WHEN LIVING IN THE NATIONAL CAPITAL REGION USED TO BE TOLERABLE. FUN, EVEN.

There was a time here in the D.C. Metropolitan Area when the population was smaller, younger, and lots more fun. It was actually possible to get a speeding citation without looking for someplace where there was space in traffic in which to speed. 

Ditto being able to un-ass your ride when you went into - it's unbelievable, we know - even Georgetown for a night's entertainment. 

And entertainment was lots more accessible; and you could still see nationally known acts such as Blue Oyster Cult, Roy Orbison, John Denver, John McLaughlin and many others at venues such as Crazy Horse, The Bayou, Desperado's and the late lamented Cellar Door. The Cellar Door was one of the best "small rooms" in America for big name acts, and for jazz there was Charlie Byrd's Blues Alley and the One Step Down lounge at 24th and Pennsylvania NW. 

Even major arts venues were more accessible back then. The Kennedy Center (where we saw performances by Carlos Montoya and Andres Segovia)  and George Washington's Lisner Auditorium were easily reached by car, which said car could be parked within easy walking distance of the performance.

We must admit to having had a penchant for going to strip clubs once in a while. These existed in Virginia but were "Pasties and g-string" clubs. D.C. clubs were "bare tits and everything" clubs, and the best of them were found on 14th Street NW between I and K Streets. Benny's Rebel Room, the Butterfly Club and "This is It?" were the most famous and busiest on the Strip. Their flashing marquees were powered by incandescent bulbs sequenced by rotary analog timers whose "tic tic tic tic tick" provided a background rhythm for the scene.

Eating out was less complicated then. The big ongoing competition between rival restaurants was between Mel Krupin's and Duke Ziebart's over who had the best matzoh ball soup. French was French, from formal classic restaurants like the Rive Gauche (now a Banana Republic clothing store at the southwest corner of Wisconsin and M) to informal bistros like La Nicioise (where the waiters came on roller skates) and "Au Pied du Cochon" which was open 24/7/365 (Famous for the re-defection of a Soviet defector and now a hamburger stand). 

Chinatown was palpably Chinese and had some very good and very authentic regional Chinese restaurants. Li Ho Food, a humble little place where slabs of roast pork and whole roast ducks hung from hooks in the front window finally bit the dust a few months ago after decades of very authentic Chinese cookery. Now Chinatown is identifiable mainly because Fuddruckers and Subway and other American shops are required by law to post their names in Chinese characters (fun fact: Mandarin for Chinatown Metro Stop translates literally to "Beautiful Village Underground Ox Cart")

The time we are here writing about is the early 1970s to the early 1980s. Those were the days of very interesting Washington scandals. There was the Representative Wayne Hays scandal featuring Elizabeth Ray, whom Hays hired as a "secretary" although she could barely type.  Then there was the Wilbur Mills affair, when Congressman Mills was having an affair with "Argentine Bombshell" stripper "Fanny Fox". One night they had a fight in the back of Mills' limo and she jumped out. Mills chased her around the Tidal Basin by the Jefferson Memorial, begging her to come back, until they both fell into the drink and had to be pulled out by the United States Park Police. The resulting loud and very public scandal provided much salacious and entertaining evening news and newspaper fodder for the better part of a month.

There was one such scandal wherein we personally knew every participant: The Bauman affair; wherein a conservative Republican congressman (Robert Bauman) who was a closet gay propositioned a 16 year old boy working as a "go-go" stripper in a failed seafood restaurant called "The Chesapeake House" which had been re-purposed as a homosexual strip club (Things were outrageously loose back in the day).  The boy's 17 year old lover filed a complaint and Bauman was in trouble plenty. Every person involved in that affair had been a passenger in my taxicab. 

Speaking of the taxicab business: Back then, the government limited itself to making sure the cab and the driver were safe for the people who used the cabbie's service and the system for determining fares was Hoyle. Today I miss the old days, and thank God I didn't cross over from Virginia to D.C.. 

Back in the day, D.C. cabs operated on a zone system, and a savvy rider could save himself a dollar or more on a ride just by hailing a cab from the other side of the street. But then D.C. decided to force taximeters on the drivers.

Next they required D.C. cabs to accept plastic for payment, even on street hails. Goodbye days when one could knock off early and drive into Maryland for a seafood dinner. This practice has since spread to the Virginia suburbs, where we resist it (but futilely). And D.C. - having forced their cabbies to pay for at least $3,000 worth of modifications to their vehicles less than 10 years ago; now wants to require them to modify their cabs again with GPS based meters and other such things to the tune of almost five grand per cab. 

Living here has gotten too damn complicated and restrictive. I'd move back to Dayton, Ohio in a New York second but for one thing:

THERE AIN'T NO FUCKING MONEY IN DAYTON. Not like there is here. 

Gawd, I miss the old days.

COMPLETE AND TOTAL DISREGARD FOR HUMAN LIFE

A couple of days ago we were shocked, saddened, and revolted to find out that down in Florida a man had fallen into a stormwater retaining pond and drowned. 

While he was drowning a group of young men showed up. But not only did they not help the man, they mocked his struggles and his pleas for assistance and told him he was going to die. 

Unfortunately, since they did nothing to compound the man's inability to save himself these pitiless idiots could not be charged with a crime. 

What is worse, they videotaped the whole thing and posted it on social media. 

We are glad to report that the local police chief did find a statute criminalizing failure to report a death. The subhuman filth will be charged with that statute, but we doubt they much care. Particularly outrageous (but not at all surprising) is that both the drowned man and these pitiless subhuman vermin were all black. What might "Black Lives Matter" have to say about this? Not one whole hell of a lot, we'll wager.

They ought to be made pariahs and hounded out of the black community wherever they poke their heads. Let them crawl on their knees to whatever Christian pastor will listen to them, and let them only be redeemed when they show true repentance. 

But this will not be. If they are arrested on the failure to report charge, people like BLM will begin a campaign to make them collectively into (as we like to say here at the ADP) the Blessed Little Baby who was Born, Born, Born in Bethlehem. 

What a fucked up world.

SINCE REPUBLICAN LAWMAKERS WILL NOT DO WHAT THEY WERE ELECTED TO DO, TRUMP SHIFTS GEARS

How boldly during the last three Congressional elections did the Republicans who now park their worthless butts in the House and the Senate proclaim that they would finally get rid of the job-killing travesty and spectacular waste of money called "Obamacare".

Then: excuses, excuses. First they said they needed the Senate. They were given the Senate. Then they needed a President who would sign the repeal. Back in November they got him. So what did they do?

They started listening to the goddamned Demorats, who immediately started a campaign of blather about how the mean old Republicans were going to "take peoples' health care away". Do that, the DemonRatz said, and kiss your chances of being re-elected in 2018 goodbye. 

Do any of you Republican goofballs realize that the Democrats want to see you DEFEATED? WHY THE FUCK WOULD THEY HELP YOUR ASSES GET RE-ELECTED? "Taking Obamacare away" is NOT depriving people of health care. It is removing a burden that no one wants or needs. Removing that burden is why you are sitting there in Congress IN THE FIRST PLACE YOU IDIOTS! Don't you know that the reason the Ratz are trying to convince you to betray your constituents is so that they can regain the House and impeach our President on any charge they can think up, no matter how specious?

President Trump is not an idiot. He now realizes that he is leading an army of egotists whose main goal in life is to stay in Congress and be members of the club. It's really so very simple: REPEAL OBAMACARE AND LET THE DEMOCRATS PANIC AS PEOPLE BEGIN TO REALIZE THAT THEY'RE BETTER OFF WITHOUT IT. So the President has taken a new tack: Let Obamacare implode as it has mostly already done. Of course, the Democrats intended this to happen so as to implement "single payer" healthcare. Now he has to thwart this, and we believe he has plans to do so. 

So all you blowholes in Congress - every one of you - may now go and adjourn the House and the Senate for the August recess. During which we are sure President Trump will make a whole bunch of recess appointments to assist him in implementing his agenda. 

Come Labor Day, watch out. The Donald is coming to getcha.

AFRICAN AMERICANS: BE AWARE THAT THE DEMOCRAT PARTY HOLDS YOU IN CONTEMPT

We have said this before but it bears repeating: The Democrat Party is the true Party of Racism in these United States. They only care about black folks when there's an election pending. 

One needs only look as far as the City of Alexandria, Virginia to observe this. Our City Council and the local Democrat Party need - for now - a solid corps of black citizens to vote for them in order that they may control the City government permanently. This is why the Council has resisted splitting up the City into wards, with each Council member answerable to the constituents of that neighborhood in which he or she lives. 

They think that black folks are stupid and won't notice how they make a great show of being concerned about the loss of "affordable housing" and then, almost in the same breath, allow some developer to condemn hundreds of units of affordable housing so that some developer may install "luxury apartments" to replace it. (They always then claim that they are requiring the developer who will destroy hundreds of affordable units to provide a dozen or so units of "affordable" housing in the development. They then want you to applaud them for "saving" affordable housing.)

They are also incredibly obvious about what they are doing. Over half of the "Berg" (or Parker-Gray) is gone now. One of the Council remarked, when trying to justify this, that "Not everybody can live in Old Town". They are trying to shove all the black folks in the city into someplace less trendy than Old Town (but they'll make sure you have voting machines).

Not even some of the city's prominent black citizens are immune from this aggrandizement of self. The Alfred Street Baptist Church is a City institution. It is an "Historically Black" church and a must "be seen" location for any Alexandria politician who wants to court the black vote. The church among other things owns a fleet of buses which are very useful in getting people to the polls on Election Day.  The ABC is so big right now that when church lets out on Sunday traffic is screwed up for a radius of five city blocks and the better part of an hour.

Now ADC wants to grow even more, and to do this they are getting permission from the City to tear down two square blocks of "affordable housing" (or else they'll have to re-locate and stop being such an advantage to the Democrat party. Wonder what Jesus would say about THAT?)

The black folk in Alexandria need to quit the Democrats and join the Republican Party where you will be welcomed. Lyndon Johnson (Democrat) told his party that all they had to do was vote for the Civil Rights Act and (quote) "Those ni***rs will be voting for us for the next hundred years". Time for you to tell the Democrats that time is up. Don't you agree?

PRESIDENT TRUMP: HERE'S AN IDEA FOR DEALING WITH THE FAKE NEWS MEDIA

Mr. President:

We have noticed for some time now the snide manner in which certain members of the news media conduct themselves during press conferences. 

Our suggestion to you is that the next time one of these so-called "reporters" begins running his or her yap in a way clearly betraying a total disregard for responsible news reporting and becomes disruptive, have your press secretary immediately revoke that news organization's White House credentials and announce that they will be given to this blog, The Alexandria Daily Poop. 

Although we could not possibly attend every press conference (we work for a living) it would be delicious to see the likes of Chicken Noodle News convulsing in outrage at being thrown out in favor of an obscure web log with a semi-scatalogical title. 

Best hopes that you will succeed in fulfilling your promise to Make America Great Again.  God Bless and keep you, Mr. President. And God bless the United States of America.

WHAT CAN WE DO WITH NORTH KOREA AND ITS NUTBALL DICTATOR? PLENTY.

We have been hearing and reading ad nauseum about the threat posed by North Korean dictator Kim "fatfuck" Jong Un, whose regime recently tested an intercontinental ballistic missile capable of reaching Alaska. (Why the global warming freaks who are so damned concerned about the polar bears are not up in arms over this we don't know; but they aren't). 

The worst panicking has come from folks who are worried about a Nork "super electromagnetic pulse" (SEMP) attack launched by exploding a nuke in low orbit shorting out "the grid" and causing 9 out of 10 Americans to die within a year. Most of these folks have solar powered electric generators or ultra shelf stable "survival food" to sell you. 

But if Werner von Braun were alive, he'd tell you that getting range is one thing. Precision guidance is quite another. Most of North Korea's nukes (if they do have any, and there's still room for doubt) are fission devices in the 10 to 50 kiloton range. That's one half to two and one half times the power of the bombs that destroyed Hiroshima and Nagasaki. For bombs that small to have a desired specific effect, they would need to detonate within 400 feet of the intended objective. Plus, they would need to be much smaller than the "Fat Man" Nagasaki type plutonium implosion devices Kim most likely has. And Kim has a long way to go before he can mount a SEMP attack from outer space. 

But Kim has an allies in Red China and Iran who are helping him out: Iran to help with the research; and China to help out with the money to pay the Iranians. So how long we can allow this to fester is anybody's guess. We need to start dealing with this three years ago (and thanks a pantload Mr. Obama). Fortunately, President Trump sees the need to deal with Kim and his goons NOW. 

So, what do we do?

Our suggestion is simple: CUT OFF THE MONEY. Kim's engineers and scientists are not gonna work if they have to survive on dog shit and tree bark like the rest of their countrymen. Get his officers down to starvation rations and they might even assassinate him as he sits his porky ass down to one of the lavish meals he eats.

So blockade all Korean ports and ensure China cuts Kim off by promising to downgrade China's trade status with the United States. And remind the Chinese that if they call in the nearly trillion dollar debt, all we have to do is turn on the presses and squirt out another thousand billion dollars. This will of course weaken the US dollar, but it will likely destroy the RinMinBi. 

And President Trump should announce that effective immediately, any missile launched from North Korea will be blown out of the sky by our anti-missile technology. Then do it the next time he tries it. And let him know that in any military action we take, his lard ass will be the primary target.

 Kim is a fat, selfish asshole and he doesn't want to die. His life is the only life he cares about. He should be put on notice that if hostilities break out on the peninsula, he will be among the first to die even if we have to put a hydrogen bomb into Pyongyang to accomplish this. 

BARRON TRUMP IS NOT AUTISTIC NOR DOES HE HAVE "SOMETHING WRONG WITH HIM". STOP THIS CRAP AT ONCE.

We are really getting tired of hearing people speculate on the mental health of President Trump's tweenager son Barron. The most common rumor is that he is autistic.  

We don't know how this idiotic rumor got started. Perhaps Barron has some creative talent and his mother  bragged about him being "artistic" but her accent made it sound like "autistic". More likely some sore-loser Progressive creep like the blowhole who shot up the ballfield here in Alexandria decided to make Trump's whole family as miserable as possible.

In any case we have employed our considerable investigative skills and our boodle of contacts and can now assure you that 

THERE IS NOT ONE GODDAMNED FUCKING THING WRONG WITH BARRON TRUMP.

Now knock it the fuck off, you child abusers.

THE SMARMY TACTICS OF THE ASPS: THE AMERICAN PEOPLE ARE GETTING WISE TO THEM

After the near-massacre at Simpson Field here in Alexandria, the local Democrat Party organization sought out a "Useful Idiot" in the Republican Party to help spin the near-tragedy (which was committed by an ASP gunman; which fact the Dems want you to forget). 

So they had this Republican dude say some blather about how bad "hate" is, and he and some ASP hung a big banner above the bleachers at Simpson Field that says "REJECT HATE". 

Meanwhile of course the Left is engaged in an effort to link the word "hate" exclusively to the Republicans and the Right. They want so many as possible to see that banner and think it was some conservative "hater" who shot up the ballpark. It wasn't. It was some Bernie Sanders fan who the police put out of our misery.

Now President Trump has come up with another of his "tweets" that has the Left in an uproar (as Trump intended).  They are saying all over that Trump is degrading the Presidency and he's "vulgar". We rather doubt that he's summoning young interns into the Oval Office to suck his dick. And vulgar? The Left are some of the most vulgar people in this country. 

And they are being exposed by themselves as the hypocrites they are, not in small part when they react to one of Trump's "tweets". It drives them nuts that when in the past they pulled their shaming routine on a Republican he would just cave and play right into their hands. But not Donald Trump.

Trump used to be a Democrat, so he knows their playbook. And unlike other Republicans, if someone throws a bag of mud at him, he'll throw a flaming bag of dog shit at them. And The People having seen the way these ASPs lie are delighted to see these smarmy bullies and un-American cretins being exposed for what they are. They bitch about the way Trump responds to them, not knowing that he was elected to do just that. This is getting good...