POLICE LIVES MATTER

The lives of the two police officers slain recently in a NYC ambush certainly mattered much more than the dead punks that the angry mobs were out chanting demands for "dead cops" in the name of.

 

If those idiots want to avoid being killed by the police, well, here's a helpful hint: DO WHAT THE COP SAYS WHEN HE SAYS TO DO IT and you'll be just fine. 

 

In my life I have had hundreds, even thousands of encounters with the police. These range from "Hello, Officer, nice day, isn't it?" to "Sir, I stopped you because your taillights are out" on through speeding citations, even up to and including - while I was defending myself against a violent assailant - having a cop pull up, get out of his car, draw his Glock and point it at me, and order me to the ground. 

 

In not one of these encounters have I EVER been killed by the police. Not even once. 

 

Now all you morons stop chanting in the streets and do something to make your lives matter. Getting a job comes to mind.  

WELL, HELL. MERRY CHRISTMAS ANYHOW

Gentle readers, I had so hoped to offer - as is usually the case - free copies of my most recent novel to all for Christmas.

Alas, the folks at Kindle seem to be grinches. They no longer allow free promotions, just something they call a "countdown deal".

For a countdown deal to be in effect, the book has to be priced higher than the $1.99 I have been charging for my works.

 

Well, I went and re-priced all my stuff at $7.95 per book. (Which is what a friend who is a professional marketer told me to do a year ago. She said "People don't want to buy a cheap book" blah blah "I know you just want to get your stuff out but..." blah blah blah.

 

Well, all my stuff is now "priced to sell" at more than three times the original price. They are still great stories and make great presents. (Plus I make $5.60 off each sale instead of seventy measly cents).

 

Still, I am disappointed I could not get "A Piper for Danny" out for a free promotion this year.

 

Watch for the upcoming novel "The Resurrection of Sergeant O'Bannon" around (blasphemous? I hope not.) Easter.

A CHRISTMAS STORY TO WARM YOUR HEART (Really)

Gentle Readers, we here at the Alexandria Daily Poop have decided to avoid burdening you further with all the irritating, frustrating, infuriating horrifying sickening things that are going on, at least for today. Instead we present you with a true (well, maybe embellished a little, but mostly true) holiday story that really happened to our Beloved Editor, F. Allen Norman, Jr. Here 'tis, and MERRY CHRISTMAS!

 

 

OWEN'S REDEMPTION

 

 

BY F. ALLEN NORMAN, JR.

 

 

It was Thanksgiving a few years back, I'm thinking probably 2006; and I had spent all night the past night and most of the morning taking people to the airports and other transportation hubs. Myself, I couldn't make it back home that year, so I sought out a place that didn't require reservations and served a banquet with a real turkey. I found one at a corner of northern Old Town Alexandria. I was into my second helping of turkey and fixin's when a family came in and got seated.

 

One member of the family was a rather rambunctious little lad of about 5 or 6. His mother kept telling him not to run in the restaurant, but he kept it up. The whole scene was making many of the diners a bit uncomfortable, me in part because I thought the kid was going to run headfirst into a table corner or otherwise hurt himself.

 

Finally I stood up, dressed in my best suit. I addressed the boy's mother: "Madam, if I may, I'd like to have a word with your son" I said.

 

"Who are you?" she asked quizzically.

 

"I am Inspector Allen. I'm with the North Pole Police" I replied, looking dead serious.

 

The mother and everyone in the restaurant caught right on and gasped. "Owen!' the mother said, 'Look! It's an elf!"

 

Little Owen was awed at how suddenly things had gotten very quiet, and how he was suddenly the center of everyone's attention ... especially this big man who (he thought) was one of Santa's secret police. "Owen' I began, 'Do you know how Santa knows if you've been bad or good?"

 

Owen just bit his lip and fidgeted.

 

"Well, Owen, he has his own police force. They might be taxi drivers like me and they might even be the ice cream man in the summer. But we all take notes, and mommies and daddies write to us, too. Now today, just now, I watched you not minding your mom. Owen, let me tell you something."

 

Owen's eyes began tearing up as I continued: "Now, Owen, Santa knows little boys are going to want to rip and tear and run around. In fact, if little boys didn't like to rip and tear, Santa would be worried. And if you had gotten yourself hurt today, it would have ruined everyone's Thanksgiving; and it would have made Santa very sad. Santa doesn't want little boys to get hurt. That's why you should always listen to your mother when she tells you to sit still."

 

 

The kid was on the verge of a full-bore cry as if he were anticipating a whipping. So just before the waterworks began in earnest, I softened my voice and said: "Owen, are you crying because you think I'm going to tell Santa you were bad today?"

 

He sniffled, choked back a sob, and nodded.

 

I gave him a thoughtful look. "Okay, Owen, let me tell you what I'm going to do. Now, you're a little kid because you need to learn stuff, right?"

 

The boy nodded.

 

"All right, that's right. Learning is what little boys are supposed to do. Now, since I told you why you should mind your mom, did you learn anything?"

 

Looking bewildered about where I was going with this, Owen nodded again.

 

"Well, then, if you are supposed to learn, and learning is what you did today, then you did what you are supposed to do. and doing what you're supposed to do is being good"

 

As Owen's eyes began to clear, I pulled out a pocket New Testament, pretending it was my policeman's notebook. "So', I announced, 'I'm going to write in my report that Owen was GOOD on Thanksgiving!"

 

I have never seen such a reversal of despair into joy. "THANK YOU! THANK YOU!" he exulted. I told him to remember what he had learned, and returned to my table to a standing ovation from the other adults in the dining room.

 

I don't know whatever became of young Owen, who is probably 13 or 14 right now. But when I think of Owen's reaction when he realized he had been forgiven, I think of what thankfulness we should all feel as we celebrate the birth of our true Savior this season. Owen's redemption should reflect our own.

 

THE END

 

 

AND

 

A VERY

 

MERRY CHRISTMAS

 

TO ALL!!

DEAR UNITED STATES SECRET SERVICE AGENTS AND OFFICERS

We have several times here expressed our hope that you will be able to prevent the firestorm of racial unrest that will almost certainly result should anything happen to the Current Resident of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Northwest.

 

It seems to me that you all were doing a fine job until that bitch of a director was appointed to watch over you and supervise you like a pack of 6th graders.  The other day she said she takes "FULL RESPONSIBILITY" for that nut who got into the White House and ran nuts until one of you - who wasn't even on the clock - stopped him.  IF SHE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS DEBACLE WHICH COULD HAVE IGNITED RACE RIOTS IN EVERY CITY IN THE COUNTRY THEN GODDAMMIT SHE SHOULD FUCKING WELL RESIGN!!!!!

 

If as has been reported the intruder alert was muted at the request of the White House Usher's Office, it was doubtless done either on her orders or because one of you beleaguered SS people feared being reported to Ms. Ballbuster.

 

Do us a favor, guys. The minute the bitch is gone, turn up that intruder alert loud as a bastard and then test it daily at noon.

 

And the next time somebody pulls that crap of jumping the fence, let the dogs take a few bites. God knows they've earned it, and so have you.

 

 

A TRULY TERRIFYING THOUGHT ABOUT EBOLA AND THE LEFT

We do not wish to alarm anyone, but the diagnosis of a person with the Ebola virus in the Continental United States could be a dream come true for the Ward Churchill faction of the American left.

 

The thinking of this particular group of deranged loons goes like this: Ebola is a disease that kills poor African black folks, so "Big Pharma" doesn't care about it. But if it started hitting the evil white folks in America, research would be put into overdrive to find a vaccine or a cure.

 

Seriously, that's how these nuts think. And one of them may be a Texas health worker who may decide to let one of the contacts this Ebola patient had contact with slip the dragnet and go out and start an outbreak in this country.

 

We are not saying it's happening.  But it is possible. Horrifyingly possible.

 

Beware.

 



ON THE REIGNATION OF ATTORNEY GENERAL ERIC HOLDER

GENTLE READERS, we here at the Alexandria Daily Poop see by the spike in pageviews that you have been curious to see what we have to say about the resignation of the most corrupt, lawless, and partisan Attorney General in this Republic's history.

 

Our first reaction of course was: Hallelujah, it's about fucking time. But after that settled, we said: Wait one damn minute.

 

While it is good that Obama's main henchman - his consiglieri so to speak - will soon be gone, he is staying on until a suitable replacement can be snuck past the Senate. As always with this gang of criminals, there's something rotten afoot. Do remember to vote next month.

GENERAL UPDATE

WE HAVE BEEN QUITE BUSY WORKING FOR A LIVING and since we don't have the luxury of time for either golf or blogging, (and since we STILL haven't found a suitable laptop at a decent price and have to sit here in the library) we haven't posted in quite some time.

 

Honestly, Gentle Readers, we are grateful that a small corps of you hang on and check up on us from time to time. We know that many of you - including some folks in Ukraine - have been checking in to see what we might have to say about this situation or that. And so much has been happening that it's difficult to keep track of it all.

 

But from Ukraine to the ISIS savagery and around the world, the bad guys are on the move, and they are taking advantage of the fact that we Americans were fools enough to choose an ineffectual bumbling twit who would rather play at golf than face and deal with the real problems facing America and the world.

 

It's not as if we here at the Alexandria Daily Poop didn't try and stop it. We vote like hell in every election. And we will do that again in two months, and try to take the quack out of this lame duck. America is not dead, friends. Not even with President Ebola in the White House.

THE SUBSTITUTE FOR VICTORY

The Current Resident of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue Northwest, Barack Hussein Obama, seems to be emulating the alchemists of old, those forerunners of legitimate scientists who tried to find a way to turn lead into gold.

 

Mr. Obama seems to be trying to win a war without having a victory. To patriotically help the Current Resident out, we now present to you the only known substitute for victory:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

.

You are welcome, Mr. Obama.

GENERAL UPDATE

WE ARE still without a computer and trying to keep this electronic fishwrap operating. It's tough to find the time and even harder writing about Obama and the rest of those dirty rats without a nice cold quart of beer handy. First off, we need to point out that we have corrected our previous post to note that King Agag was killed not at Jericho but during the Amelikite Campaign. It was Joshua, not Saul what fit de battle o' Jericho, and Jericho was hundreds of years before the Amelikite campaign.

Now for a few tidbits:

THAT NUTBALL IN CALIFORNIA

Yes, gentle readers, we must discuss this a bit. We think that this kid wasn't really nuts so much as he was full of himself, a trait that is usually tempered by sound parenting but gets out of control fast. We don't know if he "heard voices" but we doubt he would heed them if he did, since he saw himself as equivalent to God Almighty. Right now we don't have any specific solutions as to what to do when one suspects someone may be this kind of what we call a "Satanic personality", but perhaps a three week hold and an interview with law enforcement could be imposed for anyone who within the last three years has been charged with and/or convicted of violent misdemeanors such as assault, battery, threats, etc; and/or if any mental health professional has within the past five years indicated grave misgivings about someone whom there was still not enough cause to involuntarily commit; prior to such a person being able to purchase a firearm.

 

We understand the aggrieved father of one of the victims venting at a "hate the evil guns" rally, but GUNS ARE NOT THE PROBLEM AND NEITHER IS "EASY ACCESS" TO THEM. The father mentioned that he wanted to go back and live "like we did in the 50s". Well, back in the 1950s and into the early 60s, you could order a Colt .45 revolver or an M1 carbine out of the Sears catalogue and have it sent COD right to your door parcel post.  Those were the days.

 

As we have pointed out here before, if easy access to large quantities of firearms is to blame for all the killing, then WHY IS IT YOU NEVER HEAR ABOUT A MASS SHOOTING AT A GUN SHOW?? It would be ridiculously easy to do (in theory): just get some magazines for an AK-47 or an M-16 or what have you and carry those plus a pair of wire cutters and the mags into the gun show, where you will find dozens of weapons that will accept your magazines and ammo, right out in the open and secured to the display tables only by a thin easy-to-cut cable. Snip it, grab the gun, slam in a mag...

 

And you will likely resemble bloody Swiss cheese before you even get a round off. Want to be free of mass shootings? Then put a 24-hour gun show in the lobby of every theater and the main entrance of every school. Easily available firearms are a MUST for good public safety. And that's the name of that tune.

BENGHAZI IS NOT A TV BRAIN SURGEON FROM THE 1950S

"Surely the bitterness of death is past" - King Agag of  the Amelikites moments before the prophet Samuel chopped him into dog food.

 

"What does any of it matter at this point?" - Then Secretary of State Hilary Rodham Clinton speaking before a Senate committee looking into why (among other things) our Consulate in Benghazi, Libya got NO ASSISTANCE even though (1) the place was crawling with Al-Qaeda, (2) the Ambassador had been begging for more protection for weeks on end, making it plain he had feared an attack, and perhaps most important (3) it was the 11th anniversary of the terror attacks that we will all remember as long as we live.

 

 

The first quote above is taken from the Holy Bible. It is from the story of the campaign against Amelek found in the First Book of Samuel. King Agag was captured and appeared before Samuel thinking that the war was just "water over the bridge". It wasn't, and old Sam took a sword and "Hewed him into pieces before the LORD"

 

Such has been the Agag-like response by the Democrat Party's hacks to questions about Benghazi and all the other scandals. They keep trying to say that there's no there there and if there is, it's just old news.

 

We don't know about you, Gentle Readers; but we intend to vote in November with a very Samuel-like mind set. And no poop about it.

NEW POLICE NOVEL "A PIPER FOR DANNY" AVAILABLE ON KINDLE FREE DURING NATIONAL POLICE WEEK

AS IS my custom during the annual National Police Week event, I offer my newest police procedural for free on Kindle Direct Publishing.

 

This year the title is "A Piper For Danny". It is particularly suited to this occasion as "Danny" is a police officer who gives his life for his partner.

 

This free promotional offer is available to both law enforcement and the general public. This offer is made in memory of the men and women who have given their lives in the course of their duties in State, Federal and Local law enforcement. Please remember them and their families in your prayers.

Update Cont

Anyway, more update: (Tech problems)

NANCY PELOSI WASHES THE FEET OF ILLEGAL HISPANIC IMMIGRANTS OVWER EASTER HOLIDAY

YES, folks. She really did. Of course she tried to make it look like she was being all Christian and humble and all, but we know it was her way of prostraating herself before the Hispanic community so their legal relatives here will vote Democrat. Nancy would have kissed their asses in Macy's window if that would have possibly secured some more votes. Democrats is da claaaziest peeples!

PERIODIC ROUNDUP

Oh, so much piles up when we can't publish every day. Well, we'll try and sort it out and make iut interesting. But first, don't look here for comment about the Donald Sterling NBA kerfluffle. Here at the Alexandria Daily Poop we only have two questions about the whole deal. First, if Sterling was so damned averse to black folks, what da fugg was he doing owning a Bakkabaa team in the first place? AND second, my IQ is probably higher than his and his five closest relatives combined. Yet HE's got eight billion and I'm driving a freaking taxi?

Sheesh.

Anyway, on to the commentary.

OBAMA ADMINISTRATION CAUGHT IN BIG FAT FUCKING PACK OF LIES ABOUT BENGHAZI ATTACK

We told you, didn't we? Seems Judicial Watch has obtained via the Freedom of Information Act some real "smoking gun" E-mails detailing how the Obama people deliberately lied to improve Obama's chances of re-election. tune into CHris Plante, Rush, just about anybody this week to finde out more. We'd like to post more detail, but we're sitting here in th public library with limited time.

UPDATES AND STATUS REPORT TO OUR READERS

We had been wondering of late what direction to take this blog, since the utter unfitness for office of not only Obama but his henchpeople are now on stunning, jaw dropping display.

Our opportunity for meditating on this was occasioned by the frying of the motherboard on the HP Pavilion laptop we had been writing this on since the inception of this E-fishwrap. So until we get another computer we will be writing updates like this from our local public library.

WESTBORO BAPTIST CHURCH HEAD FRED PHELPS WAS A STAUNCH DEMOCRAT!!!!

That's right all you lefties and gay folks who hate Republicans and conservatives and think we are your enemy. Hate to tell you this, but your hero and environmental nutbar Al Gore's people were put up in Fred's OWN HOUSE during the 2000 Presidential campaign. 

Phelp's support of Gore was because of Gore's stance OPPOSING SAME SEX "MARRIAGE".

As in my last post, I caution you and all "minorities" to never trust the Democrats. They will use you for your votes and then throw you away like used toilet paper once you are of no more use to them.

THE WASHINGTON POST HAS GONE COMPLETELY GOOFY

When we learned that the Washington Post was being bought from the Graham family by the guy who owns Amazon, we knew there would be some changes, sort of like that new logo Cadillac is using. But no, this is no cosmetic change to the Post.

This past Sunday an article appeared on page one of the "Outlook" section. This article was titled "IS A LITTLE BIT OF (government) COORUPTION REALLY A BAD THING?"; and the article posited that much good has come from minor corruption. so perhaps we should just turn a blind eye. It ignored the fact that one thing is CERTAIN to come from "a little" corruption, and that's EVEN MORE AND DEEPER CORRUPTION. That, in fact, is WHY they call it "corruption" in the first damn place.

In the same section there was a review of a book about the disappearance of Michael Rockefeller in the jungles of Papaua, New Guinea where he was presumed to have been the guest of honor at a barbecue with him on the menu.

The writer of the review pointed out that these naked cannibals living in mud huts and worshipping - among other things - dildoes (no joke) (quote) were "far from primitive" because their language "has 17 tenses" and their superstitions were complex and had to be "balanced".

Thoroughly modern. Western civilizatiion seems primitive next to these noble cannibals.

Well, folks that's all the time I have right now. I'll be back soon with another roundup, and we hope to get this blog running on a near-daily basis soon. Until then, check back with us or follow us if you want to get the latest. And thanks for reading the Alexandria Daily Poop. 

DEMOCRAT HYPOCRACY WRIT LARGE IN ALEXANDRIA

The way the Left talks one thing and does another - blatantly - is on full display here in the City of Alexandria, Virginia.

The politicians on the City Council are on record deploring the lack of "affordable" (read: euphemism for low-rent) housing. Yet the move is on to tear out about 450 units of "affordable" housing and replace them with "luxury" condos and high-end shops. (Oh, yeah, and the developer will have to include some token number of Section 8 units, maybe 140 or so; but that's still less "affordable" housing for the low-income citizens, and many of these will be forced to move out of the City and perhaps out of Virginia altogether.

Maybe you "low-income" residents ought to re-think why you keep voting for Democrats who say they will fight for you at voting time but who then allow any developer with enough money and a promise of increased tax revenue to just throw your ass out on the street.

THE ENEMY WITHIN: THE PURVEYORS OF ANOMIE

(This article is part of an occaisonal series concerning the domestic enemies of the United States, its culture, its society, and its Constitution)

 

 

"Anomie" is a situation, posited by sociologist Emile Durkheim, wherein there is a complete lack of standards, ethos, or norms. In both an individual and a society the end result of anomie is self-destruction. And what else but anomie could be the goal of this recent effort to change the definitions of sex, sexuality, and marriage until none of the things an individual uses to define his or her basic identity has any meaning whatsoever?

 

 

The "Facebook" social networking site now has fifty-seven different (and mostly bizarre) definitions for "gender identity", or what we used to define as "are you a boy or a girl?". I could concievably list myself as a lesbian trapped in a male body, I suppose.

 

 

In California, voters are trying to set up a referendum on a new law that requires public school students to choose their own "gender identity"  and use the restroom, shower, and dressing facilities appropriate to that "gender".  This means that some 13-year-old boy needs merely to announce that he feels like a girl today in order to shower off from PE with the girls and get an eyeful.

 

Attempts at arguing common sense about these issues results in one being called a Neanderthal, a bigot, and/or a bully. This is because common sense is what must be dulled and numbed if these attempts to erase any moral center (which they don't say it, but the Left intends to replace the natural moral center and replace it with their own astringent humorless dogma) that exists, the better to tear down the existing culture and replace it with one where these Leftists control every aspect of the lives of thosse they view as worker ants.

 

Once the Left gains control, even its most ardent supporters will find out that the leadership only wanted to have power ceded to them. Facsist Italy, National Socilaist Germany, Bolshevik Russia, Cuba, Vietnam, and China have all - and to the regret of the oppressed - found out what hapens when the Left gains control. Destroyng the norms of American society is an important tactic the Left uses for this purpose. The path to anomie MUST be rejected.

THE DESPERATION OF THE AMERICAN STATIST PROGRESSIVES

Gentle readers, you might think maybe I've been cowed into silence. This is not the case. I have instead been having a cow watching Obama, Reid, Pelosi; and their henchmen Jay Carney, Chuck Schumer and the truly vile sleazy-ass liar Chris VanHollen (D-Maryland) come up with ever more ridiculous defenses for this "Obamacare" debacle.

 

Just the other day, VanHollen said that the lack of full-time jobs due to the disastrous effects of Obamacare was actually a good thing because Obamacare has eliminated "job lock"; which roughly translates into "the need to hold down a steady job to pay for stuff you want and need".  That, folks, sounds like something that idiot BIDEN would say.

 

With the ASPs trying to convince people to buy their crap with moronic explanations like this, here at the Alexandria Daily Poop we've been too convulsed with laughter to write about it.

 

In other news, Alexandria's Congressional Representative, the loutish wife-beating Jew-hating Irish drunk James P. "Bugs" Moran announced he is retiring. HALLELUJAH!! Hey Bugs. Remember the cab driver who ditched your ass after you ordered him to wait in a "No Standing Anytime" zone while you went shopping at Whole Foods? That was me, asshole. Then as now, good fucking riddance.

 

Folks, it looks as though we're only going to be able to post once or twice a week for the time being. But thanks for reading.

MY LATEST NOVEL IS AVAILABLE ON KINDLE FOR $1.99 (CHEAP!)

THAT'S RIGHT, GENTLE READERS, My latest police procedural has been uploaded to Kindle and should be available for purchase within 24 hours of the date of this posting.

the title of the story is "A PIPER FOR DANNY" and concerns Detective J.P. Waterman's first partner in Homicide. Danny dies to save Waterman's life, and Waterman reminices about working with Danny and of his fatal wounding at the hands of a psychopathic killer and of the aftermath.

Sorry we haven't published any political comment lately; we'll be back just as soon as we get over our astonishment at how badly the American Statist progressives are screwing up and how ineptly the Republican party is handling the gift they have been given by the ASPs. Watch this page!
If you would like to be notified when we resume - and we hope it is in a few days - just click "follow".

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Thank you for reading the Alexandria Daily Poop!