HELLO, DEUTCHLAND!

As far as I can tell from my stats, most of my readers come from the United States, Russia, and Germany in that order. Wow. All three of us have pummeled each other in the last century.

 

 

Now my Russian fans outnumber my German fans. And yes, my balalaika-strumming amigos, I am aware of the horrors inflicted upon Russia by Germany. But Germany had been overtaken by criminals then. It is as if a gang of burglars had taken over a home and convinced them at gunpoint to rob the neighbors. I do not approve of what Adolf Hitler did (duh) and you Russians paid the most in terms of people killed in the effort to end the "Third Reich".

 

 

However, most of the present population of Germany was not even born in that hideous time. The sin of the father cannot be visited upon his son.

 

 

I am addressing this post to my German readers because I find it awesome that the English language in which this post is written is mainly based on German. English is at its root just German with greatly simplified grammar. "Mit mir" in German translates to "With me" in English. "Komme" in German means "come" in English.

 

More to the point, during the American Revolution the foriegn national most known for helping us drive out the British was French nobleman the Marquis de Lafayette. But the troops he commanded with George Washington at Yorktown had been taught military discipline by one Baron Von Steuben ... of Germany.

 

 

I just want to tell you guys in Germany that I appreciate your role in the language and formation of my nation, and I forgive you for all  the fucking Hessian mercenaries you guys sent over here at the behest of King George III. During World War I and World War II, the chief reason Germany was defeated was because the United States entered the war. And what was the name of the American general who oversaw the invasion of France?

 

 

EISENHOWER. And if that ain't a German name, I'm a freaking alien from Mars. The only thing that beats a German general is another German general. If you guys hadn't been occupied with trying to take down Russia, you might have won the war. But maybe not. Eisenhower might have had different ideas.

 

But guys? We won and you lost. And yet, did we "occupy" you? Well, for a short time we had to. But we also kept Berlin fed when the Communists tried to starve you into submission. Are you under our heel? No. And you in Germany are the last hope of the European Union. 

And your food and drink! German beer is the benchmark worldwide. Beer is such a simple thing, but I'm telling you, give me a bottle of Celebrator doppplebock over a glass of the finest Champaigne, every time.

Here in America there is a German-based goodie I am very fond of. It's called "ring pudding" and it's made of pork liver, snouts, and "trimmings" cooked with spices and lard and made into a sausage of sorts. It used to be available here in the DC area, but now I mostly have to travel to the Midwest to get it. The best version I know of is made in Cincinnatti, Ohio. You can slice the stuff up cold and serve it as a sandwich or on crackers or heat it up and get a spread that is superior to French pate'.

Deutchland, you stand out among all the other cultures that make up the American ethic. Here in America, we have combined German principles with a concept of every person being a sovereign individual. I understand that a lot of you Germans don't understand why so many of us Americans carry firearms or why we think of this as a God-given right. The reason is that here in America, we know that government is force, and if the People are the government, then they must be armed. Surely you understand -  given the Treaty of Versailles - that to surrender your weapon is to submit and be subjugated. That is the crux of the debate over firearms that you are seeing unfold here.

And the United States is a Republic in constant tumult. But this tumult revolves around a constant center, and that center is composed of the values obtained from two sources: English law and German cultural ethics.

So don't feel under-appreciated, my German freinds. I am proud that almost a quarter of my readership is from Deutchland. I'd love to visit Germany someday, but I can see bits and pieces of it anywhere I go in these United States. And I am glad to see so many of you reading this blog. Thanks.