still out there, too. "Big Bang Theory" is hi-freaking-larious (I'd like to see them improve it by having Clint Eastwood play a retired detective recalled to the cold-case squad move in down the hall: his interactions with particularly Sheldon would be a riot); and "Criminal Minds" is a great crime drama.
Doesn't that sound better than watching a bunch of people stab each other in the back, sing off-key, or jiggle their man-tits doing jumping jacks?  Get a pen and some paper and write the networks; and demand some entertainment in exchange for your watching the damn stupid commercials.
Or, we suppose you could save on electricity by turpentining your cat. Your call.

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