BOSTON MARKET'S "NEW TUSCAN CHICKEN"

Now and again we here at the Alexandria Daily Poop dabble in a subject that is not political. It's sort of an ideological sorbet. Right this red-hot minute we are going to talk about a "new" menu item that the Boston Market chain. They call it "Tuscan Roast Chicken".

 

We had neglected to eat yesterday, so about three PM today we found ourselves pretty hungry and decided to visit a local Boston Market outlet. We ordered the heavily advrtised "Tuscan Chicken", which is described as being "marinated in Italian spices". We got half a chicken and two "sides" plus cornbread for $7.65 (which combined with Alexandria's freaking taxes came to $8.61).

 

First, the sides. Boston Market does have some pretty good side dishes. We got the creamed spinach and the squash casserole. Also available were "oven-roasted" sliced potatoes, regular and "loaded" mashed potatoes, stuffing, green beans, steamed mixed vegetables (as you know, we hate calling vegetables "veggies". In fact, calling sandwiches "sammies" and bohemian degenerates "hippies" sets us off too. but we digress...), rice, chicken noodle soup, sweet potatoes, Macaroni and cheese, gravy for the sides, and some reddish liquid that we couldn't immediately identify but suppose it is some type of soup.

 

As for that "Tuscan Chicken", well, blah. The promised "marinated" flavor did not penetrate the meat, which was not dry, but also it was not juicy, either; nor was it flavorful but just tasted like plain old supermarket deli rotisserie chicken. All the flavor was in the skin, which we pulled off and wrapped the meat in a la Peking duck.  Alas, there was not enough skin to encase all the meat; so we concocted a dipping sauce from a squirt of Sriracha and a few shakes of black pepper.

 

Thus was the star of the culinary show upstaged not only by the supporting cast members but also the foley artist and makeup director. In the end, we finished the chicken; but only because we reminded ourselves as we took bite after boring bite that as a living being we needed to take in nourishment.

 

We suppose a concentration camp inmate or a famine victim would find Boston Market Tuscan Roast Chicken delicious. We, however, found it to be underflavored and wan, and wish we had spent our money elsewhere.