OUR ANNUAL REVIEW OF THE YEAR PAST, THE IDIOT OF THE YEAR FOR 2012, AND PREDICTIONS FOR 2013

2012 IN REVIEW

 

Well, we hardly know what to say.  This has been one of the screwiest years we can remember.   Our predictions for the past year were further off than they have ever been (but for the most part, that's a good thing).

 

NOT good was the fact that we managed to re-elect the absolutely worst president in this nation's history. Three million McCain voters and Ron Paulistas either stayed home or idiotically voted 3rd party, and now we're stuck with Mr. Obama for another four years, unless by some miracle there's a movement in Congress to impeach him. 

 

This being the situation, we wish Hillary would have been Obama's running mate. As it is, she's fallen and she can't get up and testify about the Benghazi attacks under oath; and that's one thing that might get even a few Democrats talking impeachment.

 

The House and Senate elections were disappointing. The Senate is still in Democrat hands, but they are nowhere near the 60 votes they need to turn that body into a rubber stamp. There is a movement afoot to violate the Senate's own rule about changing procedure and eliminate the filibuster, though. (Naturally, when the Republicans tried to end the filibuster of judicial nominations, Reid and his bunch went nuts. But now that an end to the filibuster would essentially make the Senate a rubber stamp for Obama, Dingy Harry wants to do exactly what he decried back then, except he wants no more filibusters, period.  We'll just bet that when the Democrats are the minority again, they'll try and pull some hokey parliamentary tricks to rule their own actions improper and re-instate the filibuster - if they manage to scotch it, which they probably won't.)

 

The Republicans would have probably gotten control of the Senate again if a couple of candidates who looked like shoo-ins hadn't made idiotic remarks about how a rape can't result in a pregnancy because a woman's reproductive system "shuts down" during unwanted sex. Those remarks cost them their campaigns and quite possibly those of a few others. (Note to politicians, especially male politicians: If the subject of rape comes up, say that rape is rape and that it is wrong, every time. Then ask for the next question.)

 

The Republicans lost a few seats in the House, but they still have a strong majority. Seeing as they control the money, that's a good thing. Nothing gets done until the money is approved, so, good enough.

 

Thankfully we didn't have those pitched battles in the streets; except for some leftover "occupy" crap and some Detroit rioting over Michigan's new "right to work" laws.

 

We are somewhat surprised that Israel has shown such remarkable restraint in not attacking Iran and possibly starting World War III. And so far the religious nutbars who run Iran are still sane enough to know that interfering with the free flow of energy will mean the end of them. So even though we were wrong on that one, we are damn glad of it, believe us.

 

As this is being written it has been announced that the United States will indeed go over the "fiscal cliff" at midnight. But "negotiations" are still going on, and if the Republicans drop the soap again, they could vote on a "compromise" that gives the Democrat Party everything they want.

 

Well, not everything. Early on in all this "fiscal cliff" business, Obama sent TurboTax Timmy Geithner to Speaker Boehner and Senate Minority Leader McConnell with a demand that the House cede its power to decide whether or not to raise the national "debt ceiling" to Obama. TurboTax Timmy was laughed out of the room.

 

Of course, there have been not a few Second Amendment issues arising this past year; many of them in the last few weeks. However we have promised not to discuss them until after the New Year has begun, so we will end our review of 2012 here. Watch this space on January 2nd.

 

THE 2012 IDIOT OF THE YEAR AWARD

 

Every year we here at the Alexandria Daily Poop go through a list of people we have met in the course of  our day job of driving a taxicab; and from these we select the "Idiot of the Year".

 

Unlike other "Idiot of the Year" awards, this award goes not to some national dipshit but to a common, everyday citizen. We give this award because we feel that it is idiocy on the small level that fuels and enables idiocy on the large level. Idiotic television shows like that "Honey Boo-Boo" nonsense are on TV because idiots watch them. The idiot politicians who control the government at the state, local and federal levels are there because common idiots voted for them, or failed to vote against them for some idiotic reason. Idiocy on the small scale, like a match to kindling, can ignite a firestorm of truly horrific idiot thinking and behavior.

 

Once in a blue moon we may decide to name as a recipient someone or some entity or group that we have not personally interacted with on the job, as last year when Time Magazine (and everyone connected with it) got the award for nominating "The Protestor" as "Person of the Year".  (Ironically, since this blog is a total protest against damn near everything, I am a recipient of the very award I heaped scorn on. If there's any cash involved, I have yet to recieve it. And by the way, it's my SECOND award for Time's "Person of the Year" since one year the cover had a Mylar mirror and the recipient was "YOU".  How fucking lame.)

 

This year, I was sorely tempted to give the award to another bunch of people I have never personally met. In yesterday's post, I commented on the pack of idiot road warriors who call themselves "Mischief". I had contemplated giving them the dishonors, and then maybe a dishonorable mention. However, such a mention or even the full award would be wholly inadequate to the purpose of displaying them as an example of idiocy. Awarding these morons with "Idiot of the Year" would be the equivalent in infamy to awarding a soldier who singlehandedly took out eight enemy machine gun nests, saved his entire divison and won the war, with a "Good Conduct" medal. What these shitheads need is for a judge to throw the book at them, with at least a year in the pokey and permanent revocation of their driving priveleges.

 

Having said that, there are times when the supply of common everyday idiots seems to be in short supply. But then I experience a deluge. Such was the case this year. One candidate in February, then nothing until I met a guy driving a BMW and wearing an expensive suit who asked me to interpret a set of signs regulating parking for him. I thought I would be stuck with that lamebrain - who being an obvious Ivy Leaguer apparently needed a product of the Northern Virginia Community College Criminal Justice program to tell him what plain English means - as the 2012 awardee. Then, just after the election, I met the winner.

 

As in every year, a brief description of the qualifications for this award follows.

 

Candidates for the Alexandria Daily Poop Idiot of the year MUST (unless a waiver is made by the Editor):

 

Be someone I have met in the course of my attempt to make a living driving a taxicab in the Washington D.C. Metropolitan Area.

 

In my presence do, say, or brag about something they have said or done which; when considered in the light of their level of supposed intelligence, education, and station in life is spectacularly and amazingly stupid.

 

No person who is clinically insane, retarded, or otherwise mentally deficient through no fault of their own shall be considered for this "award".

 

No person who is intoxicated at the time of my encounter with them shall be considered, as we hold alcohol and drugs to be "performance enhancers" in the "competition" to be Idiot of the Year. Boasts made when sober about deeds done when intoxicated, however, still qualify. 

 

Having said that, it is time to announce our winner. Considering the financial mess we have been in for what seems to be time-out-of-mind, this year's recipient is particularly apt. SO, WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, WE PRESENT YOU WITH THE RECIPIENT OF THE ALEXANDRIA DAILY POOP'S UNCOVETED AWARD

 

IDIOT

 

OF

 

THE

 

YEAR

 

2012!

 

BACK IN NOVEMBER, about a week after the elections, I had a young man of about 22 years flag me down. He was going to George Washington University where, he told me, he was studying economics. We had a conversation that included the problem of inflation. 

 

This student of the economy told me that in his opinion, inflation would never be as serious a problem as everyone says it is because - quote - "We can always print more money to make up for it."

 

Oh.

My.

Gawd.

 

Someone PLEASE tell me they know this moron and he's flunking. GW grads often go on to be Very Important People in their fields, but this idiot could do major damage to the nation if he ever got a position as Comptroller of Peckerwood Hollow, WVa.

 

AND SO, MISTER BLOW-OPEN-THE-LEVEES-SO-THE FLOOD-WILL-SUBSIDE, You are the recipient of the distinct dishonor of the Alexandria Daily Poop's annual award of

 

IDIOT OF THE YEAR 2012!!

 

As always, the "Prize" is my suggestion to you that you hurry down to GW Hospital and get a vasectomy so you don't sire another generation of fucking imbeciles. You are an idiot.

 

PREDICTIONS FOR 2013

 

This year, I'm playing it safe.

 

Spring will arrive sometime between mid-March and early April. Daylight will come earlier and dusk will come later until the summer solstice, when daylight will begin to wane.

 

Other than that, I just don't know what might happen. There is one thing I should tell you: Auld acquaintance should never be forgot. As the saying goes, those who do not remember history are doomed to repeat it.

 

A very Happy and Prosperous New Year (in spite of everything) from the ALEXANDRIA DAILY POOP.

 



THE "MISCHIEF" GANG OF AUTOMOTIVE IDIOTS

Today we learned whilst perusing the Washington Post that there is a pack of utter morons operating in the DelMarVa area who call themselves "Mischief".   According to the Post, "Mischief" is a bunch of yuppie yokels who drive high-powered luxury cars - which they have "tweaked" the computer systems of to deliver much more horsepower than the cars were originally designed to deliver - and who then go and raise hell on the highways.

 

These dimbulbs think it's funny to force another totally innocent driver off the road and videotape it. The assholes even have a "YouTube" channel, where they offer short clips of their exploits and offer more extreme stuff for sale. The YouTube video that leads off on their site features a kid of about 17 taking hairpin tuns at an alarming rate of speed until his car leaves the road and hits a pile of rocks. Fortunately, air bags and safety restraints do their jobs and the kid and his pals emerge from the BMW laughing.

 

The other vids, which among other things show "Mischief" members driving up a very long driveway on private property and then taking it back down at blinding speed, show the main membership of "Mischief" to be a conglomeration of 20-and-30-something white schlubs who work office jobs when they are not out terrorizing the roadways.

 

Well, as it turns out "Mischief" was finally busted when they decided to pull their shit in rural Virginia. They ran a pickup truck off the road, and unfortunately for them that pickup was being driven by an off-duty cop. A number of them are facing charges of reckless driving (duh) and charges of racing and felony speeding to elude are being contemplated. 

 

"Mischief" is headed up by some shithead in Charles County in (where else?) Maryland, the national capital of stupid drivers.

 

Perhaps there are some of our readers who doubt that the stories we publish on the New Year of our selection of "Idiot of the Year" are true. They are. The only reason any of these assholes are not making the cut is that I haven't had a "Mischief" bozo brag about his (or her, they do have female members and they are just as stupid as the men) exploits to me in the course of my work as a taxicab driver.  But I do plan to give these jerks and their leader a "dishonorable mention".  Because they are the epitome of what "Idiot of the Year" is all about. People who damn well know better doing idiotic things, and not only NOT thinking it stupid and/or wrong but actually taking pride in their idiocy. 

 

Since I have not personally met any of them and heard them brag in my taxi, so far they don't qualify.  BUT there is a day and a few hours left in 2012; so who knows?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO US!

As of yesterday, the Alexandria Daily Poop is FOUR YEARS OLD!  Sing Hallelujah.

 

Yes, we know that there are posts here before that date, but December 27, 2008 is the date when we posted our picture on the masthead and decided on the theme of this blog.

 

Since that time, our readership has grown tremendously. This blog is read by people in every country of any consequence above the Equator.

 

We hope you continue to enjoy this blog; OR if you are one of the American Statist Progressives (or any other brand of Leftie) then we hope what we write here makes your head explode.  

 



WHERE OH WHERE DID THE (FOUR YEARS OVERDUE) BUDGET GO?

In case any of you three guys who read this rag don't know it, the Senate and the President are BY LAW required to present a budget to the House of Representatives to vote on EVERY YEAR.  Since Obama took the Oath of Office, this has NOT HAPPENED.

That's right, folks. These United States have been running on a series of "continuing resolutions" (and ad hoc spending increases) since Obama took office. 

 

Now, this just suits the Democrat Party fine, since they don't want to present a laundry list of goof-ass loony projects to spend money on and have to justify how all that stuff fits in with what the government is already saddled with paying for. They don't want to have to argue over everything they want to do at one time. Instead, they want to propose new spending piecemeal and keep on charging to that "Credit card issued by the Bank of China" that Obama said - back in 2008 - that it was "immoral" and "unpatriotic" to charge stuff on.  (By his own definition, that makes him a treasonous libertine.)

 

This increase in spending, unconstrained by such a silly notion as a "budget"; compounded by the thrice raising of the "debt ceiling" (and now Treasury Secratary "TurboTax Tim" Geithner wants to raise it again and Obama has even tried to demand Congress cede him authority to raise it at his whim) and the watering down of the currency by printing trillions more dollars (camouflaged by the scholarly-sounding weasel phrase "quantatative easement") is what has brought us to the edge of the so-called "financial cliff".

 

Wisely, the majority of the House of Representaatives - the Republicans - realize that their Districts did not put them there to cave to Obama and put a lid on these shenannigans. They were put there to STOP them. (Unfortunately these folks do not include my Congressman, James P. "Bugs" Moran; who is a Jew-hating, child abusing, wife-beating old drunk whose son Patrick "Baby Bugs" recently was caught on camera offering advice on how to stuff ballot boxes and more recently was arrested in D.C. for trying to help his girlfriend recycle her face in a garbage can.)

 

There's still some time. If Dingy Harry Reid and his Dems could get together a budget and get it to the House, the House just might be able to vote amendments and cuts and get it back to the Senate. Going four years on shooting the moon as the occasion arises is what got us to the edge. It is damn time we got back on budget. The Republicans need to stand firm. NO DEAL WITHOUT A BUDGET AND SERIOUS, MEANINGFUL CUTS! 

CHRISTMAS MEDITATION, 2012

And now, finally it is Christmas Eve. The pub on the corneer of my street is open, and so is another favorite watering hole; and no doubt some of my friends are there and I have been contemplating going out and hoisting a pint. But really, I'd rather stay here and reflect.

 

For I can remember no Christmas Eve in my entire life where the situation in this nation and in the world was so dire and the outlook so bleak. Talk of falling off of the "financial cliff", increasing trouble in Europe, and general feelings of unease, even outright fear dominate the thoughts of many; and for most folks even if they are able to shove these concerns aside and allow themselves the merriment traditional to this season and this Day, somewhere in the near recesses of the conscience these concerns wait to re-assert themselves on Wednesday.

 

It is by no means impossible that we may wake up tomorrow to find that the news stations have interrupted all programming to cover a strike at Iran by Israeli forces, heralding the worst world crisis since the Cuban Missile Crisis, and probably exceeding it even to the point of World War III.

 

And overlaying all this are the lives of the children slain in Newton, Connecticut and the emotion-filled argument that no one on any of the multiple sides has had the decency to delay until after the little ones were buried and the families had coped with such a miserable Christmas. And there is much I could say, but I have promised to belay that until after the New Year, and I will be faithful to that promise.

 

And as to me, personally; both of my parents are gone and my siblings are scattered across the country. None of them, nor my niece nor my nephews, has so much as sent me an e-mail saying "Merry Christmas".  There is not one single person on this earth whom I could honestly describe as a "close friend". 

 

Bleak, bleak, bleak. But I have this:

 

Tomorrow we celebrate (we who believe) God's decision to come and live as one of us, to experience being a little baby dependent on His parents for basic necessities; to undergo the rigors of growing up into pubescence and adolescence; and to be "God with us". And we returned the favor, thanked Him for the miracles He wrought, and responded to His counsel by convincing and cajoling a bunch of Roman pagans to torture Him with scourges, mockery, and a Crown of thorns and to kill Him by nailing him to the Cross, there to die an horrible death from a combination of shock, exposure, and asphyxia.

 

Being God, He didn't have to do this. He could have at any time lashed out, come down from the Cross, and annhialated the entire population of the Earth, spoken the entire universe into oblivion even as he spoke it into existance, and started all over again.  But He did not, He suffered even unto death; and gave His Innocent Life as a sacrifice for mine (and if you believe this, for yours also). "For God so loved the World, that He gave His Son; so that whoever shall believe on Him; SHALL NEVER PERISH BUT SHALL HAVE EVERLASTING LIFE".

 

And after three days, He took His Life up again and was resurrected. Just how this was accomplished is a mystery but it was done nonetheless. He could have just claimed the title "LORD of lords, and King of kings" by fiat. But He - even being God incarnate - elected to EARN the title, and so He did.

 

Accounts of His Birth seem to put it sometime in the early spring, but traditionally it is celebrated at this time of year, when the long, dark and cold nights begin to give way to the light. Some say this is a sacreligious capitulation to pagan traditions, but I say it is most appropriate that He who would guide us to the Eternal Light should be celebrated in that season when the darkness begins to ebb.

 

Within a radius of a mile from where I write this, as this is being written, hundreds of youngsters have been kissed goodnight by their parents and sleep (maybe) awaiting Santa. There are those who will get the latest "fad" toys and then there are those who will count themselves lucky to find a stocking full of hard candy. And bless them all, whatever circumstance they are in. But the true meaning of Christmas is not presents nor is it merriment; and was best expressed in the following poem:

 

I heard the bells on Christmas Day

The old, familiar Carols play;

And loud and strong rang out the song\

Of "Peace on Earth, Good Will toward Men.

 

Then in despair I hung my head.

"There is no peace on Earth", I said;

"For Hate is strong,

And mocks the song

Of "Peace on Earth, Good Will toward Men"

 

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:

GOD IS NOT DEAD,

NOR DOTH HE SLEEP!

The wrong shall fail,

The Right prevail,

With Peace on Earth,

Good Will toward men!

 

I bid you a very Merry Christmas.

 

EVERYBODY SING!!

Folks, for a little smile on this Christmas Eve Eve (Or Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, depending on when you are reading this), let's all have a sing-along!

 

Here's the words to Walt Kelly's Christmas parody of "Deck the Halls", titled "DECK US ALL WITH BOSTON CHARLIE".  Right now, wherever you are, gather the gang around the computer and participate in the first annual ALEXANDRIA DAILY POOP HOLIDAY SINGALONG OF DECK US ALL WITH BOSTON CHARLIE!  Here's the lyrics:

 

DECK US ALL WITH BOSTON CHARLIE

(Written by Walt Kelly)

 

Deck us all with Boston Charlie,

Walla-Walla Wash, and Kalamazoo!

Nora's freezin' on the trolley

Swaller dollar colleyflower, Alley-gaaroo!

 

Don't we know, Archaic barrel?

Lullaby, Lilla Boy, Louisville Lou?

Trolley Molly don't love Farrel

Boola-boola Pensacoola, Hully-ba-looo!

 

Ah, wasn't that great? We hope that put you in a holiday mood. By the way, get your FREE Kindle copy of my latest novel, "Georgetown in Plainclothes". The free promotion runs through tomorrow. Even after that, it's still only a buck ninety-nine, as is "The Peterson Investigation".  Get them both and look forward to the next two prequels.

 

//S// F. Allen Norman, Jr.

OVER THE RIVER AND THROUGH THE WOODS, AND OFF THE CLIFF WE GO

And the sleigh if being pulled by a donkey and not an elephant. On Thursday the House voted down a "compromise" that would have raised taxes on persons making more than four hundred thousand dollars per year, with no meaningful reduction in spending.

There are those who say that the Republicans ought to have passed the measure and let the Senate reject it - as they would have, since the Democrats are pimping for a tax raise on people making about half that. These folks say that this would have exposed the Democrats as people who only want to confiscate more wealth and give it away.

We, on the other hand, see things differently.  While we agree that this would have exposed the Democrat tendency to keep robbing and re-distributing, all other concerns be damned; what is needed is SPENDING CUTS.  The present membership of the Democrat Party will never ever agree to any cuts in spending, unless these cuts undermine the ability of this nation to defend itself. What they offer in return for "compromise" is a promise to look at cuts in the next Congress. Since one Congress cannot bind another, these "promises" are WORTHLESS LIES.

 

Moreover, Barack Obama has said that even though he knows that reduced tax rates spur economic growth and thus increase revenue, he PRIMARILY values what he calls "fairness".  So the Democrat claim that they seek a "balanced approach of cuts and increased revenue" is a load of bullcrap.  What the Democrats seek to do is to take from a prospectve employer and give to indolent slackers, thus sparing them the trouble of having to produce something in order to obtain the means of a living; and thereby ensure the votes of said slackers.

 

Their votes are necessary so that Democrat "leaders" like Obama can get on a tax-funded jet and go to Hawaii for a nice sumptuous vacation while the rest of the nation worries about yet another crippling recession.

 

This is the Democrat plan: The donkey pulls the sleigh right to the edge of the cliff, then they unhitch the donkey and put a hungry elephant in the traces. Then, they wave a peanut in front of the elephant and throw the peanut off the cliff. When the elephant goes for the peanut, THEN they blame the Republicans for the disaster.

 

Looks like we're in for some rough sledding.