AMERICAN HIKERS SENTENCED TO PRISON IN IRAN

,WE HERE AT THE ALEXANDRIA DAILY POOP HAVE LONG FEARED THE WORST FOR THE AMERICANS IMPRISONED IN IRAN FOR ALLEGEDLY CROSSING THE BORDER INTO THAT BENIGHTED NATION FROM WHAT THEY BELIEVED TO BE IRAQI KURDISTAN. LAST MONTH, HOPE WAS HELD OUT THAT THEY WOULD BE FREED AS AN ACT OF MERCY DURING THE ISLAMIC "HOLY MONTH" OF RAMADAN. HO, ho ho.

The folks in charge of Iran right now are religious nutballs who are quite as virulent - if not more so than - the "God hates Fags" assholes of our own Westboro Baptist "Church". But unlike the WBC, the Iranian mullahs are in complete control of that country. WBC leader Fred Phelps would approve of every aspect of what they do over there except for the fact that they don't accept Jesus as Lord and Savior (but then, Fred doesn't accept Him as such, either. To the Phelps clan, Jesus is a hater out to destroy everything they hate, and everything they hate has its origins in homosexuality; which the Iranian clergy also hates [although we suspect that in the case of the mullahs, it is because they don't want competition for the favors of pubescent boys. But we digress...])

From what we here at the ADP know, these hikers were a bunch of open-borders, peace-and-love, rainbow-and-unicorn shitheads who thought they could go hiking in the disputed border region between Iraqi Kurdistan and Iran and not run into any trouble as long as they obeyed their GPS devices. Idiots.

As far as GPS devices go, there are people who have taken right turns into ravines because their GPS device told them to turn right. These idiots were in a border region subject to Kurdish patrols and Iranian interlopers. To hell with the GPS, if I were stupid enough to go out for a lark in one of the most dangerous regions on the planet, I'd damn well stay well south of Kirkuk.

I bet every last one of these lame-brains voted for "president" Obama. I hope they know that he isn't in any position to save them, and he wouldn't try to if he could. The mullahs know Obama is weak and ineffectual. Ronald Reagan and even either of the Bushes would have them out of there tout le suite. Just having a couple of F-14s breaking the sound barrier 500 feet over Tehran would probably do the trick; but our one-ball "president" doesn't have the gumption for it.

However much I may deride these hikers for their callowness and cluelessness; and however much I may disdain their toddler-like worldview; they are AMERICAN CITIZENS. And that and only that is why they are now facing years in an Iranian hell-hole prison. ( IF these fools survive their incarceration, I want them put on an American prison review board. I wonder what they would say to an inmate who complained to them that the jail didn't put enough mayo on his turkey sandwich after they had spent a few years sipping chicken-butt tea with stale rice.)

The plight of these hikers illustrates vividly why we here in the USA tolerate Israel having nuclear weapons and will do just about anything to deny them to Iran. These mullahs are insane. Although their every official act, be it the slaughter of a sheep or the beheading of a criminal, begins with the intonement: "In the name of God, the Merciful, the Compassionate"; they themselves are completely lacking in either.

Don't just take our word for it, though. Ask those poor idiots, IF they live through their imprisonment and return home. Ask them if what they experienced was "mercy" and "compassion" from the sociopathic vermin who today sentenced them to hell on earth.

(We bet these fools find a way to say yes and blame their suffering on George Bush.)

THE RAPTURE MAY BE TOMORROW AFTER ALL

IN A PREVIOUS POST WE VOICED SKEPTICISM OF EVANGELIST HAROLD CAMPING'S PREDICTION OF A GLOBAL EARTHQUAKE AND OTHER HORRORS TO ACCOMPANY THE RAPTURE OF CHRISTIANS TOMORROW. HOWEVER, RECENT EVENTS INDICATE CAMPING MAY BE RIGHT AT LEAST ABOUT THE RAPTURE.

Two days ago, "Palestinians" attempted a mass march across Israel's borders from four sides.

Yesterday "President" Obama basically threw Israel under the bus in his middle-east policy speech, directed at the Moslem world. If somebody doesn't stop this jug-eared Communist nincompoop, things are going to get really bad.

But The Alexandria Daily Poop has some semi-good news for all you non-Christians out there: There won't be any earthquake. A whole bunch of missing persons, maybe. But no big worldwide earthquake.

Instead, IF tomorrow is the day all the Christians are taken out of the world; then that will mark the start of a time that will see a one-world government, a phony brokered peace between the Jews and the Moslems, and which will culminate in the great final battle of Armageddon.t Events leading up to this battle will include the Antichrist, mark of 666 and all the rest of it.

As I said, it's semi-good news for you all. The bad news is, you will be stuck here, and if you don't follow the Antichrist you will die horribly; and if you do you will be damned.

We also don't think the Rapture will even be exactly tomorrow. Our opinion is "no man knows the day or hour", but right now it looks to us as if the situation is that of a very pregnant woman Nobody knows the exact day or hour the baby will be born, either. But the signs are unmistakable that the due date is very near indeed. Very very near.

ISLAM EXPLAINED

WE AT THE ALEXANDRIA DAILY POOP HAVE NOT ADDRESSED THE TERRORIST MASSACRE AT FT. HOOD, KILLEEN, TEXAS because we believe suffficient has been written and said by persons closer to the investigation than we are. However many people do not realize that the globe is caught up in a famly feud that makes the Hatfields and McCoys look like an episode of "Everybody Loves Raymond". Here is how the whole shebang we are in now got started:

ONCE UPON A TIME ABOUT 4,000 YEARS AGO there was a man named Abraham who married a woman named Sarah. Christians, Jews, and Moslems claim Abraham as the founder of their respective Faiths. Well, Abraham and Sarah were married for years and no luck with kids. So Sarah gave Abraham permission to ssleep with her maid so that he might have an heir. Abraham did so, and the maid, Hagar, gave birth to a little boy named Ishmael.

BUT SARAH BECAME JEALOUS OF HAGAR and threw her and the boy out of the house after smacking Hagar around. Now God, it is believed, had promised Abraham that He, God, would "Make of" Abraham "a great multitude". He also gave this promise to Ishmael. Anyway Sarah then herself became prefgnant by Abraham and bore him a son named Isaac. Then Sarah let Haagar come back into the house. They never really got along after that, though......

AND SO IT WAS THAT ISSAC BECAME THE FATHER OF JOSEPH, THE PATRIARCH OF ISRAEL AND THE JEWS, from whom would come Jesus and Christianity. Ishmael became the patriarch of the nomadic Arab tribes, who went about worshipping various versions of the Sumerian gods Baal and Molech.

FAST FORWARD TWO THOUSAND FIVE HUNDRED YEARS OR SO. An Arab named Mohammed had a desire to unite all the Arab people, who fought each other over who had the best Baal and/or who Baal liked best; as well as over pastures and wells and just about anything else they could think of. Now Mohammed was nothing if not observant; and he observed that the Jews and the Christians seemed to have their acts pretty much together. And he divined that the concept of one God meant a few hundred less gods to fight about.

AND SO MOHAMMED HAD A MASTER STROKE OF INSPIRATION. He picked and chose verses from the Jewish and Christian Scriptures and mixed in some uniquely Arab viewpoints to make the whole thing go down well with Arabs; and created a religious text called the Koran, which he peddled as having been divinely revealed to he, Mohammed. In another masterpiece of political acumen, he had the various tribes deposit their idols to be "imprisioned" in the Kaaba Stone in Mecca. That way they could still be kinda-sorta bowing to the old gods when they faced Mecca to pray. (We bet you didn't know what was inside that big thing, did you??) For stubborn folks, there was the famous "conversion by the sword".

HOWEVER ISLAM'S BIGGEST APPEAL TO THE ARABS WAS AN APPEAL OF GROUP VICTIMHOOD. Ishmael, said Mohammed, was Abraham's Firstborn Son and Issaac had stolen the Blessings of God that passed through Abraham, and so you see no wonder the Jews and Christians were doing so well while the Arabs wandered the desert. The lousy Jews stole the Arab birthright to rule the planet. The whole business got out of hand rather quickly. Things got rather bloody in a lot of places, and cracks were developing in Islam itself.

THEN, WITHOUT HAVING BOTHERED TO NAME HIS SUCCESSOR AS HEAD OF ISLAM ON EARTH NOR TO DESIGNATE A PROCESS FOR CHOOSING ONE, MOHAMMAD DIED. This split Islam into two warrring camps: The Shia who believe the leader must be a descendant of Mohammed; and the Sunni who believe he should be chosen by the Imams. And these two split up into various sects. And the sons of Ishmael continue to fight the sons of Issaac (when they are not fighting each other) to this day.

NOW THIS WOULD NOT AMOUNT TO MUCH MORE THAN YOUR AVERAGE FAMILY FIGHT OVER WHO GETS GRANDPA'S HOUSE AND CAR except that this whole mess happens to have been plopped down on top of the largest deposits of energy reserves on the planet. Now the whole world has been dragged into this deadly family feud, and the dangers and consequenses are enourmous.

ALL THIS, because 4,000 years ago a married man named Abraham slept with a woman other than his wife. It is a real corker, isn't it??