AMID THIS FINANCIAL CRISIS, I WONDERED WHAT COULD CONSTITUE THE STUPIDEST BUSINESS PLAN POSSIBLE. Now I have the answer.
The most idiotic business plan that could possibly exist is a gambling casino which offers money back if not completely satisfied. See, if you lose, you won't be (in most cases) satisfied at al.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Monday, October 11, 2010
ATTENTION OHIOANS AND NORTH CAROLINIANS
I WAS BORN IN INDIANAPOLIS, INDIANA, BUT GREW UP IN HUBER HEIGHTS, OHIO JUST NORTH OF THE CITY OF DAYTON. Now I live in the Virginia suburbs of Washington D.C. (and refer to the Potomac River as "the Moat", but I digress...) I keep seeing North Carolina license tags with pictures of the Wright Flyer and the legend "First in Flight". And every now and then I will run into one of you North Carolina jaspers who wants to tell me the airplane was actually invented in North Carolina.
The first heavier-than-air craft was designed, wind-tunnel tested, and built by Wilbur and Orville Wright in their bicycle shop in Dayton Ohio. The Wrights then looked for an area that would have sufficient headwind to launch the craft, a sparse population for safety, and something soft - like beach sand - to crash on in the event of a failure. Kill Devil Hills in North Carolina provided just the ticket.
The Wrights then took their invention apart, trucked it (using turn-of-the-century transport over turn-of-the-century roads) to Kitty Hawk, NC, and set up to test their invention. Adding to the difficulty was the fact that they did this in December to take advantage of the colder (thus denser) air. And what they invented in Dayton, Ohio flew for the first time over the soft sands and cold winds of North Carolina.
But to claim that the airplane was invented in North Carolina is as specious as IBM claiming that Windows Vista was invented by them on the grounds that Bill Gates tested his prototype "MS/DOS" in their laboratories.
North Carolina has much to reccommend it. There's no better barbecue to be found, in my opinion, than that produced by North Carolina pit-masters.
But North Carolina's sole contribution to the history of aviation is the winter winds in the vicinity of Kitty Hawk.
So, on behalf of the Wright Brothers, may I say: "Thanks for the blow job."
Now stop saying you invented the airplane. You didn't.
The first heavier-than-air craft was designed, wind-tunnel tested, and built by Wilbur and Orville Wright in their bicycle shop in Dayton Ohio. The Wrights then looked for an area that would have sufficient headwind to launch the craft, a sparse population for safety, and something soft - like beach sand - to crash on in the event of a failure. Kill Devil Hills in North Carolina provided just the ticket.
The Wrights then took their invention apart, trucked it (using turn-of-the-century transport over turn-of-the-century roads) to Kitty Hawk, NC, and set up to test their invention. Adding to the difficulty was the fact that they did this in December to take advantage of the colder (thus denser) air. And what they invented in Dayton, Ohio flew for the first time over the soft sands and cold winds of North Carolina.
But to claim that the airplane was invented in North Carolina is as specious as IBM claiming that Windows Vista was invented by them on the grounds that Bill Gates tested his prototype "MS/DOS" in their laboratories.
North Carolina has much to reccommend it. There's no better barbecue to be found, in my opinion, than that produced by North Carolina pit-masters.
But North Carolina's sole contribution to the history of aviation is the winter winds in the vicinity of Kitty Hawk.
So, on behalf of the Wright Brothers, may I say: "Thanks for the blow job."
Now stop saying you invented the airplane. You didn't.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
WESTBORO BAPTIST CHURCH
TODAY THE LUNATICS WHO CALL THEMSELVES THE "WESTBORO BAPTIST CHURCH" OF TOPEKA, KANSAS ARE APPEARING BEFORE THE SUPREME COURT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA TO ASSERT WHAT THEY DEEM THEIR UNALIENABLE RIGHT TO SCREAM "THANK GOD FOR DEAD SOLDIERS" AT PEOPLE AS THEY BURY THEIR DECEASED LOVED ONE, shouting that their son is burning in Hell because he fought for a nation in which homosexuality is "tolerated". Given the brutalization of Matthew Shepard and the recent suicde of an "outed" Rutgers University student, we at the Alexandria Daily Poop can only conclude that these loons are either actually a family of very bad improvisational comedians (and tasteless into the bargain) OR that they will not be satisfied until the United States establishes an official Inquisition empowered to root out and stone to death every single person who ever so much as experimented with homosexuality as a child. (We are guessing it is the latter).
While we were listening to news reports and commentary about this event, we got the idea for what follows......
The following is satire, for those of you who don't know how to recognize it.
SUPREME COURT DECLARES EDITOR OF BLOG "ALEXANDRIA DAILY POOP" TO BE ACTING CHIEF JUSTICE AND SOLE MEMBER OF THE COURT FOR DECISION IN CHURCH GROUP CASE, OPINION GOES AGAINST WESTBORO BAPTIST CHURCH
October 6 2010
In a shocking move, the entire Supreme court voted unanimously to recuse themselves from the case involving the Westboro Baptist Church, or Snyder v. Phelps as the case is styled. They then appointed F. Allen Norman, the editor of an obscure Internet web-log called "The Alexandria Daily Poop" as Special Chief Justice and Sole Member Of the Court for the specific and sole purpose of deciding this case, and pre-emptorily declared this action to be Constitutional. "This case makes us all want to vomit, for different reasons of course" said Justice Antonin Scalia. Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg said: "No sane person would want to be making the final decision on this case. There's no nut like a Nationalist nut, so I guess Mr. Norman is nuts enough to decide this."
Special Chief Justice Norman ordered a transcript of the proceedings to be disstributed immediately after the hearing. Special Chief Justice Norman heard no arguments and delivered the following commentary, opinion and ruling:
"Ladies and gentlemen, please be seated.
Before we begin, I want to say that I am almost as shocked to be here as you are to see me here. I only read the briefs for both sides yesterday, and I find that these have been sufficient for me to form an opinion and a ruling. I do not need to hear anything either side has to say. The insane lunatic ramblings of one side and the statements of obvious truths by the other need not be repeated in different words but identical content for me to understand them.
The appellant was awarded five million dollars in a lawsuit against the appellee in the sum of five million dollars for emotional distress suffered due to the conduct of the appellee during the funeral of his son, a United States Marine who died in a motor vehicle accident in a combat zone in Afghanistan. The facts here are not in dispute. The appellee and/or his agents placed themselves in a position where they could heap scorn, ridicule, and insult upon the grieving family as they accompanied the Earthly remains of their deceased loved one to his final resting place. I find that any reasonable person would know that such behavior would inflict extreme emotional distress on the bereaved. Such behavior is so vile as to be offensive to almost anyone's sensibilities. When the infamous child rapist and murderer John Wayne Gacy was executed, did anyone think to do such things to such loved ones as he had as he was laid in his grave?
The appellee appealed this judgement and had it reversed on the grounds that the judgement violates their right of 'free speech" as guaranteed by the First Amendment to the Constitution of the United States.
This Amendment states that "Congress shall Pass no law respecting an Establishment of Religion, nor prohibiting the free exersise thereof; or of Speech or the Press, or the Right of the People to Peacefully Assemble for the Redress of Grievances". The judgement against the appellee violates none of these provisions.
It is the opinion of this court that too many cases have been brought before this court and others, seeking to use the guarantee of the First Amendment as a cloak for, not speech; but reprehensible and outrageous behavior. And while behavior may be "speech", when it is directed not toward the government but against private citizens acting in what is universally recognized by any decent and reasonable person as a private moment of greif; when it is deliberately calculated to disturb the family of a deceased loved one be that loved one a vile hoodlum or a brave hero fallen in the performance of his duty; and when that distress is a desired result of such speech, be that distress the whole part or a component of the desired result of the actor; then the First Amendment does not apply.
It is amply evident that the appellant was reckless in the extreme in the foregoing. Part of the appellee's intent was clearly to inflict suffering on the appellant. The Ninth Amendment clearly states that just because a right is not enumerated in the Constitution does not mean it does not exist. It is the finding of this court that if there is any right commensurate with those enumerated, it is the right of a grieving family to accompany their loved one on his or her final journey on this Earth in peace. The appellee has egregiously, willfully, wantonly and knowingly violated this right, and seeks to have this court recognize their violation of an unenumerated right by claiming the aegis of an enumerated one.
By the agreement and conditions of my appointment, I may rule only on this case and my ruling shall set no precedent. But also my ruling is binding and final.
Therefore, it is the ruling of this Honorable Court that the judgement of the original court against the appellee and for the appellant is not only re-instated but increased five-fold to twenty million dollars; and the court further directs the United States Marshalls Service to sieze and inventory all property of the Westboro Baptist Church; to include the real and personal property of its officers; and the bank accounts and other assets; and dispose of such property money and assets in such a mannner as to render to the appellant the sum of this judgement plus his costs and attorney fees; and to apply the remainder to the costs of the execution of this judgement; and if there be remaining any funds that they be returned to the appellee; but if there is insufficient money to pay the foregoing, the assets of the appellee shall be levied upon until all this judgement is paid in full.
This case is closed, and this court is adjourned.
While we were listening to news reports and commentary about this event, we got the idea for what follows......
The following is satire, for those of you who don't know how to recognize it.
SUPREME COURT DECLARES EDITOR OF BLOG "ALEXANDRIA DAILY POOP" TO BE ACTING CHIEF JUSTICE AND SOLE MEMBER OF THE COURT FOR DECISION IN CHURCH GROUP CASE, OPINION GOES AGAINST WESTBORO BAPTIST CHURCH
October 6 2010
In a shocking move, the entire Supreme court voted unanimously to recuse themselves from the case involving the Westboro Baptist Church, or Snyder v. Phelps as the case is styled. They then appointed F. Allen Norman, the editor of an obscure Internet web-log called "The Alexandria Daily Poop" as Special Chief Justice and Sole Member Of the Court for the specific and sole purpose of deciding this case, and pre-emptorily declared this action to be Constitutional. "This case makes us all want to vomit, for different reasons of course" said Justice Antonin Scalia. Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg said: "No sane person would want to be making the final decision on this case. There's no nut like a Nationalist nut, so I guess Mr. Norman is nuts enough to decide this."
Special Chief Justice Norman ordered a transcript of the proceedings to be disstributed immediately after the hearing. Special Chief Justice Norman heard no arguments and delivered the following commentary, opinion and ruling:
"Ladies and gentlemen, please be seated.
Before we begin, I want to say that I am almost as shocked to be here as you are to see me here. I only read the briefs for both sides yesterday, and I find that these have been sufficient for me to form an opinion and a ruling. I do not need to hear anything either side has to say. The insane lunatic ramblings of one side and the statements of obvious truths by the other need not be repeated in different words but identical content for me to understand them.
The appellant was awarded five million dollars in a lawsuit against the appellee in the sum of five million dollars for emotional distress suffered due to the conduct of the appellee during the funeral of his son, a United States Marine who died in a motor vehicle accident in a combat zone in Afghanistan. The facts here are not in dispute. The appellee and/or his agents placed themselves in a position where they could heap scorn, ridicule, and insult upon the grieving family as they accompanied the Earthly remains of their deceased loved one to his final resting place. I find that any reasonable person would know that such behavior would inflict extreme emotional distress on the bereaved. Such behavior is so vile as to be offensive to almost anyone's sensibilities. When the infamous child rapist and murderer John Wayne Gacy was executed, did anyone think to do such things to such loved ones as he had as he was laid in his grave?
The appellee appealed this judgement and had it reversed on the grounds that the judgement violates their right of 'free speech" as guaranteed by the First Amendment to the Constitution of the United States.
This Amendment states that "Congress shall Pass no law respecting an Establishment of Religion, nor prohibiting the free exersise thereof; or of Speech or the Press, or the Right of the People to Peacefully Assemble for the Redress of Grievances". The judgement against the appellee violates none of these provisions.
It is the opinion of this court that too many cases have been brought before this court and others, seeking to use the guarantee of the First Amendment as a cloak for, not speech; but reprehensible and outrageous behavior. And while behavior may be "speech", when it is directed not toward the government but against private citizens acting in what is universally recognized by any decent and reasonable person as a private moment of greif; when it is deliberately calculated to disturb the family of a deceased loved one be that loved one a vile hoodlum or a brave hero fallen in the performance of his duty; and when that distress is a desired result of such speech, be that distress the whole part or a component of the desired result of the actor; then the First Amendment does not apply.
It is amply evident that the appellant was reckless in the extreme in the foregoing. Part of the appellee's intent was clearly to inflict suffering on the appellant. The Ninth Amendment clearly states that just because a right is not enumerated in the Constitution does not mean it does not exist. It is the finding of this court that if there is any right commensurate with those enumerated, it is the right of a grieving family to accompany their loved one on his or her final journey on this Earth in peace. The appellee has egregiously, willfully, wantonly and knowingly violated this right, and seeks to have this court recognize their violation of an unenumerated right by claiming the aegis of an enumerated one.
By the agreement and conditions of my appointment, I may rule only on this case and my ruling shall set no precedent. But also my ruling is binding and final.
Therefore, it is the ruling of this Honorable Court that the judgement of the original court against the appellee and for the appellant is not only re-instated but increased five-fold to twenty million dollars; and the court further directs the United States Marshalls Service to sieze and inventory all property of the Westboro Baptist Church; to include the real and personal property of its officers; and the bank accounts and other assets; and dispose of such property money and assets in such a mannner as to render to the appellant the sum of this judgement plus his costs and attorney fees; and to apply the remainder to the costs of the execution of this judgement; and if there be remaining any funds that they be returned to the appellee; but if there is insufficient money to pay the foregoing, the assets of the appellee shall be levied upon until all this judgement is paid in full.
This case is closed, and this court is adjourned.
Friday, September 17, 2010
RETIRE REPRESENTATIVE JAMES P. "BUGS" MORAN ON ELECTION DAY
HOW IS IT POSSIBLE FOR EVEN A DEMONRAT TO VOTE FOR A DICK LIKE JIM MORAN YEAR AFTER YEAR? The man has smacked women around, bad-mouthed Jews as a people repeatedly and even went so far as to manhandle a little Black kid when the kid "messed with" his automobile. Look, Ratz; I know he votes your way. But can't you find someone who votes your way who doesn't beat his wife, hate Jews, and manhandle little African-American tots? I know that if a Republican had even ONE of these flaws, you would hound him out of town, let alone town politics.
Is it because you don't want any competition in being the Party of wife-beating, Jew-hating child abusers?
We at the Alexandria Daily Poop have noticed, though, that "Bugs" Moran is getting nervous. For our main exhibit we point to his sudden alarm at the fact that the soon-coming "Pentagon Management Center' near the intersecton of Interstate 395 and Seminary Road will create a completely untenable traffic situation. When this monstrous building opens, well over six thousand people will descend on it every weekday. And since it is located at least four miles from the nearest subway station, this translates into a tsunami of automotive traffic along the already beleagured 395 corridor. A ramp will have to be built through a wildlife sanctuary to handle the exiting traffic.
Moran's opposition to this debacle would be laudable except for the fact that he is rather late to the dance. The building is nearly finished, and road "improvements" nearby are already screwing up trafffic. Meanwhile, debate over this has been raging since before ground was broken. And only now, when his seat is up for grabs, does he decide to point with alarm to the consequenses??
What are the Demonratz thinking? My opinion is that they see this as a game of "Monopoly". The new Pentagon Center is to them like a hotel on a space on the board. Let it get built, THEN suddenly notice the consequenses, sue to prohibit its use; but count the building as an "improvement" and no matter the outcome dun the property owner for much higher taxes. And then collect the political capital along with the increased tax revenue.
As we said, the building is almost ready. It has been known for some time what the possible consequenses would be traffic-wise. Moran had ample time to object, even stop it. Yet only NOW does he notice?? He is either a dumbass of the first water OR a lying fraud.
Either way, it is high time to replace him. Most of the Alexandria City Council needs to be returned to honest work, also.
Is it because you don't want any competition in being the Party of wife-beating, Jew-hating child abusers?
We at the Alexandria Daily Poop have noticed, though, that "Bugs" Moran is getting nervous. For our main exhibit we point to his sudden alarm at the fact that the soon-coming "Pentagon Management Center' near the intersecton of Interstate 395 and Seminary Road will create a completely untenable traffic situation. When this monstrous building opens, well over six thousand people will descend on it every weekday. And since it is located at least four miles from the nearest subway station, this translates into a tsunami of automotive traffic along the already beleagured 395 corridor. A ramp will have to be built through a wildlife sanctuary to handle the exiting traffic.
Moran's opposition to this debacle would be laudable except for the fact that he is rather late to the dance. The building is nearly finished, and road "improvements" nearby are already screwing up trafffic. Meanwhile, debate over this has been raging since before ground was broken. And only now, when his seat is up for grabs, does he decide to point with alarm to the consequenses??
What are the Demonratz thinking? My opinion is that they see this as a game of "Monopoly". The new Pentagon Center is to them like a hotel on a space on the board. Let it get built, THEN suddenly notice the consequenses, sue to prohibit its use; but count the building as an "improvement" and no matter the outcome dun the property owner for much higher taxes. And then collect the political capital along with the increased tax revenue.
As we said, the building is almost ready. It has been known for some time what the possible consequenses would be traffic-wise. Moran had ample time to object, even stop it. Yet only NOW does he notice?? He is either a dumbass of the first water OR a lying fraud.
Either way, it is high time to replace him. Most of the Alexandria City Council needs to be returned to honest work, also.
A WORD ABOUT OUR NEW COMMENTS POLICY
WE ARE A BIT WEARY of intercepting idiotic and treasonous comments from assorted Leftists, and having to delete them. After all, you lice on the Left already get your voices heard in the Washington Post and the New York Times. I will not allow you to speak on MY publication, and - what joy! - you cannot do one damn thing about it!
I do allow comments from reasonable people who disagree with me, but I have had to delete so many personal attacks and spit-flying lunacy that I had to do something.
THEREFORE. Henceforth all comments will be reviewed before they are published. I will endeavour to check for comments every day and allow the good ones to see print. Thank you for reading the Allexandria Daily Poop.
I do allow comments from reasonable people who disagree with me, but I have had to delete so many personal attacks and spit-flying lunacy that I had to do something.
THEREFORE. Henceforth all comments will be reviewed before they are published. I will endeavour to check for comments every day and allow the good ones to see print. Thank you for reading the Allexandria Daily Poop.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
BOOK EXCERPT - FROM THE NOVEL IN PROGRESS "THE PETERSON INVESTIGATION"
THE FOLLOWING IS AN EXCERPT FROM MY UPCOMING NOVEL "THE PETERSON INVESTIGATION". The story is basically about a D.C. Homicide detective who grew up in Huber Heights, Ohio; who retires in 1995 and is asked by one of his boyhood friends, who is now the Chief of the Huber Heights Police, to return and command the HHPD Criminal Investigation Division. He accepts, thinking he is in for a laid-back (compared to DC) post=retirement gig. But three weeks after he is sworn in he is confronted by a horrendous murder that is a stone 'whodunit".
In the scene below, Detective Sergeant John Philip Waterman and Chief (Colonel) Kyle David Meadows are on a drive through the City of Huber Heights so that Waterman can see the various changes to the territory since he left town for the Air Force. They are on Rip Rap Road and are passing an enclave called Miami Villa when the conversation triggers a memory for Waterman about a tragic illegal drag race in 1969, which will have a major bearing on the plot later.
This is FICTION. Any resemblance of any character to any real person, living or dead, is purely co-incidental. Copyright 2010 by F. Allen Norman, Jr.; ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
A few miles later we arrived at Miami Villa. "The Villa" was and is a community of mostly very blue-collar folks. Back in the day, they were nowhere nearly as well-off as the middle-class families living in what was then called "Huber Homes". They constantly dealt with flooding, as the community is hard by the Great Miami and the river overtops the levee from time to time. The houses mostly use propane for heating and cooking. But they are very well kept up, and the driveways and yards are home to boats and some of the best, fastest, and most well-maintained "muscle cars" in the region. The kids attend City schools, and in our day they were called the "Villa Rats" (but never to their faces unless the caller wanted an ass-kicking.) They were some of the toughest kids I have ever known. These folks were mechanics and machinists, mostly. They were salt-of-the-Earth people, but they were fiercely independent. If they could have issued passports to their community, they would have done so. "Generally' Kyle said, 'We don't go in there unless they call us or unless we have business there. They like to take care of their own problems, so unless someone gets killed or something we sorta let them be. But they've given us a couple of good cops. Jimmy Lawson, the guy you replaced, he's from the Villa. Remember Johnny Lawson, the Villa boy in our class who got killed in that drag race? Jimmy is his kid brother."
Johnny Lawson was a Villa kid who was known for his 1957 Chevy Bel-Air. He had worked for that car from the age of thirteen, raking leaves and shoveling walks, weeding gardens, whatever he had to do to get the money. When he was 15 he bought it, and it sat in the family carport while he kept working every chance he got. Weekends he might be found working on it with a clutch of older boys, souping up the engine and drive train, or sanding down the body by hand for the paint job he wanted for it. The day he got his driver's license, he celebrated by driving the primer-coated monster into Vandalia for painting.
What emerged from A&L Body and Paint was a 1957 Chevy sedan with full-moon hubcaps, a chrome air scoop on the hood, a tachometer installed outside the windshield, and a four-speed floor mounted Hurst shifting setup. The interior was as plush as a New Orleans whorehouse with black crushed velvet seats and chrome trim galore. The beast had been painted metallic "Candy-Apple Red" with a gloss-black racing stripe running from front to rear on the hood, roof, and trunk. The rear end was jacked up as high as State law allowed, and the engine sang through fiberglass- packed "Thrush" mufflers muting the twin exhaust. It sounded like a hungry tiger, and Johnny soon became king of the local street-racing circuit.
A section of Rip Rap Road that was arrow-straight had for years been marked with "START" and "FINISH" lines. It was uniquely suited to illegal street racing because this particular stretch of the road was entered at the south from Wagner Ford Road via a bridge over the Great Miami River. After a slight bend, the road went as straight as a rifle shot for a mile before bending again and re-crossing the Miami to continue north. This enabled the posting of lookouts, and during the summer drag-racing on Rip Rap was a popular - and dangerous, not to mention highly illegal- pastime. Johnny won a lot of money there. He also won two "title-for-title" races and sold the cars for a good profit. I realized as we drove along that it was on this same day and the same road we were on that Johnny Lawson lost his life.
He had been racing a Northridge boy who was driving a Chevy El Camino. It turned out later that two of the Northridge boy's pals and he were out for vengance, since Johnny had taken the title to a cousin's car in a race. The Montgomery County Sheriff's investigators had found that the other two Northridge boys had stood among the other spectators and thrown roofing nails into Johnny's path. Johnny hit those nails going at least 150 MPH. His right front tire blew, shredded, and his car left the road, rolling over at sickening speed ; then hit a tree on the riverbank and ejected him into the swollen Great Miami River. The next day I had gone to see the County rescue squad dragging the river with grappling hooks as the Lawson family watched and wept. I suddenly realized that the 10-year-old blond boy who was clinging to his father weeping that day must have been Jimmy. I sighed and - although I am not Catholic - crossed myself. Little did I know that this 1969 case of aggravated manslaughter would come roaring back with awful consequenses here in 1995, fully 26 years later. "Hey' Kyle said, 'turn up Fishburg. See that bar on the corner?............
In the scene below, Detective Sergeant John Philip Waterman and Chief (Colonel) Kyle David Meadows are on a drive through the City of Huber Heights so that Waterman can see the various changes to the territory since he left town for the Air Force. They are on Rip Rap Road and are passing an enclave called Miami Villa when the conversation triggers a memory for Waterman about a tragic illegal drag race in 1969, which will have a major bearing on the plot later.
This is FICTION. Any resemblance of any character to any real person, living or dead, is purely co-incidental. Copyright 2010 by F. Allen Norman, Jr.; ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
From "THE PETERSON INVESTIGATION"
Chapter II
The Territory
(Copyright 2010 F. Allen Norman, Jr. All rights reserved.)
A few miles later we arrived at Miami Villa. "The Villa" was and is a community of mostly very blue-collar folks. Back in the day, they were nowhere nearly as well-off as the middle-class families living in what was then called "Huber Homes". They constantly dealt with flooding, as the community is hard by the Great Miami and the river overtops the levee from time to time. The houses mostly use propane for heating and cooking. But they are very well kept up, and the driveways and yards are home to boats and some of the best, fastest, and most well-maintained "muscle cars" in the region. The kids attend City schools, and in our day they were called the "Villa Rats" (but never to their faces unless the caller wanted an ass-kicking.) They were some of the toughest kids I have ever known. These folks were mechanics and machinists, mostly. They were salt-of-the-Earth people, but they were fiercely independent. If they could have issued passports to their community, they would have done so. "Generally' Kyle said, 'We don't go in there unless they call us or unless we have business there. They like to take care of their own problems, so unless someone gets killed or something we sorta let them be. But they've given us a couple of good cops. Jimmy Lawson, the guy you replaced, he's from the Villa. Remember Johnny Lawson, the Villa boy in our class who got killed in that drag race? Jimmy is his kid brother."
Johnny Lawson was a Villa kid who was known for his 1957 Chevy Bel-Air. He had worked for that car from the age of thirteen, raking leaves and shoveling walks, weeding gardens, whatever he had to do to get the money. When he was 15 he bought it, and it sat in the family carport while he kept working every chance he got. Weekends he might be found working on it with a clutch of older boys, souping up the engine and drive train, or sanding down the body by hand for the paint job he wanted for it. The day he got his driver's license, he celebrated by driving the primer-coated monster into Vandalia for painting.
What emerged from A&L Body and Paint was a 1957 Chevy sedan with full-moon hubcaps, a chrome air scoop on the hood, a tachometer installed outside the windshield, and a four-speed floor mounted Hurst shifting setup. The interior was as plush as a New Orleans whorehouse with black crushed velvet seats and chrome trim galore. The beast had been painted metallic "Candy-Apple Red" with a gloss-black racing stripe running from front to rear on the hood, roof, and trunk. The rear end was jacked up as high as State law allowed, and the engine sang through fiberglass- packed "Thrush" mufflers muting the twin exhaust. It sounded like a hungry tiger, and Johnny soon became king of the local street-racing circuit.
A section of Rip Rap Road that was arrow-straight had for years been marked with "START" and "FINISH" lines. It was uniquely suited to illegal street racing because this particular stretch of the road was entered at the south from Wagner Ford Road via a bridge over the Great Miami River. After a slight bend, the road went as straight as a rifle shot for a mile before bending again and re-crossing the Miami to continue north. This enabled the posting of lookouts, and during the summer drag-racing on Rip Rap was a popular - and dangerous, not to mention highly illegal- pastime. Johnny won a lot of money there. He also won two "title-for-title" races and sold the cars for a good profit. I realized as we drove along that it was on this same day and the same road we were on that Johnny Lawson lost his life.
He had been racing a Northridge boy who was driving a Chevy El Camino. It turned out later that two of the Northridge boy's pals and he were out for vengance, since Johnny had taken the title to a cousin's car in a race. The Montgomery County Sheriff's investigators had found that the other two Northridge boys had stood among the other spectators and thrown roofing nails into Johnny's path. Johnny hit those nails going at least 150 MPH. His right front tire blew, shredded, and his car left the road, rolling over at sickening speed ; then hit a tree on the riverbank and ejected him into the swollen Great Miami River. The next day I had gone to see the County rescue squad dragging the river with grappling hooks as the Lawson family watched and wept. I suddenly realized that the 10-year-old blond boy who was clinging to his father weeping that day must have been Jimmy. I sighed and - although I am not Catholic - crossed myself. Little did I know that this 1969 case of aggravated manslaughter would come roaring back with awful consequenses here in 1995, fully 26 years later. "Hey' Kyle said, 'turn up Fishburg. See that bar on the corner?............
END OF EXCERPT.
Friday, August 27, 2010
WHY DON'T WE PAY OBAMA ONE BILLION DOLLARS TO RESIGN?
REALLY. WE ARE BEING COMPLETELY SERIOUS HERE. Look at how much money this shithead ignorant "president" has spent in the name of "saving the economy"; only to see things get WORSE.
Not only this, but look what he and First Lady Michelle are doing: Jetting off to exotic locations, stuffing their faces with the finest grub, and living LARGE, baby, LARGE! When everone in the country is feeling the misery of these financial woes, Barack and Michelle live as though they were a pair of Alabama trailer park denizens who just hit the Powerball for half a billion dollars.
So I say, give Barack Obama and Michelle one billion dollars, on the condition that Barack resign the Presidency. That is half the cost of a B1 bomber, and among other benefits this stipend might help assure we never have to use a B1 in a war with a nuclear armed Iran. Not to mention he won't be ordering up new "entitlement spending" and otherwise throwing away money willy-nilly like Micheal Jackson at the FAO Schwartz toy store.
Not only this, but look what he and First Lady Michelle are doing: Jetting off to exotic locations, stuffing their faces with the finest grub, and living LARGE, baby, LARGE! When everone in the country is feeling the misery of these financial woes, Barack and Michelle live as though they were a pair of Alabama trailer park denizens who just hit the Powerball for half a billion dollars.
So I say, give Barack Obama and Michelle one billion dollars, on the condition that Barack resign the Presidency. That is half the cost of a B1 bomber, and among other benefits this stipend might help assure we never have to use a B1 in a war with a nuclear armed Iran. Not to mention he won't be ordering up new "entitlement spending" and otherwise throwing away money willy-nilly like Micheal Jackson at the FAO Schwartz toy store.
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