REASON NUMBER 134 WHY I CALL THE POTOMAC RIVER "THE MOAT"

I live in Virginia, across the Potomac river from Washington, D.C.; and I love the Potomac because it forms a natural barrier. I call it "The Moat".

Washington, D.C. is run by some of the screwiest people in this country. (I am talking about the local city government). It used to be run by three commissioners appointed by Congress, but in 1974 it was decided to allow the District (as Washington is called when referring to affairs of the City government) some limited "home rule" with Congressional oversight. Bad idea, because the Constitution says that the District is prohibited from statehood or being part of any state. This creates a political environment that is a "dead end". Once you're mayor, that's it. As a result the D.C. city government resembles a Gilbert and Sullivan parody of "Porgy and Bess".

Loons populate the city government, people with whacky ideas like the traffic chief who deliberately timed the lights to snarl traffic because he believed that driving and automobile in the city was immoral due to the pollution cars cause (so he guaranteed max pollution by ensuring traffic jams). And let's not even mention a certain past mayor, now a city councilman, and his affinity for cocaine. And for everything that has made national news, that ain't the tenth of it.

Now today I'm reading the Washington Times and I come across an article about some natural resources officials doing a survey of "invasive species" such as the northern snakehead fish. Here is what those boneheads do:

They zap the river with electricity and scoop up stunned northern snakeheads. Then they tag them with a notice to whoever catches the fish advising them to destroy it.

Then they release the fish back into the river.

Hey, morons.

WHY DON'T YOU JUST DO THE DAMN JOB WHILE YOU HAVE THE FREAKING FISH IN THE GODDAMN BOAT?

Yes, they really do that. And that's pretty much how every other problem in the city is handled.

It's so comforting to know that we in this Blessed Commonwealth can station Virginia State Police at the bridges and shut down the Metro tunnels. Thank God for the blessed Potomac River Moat.