EAT IT, IT'S GOOD FOR YOU. NO! WAIT! STAY AWAY FROM IT, YOU COULD GET CANCER!

Here we go again with yet another food that was either denounced as being "bad for you" being suddenly discovered to be actually okay to eat or even "good for you" (like the incredible edible egg and coffee); or else having been touted for years as the way to a healthy heart being discovered to also be possibly the way to an early grave.

 

Such is the case today with "omega 3 fatty acids" AKA "fish oil". Supposedly beneficial in reducing "bad cholesterol" and other things, it is now being pointed to with alarm by dieticians and medical science as a possible cause of an aggressive form of prostate cancer.

 

Frankly, and we are not a doctor, we advocate eating what you like and using some FUCKING COMMON SENSE about it. We held the position of bicycle courier for a solid year back in the early 90s, and found that our body would absolutely lust for spaghetti and marinara sauce when we needed carbs for energy, and some meat or rice and beans when we needed protien for stamina. And we've always eaten salad as a last course because we know that a wad of fiber ought to follow what's in the plumbing rather than precede it.

 

You need fat and salt in your diet. Fat is what carries vitamins to their destinations, much as a truck carries building materials to a construction site.

 

Why in Sam Hill does eating have to be so rigorous and punitive? I remember Ann Landers telling parents that it was okay for teens to eat all the pizza they want, as long as "they have a salad with it".  And I have always suspected that the salad was less for "fiber and nutrition" than it was needed to supply a punishment for the pleasure of the pizza (this was in the day when most places served boring iceberg-lettuce-and-tomato-wedge salads).

 

So now what was formerly good for your heart can be bad for your dick. Screw it, if I a want to eat mackerel sushi or salmon I'm fucking eating it. You want to hire some Torquemada wannabe as your personal chef? Go right ahead.  As Shel Silverstein observed, you're still gonna die. And to paraphrase Chuck Anesi (chcck his web page, it's priceless!), if you could be made immortal by eating a diet of nothing but raw dog turds for all eternity, would you do it?

 

Oh, and about that prostate cancer business. Busy hands are happy hands, and a busy prostate is a happy prostate. Jerk that bad boy off at least once a day (and twice on Sunday) to keep both hands and prostate busy and happy. There's a reason that spinsters and lesbians have higher rates of breast and reproductive organ cancer than do active straight women. Be it your heart or your hydraulics, that thang needs its exercise. Grab that oar and stroke, stroke, stroke,