WARNING TO THE "OCCUPIERS" : DO NOT EFF WITH 'BLACK FRIDAY". YOU WILL RISK SERIOUS INJURY.

I originally posted a lighthearted goofball post here, but now I am given to understand that you idiot kids have gotten it into your damnfool noggins to try and get between crazed Christmas shoppers and major retailers selling stuff they want on what is commonly known as "Black Friday".

ARE YOU NUMBNUTS KIDS OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MINDS?

Getting between a mother grizzly and her cubs is arguably less dangerous than getting between DC area Christmas shoppers and a pantload of promised bargains. Don't believe it? Then just try it. I can promise that you will be very seriously injured, possibly even killed. You wouldn't get in front of a herd of stampeding rhinoceroses, would you?

Or would you?

The 1960s era park-and-beach trash that has been egging you on won't be anywhere near where harm could come to them, I will guarantee you that. They know better. Tell them to stand in the way of those holiday shoppers. Let them go to the ICU (or the morgue).

I am not kidding one bit. And you lamebrains have nearly zero support here or anywhere else. When you get hurt, all but a few people will say you deserved what you got for being such idiots.

I had all my Christmas shopping done last month, so I won't be walking over you. But, if you actually have been wondering what it is like to have a ruptured spleen or a ruptured kidney, etc. then you just TRY getting between holiday shoppers and a sale. You will be facing a mob, you will be vastly outnumbered, and you will wish you had never decided to fuck with holiday shoppers.

A word to the wise is sufficient. I have here written a whole lot of words, and I hope for the sakes of you dolts that they will be sufficient. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED, so don't blame the Alexandria Daily Poop when you wind up in traction.

SOME REALLY NICE KIDS.

Late this morning I was pleased to serve three very nice young ladies who are students at Episcopal High School. The kids The kids at Episcopal are very nice young ladies and gentlemen, and it is always a pleasure to serve them. They tip pretty darn good too!.

Not only that, but they're pretty darn smart, too; so they will undoubtedly be able to decipher these here "webdings".

And girls? Just be glad I didn't post this in double-encrypted Enigma. Happy Thanksgiving.

Well, heck. "Webdings" is one of the fonts on the blogging widget. I just checked the post and the webdings didn't show up. So here's a message encrypted on an electronic copy of the 3-rotor ENIGMA machine for you all:

PQK/HDZ

IQPSU MGCAV VNWDP MLATO KMWZB DYJFL IGIDS DOSWQ NNFCX BJHHX MVDID LNDYW JCUOF MMRCP BLGRP NQVMS HCUFT

Again, happy Thanksgiving, kids. You wanted a blog shout-out, so here it is.

FASTER THAN THE SPEED OF LIGHT PART III: THE NERDS' HEADS EXPLODE

For the second time in three months, European scientists have shown that it is possible for at least a sub-atomic particle to travel faster than the speed of light. This has really got the internet's armchair "physicists'" knickers into a very tight twist. You'd get a more reasoned reaction from a Foursquare Pentacostal Holiness minister if you told him that Man is descended from apes.

I mean the nerds are just having a FIT. But, there it is, "Hi! It's Mr. Neutron!" and THEN the doorbell rings.

Imagine: Superman is found dead of gunshot wounds, and the medical examiner winds up arguing with everybody about how this is IMPOSSIBLE, even as the corpse stiffens and begins to stink.

Maybe it's just possible that the brainiest folks on the planet (or so they claim) DON'T know everything, after all.

CHAZ BONO, CIRCUS FREAK

YET ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF AMERICA'S NEWEST AND MOST LUCRATIVE CAREER PATH, THE "PROFESSIONAL PUBLIC SPECTACLE", HAS BEEN FOISTED UPON US BY THE MEDIA IN THE PERSONAGE OF "CHAZ" BONO, THE WOMAN WHO WANTS US TO CALL HER A MAN.

We here at the Alexandria Daily Poop are so very glad that "Chaz"'s father Sonny Bono is not alive to have to deal with this idiocy. The former Chastity Bono is of course the offspring of Sonny Bono and his mate and one-time hippie act singing partner Cher Bono, now known to most of us simply as "Cher".

At some point Chastity began "self-identifying" as a lesbian. Now she has had her genitalia surgically modified and takes male hormone injections. She wants to be called "he"; and most of the "mainstream media" is compliant with her wishes, but we at the Alexandria Daily Poop refuse to participate in this "Chaz-rade" "Chaz" is a "she".

She cannot father children, but perhaps if the mutilation her hyper-indulgent mother paid some Frankenstein of a "doctor" to inflict on her can be reversed she can give birth. And if her hormone injections are discontinued her beard will disappear and her tits will regenerate.

Really, if some chick wants to assume the male role with a female partner; then there is an amazing piece of rigging known as a "strap-on dildo" which is much less expensive and light years less controversial than spending a fortune on mutilating one's own self.

Some time ago we knew a young man who got a similar "surgical re-assignment" to a "female" genital configuration. He had been a homosexual male, so he thought he would be changed to a heterosexual female.

As it turned out, we ran into him in a public venue several years later, and asked him if he had a steady beau or a husband yet. Here is his response, and brace yourself:

""Oh, men are only after one thing. I've stopped dating men. I'm a lesbian."

Yikes. Finally, the cure for homosexuality. Yikes.

Maybe "Chaz" will similarly straighten out and become a heterosexual woman.

Keep a tight asshole, Chaz.

THE PENN STATE SCANDAL

Okay, let me get this straight:

Catholic Priest alone with altar boy: BAD!

Football coach alone in shower with boy: BAD!

Homosexual male alone in woods with young Boy Scout: MUST BE PERMITTED OR ELSE IT'S A MATTER OF CIVIL RIGHTS DISCRIMINATION??

Honestly, you people are so full of shit I scarcely know where to even begin.

HERMAN CAIN AND THE NOOSE MEDIA

Herman Cain scares the living hell out of the Statist Lefties who control the Democrat party. The accusations against him are flying and the media is harping and harping about Cain's alleged sexual harassment (whatever that means, and the Democrat party operatives have differing definitions depending on party) of a growing group of women who are said to have "come forward" even though only one or two of them have given their names.

Of the two who have given their names, there is evidence that at least one of them has a history of financial troubles and of filing complaints in whatever job she holds. Both of them claim they are "not being paid" and that's probably the only true thing they are saying. Payday will come later in the form of interviews and book deals AFTER they have done the job of stringing up Herman Cain in the good old Democrat tradition of the KKK. Welcome to the "noose" media.

It boils the blood when we think of how the Democrat party would have handled such an attack on "president" Obama when he was only a candidate. Democrat operatives would have ripped the accusing women apart like the flying monkeys ripped up the scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz. Remember when Gennifer Flowers made her accusations against Bill Clinton? Democrat women paraded around with signs saying "Gennifer, Gust Get Lost".

Well, the noose media is demanding a lie detector test.

But not for the accusers. They want Cain to take one.

The good news is that Cain is not about to climb the gallows like a good "boy". His support is not dwindling, it is increasing; and the Democrat party is baffled and infuriated, and wonders how this could be. Here's why:

BECAUSE THE AMERICAN PUBLIC IS NOT FREAKING BLIND AND THEY ARE ON TO YOU FILTHY RACIST DEMON-RAT SWINE is why.

Noose media. Has a nice TRUE ring to it.

HERMAN CAIN

HERE AT THE ALEXANDRIA DAILY POOP, WE STILL THINK THAT RICK PERRY WILL BECOME THE NEXT PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. However, Herman Cain may well prove us wrong.

We certainly hope that Mr. Cain will win the nomination and wrest the White House from "president" Obama. Cain is what we call a "straight shooter". If you ask Cain what time it is, he won't try to put you to sleep with a lecture on how to build a watch. And if nominated he will beat Obama like a rented mule.

The statists on the Left know this, and fear Cain. They want Mitt Romney, whom we here at the ADP believe to be the most likely Republican to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.

And so the Left is on the attack. They have now stooped to the lowest of the low, a sexual smear campaign. This campaign is based on some nebulous claim that one or two women were given settlements in some kind of contremps that allegedly involved allegations of alleged "sexual harassment" (which these days could mean some guy complimenting some gal on her clothing!) The "Settlements" have been said to be in the "five-figure" range.

FIVE FIGURES??? FIVE???? THAT'S ALL??? That's mighty cheap for a sex-harassment suit involving a top executive in a major Washington lobbying group. If there were any substance behind such an accusation ANY D.C. shyster worth his salt could have gotten half-a-million AT LEAST; and that's even BEFORE Cain became a household name.

Our guess is that these women were screwups who were on the verge of getting fired, managed to trump up and blow out of proportion some such thing as Cain giving them a wink as a compliment on a job well-done (for a change) and made such a pain in the ass of themselves that they were allowed to resign and paid some small severance pay on the condition that they shut up and go away (which explains the non-disclosure order that supposedly prevents them from coming forward).

Some lawyer claiming to represent the women claims that they want to come forward but cannot get the non-disclosure agreement nullified. Meanwhile other sources say the women just want to be left alone. (We can't blame them. There is nothing to this allegation and they know that if they come forward it will not enrich them but rather blow up in their faces.)

For his part Cain says that this is just an effort to get him to shut up and, as Cain said;

"IT AIN'T GONNA WORK."

In our opinion, this non-scandal will go down in history as the desperate groping of the Statist Left as their grasp on power slips. The poor, deluded Lefties. They really thought they could game the system of government so ingeniously laid out by the Founders of this Republic. One has to give them credit, they tried. They almost succeeded. But "nearly" as they say only gives success in horseshoes and hand grenades. The gears of our system of government were cleverly designed to crush even the largest monkey wrench thrown into them. Freedom of speech is the chief wrench-breaker. The Alexandria Daily Poop is proud to be part of that.