AN OPEN LETTER TO CAINE SMITH

Dear Caine:

I was watching TV today while I waited for a severe bout of indigestion to subside so I could go out to work the street without suddenly having to vomit or take a dump. During this time I watched the "anti-bullying" public service ad featuring you at least ten times in the course of two hours. 

That ad is at least two years old now, so I guess you are maybe 13 or 14 now. But I bet you are still the darling you were when the ad was shot. Caine, if this world were full of such beautiful souls as you, it would be a better place. But (as you well know) this is not the case. 

This world is full of assholes. There was an asshole named Adolf Hitler who started a global conflagration that included murder factories. My father fought against that asshole, and we won. The only language an asshole understands is brute, violent force. I understand that you don't want to hurt anyone else. But if you want to have good days "where people leave their hands off (you)", then you need to be able to teach them that it's a good idea for them to keep their mitts to themselves. To this end, allow me to recommend a martial arts discipline that would suit your gentle nature ideally. 

I think aikido would be the best thing for you. Look up some videos of aikido techniques on YouTube. There are plenty of examples of some frail old breezer being attacked by two or three guys who wind up flying through the air. It's not like the old man is scary strong. He isn't. He uses the attackers' strength against them, bending their joints in ways they are not designed to go until they have to somersault over themselves to end the pain. And the whole philosophy of aikido is conflict resolution, as peacefully as possible. Join a dojo, listen to your sensei, and find the path to peace. 

As to those boys who call you "gay"; they probably wish you were. I bet 99 out of 100 boys who call you gay want to make out with you. But they won't admit it to themselves because they hate themselves for having those feelings. Yes, I know that's sick. But unfortunately that's also the way it is; and there's nothing to be done about it. Sometimes reality sucks, and all anyone can do is grin and bear it. 

I don't care if you're gay, straight, or bi, Caine. There's somebody out there for you, and I hope you find each other and some happiness. But Little Brother, you need to learn how to stand up to the fucking bullies. Bullies have been around since there were people, and the idea that they can be eliminated is a delusion. Running and hiding behind a teacher or a parent or a group of friends is no solution. Caine, you need to teach those assholes to keep their hands off of you. And nobody but you can do that. Peace to you, Little Brother.