THE ALEXANDRIA DAILY POOP

POLITICAL CALCULATION: ABORTION AND "GAY MARRIAGE" VS. THE ECONOMY, GOD, AND (OF ALL THINGS) TIM TEBOW

2012-01-09T23:42:00.000-05:00

All true science is predicated upon mathematics. There is a thing called "political science" which is actually taught in our nation's most prestigious universities. I used to have a layman's term for "PoliSci", to wit, "Bullshit".

But that was before I found out that the math which backs up "political science" has four basic operations analogous to common mathematics. These consist of :

Ambition,
Distraction,
Mortification, and
Derision.

These operations are on flamboyant display in the current Republican Primary debates. The various Republican contenders have an ambition to become the nominee (as the Democrats have an ambition to stay in power). the swamp of half-truths and lies gives forth a stinking savor as everyone involved attempts to deride the competition and mortify the opponent publicly. But for all the in-fighting, it is still quite evident that We The People are sick and tired of "president" Barack Hussein Obama to the point that if the Republicans were to nominate Spongebob Squarepants he would win in a landslide.

Mortification and derision having yielded little to the Democrat party, there is only one avenue left; which is to say to subtract from the issue most likely to yield victory to whomever the Republicans wind up bearing the standard against Obama in November. And so the Democrats have elected to use the device of distraction.

The issue at hand is, of course, the economy. Bitch all he may about what he "inherited" from George Walker Bush, one of those things he inherited was an AAA credit rating for this nation, since - and on his watch - downgraded to AA. All Obama can say in his own defense is that things would have gotten even worse than they have gotten since he took over if he hadn't taken over, which is (and how conveniently) unprovable. There have been some recent upticks in the economy, but the fact that these occurred after the Republicans took over the House of Representatives and had been able to at least throw a brake on some of Obama's more disastrous policies is also something the Democrat leadership needs to distract the attention of the voters away from.

The vehicle they have chosen to invite We The People to take a ride on is so-called "social issues". By this, they mean mainly abortion and homosexuality in particular; and the unbridled expression of sexual desire between "consenting adults" and between kids of whatever separation of years of age they - the Democrats - deem appropriate in general. (and if you are a Democrat who votes in line with the leadership, even pederasty is tolerable; but God help you if you are a Republican who ever had a closed-door conference with a young male staffer or a page!)

So it is that the Republican candidate debates are moderated by "television journalists" who are no such thing but who are patently Democrat hacks. Chris Matthews, David Whatsisname, GEORGE FUCKING STEFANOPOULIS??? These are not "impartial moderators". They are flat-out Democrat operatives whose agenda is to embarrass the Republican candidates in any way they can.

In the most recent debate, George Stephanopoulis (how the hell do you spell his name? look it up for me, okay?) asked one insanely ridiculous question after another, the most ludicrous being if the candidates would support a state having the right to outlaw condoms.

CONDOMS! Let me get this crap straight: People are out of work, some families are making porridge out of bullion and stale bread, and the big concern is that some state in this Blessed Union might go nuts and outlaw RUBBERS???? And yet Boy George deems this distinctly remote possibility a Very Serious Issue befitting a debate over the future of these United States.

"Gay marriage"? For just right now, WHO THE FUCK CARES?? I recently read in the "society pages" of the Washington Post that Olympic figure skating champ Johnny Wier got "married" to some other kid who's a law student at Georgetown (or wherever). Good for them. I'd even have sent them a wedding gift, except I can't seem to find a roll of toilet paper with a birth certificate printed on each square.

It's just amazing (or not) how the Left has decided that the three most important things to protect are not Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness; but rather legal abortion on demand, atheism (as long as it is directed against Christianity and Judaism), and sexual freedom (within, of course, parameters defined by them).

The way the Statist Left leadership of the Democrat Party sees things, rights are NOT "endowed by the Creator" but rather granted by the government, which government they see themselves as the only legitimate members of. George, Chris, David and their ilk see themselves as the leaders of the Democrat Inquisition dedicated to exposing the heresy -as represented by the Republicans - against Statist supremacy.

The mainstay of this assault is the denial of God, and with good reason. God has thwarted many an evil endeavor. The most common two word phrase in the Christian Bible is: "But God..."

And so this rash of anti-God sentiment in the public debate has been met by the appearance of one Tim Tebow, an NFL quarterback for the Denver Broncos who is a devout Christian. Tebow is known for (among other things) inscribing the eye-black below his eyes with a reference to the Bible verse "John 3:16" (For God so loved the world, that He gave His only Begotten Son; so that whosoever shall believe on Him; shall never Perish but shall have Everlasting Life").

And for exactly this public bearing of an assurance of pardon from eternal condemnation Tebow is excoriated by the very people who are trying to distract people from the economy and make them think that the Republicans want to burn atheists and homosexuals at the stake.

Indeed, when the Broncos lost one a few weeks ago, the Lefties were dancing up and down and wetting their pants and trumpeting that this "proved" that Tebow's Christianity was a sham.

But last Sunday, in overtime against the Pittsburgh Steelers, Tebow threw an 86 yard touchdown pass on the very first play, ending the game with a win. And one more item:

Tebow's total passing yardage for that game was exactly "3:16" yards. The Lefties, of course, call it "coincidence".

But God....

THE FUEHRER PRINZIP, OBAMA STYLE

2012-01-05T12:19:00.000-05:00

WHEN ADOLF HITLER FINALLY GOT HIS "ENABLING ACT" PASSED, THUS MAKING HIM ABSOLUTE DICTATOR OF GERMANY, THE LINCHPIN OF HIS RULE WAS THE "FUEHRER PRINZIP"; THE NOTION THAT HITLER'S COMMAND WAS ABOVE ALL WRITTEN LAW.

ALTHOUGH WE HERE AT THE ALEXANDRIA DAILY POOP HAVE PREVIOUSLY DECRIED COMPARISONS OF OBAMA TO ADOLF HITLER, RECENT EVENTS ARE LEADING US TO BELIEVE THAT HE MAY BE SHOOTING FOR THAT KIND OF POWER.

Witness Obama's behavior in making appointments to the National Labor Relations Board and to the new Consumer Financial Protection agency. According to the statutes authorizing these positions, he is REQUIRED TO HAVE THE CONSENT OF THE SENATE. According to the CONSTITUTION OF THE UNITED STATES he may not otherwise make an appointment unless the Senate is not in session.

The Republicans have gavelled to order a pro forma session of the House every day since everyone went home for New Year, in order to force the Senate to remain in session and deny Obama the opportunity to ram through "recess appointments".

The Democrats did the same thing to deny George Bush the opportunity for a recess appointment. Every day Senator Kaine would call an empty chamber to order, and then adjourn for the day; all in the space of about two minutes. And if George Bush had just gone ahead and called this parliamentary maneuver a "cheap political trick" and gone right ahead and made a "recess appointment", the Democrat statists would have summoned their mobs to set the streets on fire as articles of impeachment were being drawn up.

And yet this very thing is exactly what "president" Obama has done with these recent "recess appointments"; which in reality are no such thing but are rather an unconstitutional usurpation of power and a blatant defiance of both statutory law and the Constitution he was sworn to uphold.

"president" Obama evidently is beginning to think he is Supreme Dictator. For the attitude he has displayed is nothing less than an exercise of the "Fuehrer Prinzip".

This is a very serious matter. What will he do when he loses the election? Declare the results void, and attempt to command the Armed Forces to institute martial law?

What will he not do, given the contempt for the Constitution we here at the ADP have known that he has from the beginning but he is just now beginning to show without a trace of discretion? Is this Obama willing, if it comes to that, to broker a deal with our enemies to have our armed forces surrender so long as our enemies make him their satrap in America?

Given all of the above, it is the editorial position of the Alexandria Daily Poop that the rank and file of the Democrat Party must break ranks with their statist leadership and call in both houses of Congress for the immediate impeachment and removal from office of "president" Obama. He only has a few days more than a year to remain, but even that is too long in the light of what he has just betrayed himself as being.

Republicans of the House Oversight Committee, begin drafting Articles of Impeachment NOW.

Now, before Obama decides to extend his version of the Fuehrer Prinzip to the point of a military takeover of the country.

THIS POST HAS NOT BEEN MADE AS A SATIRE OR A JOKE! EVERY LAST WORD OF IT HAS BEEN WRITTEN AS A RESPONSE TO A SERIOUS SITUATION WHICH DEMANDS STRONG ACTION FROM THE CONGRESS. IT IS URGENT THAT BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA BE REMOVED FROM THE OFFICE OF THE PRESIDENCY AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!!!

2012 PREDICTIONS AND 2011 IDIOT OF THE YEAR AWARD

2011-12-31T15:14:00.001-05:00

AULD LANG SYNE, same old crap. Happy effing New Year, and here is the year's final Poop.

It has been a banner year for idiots and idiot doings. Not just the "oocupy" movement either, although the two dolts I hauled to McPherson Square who bitched about "big corporations" and bank bailouts all the way there and then paid their fare with a credit card - issued by Bank of America, no less - wound up with a third quarter nomination for Idiot(s) of the year.

But advertising has really gone off the rails, especially drug advertising. This year I have beheld an asthma drug which has a side effect of INCREASED RISK OF ASTHMA RELATED DEATH!

Yikes. Not to mention Lunestra, the sleep aid that might put you to sleep PERMANENTLY (and has a side effect of "drowsiness". Ya think?)

And, let's not forget, all those anti-depressants with the side effect of "Suicidal tendencies". That's an anti-depressant?

Newest among these worse-than-the-disease "cures" is a stop-smoking aid that has the side effect of making the user grouchy and bitchy. Why in hell anyone would get a prescription for something that mimics the effects of quitting cold-turkey is beyond me. I think the pill is something called "Placebowe" and the main ingredient is some substance called "sugar".

At least the 20-year storm of idiotic bumper-stickers seems to have abated, if you don't count the ones that say "Obama 2012". But nothing really galling like the one a few years ago: "I HAVE AN HONOROLL STUDENT AT GARFIELD MIDDLE SCHOOL".

Yes, "honoroll", spelled just like that. How absolutely ghastly. No wonder Mac McGarrity quit "It's Academic". He likely couldn't stand it anymore.

"Honoroll", indeed.

Well, it's time to announce the latest addition to our own "Honoroll of Infamy". But first a re-cap of the rules and the reason I have made an exception to the rules this year.

The Official Alexandria Daily Poop Idiot Of The Year must meet the following qualifications unless an exemption is made by your beloved Editor in Chief, Moi:

The candidate must be someone I have met in the course of my main job of driving a taxicab.(this rule has been WAIVED FOR 2011)
The candidate CANNOT be retarded, insane, or otherwise mentally deficient by no fault of the candidate's own. What qualifies as the above is solely up to the judgement of the Editor.
The candidate cannot be intoxicated. In the competition for Idiot of the Year, alcohol and drugs are disqualifying performance-enhancers. However, a sober candidate who boasts about an idiotic thing he or she did when drunk or high; who does not recognize that what the candidate did was embarrassingly stupid, will still be considered unless the candidate is in alcoholic denial.
The candidate must, in my presence, do or say something or boast -not just relate sheepishly or ruefully, but boast- about doing or saying something that is, when considered and compared against the candidate's degree of education and station in life is toweringly and spectacularly stupid beyond the simple foibles common to us all. (This rule has been partially waived for 2011)

AND NOW, THE MOMENT ALL THREE OF THE READERS OF THIS E-RAG HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR, THE ANNOUNCEMENT OF THE ONE AND ONLY OFFICIAL WINNER OF THE ALEXANDRIA DAILY POOP AWARD

IDIOT

THE

YEAR!

AND THE WINNER IS.....

TIME MAGAZINE! FOR THEIR PICK OF "THE PROTESTER" AS "PERSON OF THE YEAR"!

Congratulations, you stupid motherfuckers. You put a picture of some person with a bandanna on his (her?) face and announced that bitching that you don't like something - and without even having the guts to show one's face at that - entitles one to a coveted national honor. Are you fucking stupid? YES! You are fucking stupid and more! You have probably blown away any hopes of anybody else making Idiot of the Decade in 2020. Like Obama's Nobel, I'm awarding you Idiot of the 2010s on the come.

And that includes every man Jack and woman Jane and Ruby Tubesteak trans-sexual freak on the entire Time Magazine staff. The publishers and editors for making the choice and approving it, the staff writers and photographers who did not quit in disgust over it, ditto the contributors and right down to the entire membership and stockholders of whatever concerns manufactured the very paper, ink, and printing presses used to manufacture the copies of this travesty. You are a pack of god damned IDIOTS every single one of you.

You fools did not, of course, mean the TEA party, who leave their rally sites cleaner than when they came. No, you mean the people in the "Arab Spring" who just started rioting, intending to bring down tyrants. Sounds like a good idea until you realize that worse tyrants have been awaiting just such a moment and are currently maneuvering to install Islamic extremist theocracies to lord it over the supposedly "newly freed" peoples.

You mean the "peaceful" "Occupiers" here who among other things leave shit - not just a generic mess but real, stinking human shit - everywhere (including the guy who took a crap on a police car), push old ladies to the ground, and block traffic and cause massive disruptions because they have decided to pool a plethora of real and imagined grievances and throw a massive national infantile temper tantrum which includes a few real boneheads who are threatening to starve themselves to death unless the Congress IGNORES THE CONSTITUTION and gives the District of Columbia full state's rights and representation. (and at least these idiots are being considerate to their pallbearers, who will have a light load to carry.) BUT "ignore the Constitution" (as they "interpret" it) in any way that adversely affects them, and they squeal like stuck pigs.

I could go on and on, but all any thinking person needs do is watch the news. Yes, the lame-stream drive-by media tries to sugar coat it, but - like "Bit o' Honey Candy" - the nuts pop through after you chew on it a while.

SO. For giving global honor and recognition to any misguided malcontent who decides to throw a public fit, YOU, THE OWNERS, PUBLISHERS, EMPLOYEES, AND ANY PERSON WHO IN ANY WAY CONTRIBUTES TO THE PUBLICATION AND VIABILITY OF TIME MAGAZINE HAVE THE SINGULAR HONOR OF BEING THE FIRST GROUP RECIPIENTS OF THE DECIDEDLY DUBIOUS ANNUAL AWARD OF THE ALEXANDRIA DAILY POOP'S

IDIOT OF THE YEAR 2011

and as a bonus

IDIOT OF THE DECADE 2010-2020!

We usually make a suggestion as to where the award recipient should go and what the recipient should do, and in this case and oddly enough following this suggestion will help get the economy going. As a bonus, it will accomplish one of the goals of some of the occupiers in that when you all get those vasectomies and tubal ligations to avoid birthing another generation of imbeciles, you will generate the income needed for a whole lot of doctors, nurses, anesthesiologists, medical technicians, and the like to finally pay off those student loans some of you have been bitching about between public shits.

Oh yeah. And don't ask me to pay for it. Try for a volume discount. Idiots.

PART II: PREDICTIONS FOR 2012

I had some partial success in my predictions for 2011. Gold did fall, but not as much; ditto oil. I am rather disappointed in the lackluster performance of the TEA party Republicans but they did fight hard to point out that - as the editorial position of the ADP states - "there ain't no fuckin' money". The Democrats successfully ignored this.

I wasn't wrong about the Euro, however. It's currently down more than a nickle from where it was last year. Germany - good old Deutchland - is poised to become the new global superpower alongside the United States.

Europe has responded somewhat more sluggishly to the Moslem threat than I would have liked, but the awakening is taking place all the same.

Apparently the person who draws "Sally Forth" reads this blog, as Hilary now has a long-distance boyfriend named "Jon". Funny how fast that happened after I made that prediction. As to Justin Bieber: Hey, Justin. Anybody young, cute, and famous can get any squeeze he likes. But this whole "paternity suit" bit? I personally still think you're a gayboy. If so, drop the facade and stop making yourself miserable.

Now, here are my predictions for 2012:

Either Barack Obama will be landslided out of office in November, OR he will kick Biden upstairs and take Hilary Clinton as a running mate. Should this happen, I have three names for "president" Obama to think on: Ron Brown, Vince Foster, and Lyndon Johnson. (Yeah, Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone; but that was only because he could never remember his lines.)
The Republican Party will re-take the Senate and strengthen their hold on the House, regardless of who wins the Presidential contest.
Open and violent street confrontations between elements of the supporters of the Democrat Party's statist views and patriots will erupt across the country. These will begin in the wake of the first "super Tuesday" primaries in the southern states and will intensify over the summer.
Gasoline will shoot to ten dollars per gallon when the nutbars in Iran decide to shut down the Straits of Hormuz. They will be thoroughly spanked by the United States military, but the dithering idiot we have been cursed with as "president" will not authorize the needed step of a military conquest of the Islamic Republic of Iran. Things will settle down within a month, but it will be one hellish month gas-price-wise.

HAPPY NEW YEAR FROM THE ALEXANDRIA DAILY POOP!

DAYTON vs HUBER HEIGHTS

2011-12-26T16:31:00.000-05:00

Most of you have probably noticed the sidebar with all the articles about Huber Heights, Ohio; the Dayton suburb which is my hometown. There is a rather remarkable article there telling about a new company which took over and remodeled a vacant industrial building to found a new manufacturing company. And what is truly jaw-dropping is that in hurting, mass unemployment suffering Ohio they are having trouble finding qualified machinists, etc.

Now, there is a really great site for Dayton history research called Dayton History Books Online (DHBO). The site is administered by Curt Dalton and is quite comprehensive. One component of the site is called the "Dayton Memories Blog"; a forum where folks can share their memories to times past in Dayton and/or ask questions of the membership.

There are many of us who bemoan the state that the City of Dayton has fallen into. However, whenever we start talking about what to do about it, the forum falls into squabbling, and Curt has had to delete entire threads. So I'm taking MY stand on MY blog (where it belongs) and keeping it OFF DHBO (where it doesn't). However if you want to get an idea of what Dayton once was just before the place started falling apart (or if you want to know just about anything about the history of Dayton and the Miami Valley) DHBO is an excellent place to get the information.

Now, down to brass tacks.

Huber Heights was not always the City of Huber Heights. Prior to 1981 it was the name of a huge tract of all-brick homes taking up the lion's share of what was then Wayne Township, Ohio. Almost as soon as Huber Heights was developed, the City of Dayton began an effort to annex it and grab the property and income taxes. The citizens of Wayne Township waged a 20-year battle to beat back the annexation. Finally and under the guidance of Charles Monita Wayne Township incorporated as the City of Huber Heights.

On my last trip to Dayton back in 2008, I beheld jaw-dropping desolation. I have described the area around North Main and Helena as "Something (Zap Comix artist) R. Crumb might have drawn" and I was and am not exaggerating. Crumb is well known for his surreal and vaguely brooding city scenes. Dayton made me glad of a firearm in my waistband.

Dayton has scads of empty former factories and businesses. Lots of them are more strategically situated as to access to supply lines, etc. than this building that caught the attention of these intrepid Huber entrepreneurs. The question is, what happened and why.

I well remember dire discussions about the layoffs and closures at Chrysler Airtemp and Frigidaire back in the late 60s and early 70s. Most of us kids had at least one friend in our circle whose dad had been laid off or was unemployed. The Dayton custom of cutting a round pizza into bite-sized squares was a blessing, as it made sharing easier and if one of our impoverished pals needed a bite, not removing a whole big section of pizza at once let him look and feel like less of a moocher. I was fortunate enough to have a father who was a senior engineer at NCR and others of my friends had dads who were either officers or high-level NCOs at Wright-Patterson AFB.

One guy in my circle was the son of a laid-off drill press operator who had flat given up. The father drank most of his unemployment check and on Sunday mornings the family car often wound up parked halfway in the front yard, and my pal would get up and park it straight in the driveway before the neighbors woke up and started talking. Fortunately he was able to get a job part-time washing dishes. He got fed free at the restaurant, but most of the money he slipped to his mom to pay the bills. Still, enough of us were well-off enough to afford to chip in and let him have a good time with us (and he had connections for some darn good marijuana, too). There were always high hopes that the ant would move the rubber-tree plant and the crisis would pass and the factories would start hiring again.

But in 2008, Chrysler closed its last Miami Valley facility. And last year, NCR - which had once been the premier industry in Dayton but which had withered to a shadow of its former greatness - NCR, the former National Cash Register Company; whose founder John Patterson single-handedly saved Dayton from being wiped from the Earth during and after the 1913 flood - pulled completely out of Dayton and re-located to Atlanta. ATLANTA!

Rike's Department Stores is dead. Elder-Beerman is still around, but its Dayton stores are closed (But the one located in Huber Heights continues to thrive). There are a short ton of empty buildings and rents and prices are dirt-cheap. But a couple of guys who want to start an industrial manufacturing business drive right through Dayton and pick a building in the City of Huber Heights. What's the explanation?

In a nutshell, Huber Heights was conceived to be "business friendly". The slogan of the City is "Come Grow With Us!", and very bluntly they do not look at corporations as cows to be milked for all the money that can be gotten out of them, but rather as fellow citizens and neighbors.

On the other hand, Dayton's message to those who would base a manufacturing (or any other kind of) business is: "Welcome to Dayton. Now Stand and Deliver!" The city of Dayton has become liberal Democrat to the point of absurdity, and their efforts to lure companies into their tax-trap have been patently cheesy and ridiculous.

A few years ago Dayton had a mayor who wore custom-made glasses with one square lens and one round lens "to represent that Dayton is well-rounded and you can get a square deal". I hardly know where to begin in describing the utter vacuity of that statement, and I can hardly imagine how absolutely ridiculous those specs must have made her look. If I were looking to locate a business in Southwest Central Ohio I would have run screaming from Dayton, and I imagine many have.

Dayton now sees business primarily as a source of revenue to fuel the government, which will then re-distribute the confiscated wealth to the deserving. Huber Heights sees business primarily as an employer of citizens, and the primary and best creator and distributor of wealth. And Huber Heights prospers as Dayton slips further into decay.

I am not here saying that Huber Heights is an oasis of plenty in a desert of desperation. The two main retail centers, Huber Center and Marian Meadows, were on my last visit raddled with shops that had died young and a few that were stillborn. But there were more than a few that are not just hanging on but thriving. The leaders and authorities in Huber are hell-bent on attracting as much business to the city as possible and in allowing these businesses to thrive.

Dayton, on the other hand, is looking to entrap slaves. I cannot imagine what Huber would look like today if Dayton had successfully annexed Wayne Township. Or more accurately, I CAN imagine it, but I try like hell not to.

NEED A LAST MINUTE CHRISTMAS GIFT?

2011-12-24T17:15:00.001-05:00

Need a last-minute Christmas gift for someone who has a Kindle?
THE PETERSON INVESTIGATION IS BEING OFFERED FREE FOR A LIMITED TIME!

That's right, FREE! So far more than 100 people have "bought" the novel FREE.

Best of all, it appears magically in the blink of an eye. You can download it Christmas morning. (Which it will be soon here in the USA).

I'm not gonna make a dime off this. 35 percent of zero is zip. But, it is a good story, and so far more than 400 people have gotten a nice Christmas present, not just from their loved one but from me.

Plus, if you suddenly remember someone who might be miffed that you forgot, you can make up some lame excuse about a glitch in the Internet or whatever. Like I said, it's a good read; and about the time they get suspicious and check the listing on Kindle, the promo will be OVER and they'll at least think you spent two bucks on them!

Merry Christmas. Even if I can't stand you. Yes, even YOU, Mister "president".

CORRECTION

2011-12-24T16:58:00.002-05:00

In my last post I misidentified the virus I was having trouble with. (Need to keep those reading specs handy for the small print!)

The name of the virus - a literal virus, not a trojan - is Win32/Sirefef:N. I learn from Microsoft Security that it was published on December 20, 2011 and they are still working on details about it, which explains why MSE was not able to remove it completely from my machine. I have reflected this in my OP on this by making the necessary changes.

Since this virus seems to bee targeted at denying internet connectivity, and seeing as I visit law enforcement sites while researching the prequel novels I am writing vis-a-vis The Peterson Investigation; I am betting the aimpoint of this attack is American law enforcement. I strongly suspect the "Anonymous" group (Which supports accused Wikileaks traitor Bradley Manning) is involved in the dissemination of this malware. Any law enforcement personnel viewing this blog should take this into account.

This seems to be a particularly insidious and vicious piece of malware, which would explain why Microsoft Security has not been able to explain it in detail as yet. That it only activates after a scan tells me that it targets your security program itself.

Anyone from Microsoft Security who wants to talk about this virus may contact me in the "Comments" section. I will be making attempts to contact your security people, but as yet I cannot get an immediate on-line live contact.

NEW VIRUS: WIN32/Sirefef:N

2011-12-23T17:35:00.001-05:00

This is a really insidious piece of crap virus. "win32/sirefef:N" is about as close to AIDS for computers as you can get. I have dealt with this exact same virus three times so far, and I have yet to fully eject it from my system. It seems to partially infect Microsoft Security Essentials.

What this bug does is shut down a service that enables the detection of signals from the internet. Specifically it disables something called "DHCP Client Services".

The virus seems to lie dormant until you update and do a MSE scan. When the scan is complete, the history shows the name of this virus and you are advised that a restart is necessary to complete the removal of the virus.

BUT when you re-start, you will find that you are unable to connect to the net. Diagnostics suggests "restart DHCP Client Service" but that does not take care of the problem.

Going to the control panel and opening "administrative tools" and clicking on "services" reveals a list which includes DHCP. But, when you try to manually start the service you are greeted with a message that says that the service either does not exist or has been "marked for deletion".

YIKES.

I have twice gone through a procedure I have found to get around this bug, and have run Microsoft's "Malware Removal tool" and the emergency security scan, This last says only that the bug was "partially removed".

I even went to the length of uninstalling MSE and then re-installing a pristine copy. But right now the MSE icon is glowing orange and advising me I need to re-start (to finish removing the threat). What do you want to bet I will have the headache all over again if I do?

What is worse, Microsoft Security has "no details" about this bug other than it hides in your files in order to replicate. As I said I have found a way around it, but it takes the better part of an hour and is a pain in the ass, and of course at the end when you re-start you are urged to run another scan and re-start. (I am not about to discuss how to get around this bug lest it give the bug's deigners ideas about "improvements")

I hadn't intended to get online in the middle of the holidays, but I wanted to warn you all about this dangerous new trickster. It's harder to get rid of than a broke-ass cousin who found out you just won the lotto. Good luck.

NAP TIME

2011-12-22T10:04:00.000-05:00

I really need to take a break from doing this blogging bit. I am sure that all three of you readers will be fine until I get back, which should be sometime around New Year's (and don't worry, the Idiot of the Year and my predictions will be published).

Thing is, folks, I need to quit sitting down at this keyboard as soon as I come home. I get so busy with this stuff (and writing the first of a series of sequels to my 4-sales hit "The Peterson Investigation"; and working on spreadsheet formulas to try to find a more elegant proof of Fermat's Last Theorem and other stuff) that often I don't get enough sleep before going to work. So I'm putting a sock in it until New Year's.

One last jab at "president" Obama: He finally found a way to use Christmas to his advantage. He wants everyone to go home and convince their Republican relatives to support Obama. Talk about a fool's errand.

(Just a note to my nephew: Brandon, I love you, but as to converting me to an Ubamanista; fah-geddabowdit.)

HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS. THAT'S AN ORDER.

WHERE THE RICH MINORITY WANTS TO DICTATE TO THE MAJORITY

2011-12-20T14:44:00.000-05:00

All of you "occupy" types are really disgusted when a wealthy minority lords it over a less-well-off majority, right? Why, by golly, that wealthy minority needs to be TAXED and their money given to support the majority, RIGHT???

And boy, that rich minority, do they EVER try to get themselves little exemptions here and there and play by different rules than the majority. Oh yes, it happens all the time, and by your lights it is a sad state of affairs.

Well, as you sit there in your tents like shepherds of you-know-not-what; BEHOLD I BRING YOU GOOD TIDINGS OF GREAT JOY that there is a place in this country where the wealthy minority has been brought to heel.

That place is the magical Old Dominion, the Commonwealth of Virginia.

Once upon a time, the Northern parts of Virginia were merely bedrooms for the workers of the Federal government, and mainly the military. But Virginia's tax policies brought in more and more companies; and more and more people sought out Northern Virginia as a desirable place to live, made possible by the State's reluctance to interfere with the lives of its citizens and by its strict and effective criminal justice policies.

In time, the population of the Northern counties began to shift. Northern Virginia was increasingly the home of young professionals sporting fifty-dollar haircuts (on two-bit heads). Somewhere along about the 1980s, Northern Virginia was saturated with money, much of it belonging to statist "Progressive" liberals (STaPLes , or for the convenience of the writer STAPLEs).

In the course of time, Virginia's firearms laws were - to the horror of the STAPLEs - loosened further. No longer could some County or City in Virginia ban the open carry of a loaded firearm, nor could they adopt firearms restrictions more severe than those authorized by the Constitution and Statutes of the Commonwealth. What is worse, a law was made that anyone who was over the age of 21, who was not a wife-beater, a drug addict, a felon, or insane MUST be issued a permit to carry a concealed handgun.

The STAPLES began to bitch and pule that these policies would lead to "a blood bath". (it didn't; crime in fact dropped!) It was then that the STAPLES hit on using the fact that Northern Virginia was sending boatloads of money to Richmond, but none of it was being spent on them; and it wasn't fair that Northern Virginia had to live under the laws of the rest of the Commonwealth.

Typical one-percenters, no? They have all the money, yet they are outvoted, and outfoxed at every turn. These one-percent STAPLES want all their money to make things all their way.

SING HALLELUJAH! It doesn't work that way in our Blessed Commonwealth!!

(Something tells me you neo-hippie idiots are not pleased with this state of affairs.)

NORMAN - OBAMA 2012!

2011-12-18T14:17:00.003-05:00

Yes, folks, that is the OFFICIAL TITLE of my Presidential campaign.

I know a lot of you are wondering if somebody put LSD in either your oatmeal or mine. Well, I HATE oatmeal, so we're safe. You see, I have no running mate, so when I am elected Obama will be my veep. This serves two very important purposes.

FIRST, there are a lot of folks who due to misbegotten white guilt, misplaced black pride, dithering liberal-schmiberal tendencies, etc; who know that Obama is a screw-up and it would be extremely dangerous to allow him to continue running the country. But they just can't bring themselves to vote against the man.

SO, it's simple. Voting for ME will not be a vote AGAINST Obama as much as you will be voting FOR Obama for Vice President. He still gets a real nice house in a good neighborhood, and as a plus it's real near that pricey Quaker school he sends his kids to. AND any time he feels unappreciated he can mosey down to Dupont Circle, where the homosexuals at the Fireplace bar can buy him drinks and tell him how much they adore him for ending "Don't Ask Don't Tell".

He'll still be able to attract A-list guests to his parties, too; and still gets access to a plane and can cut right through traffic with a huge motorcade any time he wants to go down to the Seven-Eleven to get a carton of those cigarettes he doesn't smoke (right).

SECOND, If I piss off some other country, I just send him to apologize. That's what he's good at. In fact, his first job is going to be to go down to the British Embassy and ask for that bust of Winston Churchill he sent back, apologize for the insult, and carry it to the Oval Office and put it where my secretary tells him to put it.

I know some of you might be concerned that the Vice President has the tie-breaking vote in the Senate. I can pretty well assure you that with about 23 Democrat seats in play next year, there aren't going to BE any ties.

Oh, another thing. By voting for me, you Ubamanistas can really help your boy, because he'll be getting a Presidential pension AND a Vice-Presidential salary!! What's not to like?

ANNOUNCING MY CANDIDACY FOR PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!

2011-12-16T10:16:00.003-05:00

Might as well run for President. If nothing else it will look GREAT on my resume' (Accomplishments: Candidate for President of the United States, Independent, 2012). So I am announcing my candidacy and asking every one of you readers out there to write my name in, and tell everyone you know to do the same.

Now as to why you should do this, the reason is staring you right in the face. NO, NOT THE GUN, IDIOT. The reason you should give me your write-in vote is because of the financial mess this country is in. Observe that this campaign will take place solely on the pages of this blog, which is hosted by a free service. I also use whatever free public net signal I can glom on to to write this. I won't be flying anywhere for a public appearance and I don't need a bunch of campaign donations, so you can spend your cash on stuff that will revive the economy. See? I'm improving things already!!

N0w, I am running as an independent, but you can write me in in either the Democrat or Republican primaries (providing the Dems are going to go through the formalities of a primary this year, but wouldn't it be a hoot if I beat out Obama in his own party's primary vote??)

If nominated, I will run; and if elected I will serve. I'm not doing this for joke value. I have to take the ads off this blog so they don't count as campaign funds, so the only ads here until November 2012 will be those that benefit Blogspot and not me. I do, however, realize I have approximately the same chances of winning as Frosty the Snowman would have of surviving a day at the beach in Cancun, or as a Special Olympics baseball team would have of beating the Washington Nationals.

(Well, actually, considering the way the Nats have been playing that might be a bit optimistic).

As to my platform, it will be addressed in future posts. However, a cornerstone of this platform will be weaning people off of their "entitlement" habits. Since we now borrow forty cents of every Federal dollar spent, then for starters EVERY FEDERAL AGENCY WILL HAVE ITS BUDGET SLASHED BY FIFTY PERCENT and here I do not mean increasing spending less than it would have been increased, nor do I mean cooking up crackpot schemes that would cost trillions, "deciding" against implementing them, and calling this "savings" while the dollars continue gurgling merrily down the crapper. I have previously published a post here which outlines a plan to eliminate the unconstitutional - I don't care what the Supreme Court said back in the 30s - "Social Security" nonsense WHILE STILL ENSURING THAT THOSE WHO WOULD BE HURT BY AN IMMEDIATE CUTOFF ARE TAKEN CARE OF.

There is much more to my plan for America, but my goal will be to return this country to the place where anybody can do pretty much as he or she pleases without some idiot in Washington D.C. forcing his or her idea of how you should live your life issuing fiats to you while you pay the idiot who is bossing you around. That's how taxi companies are run. It's no way to run a free country.

ATTENTION AMAZON PRIME MEMBERS! "THE PETERSON INVESTIGATION" NOW AVAILABLE FOR FREE LENDING!

2011-12-14T16:28:00.002-05:00

If you have an Amazon "Prime" membership, Kindle books such as mine are available for FREE borrowing in the Kindle library.

(full disclosure: I still get paid. What? you think I work for free? But aside from your trial Amazon Prime membership, YOU pay NOTHING)

In associated news, I am now hard at work on a series of "prequel" novels featuring "The Peterson Investigation" main character Detective John Philip Waterman (J.P.). These will be set in Washington, D.C. and track the progress of Waterman's career from the time he went into the Detective Bureau in March of 1977. This initial "prequel" will involve the traffic in Methaquaalone ("Soapers") in the "disco" scene of the era. I should finish and publish it sometime around late March of next year.

Vista Security 2012 - the virus that just will NOT give up.

2011-12-14T16:01:00.003-05:00

I must have really pissed the programmers of this virus off with my last post. I have been hit three more times by the virus, which each time used a slightly different mutation to get past Microsoft Security Essentials. In each case I defeated the bastards, and am now working through different web sites to identify which one(s) this bug is coming out of.

I have backed up all of my files, of course; so in the event I need to replace my hard drive it will only cost me a couple hundred dollars. I also update security each time I go onto a different web site. Sure, it's a pain in the ass, but every time I get attacked that's one more winnowing of possible origins for this bug.

Look, you assholes who are running this scam. I have sworn to get you, and get you I will unless you stop bothering people who are just trying to work and communicate online.

You know what I think would be fun? Finding a way to "boomerang" your sabotage right back at you. Once I find an infected website, the fun will begin. take your crap off the web or suffer the consequences.

You can end this now, or you can get shit-hammered. The choice is yours.

THE LATEST PAIN IN THE ASS VIRUS, VISTA SECURITY 2012

2011-12-10T13:34:00.003-05:00

TIME TO UPDATE YOUR SECURITY FOLKS.

I do mean right now. There's a brand new virus out, "Vista Security 2012". It slipped right past my Microsoft Security Essentials (It's free, it works as good as anything else, and I'm a cheapskate) even though I had updated security days ago.

This is a nasty fucker. It is one of those false flag attacks that tries to get you to send it money (and give it your account info into the bargain) to make it go away. It starts - as do many virus attacks - by popping up and informing you it is "scanning" your system. Then within seconds it alerts you that your computer has umpteen mega-jillion viruses and you should "click here to remove threats". If you do, you will be confronted with a form demanding your payment information. If you don't, then it will throw up "virus warnings" and the like with increasing frequency, probably to keep you off balance as you try like mad to find a way to get the damned beastie killed. That's tough to do.

This virus blocks access to every program on your computer. I couldn't even open MSE security to deal with it. Finally I hit on a solution. I'd just keep the fucker busy while I gained access to my security system. Here's what I did:

I closed out a bank account a couple of years ago, but I kept the invalidated debit card and the checks, figuring they would come in handy for just such an emergency. So I dug out the old card and cliccked the "remove now" button. Sure as hell, a payment form popped up.

I entered the card number and phonied up an expiration date. used the name Roger Kaputnik as an alias and gave a phony phone number and an email address of "fuckyouwithadonkeydick@jackmeoff.com" and sent the phonied-up info.

Then I rapidly summoned up Microsoft Security Essentials while the greedy bugger was trying to process my "payment". I ran an update and then started a full scan. When the "payment" came back "declined" the bug began peppering the screen with dire warnings of "permanent damage" etc. as it frantically tried to get me to quit trying to kill it and get busy with paying it.

The virus died after a two-hour scan, and just to make very sure I went to Microsoft's security site and had the emergency security scanner run through the system (It's a great tool, it's FREE and it is entirely compatible with ALL security systems).

If you encounter this bug and you don't have an old, expired card for a closed account, I suspect you could do this with any sixteen random numbers, as long as the first four numbers start with 4 and add up to two numbers that add up to 2; the second 4 start with 4 and add up to 5; (example: first set 4412 =4+4+1+2=11; 1+1=2, got it?) the third set start with 9 and add up to 1; and the last set begins with 1 and adds up to 8. Just phony up any old 3-digit number for the security code. Ditto the email address, and make it as obscene as possible so that whatever human sifts the results will know what you think of him, her, or (in case it might be Chaz Bono) it. Also, phony up a phone number. Better still, (boy I wish I'd thought of this earlier today!) use the number for the fraud section of the local police department, one that doesn't look like an office number. Like not 756-6600 but one like 756-6634. If your local cops don't have a number that looks private somewhere, I'm sure you can find one that does.

Update your security twice a week or oftener.

Oh, yes. and you fucks who are running this scam? I am a former criminal investigator. Read my book "The Peterson Investigation", and do it while you still can.

Because you can't have a Kindle in the joint, and I am after your worthless asses. I have a brother who used to be in charge of production for Lexis-Nexis and between us we will eventually get you locked up for a long, long time. You count on every system having flaws and vulnerabilities? You bet your ass they do, motherfuckers. And that includes YOURS.

I'll be seeing you. Count on it.

EMMA SULLIVAN, GOVERNOR BROWNBACK, AND THE FIRST AMENDMENT

2011-11-28T13:52:00.002-05:00

HERE AT THE ALEXANDRIA DAILY POOP WE ARE VERY CONCERNED WITH THE RIGHT OF FREEDOM OF SPEECH. AS IS THE CASE WITH ALL OTHER RIGHTS, FREEDOM OF SPEECH IS GOD-GIVEN AND IS NOT "GRANTED" BY THE CONSTITUTION, IT IS MERELY GIVEN SPECIAL SAFEGUARDS, PARTICULARLY TELLING THE GOVERNMENT NOT TO TRY TO SHUT CRITICS UP.

Comes now the case of one Emma Sullivan, an 18-year-old woman-child who insulted Kansas Governor Sam Brownback (R). Brownback's office is demanding an apology. Or so it was originally reported, and we here at the ADP were concerned about this. When first we heard of this, it was alleged that the young lady insulted Brownback to his face and that Brownback had demanded she either apologize or the school board ought to expel her. Naturally we feel this is completely unacceptable.

And it matters not that the Governor is a conservative Republican and that Ms. Sullivan is a jejune teenaged twit who constitutes an excellent reason for repeal of the 26th Amendment. She has a right to call the Honorable Governor of her State an idiot right to his face without fear of reprisal. One can only imagine what we would tell "president" Obama to his face, given the opportunity.

BUT AS IT TURNS OUT THE TRUE STORY IS QUITE DIFFERENT.

Not only is Emma Sullivan a jejune teenaged twit, she is a liar, and she libeled the Governor. She didn't insult Brownback "in person"; but she claimed to have done so while posting a message on "Twitter", the medium of twits.

Twits tweet on twitter, and Ms. Sullivan claimed to have just publicly told the Governor that "he sucked" to his face. This was a lie, and since she communicated that Brownback had just been publicly "dissed" when in fact he had not, Ms. Sullivan thereby committed LIBEL.

And it was not Brownback but a member of his staff tasked with monitoring social media who notified her school of the "tweet". The apology the school wants her to write is NOT for the insult in the "tweet" ("Heblowsalot") but for the LIE that she embarrassed the Governor in front of others.

Well, Ms. Emma Sullivan, here at the Alexandria Daily Poop we know that you are an adult woman at age 18. We think the Governor should show you what "adult" means. See, Emma, "Adult" means "FULLY RESPONSIBLE FOR AND BOUND BY ONES WORDS AND DEEDS". Among other things, that means you can be sued for libel.

And so, Governor Brownback; we at the ADP think that you should give this young woman a lesson in Civics and file a lawsuit for libel. And do it with a private lawyer so she can't claim the whole state of Kansas is coming down on her precious li'l puddin' head.

We bet she changes her tune very quickly.

Emma Sullivan: "Tweet-le DUMB"!

BLACK FRIDAY: THIS IS THE SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS??

2011-11-26T14:24:00.005-05:00

EXACTLY TWO POSTS AGO, We warned the dolts who are running the "Occupy" "movement" against trying to stop the shoppers on "Black Friday". We warned them that this might have serious - even fatal - consequenses. And, since each and every one of those sophomoric fools is some Mommy's Li'l Puddin'; we are glad that our warning was heeded.

AS CAN BE SEEN IN NEWS ACCOUNTS OF "BLACK FRIDAY", holiday shoppers can be a violent lot. Personally, we always get our holiday shopping done sometime around Columbus Day. It just seems to us that whatever good karma comes from giving gifts with the anticipation that they will be recieved with pleasure is swamped by a 30-foot tidal wave of BAD KARMA when fighting for parking space, cursing traffic, and jostling (and, as was shown amply, worse) for merchandise in some crowded shop or store. Pushing and shoving, fighting over parking, etcetera; just so one may have the pleasure of seeing a smile on another person's face - be that other person a beloved relative, close friend, or just a co-worker - means that to please ONE person you have royally pissed off DOZENS of others. Which means that the only person you REALLY wanted to please after all was YOUR OWN SELF.

"WELL, EVERYBODY ELSE WAS DOING THE SAME THING!" Yes, and if all this Holiday is to you is "Festivus for the rest of us", then I suppose you can justify it.

BUT if this season you are really and truly celebrating the birth of GOD as a human being, who said that all the Commandments and the Prophets could be distilled to : "Love God with all thy heart, and all thy mind, and all thy strength, and love thy neighbor as thyself".........

THANKSGIVING 2011

2011-11-24T14:24:00.003-05:00

I am sittting here stuffed with - what else? - turkey and all kinds of goodies, and man am I ever late for the rack. But I would be remiss if I didn't do a little public counting of blessings.

I am healthy. I haven't had a bout of flu in two years of driving the coughing, hacking public around. I'm a bit fatigued from working on four or five hours sleep, and Mr. Sandman's collection agency is after me; but other than that sleep debt I'm fine.

Wealthy? Not as much as I might be or wish, but I am thankful I stuck around the National Capital Area. My home State of Ohio is a mess, and Dayton and the Miami Valley are being hit with the loss of one big industry after another.

Wise? Heck, folks; one read of this blog will tell anyone what a wise-ass I am. I'm at least smart enough to write a novel, even though so far it's selling like day-old erstwhile hotcakes; but that may also be a blessing. Because while I'd like very much to be rich, I don't think I'd much care to be famous. (Except to you three guys who read this thing once in a while, of course).

So happy Thanksgiving, all. Remember to play that football game BEFORE dinner. Now I'm gonna turn on a football game and let it bore me to sleep. Hope you all enjoy the day

WARNING TO THE "OCCUPIERS" : DO NOT EFF WITH 'BLACK FRIDAY". YOU WILL RISK SERIOUS INJURY.

2011-11-22T15:08:00.005-05:00

I originally posted a lighthearted goofball post here, but now I am given to understand that you idiot kids have gotten it into your damnfool noggins to try and get between crazed Christmas shoppers and major retailers selling stuff they want on what is commonly known as "Black Friday".

ARE YOU NUMBNUTS KIDS OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MINDS?

Getting between a mother grizzly and her cubs is arguably less dangerous than getting between DC area Christmas shoppers and a pantload of promised bargains. Don't believe it? Then just try it. I can promise that you will be very seriously injured, possibly even killed. You wouldn't get in front of a herd of stampeding rhinoceroses, would you?

Or would you?

The 1960s era park-and-beach trash that has been egging you on won't be anywhere near where harm could come to them, I will guarantee you that. They know better. Tell them to stand in the way of those holiday shoppers. Let them go to the ICU (or the morgue).

I am not kidding one bit. And you lamebrains have nearly zero support here or anywhere else. When you get hurt, all but a few people will say you deserved what you got for being such idiots.

I had all my Christmas shopping done last month, so I won't be walking over you. But, if you actually have been wondering what it is like to have a ruptured spleen or a ruptured kidney, etc. then you just TRY getting between holiday shoppers and a sale. You will be facing a mob, you will be vastly outnumbered, and you will wish you had never decided to fuck with holiday shoppers.

A word to the wise is sufficient. I have here written a whole lot of words, and I hope for the sakes of you dolts that they will be sufficient. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED, so don't blame the Alexandria Daily Poop when you wind up in traction.

SOME REALLY NICE KIDS.

2011-11-19T15:17:00.003-05:00

Late this morning I was pleased to serve three very nice young ladies who are students at Episcopal High School. The kids The kids at Episcopal are very nice young ladies and gentlemen, and it is always a pleasure to serve them. They tip pretty darn good too!.

Not only that, but they're pretty darn smart, too; so they will undoubtedly be able to decipher these here "webdings".

And girls? Just be glad I didn't post this in double-encrypted Enigma. Happy Thanksgiving.

Well, heck. "Webdings" is one of the fonts on the blogging widget. I just checked the post and the webdings didn't show up. So here's a message encrypted on an electronic copy of the 3-rotor ENIGMA machine for you all:

PQK/HDZ

IQPSU MGCAV VNWDP MLATO KMWZB DYJFL IGIDS DOSWQ NNFCX BJHHX MVDID LNDYW JCUOF MMRCP BLGRP NQVMS HCUFT

Again, happy Thanksgiving, kids. You wanted a blog shout-out, so here it is.

FASTER THAN THE SPEED OF LIGHT PART III: THE NERDS' HEADS EXPLODE

2011-11-19T03:14:00.002-05:00

For the second time in three months, European scientists have shown that it is possible for at least a sub-atomic particle to travel faster than the speed of light. This has really got the internet's armchair "physicists'" knickers into a very tight twist. You'd get a more reasoned reaction from a Foursquare Pentacostal Holiness minister if you told him that Man is descended from apes.

I mean the nerds are just having a FIT. But, there it is, "Hi! It's Mr. Neutron!" and THEN the doorbell rings.

Imagine: Superman is found dead of gunshot wounds, and the medical examiner winds up arguing with everybody about how this is IMPOSSIBLE, even as the corpse stiffens and begins to stink.

Maybe it's just possible that the brainiest folks on the planet (or so they claim) DON'T know everything, after all.

CHAZ BONO, CIRCUS FREAK

2011-11-16T11:31:00.003-05:00

YET ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF AMERICA'S NEWEST AND MOST LUCRATIVE CAREER PATH, THE "PROFESSIONAL PUBLIC SPECTACLE", HAS BEEN FOISTED UPON US BY THE MEDIA IN THE PERSONAGE OF "CHAZ" BONO, THE WOMAN WHO WANTS US TO CALL HER A MAN.

We here at the Alexandria Daily Poop are so very glad that "Chaz"'s father Sonny Bono is not alive to have to deal with this idiocy. The former Chastity Bono is of course the offspring of Sonny Bono and his mate and one-time hippie act singing partner Cher Bono, now known to most of us simply as "Cher".

At some point Chastity began "self-identifying" as a lesbian. Now she has had her genitalia surgically modified and takes male hormone injections. She wants to be called "he"; and most of the "mainstream media" is compliant with her wishes, but we at the Alexandria Daily Poop refuse to participate in this "Chaz-rade" "Chaz" is a "she".

She cannot father children, but perhaps if the mutilation her hyper-indulgent mother paid some Frankenstein of a "doctor" to inflict on her can be reversed she can give birth. And if her hormone injections are discontinued her beard will disappear and her tits will regenerate.

Really, if some chick wants to assume the male role with a female partner; then there is an amazing piece of rigging known as a "strap-on dildo" which is much less expensive and light years less controversial than spending a fortune on mutilating one's own self.

Some time ago we knew a young man who got a similar "surgical re-assignment" to a "female" genital configuration. He had been a homosexual male, so he thought he would be changed to a heterosexual female.

As it turned out, we ran into him in a public venue several years later, and asked him if he had a steady beau or a husband yet. Here is his response, and brace yourself:

""Oh, men are only after one thing. I've stopped dating men. I'm a lesbian."

Yikes. Finally, the cure for homosexuality. Yikes.

Maybe "Chaz" will similarly straighten out and become a heterosexual woman.

Keep a tight asshole, Chaz.

THE PENN STATE SCANDAL

2011-11-10T18:02:00.002-05:00

Okay, let me get this straight:

Catholic Priest alone with altar boy: BAD!

Football coach alone in shower with boy: BAD!

Homosexual male alone in woods with young Boy Scout: MUST BE PERMITTED OR ELSE IT'S A MATTER OF CIVIL RIGHTS DISCRIMINATION??

Honestly, you people are so full of shit I scarcely know where to even begin.

HERMAN CAIN AND THE NOOSE MEDIA

2011-11-09T14:51:00.003-05:00

Herman Cain scares the living hell out of the Statist Lefties who control the Democrat party. The accusations against him are flying and the media is harping and harping about Cain's alleged sexual harassment (whatever that means, and the Democrat party operatives have differing definitions depending on party) of a growing group of women who are said to have "come forward" even though only one or two of them have given their names.

Of the two who have given their names, there is evidence that at least one of them has a history of financial troubles and of filing complaints in whatever job she holds. Both of them claim they are "not being paid" and that's probably the only true thing they are saying. Payday will come later in the form of interviews and book deals AFTER they have done the job of stringing up Herman Cain in the good old Democrat tradition of the KKK. Welcome to the "noose" media.

It boils the blood when we think of how the Democrat party would have handled such an attack on "president" Obama when he was only a candidate. Democrat operatives would have ripped the accusing women apart like the flying monkeys ripped up the scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz. Remember when Gennifer Flowers made her accusations against Bill Clinton? Democrat women paraded around with signs saying "Gennifer, Gust Get Lost".

Well, the noose media is demanding a lie detector test.

But not for the accusers. They want Cain to take one.

The good news is that Cain is not about to climb the gallows like a good "boy". His support is not dwindling, it is increasing; and the Democrat party is baffled and infuriated, and wonders how this could be. Here's why:

BECAUSE THE AMERICAN PUBLIC IS NOT FREAKING BLIND AND THEY ARE ON TO YOU FILTHY RACIST DEMON-RAT SWINE is why.

Noose media. Has a nice TRUE ring to it.

HERMAN CAIN

2011-11-02T15:10:00.002-04:00

HERE AT THE ALEXANDRIA DAILY POOP, WE STILL THINK THAT RICK PERRY WILL BECOME THE NEXT PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. However, Herman Cain may well prove us wrong.

We certainly hope that Mr. Cain will win the nomination and wrest the White House from "president" Obama. Cain is what we call a "straight shooter". If you ask Cain what time it is, he won't try to put you to sleep with a lecture on how to build a watch. And if nominated he will beat Obama like a rented mule.

The statists on the Left know this, and fear Cain. They want Mitt Romney, whom we here at the ADP believe to be the most likely Republican to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.

And so the Left is on the attack. They have now stooped to the lowest of the low, a sexual smear campaign. This campaign is based on some nebulous claim that one or two women were given settlements in some kind of contremps that allegedly involved allegations of alleged "sexual harassment" (which these days could mean some guy complimenting some gal on her clothing!) The "Settlements" have been said to be in the "five-figure" range.

FIVE FIGURES??? FIVE???? THAT'S ALL??? That's mighty cheap for a sex-harassment suit involving a top executive in a major Washington lobbying group. If there were any substance behind such an accusation ANY D.C. shyster worth his salt could have gotten half-a-million AT LEAST; and that's even BEFORE Cain became a household name.

Our guess is that these women were screwups who were on the verge of getting fired, managed to trump up and blow out of proportion some such thing as Cain giving them a wink as a compliment on a job well-done (for a change) and made such a pain in the ass of themselves that they were allowed to resign and paid some small severance pay on the condition that they shut up and go away (which explains the non-disclosure order that supposedly prevents them from coming forward).

Some lawyer claiming to represent the women claims that they want to come forward but cannot get the non-disclosure agreement nullified. Meanwhile other sources say the women just want to be left alone. (We can't blame them. There is nothing to this allegation and they know that if they come forward it will not enrich them but rather blow up in their faces.)

For his part Cain says that this is just an effort to get him to shut up and, as Cain said;

"IT AIN'T GONNA WORK."

In our opinion, this non-scandal will go down in history as the desperate groping of the Statist Left as their grasp on power slips. The poor, deluded Lefties. They really thought they could game the system of government so ingeniously laid out by the Founders of this Republic. One has to give them credit, they tried. They almost succeeded. But "nearly" as they say only gives success in horseshoes and hand grenades. The gears of our system of government were cleverly designed to crush even the largest monkey wrench thrown into them. Freedom of speech is the chief wrench-breaker. The Alexandria Daily Poop is proud to be part of that.

THE PETERSON INVESTIGATION - PRICE SLASHED TO $1.99 USD

2011-10-17T15:56:00.002-04:00

That's right, folks. Now you can get my novel "The Peterson Investigation" on Kindle E-Books for a mere $1.99 US.

Don't have a Kindle device? There's a free app you can upload to read the sample, and it can be used to buy and read the entire story.

I (egomaniac) still think it's worth $3.99; but there is a recession on after all.

GRATUITIES

2011-10-13T15:04:00.005-04:00

Folks, I am just a dirt-poor cab driver. The reason I make my living this way is not because I cannot do anything better - and in fact if my books take off I may not have to do this much longer - but because I have a degree of freedom in this line of work unmatched by almost any other. For instance I can choose to sit on my fat ass and write stuff here if I wish, and today is one of those days I wish.

I just read something on AOL news about a waitress who received a credit card slip with no tip, with the notation that "you could stand to loose some weight" (pretty sure the a-hole meant "lose". But people these days evidently can't be bothered to apply what they know of spelling and grammar. However, I digress.)

Now, we cab drivers are not as dependent on tips as wait staff are. Waiters and waitresses are usually paid about two bucks an hour and absolutely rely on gratuities. I have waited tables before and have some real horrible cheapskate stories of my own.

Once, I had a young lady and her father in. The young lady had a sore throat and wanted scrambled eggs, and I patiently stood and listened as she explained in excruciating detail that she wanted her eggs soft, but without any raw, runny parts; as if she were the only person in the world who could know what having a raw sore throat was like. I actually had to take a seat because she wanted me to take extensive notes. (I am not making this up!) She could have just said she wanted the eggs very soft but fully cooked, but instead I had to listen to this whole fucking song-and-dance.

This took place in a Falls Church "Steak and Eggs" clone in Seven Corners where I was managing the joint. I was there between shifts and our waitresses and the assistant cook had not come in, so I was faced with these two PLUS four other tables. That's right, folks. Take the orders, cook the food (fry the fish, put the steaks on, flip the burgers, keep track of everything, collect the payment, EVERYTHING. )

So I made the eggs perfectly. I know I did because the young lady thanked me effusively.

But when I bused the table, what did I find?

Exact change for the tab, and a business card that said:

"While I appreciate the service you have rendered and the quality of my meal, I believe that the practice of "tipping" is unfair to both you and I. I and others believe that your employer should pay you a living wage. I would gladly pay a higher price for my meal, but I believe it to be deceptive for a restaurant owner to expect his customers to pay a price higher than what is listed on the menu. Please give this card to your employer and tell him that I and others like me expect the price of a service to be what is stated at the outset of the transaction."

WHAT A FUCKING DICK.

Let me be clear about this. I understand that some people HAVE to eat in a restaurant if they want a hot meal, and we had regulars in that place who came in nearly every morning for the "special" of one egg, one piece of toast, and a cup of coffee for $1.45 (this was 1980). These folks rarely if ever left anything extra; and if they did it was because they didn't want to wait for change of a dime. But really, if you're that bad off then God bless ya, and would you like me to warm up your coffee?

THESE ASSHOLES LEFT IN A 1979 CADILLAC ELDORADO.

It's the same thing in the taxicab biz. I get a regular going to work who has to take a taxi every day, I don't expect a tip. After all, I'm taking the passenger to someplace he probably would rather be anywhere else but. Charon doesn't get tips from people he is ferrying across the Styx to Hell, so why should these folks tip me?

As to every other situation, a "gratuity" should be determined by the level of service provided. I have gotten gigantic tips from people who loved the entertainment value of the ride as provided by me. (I have also been stiffed by people who did not like my sense of humor)

Gratuities, let me make clear, are always gratefully accepted. They are in no wise expected, and neither I nor any other person in the service industry has a right to expect them. I have many regular customers who tip not at all, but they are regular riders and truth be told they are pleasant enough that I would not charge them at all save for the fact that I am working to pay the rent. And after all, I'll take a cheapskate before a fare-evader or a robber any day.

Having said all this, I will say one thing further.

IF I EVER get a credit card slip returned to me with such a personal insult written on it, it will never be posted on the Net.

Because if I was that waitress I would have chased the mug down and shoved the paper down his throat. No kidding.

OCCUPIED DINGBATS

2011-10-10T14:25:00.002-04:00

WE HAVE BEEN WATCHING WITH AMUSEMENT AS THE IDLE YOUTH OF THE LEFT CONDUCT A SERIES OF EVENTS THEY ARE PLEASED TO CALL THE "OCCUPATION" OF VARIOUS CITIES AND AREAS. These crowds of kids with too much time on their hands, (and of course led and organized by the usual 1960s park and beach trash who raised hell back during the Nam) have engaged in ever-more ridiculous stunts since their multi-city circus began.

First the kids dressed up like money-eating zombies, makeup and all, and gave press interviews sounding like: Ugggh! Arrg! Must... eat... all...money! Yurggghh!"

How very original. How very mature.

Then, disappointed and angry that nobody gave them any candy (Halloween's 20 days away, idiots), they then tried to barge into the Air and Space Museum in order to scream curses at a Predator drone plane for killing bad guys.

Hey, fools. Obama is the guy who commands the plane. Scream at him. The plane can't hear you.

At any rate they were so insistent that the police had to be summoned, and pepper spray and batons and tasers had to be used to repel the demonstrators.

One guy was so pissed about the economy being so lousy and jobs being so scarce he quit his job to demonstrate against the lack of jobs. I hope that yokel receives the effusive thanks of the guy who got the job of replacing him. I also hope he finds some way of spreading that thanks on a cracker to feed himself. What an idiot, and these - demonstrations, are they? - are absolutely loaded with human cartoons like him.

A bunch of folks protested their lack of fundage by burning ones, tens, and twenties. "I'm broke, dammit!! See, I'll prove it, I just set fire to my last five bucks! Hey, by the way, could you get me some coffee? I just burned my last money."

What is really astounding is the amount of racism these mobs of boneheads demonstrate. I guess it's understandable, because Commie rat and former Obama czar Van Jones said that the Occupiers were "the TEA party" of the Left, and Lefties have always said the TEA party is racist.

That explains the jerks bitching over a PA system about the "Thieving rich Jews", etcetera. Huh. Socialism plus anti-Jewish rhetoric. Where have we heard that before?

And in Atlanta, an overwhelmingly white mob elected to forbid civil rights legend congressman John Lewis from addressing their rally. When someone tried to issue an apology to Lewis, he was shouted down by the mob.

And so it goes, all of these white leftists "demonstrating" what a complete and utter pack of scatterbrained, destructive, foul, demanding pains-in-the-ass they are. And here at the Alexandria Daily Poop, we thank you old hippies and you young fools for putting on this demonstration of what exactly it is that "president" Obama and Missy Nancy Pelosi support. They support YOU IDIOTS and have said so. You have exposed beautifully just what a gang of flaming assholes the "progressive" Statist lefties are.

The taking a crap on a police car was a nice touch. On behalf of the TEA party and the Republican nominees for all offices next November, we here at the Alexandria Daily Poop thank you.

Now go home. Mommy has your din-din and nice warm beddy-bye all ready for you.

You punk-ass maggots.

FASTER THAN THE SPEED OF LIGHT PART II: DARK MATTER V. DARK POWER

2011-10-05T13:19:00.004-04:00

WELL, AS IT TURNS OUT AS FAR AS THE HIGH FALUTIN' SCIENTISTS KNOW, THEY DON'T KNOW A DAMNED THING. This is borne out by the revelation that despite the existence of "dark matter" holding the universe together, there is also a "dark power" (which has nothing to do with Al Sharpton, by the way) which is pushing the universe to a rapidly accelerating expansion. What this "dark power" consists of they do not know, but they have observed that the universe is not only expanding but it is doing so at an accelerating rate.

AH HAH! THE FIRST PROOF THAT THE "POOP THEORY OF DARK MATTER" IS INDEED CORRECT!

So I herein posit the "Poop Theory of Dark Power", as follows:

All the energy given off since the beginning of the Universe has been slowing and transitioning back to mass, and a spherical shell of pure mass has been for eons building and accumulating just beyond the edge of the limits of human technology's ability to detect it. At some point, this mass became great enough to exert attraction on the mass contained in the stars and planets; and as this outer shell of mass grows it exerts an ever-greater force that compels the rest of the universe to move outward at an ever-increasing rate of speed.

I'd look into this further except that on the pittance I make driving a hack I cannot afford to launch a space telescope nor operate a particle collider. And when you guys win that Nobel and split it with me, I'm going to use the money to go fishing. Hell's bells people, I just stated what's going on. What, you want me to try to stop it?

Anyway, just remember that I hold the copyright to everything I publish here. When you find out I am right, give me the credit and fork over the money. Somewhere in some stream there is a fish that waits for me to dine upon it. Personally, there isn't anything I can do to stop any of this, and frankly I can't be bothered to wring my hands over things that probably won;t happen for a million years or more.

FASTER THAN THE SPEED OF LIGHT (Mr. Einstein, meet Mr. Newton)

2011-10-03T15:00:00.003-04:00

Recently a group of physics scientists reported they had detected evidence that a sub-atomic particle had traveled faster than the speed of light. The article I read contained a rather snorey and nebulous explanation of the phenomenon, but the upshot is that Einstein's Theory of Relativity states that it is impossible for an object to travel faster than the speed of light (E=MC2 or Energy equals (consists of) matter traveling at the speed of light squared is just one part of the theory.) SO if a particle can travel faster than the speed of light, Einstein's whole theory is reduced to bullshit.

Now, Yours Truly is not no physical science maven nohow no way. But I do know enough about that sort of thing to know that physicists have for decades argued about the existence of "dark matter". "Dark matter" is physical mass that is undetectable but that the presence of which is the only feasible explanation for the gravitational force which keeps the universe from flying apart willy-nilly.

As I said, Einstein posited that energy is just mass traveling at the speed of light, squared. Enter Issac Newton, who posited the idea of entropy, that everything is acted upon by outside forces that will eventually slow everything to a dead stop.

Now if entropy is true, then wherever energy is released it travels through an environment which offers some kind of resistance through the gravitational pull of mass. As Newton said, mass traveling at the speed of light squared will continue to do so until it is acted upon by an outside force. Cannot light itself be bent by gravity? And is it not correct that the amount of matter in the universe is constant?

Given this, the Poop Theory of Dark Matter is that sub-atomic particles observed traveling at more than the speed of light are bits of energy which have been slowed by entropy and are transitioning to pure mass again. And while the release of energy is concentrated at the point of release and is dramatic, the slowing of it is spread out over time and space and is so much less so as to be all but imperceptible to man-made instruments. Yet it exists, and "dark matter" consists of these transitional particles.

Now if any of you eggheads out there find what I have posited here to be true, then you damn well share that Nobel for Science with me, 50/50. And you will call it "The Poop Theory of Dark Matter" (boy, the jokes you could make about that). Fail to do so and I will sue your ass off.

THIS IS THE REASON WE HAVE THE SECOND AMENDMENT

2011-09-28T14:23:00.007-04:00

When the election of "president" Barack Hussein Obama was looming, the value of firearms rose and firearms sales took off. There was much discussion on the various gun-owner's forums about what the election of Obama would mean, and of how close we were to "The Day" when we would have to either take up arms against a rogue government or in the alternative be plunged into the darkness of a statist tyranny. Serious debate was waged over such things as to whether to get an AK-47 (since it is famously reliable - let it rust shut, then kick open the bolt, load it and fire) or a semiautomatic version of the M-16 or its variants (since ammunition could be obtained by theft from Government sources if need be).

For the most part I tried to calm such talk. After all, "The Day" would mean the onset of American Civil War II; and this war would not be fought as the first one was, with one rebel government and its loyal States fielding uniformed orders of battle, as ACWI was fought in the East. ACWII would be fought more like what occurred in Kansas and Missouri during our last civil conflict. ACWII would resemble Somalia or Rwanda complete with the unspeakable butchery and horrors those conflicts engendered.

My position has always been that everyone needs to be prepared for something like this, BUT keep in mind that it is extremely unlikely to happen. After all, the Founders of our Nation put into place a system of division and separation of powers and a brilliant staggering of elections which make it all but impossible for a bunch of kooks to seize power and do irreparable damage to the Nation.

Here's a little Civics 101: The most powerful single PERSON in government is the Executive (or the Presidency). The President (currently "president" Obama) signs treaties, nominates high officials, commissions military officers, and is the Commander In Chief of the American military. BUT!

The most powerful BRANCH of government is the United States Congress. Congress can block just about anything the President wants and can force just about anything they want to past his objections. However, Congress is split into two parts. The most powerful part of the Congress is the House of Representatives. Nothing gets done without the approval of the House of Representatives, because the House must first approve ANY expenditure of money. A bill might pass both Houses for example authorizing the construction of a replica of the Colossus of Rhodes. But until the House of Representatives votes the money to actually fund it, the thing will not get done.

But no matter what the House of Representatives does, it STILL needs to get past the Senate. One hundred Senators - two from each State - can turn on MAJOR stopping power simply by refusing to shut the fuck up, and all they need is 41 motormouths. But at the same time, if the Senate wants something, they STILL need to successfully woo a majority in the House; which has more than 425 squabbling members.

The other Branch is the Judiciary, with the United States Supreme Court at the top. But judges and Supreme Court Justices are appointed by the President with "the advice and consent of the Senate"; and the House must still approve the Judiciary's budget.

And so the most powerful PERSON in the United States is subject to re-election every FOUR YEARS; and his tour of duty cannot exceed two tours of four years in elected office as President.

The most powerful House of the most powerful BRANCH of government, the House of Representatives, faces the prospect of a 100 percent turnover every TWO YEARS.

However, the Senate (which is allowed to call itself the "upper house of Congress" despite the fact that they have to beg the House of Representatives for money) only faces the election of ONE THIRD of its membership every SIX years. This means that even if the Presidency is taken by an extremist AND House winds up being overrun with extremists, there will almost assuredly be enough opposing Senators to foil attempts to pervert the government, and the extremists will either have to move so slowly that they will not accomplish their goals in two years, OR that they will have to move so fast that they will not be able to hide the jiggery-pokery from the voters, who will of course eject them in the next election.

But what would happen if one party were effectively hijacked by extremists and gained control of the Presidency and both houses of Congress - with a filibuster proof majority in the Senate?

That is what happened in November 2008. And for two years, the Democrat left sought to push through its statist agenda; and they had quite a measure of success. Then, in November of 2010, We the People had our say. And we said to the Statists:

FUCK YOU!

The writing is on the wall for the Statist Left. They are doomed in November 2012 and they damned well know it.

Now comes Governor Beverly Perdue (D-NC) to say that, um, well maybe we need to suspend the November 2012 elections. This sentiment has been voiced by more than one Obama official also.

See, folks; I have long said that the only scenario that would justify the implementation of the Second Amendment in its true intent - defense against tyranny - would be the announcement that the people holding office refused to leave and that our Constitution be suspended to allow them to stay in power. Even in that event, mechanisms exist to disabuse the powers-that-be that peculiar notion.

But in the event that the Statists are successful, it will be time for We the People to defend ourselves by main force of arms.

We must pray this contingency never comes upon us. But if it does, I am ready.

How about you??

IDIOTIC STATEMENTS BY THE LEFT

2011-09-27T16:10:00.002-04:00

IN RECENT DAYS THE EXTREME LEFT OF THE DEMOCRAT PARTY HAS BEEN BANDYING ABOUT A LOT OF WARMED-OVER LEFTIST GARBAGE, RE-PHRASED OF COURSE TO MAKE IT SOUND TIMELY. DEMONRAT ELIZABETH WARREN, WHO IS RUNNING TO UNSEAT SCOTT BROWN AND WIN BACK THE JUNIOR SEAT IN THE SENATE FOR MASSACHUSETTS KICKED OFF THE BALL.

Warren gave a speech in which she gave a spit-flying excoriation of some unnamed "factory owner" and said: well good for you, keep a big chunk of that money you made, but also "give back" a big hunk for the rest of us who paid to educate your workers and pay for the highways you transport your product to market on and protect your business against crime and fire, etc.

Now this would be perfectly reasonable IF the factory owner were exempt from all taxes already; AND if the only people being educated were his "workers" AND if he and the other "rich" business owners were the only ones paying for and using roads and police protection, AND if Federal income taxes were the main source of all these State and local amenities.

Aside from a woman running for a seat in the United States Senate lecturing about State and local matters, Warren failed to address the issue of what an employee of the factory owner would owe HIM if that employee parlayed the work experience he had gained at the factory to find a way to create his own wealth. Elizabeth Warren is a stupid bitch and a spit-flying maniac.

Then yesterday we were treated to what was almost certainly a planted shill in a "town hall meeting" who said he was "unemployed by choice" and asked "president" Obama to please raise his taxes.

HUH??

THE IDIOT IS UNEMPLOYED!! WHAT FUCKING TAXES IS HE TALKING ABOUT??? The dude is taxing my patience, that's for sure. What he really meant was "Please raise taxes on my working neighbors". A few years ago, Arlington County, Virginia wanted to impose some kind of special tax which local governments are prohibited from imposing in the Commonwealth. In the news coverage of that item, the local TV channel had an interview with some skinny bearded foofer who lisped, "If I want to tax myself, what business is that of the State?" Hey, if he wants to tax himself, he can just send money into the general fund. Again, he wants his neighbors to pay more (probably to pay for his AIDS treatment).

But the piece d' resistance was an alleged statement by Abraham Lincoln which was purported to infer that workers are not being paid "what they are worth".

Labor is like any other commodity. It is worth exactly what someone is willing to pay for it. If I have two guys who want me to hire them to paint my house - both being equally competent and doing an equally good job - and one wants five hundred dollars but the other only wants two hundred; then the "worth" of the first guy is exactly one hundred ninety-nine dollars and ninety nine cents.

It is really frustrating to have to explain this stuff. Are you people who follow Obama and the leftists REALLY this FUCKING STUPID?????

THE STARS AND STRIPES FOREVER!!

2011-09-17T13:26:00.004-04:00

I'M NOT SURE WHAT INSPIRED ME TO SEARCH YOU-TUBE FOR A VIDEO OF THE MARINE CORPS BAND PLAYING JOHN PHILIP SOUSA'S BEST-KNOWN WORK "THE STARS AND STRIPES FOREVER". Perhaps it is the way "president" Obama is tanking in the polls. Our Flag is a symbol of everything the Left hates and resents, and my heart has never failed to swell nor have tears ever failed to come into my eyes whenever that tune is played (except when played as a mockery by the likes of the Portsmouth Sinfonia).

But no one can play that piece like the United States Marine Corps Band. In a very real sense they own it, seeing as how its composer was the leader of that entity. The young musicians in that band are not only musicians. They are trained riflemen all and would be quite as competent in battle as any other Marine. I and most folks can translate "Semper Fidelis" from Latin into "Always Faithful". But what one Marine means when he says "Semper Fi" to another Marine is something that neither a former Air Force cop like me nor anyone else who is not a Marine can ever wholly understand.

But back to the purpose of this blog, which is Leftie-bashing.

The last stanza (repeated three times) at some point had words written to accompany it. Sometimes an audience member will stand up and sing them. Do you know them?

Here they are:

HURRAH FOR THE FLAG OF THE FREE!

MAY IT WAVE AS OUR STANDARD FOREVER!

THE GEM OF THE LAND AND THE SEA,

THE BANNER OF THE BRAVE!

LET DESPOTS REMEMBER THE DAY

WHEN OUR FATHERS, WITH MIGHTY ENDEAVOR

PROCLAIMED AS THEY MARCHED TO THE FRAY

THAT BY THEIR RIGHT

AND BY THEIR MIGHT

IT WAVES FOREVER!

Any questions, Ubamanistas?

WOW, WINNING!!!!

2011-09-14T13:34:00.002-04:00

VOTERS IN FORMER U.S. REPRESENTATIVE ANTHONY WIENER'S HEAVILY DEMOCRAT DISTRICT IN NEW YORK OVERWHELMINGLY CHOSE REPUBLICAN BOB TURNER TO FILL WIENER'S VACANT SEAT YESTERDAY.

Lest the message be unheard, top Democrat leaders openly denounced "president" Obama and said that they were tired of his screwups.

This particular Congressional district has been held for over a century by Democrats.

DNC chairwoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz babbled a whole bunch of mealy-mouthed explanations for the debacle, but the fact is that the Democrat party is headed full-tilt over a cliff, led by their own Chosen One, just like a pack of lemmings.

It's a joy to behold.

Just BTW, at this time The Alexandria Daily Poop is calling the Republican nomination AND the victory in November 2012 for Rick Perry.

But whoever it is, it's pretty plain that all the Republican nominee need be is "not Obama". In a way, that's good news; but seeing as to what we are saddled with right now, it's also pathetic.

THE PETERSON INVESTIGATION ON SALE NOW ON KINDLE E-BOOKS!!!! AT kINDLE

2011-09-11T09:58:00.002-04:00

I AM VERY HAPPY TO ANNOUNCE that my novel "The Peterson Investigation" is on sale now at Amazon/Kindle e-Books for a measly $3.99!!

A free sample containing the chapter list, Prologue, first chapter and about half of the second is available, as is a Kindle app for free (if you don't have one yet).

So get on Kindle, look it up (under Fiction-Police Procedural), sample it, like it, and buy it.

And tell your friends how good it is, but if they want to borrow it, tell them like in the old K-Tel commercial: "NOOOOO, MY BROTHA! You gots to buy your OWN!"

ZA VASHI ZDROVNIA (or something that sounds sorta like that)

2011-09-03T10:45:00.003-04:00

Imagine my surprise today when, while checking the stats for this here piece of E-fishwrap, I discovered that someone using a Russian search engine actually looked for this specific blog! I've gotten hits from this search engine before, but always the search was for some topic that somehow linked to this blog. Howdy do, Ivan; and I hope you are quite entertained by what I have to say here. What attracted you to this blog?

Is it the masthead photo of me and my Smith and Wesson K-38 Combat Masterpiece? AH, Amerikanski nutjobski with cowboy gun! Those Amerikanskis crazy!

Or maybe it's the way I openly insult our (so-called) "president". Hey, Ivan. This here is America. I can say whatever the fuck I want and NOBODY CAN DO A DAMN THING ABOUT IT except disagree with me, and if they do then I have two words for them and those two words are NOT "Happy Birthday".

Hey, Ivan. Speaking of national leaders what is with this Putin guy? He's not the top guy over there, except he totally is. I'm not saying anything about YOU personally, but Putin seems to think he can just screw the United States in the ass as long as we have this fool of a "president". You need to tell Putin that Obama is going to be replaced very soon, and very likely by an American Nationalist.

You know, Ivan, I am really glad that our two nations are (kinda-sorta) friends. Let me tell you, you even made a better enemy than what we are facing now. At least you guys value your own hides as much as we do ours, and that's the reason we never incinerated each other even though we came damned close to it a whole bunch of times.

So don't be shy, my Balalaika Buddy. Post a comment. I'm having a beer right now. You having some vodka?

Za Vashi Zdrovnya (sorry, best I could approximate the traditional Russian toast. When I try to speak Russian I sound like I am gargling with banana pudding. )

PROSIT!

THE HURRICANE THAT BLEW DONKEYS

2011-08-29T19:26:00.003-04:00

ONE THING ABOUT EARTHQUAKES LIKE THE TEMBLOR THAT RATTLED D.C. AT THE BEGINNING OF LAST WEEK IS THAT THEY CANNOT BE HYPED FOR DAYS IN ADVANCE. A HURRICANE IS ANOTHER MATTER. And the newsies and the "authorities" were in full dudgeon about what a major disaster was about to befall us.

TO BE FAIR, memories of Isabel - and the lady was a stone bitch - are still pretty fresh around here; and among other things Old Town Alexandria was flooded clean up to Fairfax Street. But Isabel was a brush with the eye of a tropical storm, a storm that was still pretty damned organized when it got here. I was driving when the onset of the storm proper introduced itself with the falling of a tree I had just driven past. (I then charted the most tree-free route I could plot and drove home and battened down for the night).

But what's-her-name -- oh, yeah Irene -- was starting to fall apart about the time she got to Ocean City. The doppler maps showed the eye to be all raggedy, and although the sky turned black as pitch an hour ahead of schedule, the sum of the effect on Northern Virginia was less than a squall line that came through here earlier this spring. This, however did not prevent the news folks from treating this minor inconvenience as a Very Big Thing. The Washington Post published a front page photo of PEPCO crews sawing up a tree that took out a power line to accompany a story that was written to imply that scenes like that were all over the landscape. In fact, such scenes were not much more common than what occurs in the aftermath of any old middlin' line of summer squalls around here.

Oh, yeah. But you couldn't swim in the ocean for a few days due to heavy surf and rip currents.

Heavens to Betsy. How tragic. (We are so starved for drama....)

EARTHQUAKE!! (BIG F@#$KING DEAL)

2011-08-23T14:49:00.003-04:00

For the last hour the radio stations here in the Washington D.C. area have been abuzz about the bad ol' tremor we just experienced. Buildings evacuated, stuff falling off store shelves, etc.. As a result the entire Federal government has shut down, and the evening rush seems to have had an early start.

I personally didn't feel a thing, and oddly enough the alleged quake happened while I was driving on - get this - a street called Quaker Lane. But. all the news people said it was pretty shaky; and the shopkeeper at the little convenience store I stopped at told me that all the stuff fell off his shelves.

I was a bit concerned about the computer I am typing this on, as it is on a desk below a set of shelves full of heavy stuff. So I returned home envisioning a smashed computer, guns and ammo and books all over the place and a mess to clean up. Here's what I found:

About four rounds of 9mm ammunition had been shaken off the top shelf onto the floor, but the loose rounds of .380 were right where they had been put, only they had been upright and had been knocked down (but they remained on the shelf). An empty beer can stood upright where it had been sitting since last night, and a speed-loader of .38 special likewise remained unmoved. The holstered Walther PPK/s I keep on the top shelf had not been moved. That's it.

There are some concerns that the Washington Monument is atilt slightly. This is perhaps the only dire concern because that structure consists of basically a stack of limestone blocks supported by nothing more than their own weight. A good enough shake might knock it over, so there you need to stay tuned.

Other than that it is the typical-for-around-these-parts big kerfluffle over not really one whole hell of a lot. I've come home and will be staying here until the idiots stop running around like chickens with their heads chopped off. Everybody in the National Capital Region tend to make a mountain out of a molehill. There was a middlin' earthquake. It's over.

Except for the yammering and panicking. Big damn deal. Yawn.

AMERICAN HIKERS SENTENCED TO PRISON IN IRAN

2011-08-20T16:43:00.004-04:00

,WE HERE AT THE ALEXANDRIA DAILY POOP HAVE LONG FEARED THE WORST FOR THE AMERICANS IMPRISONED IN IRAN FOR ALLEGEDLY CROSSING THE BORDER INTO THAT BENIGHTED NATION FROM WHAT THEY BELIEVED TO BE IRAQI KURDISTAN. LAST MONTH, HOPE WAS HELD OUT THAT THEY WOULD BE FREED AS AN ACT OF MERCY DURING THE ISLAMIC "HOLY MONTH" OF RAMADAN. HO, ho ho.

The folks in charge of Iran right now are religious nutballs who are quite as virulent - if not more so than - the "God hates Fags" assholes of our own Westboro Baptist "Church". But unlike the WBC, the Iranian mullahs are in complete control of that country. WBC leader Fred Phelps would approve of every aspect of what they do over there except for the fact that they don't accept Jesus as Lord and Savior (but then, Fred doesn't accept Him as such, either. To the Phelps clan, Jesus is a hater out to destroy everything they hate, and everything they hate has its origins in homosexuality; which the Iranian clergy also hates [although we suspect that in the case of the mullahs, it is because they don't want competition for the favors of pubescent boys. But we digress...])

From what we here at the ADP know, these hikers were a bunch of open-borders, peace-and-love, rainbow-and-unicorn shitheads who thought they could go hiking in the disputed border region between Iraqi Kurdistan and Iran and not run into any trouble as long as they obeyed their GPS devices. Idiots.

As far as GPS devices go, there are people who have taken right turns into ravines because their GPS device told them to turn right. These idiots were in a border region subject to Kurdish patrols and Iranian interlopers. To hell with the GPS, if I were stupid enough to go out for a lark in one of the most dangerous regions on the planet, I'd damn well stay well south of Kirkuk.

I bet every last one of these lame-brains voted for "president" Obama. I hope they know that he isn't in any position to save them, and he wouldn't try to if he could. The mullahs know Obama is weak and ineffectual. Ronald Reagan and even either of the Bushes would have them out of there tout le suite. Just having a couple of F-14s breaking the sound barrier 500 feet over Tehran would probably do the trick; but our one-ball "president" doesn't have the gumption for it.

However much I may deride these hikers for their callowness and cluelessness; and however much I may disdain their toddler-like worldview; they are AMERICAN CITIZENS. And that and only that is why they are now facing years in an Iranian hell-hole prison. ( IF these fools survive their incarceration, I want them put on an American prison review board. I wonder what they would say to an inmate who complained to them that the jail didn't put enough mayo on his turkey sandwich after they had spent a few years sipping chicken-butt tea with stale rice.)

The plight of these hikers illustrates vividly why we here in the USA tolerate Israel having nuclear weapons and will do just about anything to deny them to Iran. These mullahs are insane. Although their every official act, be it the slaughter of a sheep or the beheading of a criminal, begins with the intonement: "In the name of God, the Merciful, the Compassionate"; they themselves are completely lacking in either.

Don't just take our word for it, though. Ask those poor idiots, IF they live through their imprisonment and return home. Ask them if what they experienced was "mercy" and "compassion" from the sociopathic vermin who today sentenced them to hell on earth.

(We bet these fools find a way to say yes and blame their suffering on George Bush.)

SLUTWALK SILLINESS

2011-08-14T10:35:00.002-04:00

RECENTLY WE LEARNED THAT THE NATION'S CAPITAL WOULD BE THE NEXT SCHEDULED SITE OF A NATIONAL WAVE OF DEMONSTRATIONS KNOWN AS A "SLUTWALK".

The "Slutwalk" movement purports to illustrate that, no matter how a female may choose to dress, she is not by her clothing "asking" to be raped. Really?

And just how is it that one "asks" to be raped? You can't rape the willing, after all. No one asks to be raped, but that's not the point of the "Slutwalkers".

A "Slutwalk" consists of a number of young females dressing as scantily as local laws allow and parading down the street in public, with slogans such as "Just say no to rape!" (see above) and "You do NOT have my permission to rape me!" (ditto). What utter twaddle. (some of it quite fetching twaddle).

Now what these young ladies are attempting to do is best illustrated by the lyrics of the song "Dancing Queen" (by the Swedish pop group ABBA.) :

"Try to tease him and turn him on

'Leave him burning and then you're........gone"

You see, there is a cadre of "shamers" salted in the sidelines, moving with the procession and scolding and upbraiding any male who voices appreciation or approval of the feminine pulchritude being paraded down the street. These people are not trying to stop rape. They are trying to shame males out of liking females.

Furthermore, they think that if they leave the house at zero-dark-thirty and go to the 7-11; dressed in a thong, thigh-high leather boots and pasties over their nipples; that they have every right to expect that no loutish male will so much as whistle at them.

(on the other hand, if a handsome young MALE walks through certain neighborhoods - and these folks would like it to be ANY neighborhood - wearing a pair of cutoffs, why then if some gay dude yells "Nice ass!" at him, HE's not supposed to be offended; and if he is, then he's just a bigoted homophobe.)

I really shouldn't have to say this, but apparently I do: I am very much against rape. If Nancy Pelosi tied me to a bed and started giving me a blow job, I'd commit suicide by inhaling my own vomit. And I'm not kidding either.

I've known a couple of female rape victims. One of them developed hypochondrial pan-allergies, became a lesbian, and walked around braless in a loose-knit sweater with her nipples peeking through. She liked to tempt a man and get him to buy her a drink or dinner, then embarass the hell out of him by claiming to be allergic to something in the food and then telling him that she liked girls anyway. She was "empowering" herself by "punishing" any male she could. Fortunately for me, I was able to tell she was a pain in the ass before I made the mistake of getting involved. But I feel sorry for her, She is one screwed up human being.

The other rape victim I know was all of 17 when I met her at a coffee house poetry slam sometime around 1993. ( I know a poetry slam is kind of an odd place for a conservative Nationalist to be, but I've written some good ones and some of those were presented there.)

This young lady seemed to be entirely normal until she told me that in response to her ordeal she now wears seven pairs of underpants, so that if it happens again, she'll have time to figure out how to kill her attacker while he's trying to get all seven pairs off.

But I also have met a guy who was brutally raped by his uncle. I was in the military then, and it came out while he was drinking with me and another guy. He considered us both bosom pals, and confided in us about the attack. And he told us that he wanted to find "one of those queers" and take him into a barn and put his testicles into a vise, remove the handle, lay a butcher knife beside the vise, and then set the barn on fire; thus giving the hapless "queer" the option of self-castration or death by fire. And he was willing to do this to any homosexual he could find.

Now in the three cases presented here, the "progressive" takes on them are: "Poor kid" "Poor kid" and "dangerous homophobe and he needs major help". In fact all three are dealing in different dysfunctional ways with the trauma of being physically violated and psychologically debased. For my part I tried to do what I could just by listening and understanding. Some people can deal with such things without much help. Most, though, need quite a bit of it and at a different level than I was able to provide.

Okay. So I know rape is a serious thing. Just thought I'd make that clear, because there are lots of people who will think that by making fun of the idiots in the "Slutwalk" I am implying that rape isn't so bad. I'm not; and it is.

BUT. As to the premise of the "Slutwalkers": Let's say I'm walking down the street with a roll of hundred-dollar bills in my hands, and I'm counting the amount of money I have out loud. Do I have a reasonable expectation that no one will yell "Hey, Money!"?

NO.

Is the fact that I am handling a large amount of cash in public justification for a robbery?

NO.

Does the fact that I am handling a large amount of cash in public mean I want someone to put a gun to my head and take it?

NO.

BUT.

Does the fact that I am handling a large amount of cash in public advertise very obtusely that I have something lots of people want?

YES.

Is it likely that someone very well might find me a vulnerable and desirable target for robbery if I handle such a large amount of cash in public?

YES.

Would the police investigating my robbery be justified in wondering if I was nuts to be counting such a large amount of cash out loud and displaying it public?

YES, GODDAMN IT. YES THEY WOULD. AND YOU KNOW THEY WOULD.

The principle is the same: Flash your booty around in public, and somebody's gonna try and take it.

Now, if I were dressed in a nice suit, with a nice watch and all; that might show I had money, too. But both my hands would be free, and there just might be something else other than money under that sport jacket. Like a .357 magnum revolver stuffed with some real nasty hollowpoints.

Similarly, a fetching young maiden can very adequately show her attractiveness without stripping herself bare and making herself vulnerable. I'm not advocating adopting the burqa; just at least have enough clothes on to conceal a firearm.

And if you don't want to carry a firearm, then visit the Kimber website, where you will find information on how to get what is in my opinion the world's most effective pepper-spray device. It shoots a 90 MPH stream of ultra-hot pepper-spray and hits very hard up to 13 feet away. Not even goggles protect against it.

But when you idiots parade down the street in thongs and garters and fishnet stockings accessorized with "fuck-me" high heeled shoes and declare that you don't want men ogling you, you trivialize a brutal crime. No decent man would even entertain thoughts of rape. But we do enjoy the view.

So thanks, I guess.

Nice tits.

"TEA PARTY DOWNGRADE?" BALONEY.

2011-08-08T19:59:00.003-04:00

IT WAS REVEALED A FEW WEEKS AGO THAT THE DEMON-RATZ WHO ARE TRYING TO WIN THE NEXT ELECTION (DESTROYING AMERICA IS STILL JOB ONE, BUT TO DO IT THEY NEED ANOTHER TWO YEARS AT LEAST) CONFERENCE AND ARE ASSIGNED A "BUZZ PHRASE" TO INCLUDE SOMEWHERE IN ALL THEIR RECITATIONS OF THE OTHER TALKING POINTS THEY USE.

The word Senator Chuck Schumer said - unaware that Conservatives could hear him - had been assigned was "extremist". Now there is a new mantra.

"TEA PARTY DOWNGRADE".

"TEA Party downgrade" my ass. The phrase is meant to shift blame for the recent downgrade of the Standard and Poor credit rating for the nation from AAA to AA+. Now, how this is a product of efforts by the TEA party freshmen is a bit hard to understand, since the debt limit WAS raised in the end, which all the Ratz insisted was necessary to maintain the AAA rating and "avoid default" (which as we have stated would not have happened anyway). The downgrade was made because the deal that was struck MADE NO MENTION OF REDUCING THE DEBT, only the "deficit" between income and outgo. The TEA party frosh wanted to hold out for DEBT REDUCTION and a rigid commitment to cutting spending from PRESENT levels instead of just stating vague intentions not to spend as much more next year than we spent this year and calling that a "cut" in spending. The newbies would have held out, but they were parliamentarily out-maneuvered in the end into accepting the half-assed Devil's bargain that led to this downgrade.

Personally I am not worried. For one thing, even though the rating was downgraded, there is a stunning sell off in the stocck markets globally as investors race to put their money in safe harbors such as gold and......

TREASURY BILLS!!!

That's right, folks. Even though them there T-Bills are now only AA+; the smart money STILL considers them a safe investment. WHY??

Because the United States economy is STILL the strongest in the world. Europe and Asia are tanking far faster and far worse than are we. This has translated into a reduced demand for oil, and the price of oil is plummeting. This in turn is translating into lower energy costs. The less energy (read gasoline) costs, the more Americans are willing to travel and spend money. This boosts the economy. We will as usual pull out of this nose-dive faster than anyone else.

It's odd the folks I meet driving a cab. One young fella told me this morning as we were discussing this that the money we pay for oil represents "a huge transfer of wealth" from the USA to foreign countries.

Baloney, I told him. American purchases of foreign energy are the purchase of raw material for the creation of wealth. If I buy a dollar's worth of cotton from you and use it to make a twenty dollar shirt, have I "transferred" my wealth to you? Hell no. I've just fed you for a day so I can feed myself for a week. Our wealth isn't being bled out of us by OPEC (but they do try). However, if these fuddled folk bemoan the fact that US dollars pay for foreign oil, they should be aware that there's plenty of oil right here in the USA and her territories, but the idiots in charge of things won't let us go and get it.

You lefties out there better face the facts. Anyone who bets against the US economy will in the end walk home wearing a barrel. Your point of view needs a major change of scenery.

The only sense in which the drop in our credit score is a "TEA party downgrade" is that despite the best efforts of that faction, the debt limit was passed with a bunch of weak, watered down commitments to - not PAY DOWN the debt, but to NOT INCREASE IT as much as had been planned.

If the TEA party freshmen did anything less than 100 percent of what they could to hold out and demand that real cuts from present spending levels be made, then yeah; I guess you could say it's a "TEA party downgrade".

But it's not. It's a Democrat downgrade. It's an Obama downgrade. Obama keeps bitching about the things he "inherited" from George Bush.

One of those things was an AAA credit rating.

The Oath of the Presidency was flubbed by Obama. Here's a rather simpler statement:

"I RESIGN"

DO IT. SAY IT, YOU JUG EARED JACKASS! DO IT!! NOW!!!

WELL, I GUESS IT IS THE BEST WE COULD EXPECT

2011-08-02T14:54:00.002-04:00

I AM OF COURSE TALKING ABOUT THE HALF-ASSED DEBT LIMIT INCREASE JUST PASSED. The "old school" in the House Republican Caucus pretty much caved, but at least the bill contains a provision foor reducing "the deficit" (NOT the goddamn debt) and does not have any tax increases in it. Nevertheless, Obama is now jawboning tax increases, as he is able to do since these were not prohibited.

KUDOS TO THE TEA-PARTY FRESHMEN OF THE HOUSE AND SENATE! One bright spot is the way they dominated this process. They were incorruptible, refusing bribes such as promises of future campaign money and support and votes for their future pet projects.

But in the end, there were not enough of them to overcome the mustache Petes who keep one eye on their own re-election. Guys, you have nothing to be ashamed of. You fought hard and well and if not for your constant steadfast and stalwart opposition; without your deftly applied use of every parliamentary maneuver available, the legislation your bodies just passed would have been much MUCH worse.

Even given that we did not get everything, even given that the dragon was not slain (and lives to fight again); still the Leftist statists are howling like hit dogs. It was most revealing that a female reporter told a Democrat representative that "You gave them everything and we didn't get anything". ("WE"?? Aren't these reporters supposed to be neutral? That's what they all said when they were doing things like calling KSM a "suspected" terrorist). Yep, And yet the big media still insist they are not in the tank for the Ubamanistas.

One telling factor is that the stock market, which was supposed to tank if there were no deal today and soar in jubilation if there was a deal; dropped like a stone with the announcement. This deal left the barn door open for the soaking of successful companies by the "elimination of taxpayer subsidies". This does sound good, until you learn the Democrat definition of a "subsidy".

In Leftie-Speak, any money earned by anyone is a "subsidy" IF they are allowed to keep it. In the perfect world of the Left, ALL money earned would be given directly to the government, who would decide what everyone needs and re-distribute it accordingly.

(Look, motherfuckers. I don't need a boat. But if I can afford one, I'm buying one, because I want one; and if you don't like it you can all eat some shit.)

Cut "tax subsidies" to "Big Oil"? "YAY!" you say. "I pay too much for gas! It's about time those rich pigs got soaked! Now that those evil oil companies are getting soaked, I won't have to spend half my paycheck just to get to work! Hooray!" If that is your attitude, then you are a fucking MORON.

If the oil companies get "soaked", why then they will just pass the damage to the people who buy their stuff. THAT MEANS YOU, YOU IDIOT. "Big Oil" makes a net profit of around TWO PENNIES on every gallon of gasoline sold. THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT GETS CLOSE TO FIFTY CENTS. SO WHO THE FUCK IS PROFITING MOST WHEN YOU FILL YOUR FUCKING TANK, IDIOT??

Well, enough folks wised up last year to give us you fantastic TEA party freshmen. You fought hard, and well. But the fight is not over. We (and I mean all of us) must prepare and fight in whatever way we can to get even more of you in the legislature and (dare I hope?) in the White House. If we do, it will be the biggest thing since El Cid drove the Moors out of Spain.

Tea-Party frosh, your performance is stellar. Our revolution is succeeding, and the Statist Left is scared shitless of you. Sheathe not your swords, but continue to battle until it is won. All in all, you have done much to ensure victory.

But victory has yet to be won. Carry on!

CLARIFICATION OF OUR TITLE FOR PUERILE IDIOTS

2011-07-29T23:05:00.003-04:00

RECENTLY WE WERE GOING THROUGH THE STATISTICS FOR THIS BLOG. THESE STATISTICS INCLUDE THE WORDS PEOPLE ENTER IN VARIOUS SEARCH ENGINES.

Look, folks. The term "poop" is a slang word for "information" or "rumor" IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE ELIMINATION OF INTESTINAL WASTE.

Well, we will admit to a tad of coyness in the title. See, it's sort of a spoof on Markos Whatzizname's "Daily Kos" idiot daily outpouring of Leftist blitherting.

Nonetheless when I am monitoring the stats for this E rag, I keep running across search words like "gloves for use in training about pooping".

ICK.

Although we rarely post daily, the information stream continues. We try to comment as much as possible, but we have a real job (unlike you fucking lefties out there).

We also do our best to keep away from references to bodily functions. But since you idiots brought it up, I need to tell you that I am closing the post because I need to drop Michelle and Barack off at the pool.

Toodles.

THE DEBT CEILING AND (SURPRISE) YET MORE GOVERNMENT CHICANERY

2011-07-25T15:11:00.005-04:00

IS THERE NO END TO THE FRAUD BEING COMMITTED BY THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT? Well, we hope there will be finally in about 16 months. Here's the latest revelation (although this has been going on for years)

BACK IN 1961, THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT ESTABLISHED A P.O. BOX IN WEST VIRGINIA TO WHICH PRIVATE CITIZENS, OUT OF LOVE FOR COUNTRY, COULD SEND CONTRIBUTIONS WITH WHICH TO "PAY DOWN THE NATIONAL DEBT". Since then, countless people have sent contributions ranging from a few dollars to several hundred and even thousands of dollars.

I was disappointed - but not in the least surprised - to find out from today's Washington Post that NOT ONE DIME OF THAT LOOT has been used to pay down the debt. It has instead been dumped into the General Fund and spent.

Caught with their fingers in the cookie jar, the people at the "Office of the National Debt" explained that the money was used to keep the government from having to borrow even more than they have.

WHAT THE F%#@K KIND OF LAME GODDAMN EXPLANATION IS THAT???

Parents, if your kid in college is using your credit card and maxes it, and you send him money with instructions to pay off the card balance; and if instead he spends it on pizza and beer and tells you that he did this because it would make it possible for him to get by without putting more on the card, would you say: "Great idea, Johnny! That's using the old noodle!"?

The real corker is that this fund was created by an act of Congress in order to enable a rich widow to donate her entire estate to the Federal Government. She thought she was helping get the United States out of debt. Instead she probably wound up paying for that slinky sequinned dress that Marilyn Monroe wore to sing Happy Birthday to JFK; perhaps for a Happy Ending by Marilyn for JFK's birthday; and possibly even for the pills and booze she OD'ed on.

Max Bialystock would be so proud. Defrauding widows. Tsk.

Now comes "president" Obama saying that Boehner "left me at the altar" because Boehner would not agree to a smoke-and-mirrors tax increase AND a debt ceiling increase with some nebulous promises of spending "cuts" (Meaning not spending as much more next year than we did this year as we had planned, which is only a "spending cut" if you are a wheedling teenager or a Democrat). Obama asked, "Is there ANYTHING the Republicans will say "yes" to?"

Well, there is. They just won't say yes to letting you and the rest of the rats have ever more of the people's cheese while you call it "austerity". Look, buster. the Republicans were voted in to BE the "party of NO". NO to any more of your shenannigans.

Right now this country borrows 42 cents of every dollar of spending. The Federal Government MUST be cut by 2/5ths AS A START.

THAT is why we here at the Alexandria Daily Poop say that, unless the Republicans get massive steep cuts with NO increase in taxes; they should deny ANY increase in the debt limit. Republicans don't want a default, and there is sufficient money coming in to finance the debt plus more. Failing to raise the US Credit Limit will NOT result in default.

It WILL result in Obama having to make cuts more massive and severe than anything the Republicans are demanding. And our side is set to play their cards right. You DemonRat goofs will get this laid right at your doorstep, where - for the record - you know damned well it belongs.

FIREARMS CORNER (NEW FEATURE)

2011-07-20T16:08:00.004-04:00

You would think, given the photo on the masthead, that we here at the Alexandria Daily Poop might do a post or two on firearms from time to time.

Well. it's about time we did. So here goes.

We were in the bathroom the other day amusing ourselves with a back issue of a gun magazine while we dealt with our own "back issue" (if you know what we mean, and if y0u don't, then what we mean is we were reading while we were taking a shit, dumbass) when we ran into an ad that advertised a gun that embodied "The latest in muzzle-loading technology".

This is akin to offering an improved 8-track tape deck.

There is, to be certain, a special cachet attached to using original or replica versions of 18th century firearms to hunt and target-shoot. There are two systems currently in use for hunting and matches using muzzle loading firearms. Both have in common the necessity of loading the propellant and projectile by shoving them down the muzzle.

In a flintlock, the hammer holds a piece of sharpened flint that strikes a piece of steel in order to produce sparks to ignite the main charge.

In a percussion lock, a metal cap is placed over a nipple which directs the flame produced when the hammer strikes the cap so as to ignite the main charge.

This weapon touted as the "Latest muzzle-loading technology" has one refinement: the nipple for the cap is placed on the back of the barrel and is struck not by a hammer but by a spring-loaded bolt which travels straight forward instead of down.

Oh, yeah. And it has a polymer stock and fiberglass bedding for more accuracy.

Personally if I'm going to go hunting with a muzzle-loading black powder piece, I'll use a flintlock. If you're gonna go primitive, then go all the way.

I mean, you wouldn't try to prove Fermat's last theorem on a "modern" abacus, would you?

Or would you?

CHARLIE SHEEN IS OWED AN APOLOGY

2011-07-19T12:07:00.002-04:00

ONE OF THE BENEFITS of driving a taxicab on the night shift is that I am mostly spared the idiocy that the networks call "prime time television". I do enjoy "Criminal Minds" and some other police procedureals; and "Harriet's Law" is entertaining when I can catch it. But sitcoms have been basically insipid dreck since at least the onset of the 1980s. I hated "Friends", I hated "Will and Grace"; and although I think "Seinfeld" was funny, a little bit of Jerry Seinfeld goes a long, long way.

So when I heard about "Two and a Half Men", I thought: stupid. A dad and his brother raise Dad's tweener son.

So when Charlie Sheen began acting up and wound up getting fired, I thought: well, good. He's playing a role model for a young kid on TV and then he goes acting like some hybrid of Alestair Crowley and Otis the Mayberry town drunk? Well no wonder they cut him loose. Can't have a guy like that playing the family member of a young boy!

THEN LAST NIGHT I WOKE UP FACE TO FACE WITH THE SHOW. I often leave the television on when I go to sleep, since it drowns out the sirens and loud obnoxious drunks just outside my window. When I wake up, I watch about 15 minutes of whatever is staring me in the face, and then get ready and go to work. Last night, what was staring me in the face was "Two and a Half Men."

The opening scene was of the boy and his - girlfriend, is it? - feeling their way through an awkward attempt at romance, only to be interrupted by the boy's drunken uncle "Charlie" (Sheen) who inserts himself into the conversation and changes the subject to condoms and his experience with "the clap". When the girl gets grossed out and leaves, the kid vows revenge on his uncle.

The boy's revenge comes with an opportunity to suggest to his dad (Jon Cryer) that he invite his sluttish, shrewish grandmother over to the house to celebrate her birthday. Cryer accepts, and on the way over the grandmother asks to be taken to a pharmacy to buy lubricant so she can masturbate more efficiently since her "HooHa" is rather dried up.

At the pharmacy they meet the proprietor (Martin Mull) who is sucking on a popsicle that Mull says is a "Codeine Pop" He and Grandma seem to hit it off, and he is invited to the party. He asks what to bring, suggesting various powerful narcotics. Sheen tells him to bring "whatever (he) wants to bring.

Later back at the house, Grandma is eagerly awaiting Mull. When he shows up, it turns out he has brought a 30-year-old model (who explains that she lets Mull "climb on" her a couple times a month in exchange for rent money and drugs. A round of disgusting sexual references ensues, and the evening ends with Grandma hooking up with the model for a little lesbian sex.

In the end Mull tells Sheen and Cryer that it's a pity that he took "a fistful of Viagra" in anticipation of some sex, whereupon Sheen and Cryer run out of the room.

The final scene is of Mull talking to a prominent tent in the crotch of his pants.

Firing Sheen from this series is like the producer of a documentary about pigs wallowing in shit telling a farmer that they can't use his pigs because they wallow in shit even off-camera. Real life Charlie is arguably a superior moral character to the one he plays in the show. CBS is going to have to troll Skid Row relentlessly to replace him.

To say that Charlie Sheen's private life disqualifies him from starring in this telecast of a sewer is ludicrous. And whatever actor replaces him will be marked for life by the role.

CBS owes Sheen an apology.

HERE'S AN IDEA: REPEAL OBAMACARE!

2011-07-12T06:29:00.002-04:00

Yes, mister "president" Obama, it's time for you to eat your peas.

Since you're so damn all-fired willing to put things people like "on the table" to be cut in exchange for an increase in the debt limit, THEN WHY IN HELL DON'T YOU PUT THE FIASCO OF "OBAMACARE", WHICH ALMOST EVERYONE HATES AND NOBODY REALLY LIKES, UP FOR REPEAL??

All you are trying to do is stick it to the Republicans, and you don't much care who gets hurt, do you?

You Republicans reading this: know that if you don't raise the debt ceiling, the USA does not HAVE to default, IF "president" Obama does his duty and makes cuts more massive than the minimum you would be satisfied with. And don't let him push it off on YOU. remind everybody continually that had he just junked Obamacare, he wouldn't have had to do the cutting.

He'll offer to make you look like goons for voting for cuts in Social Security, because that hook has been set. Ditto Medicare.

But the people are not yet terminally addicted to Obamacare, and the Dems are hell-bent on holding onto that un-Constitutional piece of garbage because it will give them the tools to totally control every aspect of every person's life in this Nation.

So demand the repeal of Obamacare as a condition of raising the debt ceiling (and then don't raise it very much).

STAND FAST. WE ARE WINNING!!!

THE CASEY ANTHONY VERDICT

2011-07-05T16:19:00.003-04:00

The jury in the Florida trial of Casey Anthony has returned verdicts of NOT GUILTY on all of the felony counts, and GUILTY of three of four counts of making false statements to a police officer.

This outcome has provoked howls of outrage among some bloodthirsty folks. But twelve good citizens all said that the State failed to prove that Ms. Anthony did anything unlawful to her daughter. These outraged folks had been having their appetite for an auto-da-fe whetted by the lurid media coverage of the case for the last three years. Any fool can see that Casey Anthony is a flake of the first water, and likely had no business having custody of a child in the first place.

But being a flake and being a murderer are two different things. Too much of the prosecution's case consisted of showing that Anthony was a flake. Everything else was speculation based on circumstance, which is a very different thing than "circumstantial evidence". Even the cause of death was vague.

As the defense very adroitly pointed out, the prosecution's case consisted of: Cute little innocent girl; flaky, weird mommy; goofy mommies have been known to kill their kids; so what else could it be?

That is NOT "evidence beyond a reasonable doubt".

We do not say here that Casey Anthony is INNOCENT. the verdict was "NOT GUILTY". She may well have murdered her daughter. But "obviously she had to have done it" is not proof beyond a reasonable doubt. That's the standard for conviction. It is a high standard, and that's a good thing. "Probably did it" is insufficient reason for sending someone to prison or the death chamber.

Suppose that everyone knows that you are a big camera buff and have been known to say that you want a very expensive digital camera, that you positively obsess over it. One morning the police come to your door and accuse you of stealing that model of camera from your neighbor's car. There are no fingerprints, just the fact that you live next door and were seen going into your house at 3 AM carrying a bag that you explain contained items you had purchased at 7-11 after walking to the store. A search of your home reveals no evidence of the stolen camera, but you are arrested because, if not you then who else would have done such a thing?? Oh, and you own a pair of gloves, which they allege explains the lack of fingerprints.

In court the prosecutor points out that you have borrowed tools and not returned them. Surely you must have stolen that camera. And maybe you did. But how should the jury rule, given the evidence presented?

In the Anthony case, TWELVE PEOPLE decided that there existed a short ton of "reasonable doubt".

You see, ensuring that the innocent are NOT unjustly punished is a higher priority than punishing the truly guilty. When the bloodthirsty fools condemn this verdict they should stop and consider if they would like to have a case involving them be "tried" by lurid TV shows and "experts" who don't know; who have never seen the evidence that is presented to the jury. The twelve jurors quite speedily came to a unanimous and confident conclusion that the evidence given them to consider did NOT constitute sufficient proof to send Casey Anthony to the death chamber. That's the end of that, and that's as it should be.

CORPORATE JETS, JOBS, THE ECONOMY AND (OF COURSE) OBAMA

2011-07-04T19:57:00.003-04:00

I WAS GOING TO PUBLISH ANOTHER IN MY SERIES OF ESSAYS ON THE STATIST LEFT TODAY, BUT THEN OUR NINCOMPOOP "PRESIDENT" STARTED SHOOTING OFF HIS MOUTH ABOUT "PRIVATE JETS" AGAIN.

"President" Obama is trying to place into the public mind the image of a fat, rich pig with a Rolex watch jetting about the world aboard a sumptuous private jet airplane as the symbol of who the Republicans are trying to "help" via their insistence on no new or raised taxes and deep cuts in spending. He is attempting to contrast the image of a modern-day robber baron enjoying caviar and champagne whilst gadding about in luxury on his private Lear or Cessna jet; while thousands of feet below a poor mother cries as her infant child dies.

The child dies, of course, because that wealthy swine in that jet was allowed by his Republican pals to avoid paying his "fair share" of taxes, thereby denying the government the means of saving the child by providing the mother with the medical care the child needs.

Let me tell you morons who swallow this line of crapola something about private jets.

Oh, they are expensive to be sure. But Juan Valdez does not pick them off of a tree. Private jets are one hell of a big industry. Their production supports a lot of other industry, too. Cessna does not make the gyroscopes for the guidance/autopilot systems. Sperry does. Cessna does not make the communications gear. Motorola and other companies do. The steel cables to move the controls, the electric motors to move the rudder, flaps, ailerons, and other control surfaces; the high-pressure tubing for the hydraulics; the engines and much more are provided by separate companies that each employ thousands of skilled, semiskilled and unskilled workmen. Each order for a private jet represents a need for the employment of hundreds of people. These are the people who also pay taxes that pay for the government programs without which - so saith Barackus Obamus Regis - that poor woman's child will die.

But if orders for private jets drop off, these people wind up jobless. What happens when their kids get sick? All the tycoon's money can't provide for them all as well as they could have provided for themselves had not Obama's class-warfare hooey resulted in the elimination of their employment.

And the original woman with the sick kid?

The kid STILL dies, because all the out-of-work people who formerly built, maintained, and flew the fat-cat's jet have added to the demand for government "help".

Now, in my world, the woman goes to the community and the church and her family, and they help, out of their goodness. That used to be the way in this country; but such archaic notions as community are actively discouraged - save for "community organizing" to get out the vote for the Statist lefties - by the American Progressive Liberals, who want no one to come together for anything except to vote for their ilk.

Otherwise it's "divide and conquer"; and set one group against the other and play them off on each other as the situation requires.

A few years ago I ran across a young man employed as a swimming-pool digger. It was in a local convenience store, and he sneeringly disparaged my purchase of the Washington Times. We had a conversation in which he derided the "fat cats" that the Republicans support. But then I asked him if he was digging swimming pools for paupers.

I made point after point, only to have him respond with the "fat cats have all the money" drivel that too many people of his age have been taught. When I told him that not a few of these so-called "fat cats" at one point in their lives dug swimming pools or worse, he snorted in derision.

Then I found out that he was digging pools as a summer job, since his (wealthy) folks didn't give him enough spending money to have fun while he was attending George Washington University; where he was studying to become a hydraulic engineer.

If "President" Obama has his way, that kid will wind up working at The Gap or something. And maybe his kid will get sick and die. All for the lack of a corporate jet to build.

Pathetic. Truly pathetic.

THE ENEMY WITHIN PART II: THE ASSAULT ON THE EDUCATIONAL SYSTEM

2011-07-03T14:00:00.006-04:00

AS WE HAVE SHOWN, THE STATIST LEFT'S ASSAULT ON AMERICA IS LIKE A CALTHROPS, A FOUR-POINTED DEVICE DESIGNED TO INJURE HORSES AND PEOPLE BY BEING SO DESIGNED THAT WHEN THROWN UPON THE GROUND ONE POINT ALWAYS LANDS UPRIGHT TO PIERCE FEET OR HOOVES. THE FOUR POINTS OF THE STATIST-LEFT CALTHROP ARE THE ASSAULT ON INDEPENDENCE, THE ASSAULT ON THE FAMILY, THE ASSAULT ON CHRISTIANITY, AND THE ASSAULT ON THE ACADEMY. IT IS THE ASSAULT ON THE ACADEMY THAT IS THE MOST DANGEROUS AND INSIDIOUS ASPECT OF THIS WAR AGAINST OUR REPUBLIC.

I say this because the corruption of young minds is historically the first goal of those who would establish a tyranny. Old farts make lousy soldiers. Stormtroopers and Bolsheviks and Squadristi need to be young and rowdy and idealistically committed. "Give me a child from the age of seven..." as they say.

The basic tactic employed at all age levels in this assault is the assurance to the young that they are wiser than their elders, so long of course, that they vomit back what they are taught by those elders who are members of (or apologists for) the Statist Left. The Statist Left trusts that these youngsters are too young and foolish to notice that (for example) the exhortation to "Never trust anyone over the age of thirty" was made by Dr. Timothy Leary, who was well over the age of thirty when he counselled the youth of America to heed him.

Would that the kids of my generation had noticed this, taken the advice at face value, and told Leary and his pack of space cadets they were full of shit and should go pound sand. Instead, a lot of us "turned on" to LSD and mescaline, "Tuned in" to the seductive message that we were the "new generation" and -being wiser than our elders - could create Heaven on earth where everybody got high all the time and food and shelter (clothing being optional) appeared magically; and "dropped out". "Dropped out", that is, from that inconvenient and unpleasant circumstance commonly known as "reality". For many if not most of us, this worked out pretty well for a time, since our disgusting bourgeois parents - the fools - kept supplying us with food and clothing and shelter (and, let's not forget, tuition).

But just as every action has an equal and opposite reaction, the fairy-tale wonder of Woodstock was the very same year exposed as a manufactured fraud by the blood soaked reality of Altamont. Even so, enough young minds refused to concede that they had been deluded into chasing a mirage to maintain the assault on the minds of the young in this nation.

There is much more background to all this, but after all it is background. We are here writing of the present state of the assault on the Academy.

In a very important way, the assault on the Academy is the linchpin of the entire effort of the Statist Left to bring down the United States as a barrier to the takeover of the globe by Leftist Statism. For it is in the Academy that the precepts underlying (emphasis on "lying") Leftist Statism are taught. The assault on the Academy is conducted on three main fronts: The myth of the superiority of Youth; the revision and misrepresentation of History, and (easily observable but just as easily obscured) the turning of the Youth against their elders.

Right now the fashionable way to corrupt the young is to involve them into the "let's save the planet" bullshit currently being discussed. A favorite technique is for a professor or high school instructor to tell his or her young charges that their situation is analogous to a frog being boiled alive.

According to this narrative, we older folk are like frogs who started out in a pan full of cold water, who have had the heat turned up gradually and don't know they are being boiled to death slowly. Meanwhile these teenage innocents are told that they are analogous to young frogs who can feel the boiling water and who jump out immediately, leaving the complacent older frogs to die.

This analogy makes these kids feel several orders of magnitude wiser than their far more experienced elders. It also encourages the young to - rather than see their elders as a fountain of experience to be learned from - see their elders as hopeless fools who refuse to see the light they have been shown, and distracts them from realizing that they are more analogous to moths being lured by a flame held by their instructors (so many of whom are old enough to be their parents) and who are being used to further the agenda of a pack of would-be dictators.

The corruption of the young is essential to the other four barbs of the Statist-Left calthrop. The justification of various Statist policies is centered on the good of the youth. If one front in the war on liberty can be said to be more important than the rest, it is the assault on the Academy, which enables the corruption of the Youth.

THE ENEMY WITHIN: THE STATIST LEFT AND THEIR EIGHTY YEAR CAMPAIGN TO DESTROY AMERICA

2011-06-30T15:23:00.006-04:00

WE ARE AWARE THAT THE TITLE OF THIS POST IS INFLAMMATORY. THE TRUTH OFTEN IS.

The administration of "president" Barack Hussein Obama is clearly the culmination of 81 years of a continual campaign to turn the United States into a Leftist dictatorship, a one-party state in which everyone is dependent upon a cabal of elitists and all that is not prohibited is mandatory. The great enemy that has threatened Liberty across the globe since the end of World War I is Leftist Statism.

Leftist Statism is a political form that metamorphizes from its larval form of Socialism. Leftist Statism has four main denominations: Communism, Fascism, National Socialism, and its newest guise, American Progressive Liberalism. Fascism and National Socialism were quite compatible with the other two for almost 12 years, and particularly the American Left was quite comfortable with Adolf Hitler right up until he betrayed Josef Stalin and attacked the Soviet Union. The American Left was at the time allied closely with the founding entity of Leftist Statism, Russian Communism; and so from the launch of Operation Barbarossa the Nazis and their Italian allies were therefore no-good-sons-of-bitches. The hostility toward Fascism and National Socialism displayed by Communists and American Progressive Liberals is not based so much on a differing world-view as it is a battle for the leadership of the Statist Left leadership. It is a power struggle within the philosophy.

Any form of Leftist Statism requires fertile soil in the form of an impoverished, fearful, and abject populace. In Russia, that condition had been met in spades at the time of the Bolshevik Revolution. In Italy and Germany inept, socialist-style governments drove the populace to discontent.

The United States, however, was (and is) a much tougher nut for the Statist Left to crack. The unique form of government and the barriers between competing powers at the State, Federal, and Local levels and between several branches and houses of government; combined with the staggering of elections and a Constitution separating powers and forbidding certain infringements on certain rights; means that attempts to impose Statist policies are (or were) limited to certain States or regions of the State or the Nation, where before long the disastrous results of Left Statist policies become obvious to the rest of the Nation and eventually to the People of the affected States (and/or get struck down by the court system as un-Constitutional.) Since the Inauguration of Franklin Delano Roosevelt, however, the Statist Left has put into action a plan to reduce as much of the populace as possible under dependence upon the State for their well-being in almost every department of individual life. This is what Barry Goldwater called "creeping Socialism". The idea was to insinuate the larval form of Statism into the very fabric of the Nation.

This was first accomplished with the introduction of Social Security, peddled as a Federal form of "retirement insurance". But when Social Security was challenged as being unauthorized by the Constitution, the defense presented by Roosevelt was that the payroll deduction for Social Security was a "tax" and so was authorized by the 16th Amendment. Today, SS has been joined by Medicaid and Medicare and the ultimate "entitlement" Obamacare. The hook has been set with the first three, and the Left is fighting a desperate delaying action so as to make the populace dependent on Obamacare to the extent that repeal of it will be all but impossible.

Making the populace dependent on the largesse of the Federal government was the first facet of the attempt to destroy the Republic and remake it in the image of Statism. The second was the takeover of The Academy; the public institutions of learning. Packing the faculty of major institutions of higher education was a priority, as from these came the people who would become teachers in elementary and secondary schools, where truly impressionable minds could be reached and indoctrinated.

The third leg of the triangle consists of the disparaging and dissolution of the traditional American family centered on a mother, a father, and their children. This attack was opened with the "Women's Liberation" movement, which positively encouraged women to (among other things) eschew the role of home-maker and turn the kids over to (Government-approved) daycare centers and enter the work force. Later, manipulation of the economy would make this a near-necessity. At the same time, "the good of the children" has sufficed at almost every turn as a bogus-yet-compelling justification for almost every incursion of the Federal government into more and more intimate aspects of individual lives.

All of this would be a two-dimensional chimera, but the fourth point transforms it into a three-dimensional threat: The war on "religion"; by which is meant Christianity. Christianity is for example said to be "arrogant" because we who are Christian say that no one gets to Heaven without Jesus. But Islam, which not only also claims to be the only true path to God but also arrogates to itself the authority to subjugate by the sword those who do not agree; is given a pass and indeed the Statist Left seeks to accomodate Islam wherever the opportunity exists. It is no accident that the Grand Mufti of Jerusalem during WWII was made an honorary Gruppenfuhrer (General) in the Nazi SS.

The times we are living in are the times of the Statist Left's final assault on the United States of America. This nation is hated by them precisely because we stand in the way of these lice, who would order our lives and the lives of all who inhabit the planet to their philosophy of a perfect world. Perfect, that is, in their eyes; and God help you if you disagree.

MARIJUANA AND GAMBLING ARE NONE OF WASHINGTON'S BUSINESS

2011-06-24T16:20:00.006-04:00

In the last few days two bills have been introduced to the United States Congress. The first would end the involvement of the Federal government in the enforcement of marijuana laws, leaving that up to the several States. The second would legalize on-line casinos.

The Alexandria Daily Poop endorses both pieces of legislation, for the following reasons.

Regarding online casinos, most of those presently available are located offshore, with little protection of the bettor should his winnings not be forthcoming or should the games be artificially modified so as to increase the house advantage. Having an American E-Casino would enable criminal prosecution for - for example - a crooked roulette wheel.

As to the end of Federal involvement in matters concerning cannabis, we find this to be a great way to end the drug wars raging in Mexico. Here in the United States, we are capable of growing better pot than anywhere else in the world. We would love to see the United States be the source of the most desirable strains of pot on the planet.

Nevertheless, the same old tired reasons for continuing the status quo concerning pot continue to arise. We shall now proceed to demolish these arguments.

"MARIJUANA IS A GATEWAY DRUG".

No, it isn't. Marijuana rather has been consigned to stand in the gateway via its illegal status. Presently, if one wishes to purchase cannabis one must go to places and circumstances where much more dangerous stuff is being sold. Legalizing the stuff (and selling it subject to the laws regulating alcohol) would take it out of the street.

Sure, an 18-year-old who is able to legally buy pot (or a 21-year-old who could buy hashish) might be able to supply his kid brother and his pals. But the same thing goes on with beer, wine, and liquor. What's the diff? (Here's the diff: People have died from alcohol overdose. Before any concerns about permanent damage arise, one would have to consume an amount of PURE TETRAHYDRACANNABINOL EQUIVALENT TO THE WEIGHT OF A STANDARD HERSHEY BAR.) Parents, if you can tell that your kid has been drinking then most assuredly you can tell if he's STONED. Proper parenting can accomplish for free what we have been spending billions to do regarding pot (and everything else, for that matter).

"THE POT AVAILABLE TODAY IS (fill in the blank) TIMES AS STRONG AS THE POT WE SMOKED WHEN WE WERE KIDS"

In my misspent teenage years, I smoked pot that was a whopping SIX PERCENT THC. Some of these estimates have said that "today's powerful marijuana" is "thirty times as powerful".

180 percent THC??

Shaddap.

"LABORATORY TESTS SHOW THAT MARIJUANA IS A FAR MORE POTENT CARCINOGEN THAN TOBACCO"

First, anyone who smokes a pack of reefers a day has bigger problems than simple drug dependence; and cancer is the least of his problems.

Second, smoking pot isn't the only way to consume it. The thing about eating or drinking cannabis preparations is that the "lag time" between consumption and effect can be fifteen to forty-five minutes. Someone may feel that they have not been intoxicated at all, climb into a vehicle, and start driving; only to have the full effect of the drug come on suddenly. But they should have known, and operating under the influence is DUI no matter the intoxicant.

"WELL YOU SEE, NOW, THAT'S EXACTLY THE POINT! THERE ARE NO FIELD CHEMICAL ANALYSIS TESTS TO SHOW AN ILLEGAL AMOUNT OF THC IN A DRIVER'S BLOODSTREAM!"

Well, maybe not. But the charge is "driving under the influence" of an intoxicant. Dashboard cameras exist to document the behavior of a DUI suspect. Are you trying to say that if a law enforcement officer pulls over a driver who has not been drinking but is high on pot, then the pothead driver will walk??

The only thing a "Breathalyzer" does is to establish a prima facse case for intoxication based on a certain blood/alcohol ratio. DUI cases in which the driver "blew" well under the common .08 standard have been successfully prosecuted numerous times. In the case of cannabis, the law enforcement officer might just need to document the fact that the DUI suspect couldn't stand up straight (or said that the flashing lights of the police car indicated a wormhole in the time/space continuum) It's an out-and-out falsehood to say that a driver stoned on nothing but pot can't be successfully prosecuted. It happens every damned day in this country. We at the Alexandria Daily Poop particularly call BULLSHIT on this argument.

PLEASE NOTE that we do not here say that cannabis should be uniformly legal throughout the United States. The only argument that we make here is that laws regarding cannabis (and other psychoactive drugs such as alcohol) should be left up to the Several States, where it belongs. Alcohol prohibition (another failed attempt at State Nannyism) was at least underpinned by an Amendment to the Constitution. Federal drug laws arrogantly assume that no such nicety is required.

Absent such an Amendment, the regulation of the manufacture, possession, and use of cannabis (and other drugs) should be left to the Several States, where it belongs.

THE SARAH PALIN BUS TOUR

2011-06-02T14:07:00.003-04:00

SARAH PALIN, THE MUCH-MALIGNED FORMER GOVERNOR OF ALASKA AND ERSTWHILE RUNNING MATE OF JOHN MCCAIN IN THE LAST PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION, IS BUSILY MAKING FOOLS OF THE "MAINSTREAM" MEDIA AND OBAMA AND HIS MOBS OF RENT-A-GOONS. She is doing this by staging a bus tour in which none of the stops are announced in advance. Unsurprisingly, she has not once on this tour been met with angry mobs of heckling Leftist fools, but has invariably been met with crowds of admirers. Why is this??

Because the people who want to call Palin a fool need advance notice to get enough of them together in one place to be sufficiently disruptive, and they need the media there to document it if Palin's supporters give them the ass-kicking they deserve, is why. The media can follow her around, but they don't know where she will stop.

And there's the problem. Because to get the requisite number of filthy winos, jejune kids, and aging hippies to any of these stops would entail having nine or ten tour buses full of these fools follow her around and be in a constant state of readiness to jump off and start screaming puerile slogans at her and shout her down. It isn't just impractical, it's impossible to get the slackers that make up these phony mobs to discipline themselves to be ready to act at a moment's notice, with zero time to work up some courage before they start in with their harassment.

And even if they did manage to organize that well, the resulting caravan would soon be noticed by local media and - oh, say - FOX News, and the thug tactics being used would be plainly exposed.

And so Palin is met by adoring crowds everywhere she goes; and the poor rent-a-protesters can't send in an advance mob to make it appear that she is the vilest, most hated person in America.

It drives them NUTS-O!!

Good work, Governor Palin. You go, Girl!

MEMORIAL DAY 2011

2011-05-30T15:03:00.005-04:00

We first published this poem in another venue, back in 1997. It is if anything even more meaningful today. The quote at the end is an actual quote from my father, a veteran of WWII.

THE CHANGING OF THE GUARD

Arlington Cemetery February 17 1997

"This is for your Daddy. He died in the war" the young mother said to her little son,

As she arranged the flowers to decorate the grave.

There are those Others

Who have no grave, who were mangled beyond recognition or so torn to pieces

In that grinding, howling fiery Hell that separates Tyranny from Freedom

That nothing remained of them. These

Have a Tomb. In a place

Called Arlington, a lone guard halts at smart attention. The POP!

of heel meeting heel rings out

Like a rifle fired in salute.

POP! The guard does "Left-Face", and stares down the valley beside the tomb.

Let none approach and disturb the Rest of these Honored Dead!

POP! The guard again does "left face", and his Rifle gives a click-clack warning as it goes to left-shoulder arms.

With its sharp and silvery Bayonet, it will ever be between this Tomb and any who would dare approach.

A twenty-one second pause and then

As soft as shadows on the grass,

Twenty-one steps in an arrow-straight line, then,

POP! - pause - POP! Click-clack! until

Deep and solemn, a bell rings out. Suddenly

A Sergeant appears with a relief guard, fresh and alert.

The sergeant inspects the relief guard. Nothing but perfection every way will do

Words are but terse commands, and few.

Finally the guards face each other. The Post Orders are exchanged:

"POSTINGS AND ORDERS

REMAIN AS DIRECTED!"

Four more commands from the Sergeant, and then:

POP! - pause - POP! Click-Clack! and another guard walks twenty one steps. This

will continue until the very hours which prompt the bell ringing are no more. For here

More, much more

than a Palace or a Treasury of gold;

Here lie the hopes, the dreams, the very lives of all who never returned.

These, their delegation, lie here beneath the inscription:

HERE RESTS IN HONORED GLORY

AN AMERICAN SOLDIER

KNOWN BUT TO GOD

You, who live in this Country,

you who pronounce the milk rancid and the honey bitter even as you gorge yourselves on both,

Consider now these Honored Dead, and consider that but for their sacrifice,

You might well live in a place where you would be dead should you offer anything but praise

to the powers that be. So now praise God for the Fruit of the Tree

Of Liberty. The blood of these soldiers were its necessary Fertilizer. Their bodies

Were broken by the raging tides of Tyranny

So that it may not even so much as wash over your feet.

And you, whose loved one never returned;

This is for your Daddy, who died in the War.

My own father survived. When I asked him to come tell people about his war, he said:

"IF THEY WANT TO KNOW ABOUT WAR,

THEN LET THEM COME TO ARLINGTON"

Where the Dead rest in Honored Glory

And the Postings and Orders

Remain

As Directed.

RETARDS

2011-05-26T11:52:00.004-04:00

YES, THE CAUSE DU JOUR FOR THE LEFT SEEMS TO BE BANNING THE WORD "RETARD" TO DESCRIBE AN INEPT OR STUPID PERSON. WE SUPPOSE CALLING AN INEPT UMPIRE BLIND WILL BE NEXT.

Down Austin, Texas way the Statist Left has banned the entire film "Napoleon Dynamite" because the word "retard" was used. Oh, a film like "Dazed and Confused" which is replete with drug use, underage drinking and teenage horniness is A-OK with these folks. But say "retard" in a movie and the whole thing gets tossed.

We suppose "moron" will be next. There are actually people who are of a certain level of mental defectiveness who are known as "morons"; maybe next we'll be called on to stop calling idiots "morons" to avoid insulting morons like the Lefties and their leader "president" obama (we told you in our last post that his name no longer rates a capital letter, and when the retarded moron flubbed the toast to Queen Elizabeth II, he fully justified losing the capitalization of his name. What a retard.)

TORNADOES AND CLIMATE CHANGE PROPAGANDA

2011-05-24T11:59:00.004-04:00

W ITH THE RECENT SPATE OF TORNADOES IN THE SOUTH AND MIDWEST, THE MEDIA ARE IN A FULL-TILT RUSH TO USE THESE TRAGIC EVENTS TO TOUT THE DISCREDITED IDEA THAT "MAN-MADE" GLOBAL WARMING IS TO BLAME.

In this day's Washington Post, an article about the tornado that hit Joplin, Missouri described it as a multiple-vortex tornado, which it almost certainly was. BUT, "multiple vortex" tornadoes were described as a "rare phenomenon", which they most certainly are NOT.

In fact, most large twisters are multiple vortex events. Dr. Ted Fujita, the father of modern tornado science found this out early on. This is easily verified by a look at his research, or by viewing any of myriad tornado videos on YouTube.

Moreover, the size of a tornado has next to nothing to do with its destructive force. There have been EF-5 twisters less than 100 yards across (and with but a single vortex); and there have been EF 1 tornadoes half a mile wide (and with multiple vortices).

As for the number of twisters - and there has been an unusual number of tornadoes this year - well, there's another phenomenon out there called El Nino, which every few years sends weather patterns into a tizzy.

Now, one might think that "president" Obama (pretty soon we are going to stop capitalizing his name, he's just that worthless) would be rushing back from his latest junket

to see to the victims of this disaster.

BUT NOOOOOO...

No, instead he announced that his "thoughts and prayers" were with the victims.

Then, without further ado, he hurried off to have tea and crumpets with the glamour couple of the hour, Prince William Duke of Cambridge and his wife the Dutchess Kate.

What a blowhole.

AN OPEN LETTER TO HAROLD CAMPING

2011-05-22T14:25:00.002-04:00

Mister Camping:

GREETINGS

Well sir, at least one person has disappeared in the wake of 5/21/2011.

That person, of course, would be YOU.

Not that anyone could blame you. There are some folks who dumped their life savings into buying billboards and advertisements for what turned out to be a FARCE. And I bet there are no records of these monies, because (after all) who'd need records with the world coming to an end?

Now I am not saying you did anything larcenous. But you've gotta admit, this would be the biggest religious scam in history. Just think: Convince a bunch of schnooks to put up dough to the tune of say ten million to put up ads and billboards. Cash, please; because this is an URGENT MATTER; and no reciepts because who's going to need one if you really and truly believe the world is done for? Then get the work done cheap (or free!) by (ideally) some more schnooks who believe your crapola. And again, no reciept asked or given. Pocket the difference and take off for who-knows-where with maybe six or seven million bucks.

I certainly hope you were not pulling some type of religion-based skin game like that. But you MUST be aware that people will be asking questions. And as you are aware, the Bible states that police officers are ministers of God ("he beareth not the sword in vain") and they are not stupid. Right now I can tell you - although I have not talked to a single cop about this - that various State, Federal, and local law-enforcement entities are looking into this to see if there was maybe some jiggery-pokery going on. And your apparent disappearance does nothing to allay these suspicions.

Even I was impressed when I looked at your web site and found some rather compelling arguments. But I also noticed that you have added a whole bunch of gimcrack aluminum-siding conditions to God's simple plan of salvation, and made a two step (1: If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is God, and 2: believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved ) process into a freaking labyrinth.

Mr. Camping, if the period from 1988 to now is the "Great Tribulation" then I am black and blue. Satan may have control of some churches, but not all of them by a long shot. And you leave out a whole bunch of stuff: the one-world government of the Antichrist, the "666" business, lots of it. When I saw that, I was prepared to dismiss your prediction as a lot of hooey. But then certain events involving Israel alarmed me sufficiently to post here that at least the date of the Rapture might just be true.

Saturday came and went. The closest I got to a "rapture" was when I was changing a tire. The lug nuts were on so tight I nearly got a rupture from trying to loosen them. Well, I didn't get to Heaven. But then I don't have a hernia, so I'll call it a wash.

You have succeeded spectacularly in one area and one area alone. You have given so much ammunition to those who ridicule the Word of God as a fairy tale that it is likely that not a few people will stop their ears at the mention of the Gospel.

Mr. Camping, you need to come into the public light and account for this travesty. You said that "the Bible guarantee(d)" your prediction. In the light of what has transpired, you have given many people good reason to say that the Bible is a lot of hooey. It is not, and if you believe that, then you need to come forward and explain yourself.

And now I will leave it to the LORD to deal with you. That, after all, is His department. I'm a tad busy running my small office in the Kingdom (and I'm far from perfect, so I;m really busy in

that regard also).

I close with the customary farewell:

Yours in Christ,

F. Allen Norman Jr.

DISAPPOINTMENT

2011-05-21T14:24:00.005-04:00

Well, folks; as you know Harold Camping predicted a huge global earthquake beginning at 6PM at the International Date Line and moving west with the hour, to be accompanied by the Rapture of Christians in its path.

Bother. EVEN accounting for Daaylight Savings Time, it's been six PM halfway around the globe by now. In fact, at the International Date Line right now it's 6:30 AM TOMORROW.

Yet not even a tremor has been reported anywhere.

Too bad. I'd have loved to get off this fechachtehleh planet. I guess there isn't gonna be any Rap

THE RAPTURE MAY BE TOMORROW AFTER ALL

2011-05-20T12:32:00.005-04:00

IN A PREVIOUS POST WE VOICED SKEPTICISM OF EVANGELIST HAROLD CAMPING'S PREDICTION OF A GLOBAL EARTHQUAKE AND OTHER HORRORS TO ACCOMPANY THE RAPTURE OF CHRISTIANS TOMORROW. HOWEVER, RECENT EVENTS INDICATE CAMPING MAY BE RIGHT AT LEAST ABOUT THE RAPTURE.

Two days ago, "Palestinians" attempted a mass march across Israel's borders from four sides.

Yesterday "President" Obama basically threw Israel under the bus in his middle-east policy speech, directed at the Moslem world. If somebody doesn't stop this jug-eared Communist nincompoop, things are going to get really bad.

But The Alexandria Daily Poop has some semi-good news for all you non-Christians out there: There won't be any earthquake. A whole bunch of missing persons, maybe. But no big worldwide earthquake.

Instead, IF tomorrow is the day all the Christians are taken out of the world; then that will mark the start of a time that will see a one-world government, a phony brokered peace between the Jews and the Moslems, and which will culminate in the great final battle of Armageddon.t Events leading up to this battle will include the Antichrist, mark of 666 and all the rest of it.

As I said, it's semi-good news for you all. The bad news is, you will be stuck here, and if you don't follow the Antichrist you will die horribly; and if you do you will be damned.

We also don't think the Rapture will even be exactly tomorrow. Our opinion is "no man knows the day or hour", but right now it looks to us as if the situation is that of a very pregnant woman Nobody knows the exact day or hour the baby will be born, either. But the signs are unmistakable that the due date is very near indeed. Very very near.

SEDITION ON THE COMICS PAGE

2011-05-16T12:15:00.003-04:00

TODAY IN THE COMICS SECTION OF THE WASHINGTON POST, YET ANOTHER SUBTLE ATTEMPT TO CORRUPT THE YOUTH OF THIS COUNTRY WAS ON DISPLAY.

The offending segment was one of the newer comics, "Barney and Clyde". This particular strip has as its central characters a rich "Big Pharma" CEO and a homeless guy who befriends him. They often meet on a park bench, where the wise homeless guy instructs the rich CEO of the evil drug manufacturer in "social justice" issues.

(The rich guy listens because he's got a guilty conscience)

Well.

In today's episode, the bum is explaining to the rich guy that "American exceptionalism" is NOT the same thing as patriotism.

"A patriot' the bum explains, 'loves his country"

Then, going into full-bore clownish mockery, the bum continues, "An exceptionalist loves America because it's the best, sweetest rootin' tootin' country in the whole wide world!!"

A kid reading this strip will recieve the message that the belief that America is the best country in the world is silly.

Here at the Alexandria Daily Poop, we are more than a bit tired of this kind of leftist horse crap. We are beginning to think that the guy who draws that strip maybe should be taken to a meeting with some patriots armed with baseball bats in some alley, there to be forced to drink castor oil until he has to try to hail a cab after crapping his pants.

Trouble is, a patriot cannot do that, because that is a tactic of the Left. And it's too bad.

This is not the first time the Washington Post has endeavoured to corrupt the young and politicize them.

Just before George W. Bush was elected, the Post ran a piece in its "Kid's Post" section purporting to explain the Electoral College. The reason the Electoral College exists, according to the article, was to protect the American People from themselves in case they made an outrageously bad choice for President.

Then the Electoral College voted for George W. Bush, and immediately it was explained that the EC is an "outdated" organization that skews democracy.

In ancient Greece, persons found guilty of corrupting the youth had a choice of exile or drinking poison.

Now here we are, and we can't even force the Posties to drink castor oil, let alone run them out of town. And it's too damn bad.

NATIONAL POLICE WEEK

2011-05-15T14:28:00.003-04:00

TODAY IS MAY 15TH, NATIONAL POLICE MEMORIAL DAY. AND ALTHOUGH MANY IF NOT MOST OF US COMMONLY THINK OF POLICE EITHER AS A NUISANCE IN THE REARVIEW MIRROR OR AS A SERVICE TO BE CALLED ON IN CASE OF TROUBLE, THAT PERCEPTION INSTANTLY CHANGES ONCE SOME TERRIFYING EVENT PRODUCES A DIRE NEED FOR THEIR SERVICES.

Instantly, they become saviours, in a twinkling they are no longer a gang of flatfoot donut gobblers but the most heroic people on Earth. I have with my own eyes seen a young man who constantly referred to the cops as "pigs" and worse break down and cry on the shoulder of a police officer who had just saved him from being killed by a pack of hoodlums.

Consider what these highly trained professionals do every day. When I was in my younger years, I - like most people of that age - considered the police to be something to put up with and avoid if possible. Cops with radar guns helped temporarily end my driving priveleges more than once. Other police officers who spotted me making illegal u-turns and driving with full-time bright lights helped out.

Now, however, I realize that these cops were protecting the rest of us from me, and doing me a service into the bargain. Because I now realize what I had been doing presented one hell of a danger. I drive for a living now, and I know now what a hazard my behavior presented.

Every traffic stop a cop makes is fraught with danger. A driver who looks like Mr. John Q. Average may have just murdered his family, and be prepared to kill to escape capture. Or he may be a wanted fugitive. Or possibly be just a general cop-hater or other variety of nutball.

In most cases, however, the driver has done nothing more than commit the traffic violation the cop has observed. The police are, however, only human; and like anyone else they grow tired of being constantly lied to. Oh, the usual lame excuses and claims of ignorance are usually dealt with in pretty good humor. But running a solid red light and claiming it was green; or claiming that you were going 30 MPH at the accident scene when you have left fifty feet of black skid marks on the pavement will sorely test the officer's professional manner.

Most cops are at root just regular folks like everybody else. They love their families, they love their communities, and they love their nation. So much so that they put themselves in harm's way daily.

And not just harm from bad guys, either; but from your average garden variety moron who blows past a traffic stop at 70 MPH and clips a cop who has stopped another motorist. Or consider this:

A few years ago in Arlington, Virginia; some hucklebuck got pig-faced drunk and stripped buck naked and ran out into the middle of a major secondary road. He was six feet plus, weighed almost four hundred pounds, and stood naked in the middle of South Walter Reed Drive threatening motorists and passers-by. The Arlington cops closed off the street and tried less-lethal measures, with no effect.

Finally, the drunken jerk squatted down in the middle of the road to defecate. That's when the cops jumped him and wrestled him into handcuffs.

I'm willing to bet that not a few uniforms were "dry-cleaned" with gasoline and a match after that one.

The heroism of the police officers who ran up the stairs of the World Trade Center on 9-11-2001 is most often cited, and indeed it is remarkable that these officers did so in order to save lives knowing that it could at any moment be too late both for the trapped people and them. And as it turned out, when the towers fell, they crushed many brave police officers beneath tons of concrete.

But it is important to remember that the courage that led to those officers' eternaal sacrifice is on display every single day somwhere in this Nation. Yet, to paraphrase a well known poem:

In times of danger, and not before

God and the policeman, all people adore

Danger over and all things righted.

God is forgotten,

the policeman, slighted.

Not by me. Police officers of these United States, wherever you are, the Alexandria Daily Poop says:

THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE!

BIN LADEN FINALLY RUN TO GROUND AND KILLED

2011-05-03T15:21:00.002-04:00

WE CAN THINK OF NOTHING MORE SATISFYING THAN THE FULFILLMENT OF THE PREDICTION THAT THE LAST THING OSAMA BIN LADEN WOULD EVER SEE WOULD BE THE MUZZLE OF A FIREARM WITH AN AMERICAN SOLDIER BEHIND IT.

Many thanks to the brave Navy SEALS who risked their lives to bring about final justice and to expose this cowardly piece of dog shit for who he really was.

No longer will the Islamist loons be able to say bin Laden is "protected by Allah". And he died a coward, he dies YELLOW, hiding behind a woman. His miserable corpse was pushed over the side of an American aircraft carrier, and he is now shark shit.

Of course, "president" Obama was quick to claim full credit for this.

But the truth is, the path to bin Laden began with the name of a courier given up by Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, who gurgled it out after his umpteenth waterboarding. This was done under President George Walker Bush's watch, and Obama excoriated Bush for this practice during the 2008 campaign.

If "president" Obama had had his 'druthers, this lead would never have surfaced.

Here's Obama's role in this glad event: The U.S. Intelligence services reported they had run Obama down. At that moment he could have ordered that he be bombed to death OR captured or killed in a raid, or that our people hold off until later. Obama chose the second option.

All Obama did was greenlight the raid and killing. That's it. He's STILL a foreign and domestic policy disaster. His presidency is STILL a disgraceful catastrophe. The Alexandria Daily Poop STILL calls for his resignation or impeachment.

SATIRE: OBAMA RESPONDS TO TORNADO EMERGENCY

2011-05-01T13:59:00.005-04:00

NOTICE: THIS IS SATIRE. THAT MEANS IT'S A GOOF ON THE JOKE OF A "PRESIDENT" WE ARE STUCK WITH.

ALABAMA, APRIL 29 2011

OBAMA TOURS TORNADO DESTRUCTION

"President" Barack Hussein Obama mmm mmm MMMMM finally found time to take a tour of the destruction wrought by the outbreak of tornadoes in that state.

"Gee, whiz. I've never seen anything like this" he said; indicating he has yet to look back on his "presidency" so far. 'Wow, that's toughie beans for these folks." He then got back into his convoy and sped off amid shouted questions about when FEMA would be coming with some luxuries such as food, water and fuel.

Once back in the White House, he briefed the White House Press Corps. Here are his remarks:

"I just got back from looking at the damage from the tornadoes down in Alabama. And you know, it struck me as I looked at the debris and the families picking through the wreckage and all of it, that these folks and Big Oil and Big Coal and the Republicans are the cause of such desolation. Global warming and the greenhouse gasses put out by all the internal combustion engines and all put all this energy in the atmosphere.

And another thing that came to mind was that so many people say that wind turbines cannot generate enough power. Well, wind did all this; so I guess there is enough wind power after all.

Ig we had been running on wind power instead of fossil fuel, there wouldn't be any wind to do all this damage. So there .. um.. wouldn't be any wind to um... what happened to my Teleprompter?" he said before walking out.

Meanwhile, FEMA is STILL a no show, leading to the inescapable conclusion:

Barack Obama hates white people.

HAROLD CAMPING

2011-04-24T19:28:00.008-04:00

MUCH ATTENTION HAS BEEN DIRECTED TO THE PREDICTION OF ONE HAROLD CAMPING THAT THE "RAPTURE" OF CHRISTIANS WILL TAKE PLACE ON THE 21ST DAY OF NEXT MONTH. Both Christians and those who hate them would love for this to be true. In fact, I would welcome it in the next ten minutes. It is hard to fathom how much worse things can get before God finally says "ENOUGH!!"

Israel is surrounded by enemies, one of which - Iran - is trying like mad to develop a nuclear weapon which her president Mahmoud Ahmedi-Nijad has all but promised to use to blow Israel off the map. Scientists are using their knowledge to try and manipulate life. There is a proposition afoot in the United Nations to give human rights to insects and trees and rocks (and no, i''m NOT KIDDING).

The world has gone COMPLETELY INSANE.

May 21st??? I would not be surprised if God decided he'd finally had it in the next ten seconds.

But Camping has been wrong before. He claims that "further study" has enlightened him. However, the "clear teaching of the Bible" he claims to espouse teaches that "no man knows the day or hour".

And why is knowing the date so important? Shouldn't Christians be prepared always for this event? Shouldn't we always be trying to lead others on the path to God and Heaven?

One day, and soon, I hope, the dead who are in Christ will arise to meet Him, and we who are alive will be taken up to join Him in the air, and so shall we always be with the LORD.

Something tells me that Brother Camping will be among us, and that Jesus will look at him and say something like:

"Harry, you're an idiot. But I still love you."

GOOD FRIDAY

2011-04-22T14:00:00.004-04:00

PERHAPS THE MOST GALLING SWIPE AT CHRISTIANITY EVER UTTERED WAS UTTERED BY MAHATMA GHANDI, WHO SAID "I WILL BECOME A CHRISTIAN WHEN I MEET ONE." His implication, of course was that a Christian must be a perfect human being, according to what he percieved as Christian standards. His snide little remark has allowed who-knows-how many people to deny God the chance to forgive their sins. Some of them have no doubt died in their sin.

"Perfect human being" is the mother of all oxymorons. It is because of this that we have Good Friday.

Good Friday of course commemorates the day when God, who had taken the form of a man, died by the horrible method of crucifixion. He then was entombed and rose from the dead three days later. He, being the ONLY perfect human ever to walk the face of the Earth, in dying in such a manner; ABSOLUTELY INNOCENT of any wrong before Man or God; shed His Blood in a sacrifice for every sin; past, present, and future; of ANYONE who accepts the pardon by confessing with his mouth that Jesus is LORD GOD and that God has raised Him from the dead.

Christians do change their ways. Some gradually and some radically. But this change is not a requirement of Salvation but rather its inevitable final result. And everyone remains unto death in some measure imperfect.

Christians disagree on what this perfection is. I don't think drinking alcohol is a sin, but many of my bretheren and sisteren do. (I smoke and gamble, too; but I can't dance worth a hoot). Even so, there's always room for improvement, and I could use a little. Readers of this blog will be the first to point out that I use some pretty ripe language to get my point across, and I have a tendency to be cynical.

Perhaps Mahama Ghandi thought himself perfect, and assumed that a true Christian would agree with him on all points. But if Ghandi himself were perfect, then there would have been no need for God the Son (not "son of God" but "God the Son", and it isn't a fine distinction) to have lived sinlessly in a sea of temptation for 33 years and then die a horrible death by torture - being first brutally beaten and then whipped with a Roman knout with lead and sharp metal woven into the braids, having his beard pulled out by the roots and having a "crown" of 2-3 inch thorns pressed down on His head, then stripped naked and nailed through the wrists and ankles to a cross that was then raised and dropped into a post-hole, there to suffer for three hours; finally feeling the ultimate pain of Hell, abandonment by God.

It is not a perfect life that makes anyone a Christian. What makes a person a Christian is the bloody Cross and the empty Tomb.

Ghandi met many, many Christians. I hope in his last moments he realized it and joined them. If he didn't, his fate is horrible and will get even worse at the Judgment.

BRING BACK HUAC - AND INVESTIGATE OBAMA

2011-04-19T13:13:00.006-04:00

THE MUCH-REVILED HOUSE UN-AMERICAN ACTIVITIES COMMITTEE OF THE LATE 1950s WAS ACTUALLY A VERY NECESSARY INSTITUTION FOR THE TIMES. THE STATE DEPARTMENT AND HOLLYWOOD REALLY WERE FULL OF COMMUNISTS. YES, SOME VERY FAMOUS FOLKS DID GET "BLACKLISTED" AND COULDN'T WORK IN PICTURES ANYMORE, BUT THERE WERE VERY FEW OF THEM WHO WEREN'T PINKOS IF NOT TOTALLY RED.

(Just a note here. there seems to be a problem with this blogging widget in that it has not respected my paragraph divisions on the last couple of posts. No, I haven't forgotten how to write, it's the program. Anyhow...)

Today we face another infiltration of the government from the Left, and this one is more dangerous than the one in the 50s. It is all the more dangerous because the Left has managed to install a sock puppet in the White House, and what is more a sock puppet with delusions of grandeur.

As we have previously noted, Obama has his own private "political organization" called "Organizing for America". What this bunch mainly organizes is rent-a-mobs of Union thugs to do such things as beat up elderly African-American conservatives, shout down TEA party speakers, and recently to "boo" and jeer THE NATIONAL ANTHEM as it was being sung at a TEA party rally. (one day soon the patriots are going to kick the shit out of the goons. Note to the goons: you ask why we carry firearms at our rallies? Answer: in case you thugs show up.)

Either "president" Obama is DELIBERATELY trying to bring about and sustain such things as the current high price of gasoline, OR he is the STUPIDEST politician in history. Actually, it could very well be both, as it doesn't take a genius to fuck everything up.

So let's bring back HUAC and investigate the Czars, the price of gas, the latest war (started by Obama, unlawfully, by the way) , the ordering of the printing of nearly a trillion more dollars out of thin air, OFA and the rent-a-mobs, all of it.

"President" Obama is not just committing un-American activities. His presidency IS one huge un-American activity. In fact, it is TREASON.

Bring back HUAC.

THE BATTLE IS JOINED

2011-04-16T13:15:00.002-04:00

With the agreement on a budget averting a Federal government shutdown last week came an unsheathing of blades in preparation for the 2012 election campaign. This battle promises to be bloody, and (this is news?) full of DemonRat dirty tricks, DemonRat lies, DemonRat dissemblings, DemonRat obfuscations, and in not a few cases, DemonRat physical violence and intimidation. "President" Barack Obama took the first shot with his speech - made in front of an adoring herd of brainwashed teenaged shitheads who cheered his every remark. He accused the conservatives and Republicans in general of the usual crap about wanting to get rid of inconvenient old folks, wanting to starve "the poor" and give "tax cuts to the rich". Obama tipped the DemonRatz' hand a bit when he spoke of how Americans have become dependent on "entitlement" programs. This is how the DemonRatz run things: like a dope dealer, getting folks hooked on what they are selling. The only real difference is that instead of the addict stealing your air conditioner, the government does the addict's stealing for him. Who says government doesn't provide great service? The next battle will be over the proposed raising of the debt ceiling, already at 14.3 TRILLION DOLLARS. To give you an idea of how much that is: One thousand inches equals 83.33 feet, about 27 yards or 1/3 of a city block. One MILLION inches equals fifteen and three-quarters MILES. One BILLION INCHES equals FIFTEEN THOUSAND SEVEN HUNDRED AND EIGHTY-TWO MILES, and ONE TRILLION INCHES EQUALS FIFTEEN MILLION SEVEN HUNDRED EIGHTY TWO THOUSAND EIGHT HUNDRED TWENTY EIGHT MILES. A tape measure with a billion inches would go a tad more than halfway around the Earth's Equator. A tape measure with a TRILLION inches would circle the Equator SIX HUNDRED THIRTY-ONE AND ONE THIRD TIMES. The Ratz whine that if the debt ceiling is not raised, the country will go into default. This means that - if what the Ratz say is true, unless we can borrow more money to pay the interest on what we owe, then we are in default. But meanwhile, they have big plans to spend more, more, more; just as soon as the public has forgotten the spectacle of the fight over the debt ceiling. Doubtless the Ratz will accuse the TEA party of being willing to drive the nation into default if they refuse to raise this debt ceiling without getting major, deep spending cuts and provisions to block any new spending. The conservatives need to stand their ground, and make it plain where the blame lies. the battle cry needs to be: "THERE AIN'T NO FUCKIN' MONEY, DUMBASSES!" The only sane response to "President" Obama's speech was - surprise - Vice President Joe Biden's; who - no surprise - slept through the whole pile of blathering by the Nincompoop in Chief.

FEARLESS FOSDICK OBAMA

2011-03-29T16:17:00.010-04:00

MANY IF NOT MOST OF OUR THREE READERS WILL NOT REMEMBER THE "LI'L ABNER" COMIC STRIP WRITTEN AND DRAWN BY AL CAPP. WE HAVE REFERENCED THE STRIP BEFORE IN THIS PUBLICATION (enter "shmoo" in the search box). THE STRIP WAS ABOUT A BUNCH OF HILLBILLIES IN THE FICTITIOUS TOWN OF DOGPATCH. THE MAIN CHARACTER, "LI'L ABNER" YOKUM, READ THE FUNNIES RELIGIOUSLY, AND HIS HERO WAS AN INEPT BUT WELL-MEANING DETECTIVE NAMED "FEARLESS FOSDICK". In one memorable episode, the Chief of Police tells Fosdick that some fiend had planted cans of poisoned beans in local supermarkets. The Chief ordered Fosdick to make sure nobody ate those beans. Fosdick carried out his assignment by posting himself at the grocers and shooting anyone who tried to purchase a can of beans.

Now comes "President" Obama, at first dithering and then - with the advise and consent of the United Nations - bombing Libya. In the name of "regime change"? NO! No, the bombing (and recently, the use of AC130 "Spectre" gunships) is being done on "humanitarian" grounds. Albert Schweitzer and Mahatma Ghandi must be beaming smiles down from Heaven on "president" Obama. He has made history. He has conducted the world's first "humanitarian" bombing campaign. Can you imagine if Dubya had called the invasion of Iraq a "humanitarian endeavor"?? What a joke of a "president" we have. He needs to step down NOW, or in the alternative, be impeached. Life imitates Fearless Fosdick? What a joke.

GOLD

2011-03-24T17:47:00.004-04:00

We have been for some time following the increasing number of radio announcements that the time to buy gold is now. Some of these advertisements warn that the U.S. Dollar is about to collapse, and wise people will buy gold (which they just happen to have for sale),

SO.

These folks say the dollar will collapse soon. Hurry, hurry, buy our gold.

With our soon-to-be-worthless dollars???

The only example I can think of relevant to this is the bad guy in the story of Aladdin and the Lamp. The bad guy lost the lamp with the magic genie, so he went through the town offering to give folks a brand new lamp in an even swap for the old one.

If gold is so goddamn valuable, and if the Dollar is hopelessly spiraling into worthlessness, then to offer to trade gold for dollars is like offering to trade diamonds for dog shit.

IMPEACHMENT TIME

2011-03-21T15:27:00.004-04:00

OVER THE WEEKEND "PRESIDENT" OBAMA ORDERED THE USE OF UNITED STATES ARMS AGAINST LIBYA AND, IN ORDER TO FACILITATE A UN-MANDATED "NO-FLY ZONE", BEGAN BOMBARDING LIBYAN FORCES. Then he went on a trip to Rio as if he had just picked new drapes for the Lincoln bedroom.

You might think we are going to say that George W. Bush did much the same thing and was excoriaated for it by the Left. But Dubya did NOT pull aany kind of a stunt like this.

The Afghanistan Campaign was a direct response to an act of war and a response to an imminent threat. The causus belli against Iraq was NOT the "WMD" issue, it was Iraq's defiance of every provision of the truce that ended the First Gulf War, defiances which included Iraqi antiaircraft fire against United States aircraft enforcing the UN - mandated "No-Fly" zone. Bush's invasion of Iraq was approved by the United Nations and authorized by Congress.

In both cases, the actions taken were the result of imminent threat and/or acts of war against the United States, and were either permitted by the War Powers Act and/or authorized by Congress.

The bloody repression of an uprising against a bloodthirsty maniacal dictator is - words fail us - distressing. But it is not an imminent threat to nor an act of war against the United States of America. By all lights, "President" Obama should have - was required to, even - sought the approval of Congress before involving these United States in somebody else's civil war. He had ought to have made his case before a joint session of Congress, but instead he looked to the United Nations and the Arab League for permission, and without so much as a by-your-leave to Congress, ordered American forces to start blowing the crap out of targets in Libya.

Then he flys to Rio to play.

Who the HELL does he think he is?

Bush was falsely accused of acting against the law. Obama does so as if he were King instead of "President". And yet, scarcely a peep from the Left (except loons like Louis Farrakhan and Micheal Moore and Ralph Nader, and this time I'll give them a partial pass).

There are I believe enough Democrats in the Senate and the House to recognize, finally, that "President" Obama; either through incompetence or design (and likely both) poses a mortal threat to this Republic. He has unlawfully, wilfully, and wantonly thrown a blowtorch into a powder keg, completely bereft of the required authorization of Congress and/or compliance with the War Powers Act. The man seems to think he was chosen Absolute Monarch.

It is time to try, impeach, convict, and remove from office this disastrous, megalomaniacal buffoon. Beyond time, even.

SPICE

2011-03-09T10:59:00.003-05:00

WE HAVE BEEN HEARING AND READING FOR SOME TIME ABOUT "SPICE" SMOKING MIXTURE, TOUTED AS A 'LEGAL ALTERNATIVE" TO MARIJUANA. So when we spotted some on sale cheap (the store owner was in a hurry to get rid of the stuff before Virginia Governor O'Donnell signs a recently-passed ban on the stuff into law), we decided to give it a try while it was still legal.

Frankly we were quite skeptical that anything as supposedly "powerful" as this "spice" stuff would work as advertised. The stuff has been around for at least two years, yet the DEA just got around to banning the main ingredient?

Now, we have not smoked marijuana for a couple decades, so we did not have the needed equipment - ie; a pipe and a screen - so we took a 24 Oz beer can, made a depression in the side, punched it full of little holes, and put the "spice" in there. We lit it, and inhaled through the top opening.

This stuff is several orders of magnitude stronger than the Lebanese hashish that used to be so widely available in this country. It is a short-acting hallucinogen that is as strong and intense in its peak effect as is a double dose of mescaline. The distortion especially of time was remarkable. Colors intensified, patterns formed, the whole bit.

And the while we listened to Rush Limbaugh. Here's a note to all you Lefties who think that if you could just get us Conservatives stoned we'd mellow out and see it your way: A tripping Conservative Nationalist is just that much more intensely conservative and nationalist.

Side effects? We were able to take our pulse even in the stupor we were in. Slightly elevated. No mouth-dryness as with actual pot, and Spice seems to be a broncho-dilator. No increase in appetite, either.

Duration of effects were : rapid onset ten seconds after first inhalation, intensifying to peak level three minutes after last inhalation. Peak effect lasting for about 45 minutes, petering out to simple drowsiness over the next two hours. Total time: a bit less than 3 hours. Afterward we slept for eight hours and woke up refreshed and completely sober, a fact we verified by playing a game of computer chess and a tile-match game, winning both; and putting ourselves through a series of field sobriety tests such as the cops use. We are glad to report that we're just fine.

This is not something we'd do again. We simply do not have the time, and unlike a few beers, this stuff blows you right out of your gourd for better than half-an-hour with a "trip" reminiscent of powerful agents such as LSD, Mescaline, and Psylocybin. We only smoked 1/4 gram of this stuff.

So if you've never tried this stuff, here's what the effects are; personally reported by the Alexandria Daily Poop.

Were this stuff illegal, we never would have tried it. If it remains legal, we personally would not go there again, anyway. But if this stuff does remain legal, then marijuana and hashish should be completely legal also. Spice is MUCH more powerful.

ENTITLEMENT MORASS

2011-03-06T16:36:00.007-05:00

Issues involving the national debt and increased spending and borrowing have reached the point where they can no longer be ignored and/or put off. The dance that began with FDR's Social Security has ended, and the piper is getting impatient for his wage.

What is interesting is the manner in which the Leftist mass media is trying to frame the debate. Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, food stamps, etcetera; are termed by the Left to be "Mandatory spending" while essentials such as National Defense are termed "Discretionary Spending".

What the fuck is going on here?

Well, for one thing the terms "Mandatory" and "discretionary" are misnomers. Our Constitution does NOT AUTHORIZE ANY of the so-called "Mandatory" spending. Even if FICA IS a "tax" authorized by the 16Th Amendment, the purpose to which it has been put since before I was born is COMPLETELY UNAUTHORIZED BY THE CONSTITUTION!! SS, Medicare and Medicaid (and other) spending is not only not "mandatory", it is also completely unauthorized by the Constitution, and therefore ILLEGAL.

The only reason we have Social Security today is that it was peddled to the public as an "insurance investment". But when someone objected and took his objection all the way to the Supreme Court, the Government argued that FICA deductions were one of the taxes (not tax, singular) on incomes authorized by the sixteenth amendment.

And being no more than a tax, the imposts were then dumped into the general fund. SS and its adjuncts were "paid for" with U.S. Treasury Bonds. And the money was used for whatever our wannabe-massas thought good.

There ain't no fuckin' money to pay social security NOW.

Nevertheless, there are people who either are anticipating SS benefits in the future or who are dependent on them NOW. The slimeballs who thought up this mess KNEW that they needed but set the hook to ultimately land the fish. (By the way, this is also why the Obama administration is fighting like mad to stave off and delay challenges to the unconstitutional and unsustainable scheme known as Obamacare. It's the same principal a dope pusher uses: first get 'em hooked, then gouge the hell out of 'em.)

Eliminating Social Security would provide enough savings to retire our debt to China. We are not talking just payments to retirees here. Those are the tip of the iceberg. The cost of paying government employees to administer this boondoggle amount to two or three times the amount paid out. If there were a charity with such a high overhead, it would rightly be labeled a FRAUD.

What we would propose to wean the public off Social Security would be to:

Assure all persons already recieving benefits that they will not lose them.
Give people who have already paid at least $20,000 into the system, and are ten years or less from retirement on the date of adoption of this plan, the choice of a one time lump-sum tax free payment of $15,000 OR to recieve benefits as the system is already set up to provide them.
All others would continue to pay the FICA tax at present rates until such time as they have paid in $65,000 or until they reach eligibility, whichever comes first; at which time they will no longer be required to pay the FICA tax and will recieve a $15,000 one-time tax-free lump sum "benefit" as described above.
All employers will continue to pay the payroll tax on wages, regardless of whether the worker has met his $65,000 quota or is at or beyond the age of eligibility.
Self-employed and independent contractors will not be required to pay both the FICA and payroll tax portions, and the "self-employment tax" will be re-written to reflect this.
When the point has been reached at which all workers who have paid at least $60,000 into the system are assured of their $15,000 benefit AND all persons recieving benefits under the present arrangement are dead or otherwise ineligible, the FICA tax and the Social Security Administration will be abolished.
The payroll tax will remain in effect but will substitute for the income tax on employees earning up to the "cap" on FICA obligations. The abolition of FICA will serve to provide an automatic benefit to those workers who have not paid in $65,000 at the time Social Security is ended.

This plan could in our estimation wean the nation off Social Security in the space of a generation (or less). And with "Obamacare" shot down, maybe we can get back to the idea that, other than life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness, and what you have earned; you are entitled to a kick in the ass. That way lies prosperity.

MORE IMPERIOUS BEHAVIOR FROM OBAMA

2011-02-24T11:46:00.002-05:00

HERE AT THE ALEXANDRIA DAILY POOP, WE REFER TO THE CURRENT RESIDENT OF 1600 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE NORTHWEST AS "PRESIDENT" OBAMA. WE HAVE AMPLE JUSTIFICATION FOR THOSE QUOTE MARKS, AND "PRESIDENT" OBAMA GIVES FRESH JUSTIFICATION TO US DAILY. The latest shennanigan pulled by ol' Dumbo ears is particularly galling.

Obama, who swore an oath to uphold and execute the law, has announced that he will NOT uphold the "Defense of Marriage Act" because a lower court has declaared it unconstitutional. But his justification by the lower court's ruling evaporates in the face of the fact that, even though the so-called "Obamacare" law has been TWICE declared unconstitutional, he and his minions are proceeding apace with implementing the law.

Translation: I decide what laws will be enforced and I will ignore laws I can't veto.

House oversight committee, are you seeing this? Articles of Impeachment NOW, please; before Obama decides he can declare martial law and suspend the election he is sure to lose due to actions just like this one.

CORRECTION

2011-02-21T17:09:00.003-05:00

HERE AT THE ALEXANDRIA DAILY POOP, WE TRY TO BE FACTUAL EVEN WHEN BEING SATIRICAL. WHEN WE MAKE AN ERROR AND/OR AN APOLOGY IS IN ORDER WE ADMIT IT AND TRY TO MAKE AMENDS.

Therefore we apologize to the adherents of National Socialism for comparing Obama's private political organization OFA to the Sturmabietlung of Adolf Hitler's NSDAP. For that matter we apologize to the memory of Adolf Hitler himself. Obama is certainly no Hitler. He ccouldn't hold a candle to Onkel Adolf when it comes to getting a nation back on its feet, as Hitler certainly did with Germany (at least until he screwed up and attacked Russia).

No, Obama is much more like another dictator, a THIRD-WORLD GOON NAMED FRANCOIS DUVALIER AKA "PAPA DOC", and his OFA is much more like the TonTons Macoutes. Hitler built Germany up. Obama's vision for this country is much more like Duvalier's vision for Haiti. Witness his wife telling everyone to eat healthy and then stuffing her fat ass with ribs the nexxt night. Everybody else needs to tighten their belt, etc; but the Obamas live like they just hit ten Lotto jackpots.

However, everything else we said in the last post stands. The OFA needs to be investigated, and the conduct or facilitation of illegal activity by the OFA should be ample grounds for Articles of Impeachment.

DER STURMABTILUNGEN BATTALONNEN DER OBAMA

2011-02-19T14:25:00.002-05:00

IN AN ALARMING AND REVOLTING DEVELOPMENT, IT HAS BEEN REVEALED THAT "PRESIDENT" BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA IS FIELDING A CORPS OF RABBLE-ROUSERS BEHOLDEN ONLY TO HIM TO "ORGANIZE" MASS PROTESTS AIMED AT INTIMIDATING PRIVATE CITIZENS AS WELL AS STATE, LOCAL, AND FEDERAL OFFICIALS.

This gang of thugs is called "Organizing for America". It was previously "Organizing for Obama" and was and remains answerable to him alone. It is separate from even the Democrat Party.

Currently, "OFA" is coordinating mass protests of changes to Wisconsin's government employees' benefits packages. OFA is also aiding and abeting the Wisconsin legislators who have gone into hiding in order to deny a quorum for the passage of the benefits changes.

Like the Corleone Family, Obama and OFA have "a lot of buffers". Chief among them is the Service Employees International Union (SEIU). SEIU goons have committed crimes such as the beating of a black Conservative activist outside of a "Town Hall" TEA party protest last summer.

While it may not be illegal for a president to have a staff of "volunteers" do his bidding (so long as they carry no Federal authority nor recieve any Federal dollars), if anything they do or cause to be done is criminal in nature, since they answer to Obama, it comes to roost on him.

It is high time for the House Oversight Committee to form a sub-committee to investigate this group, its tactics, its financing, and its ties to the White House.

And if the President of the United States is found to be operating his own personal clutch of Storm Troopers, then it is time to draw up Articles of Impeachment.

The Obama Administration has been and continues to be a disgraceful catastrophe. The enemies of these United States are moving apace to try to take every advantage while this nincompoop screws up and interferes with America's ability to turn on some stopping power to their shennannigans. TEA Party Congress people, do your jobs. And Senator Rand Paul. It is time for you to start twisting some Democrat arms, reminding them of the 29 seats they stand to lose next year. If Obama is impeached in the House, it is your job to ensure his conviction in the Senate and his removal from office.

Get moving, people. The fate of the Republic hangs in the balance

FIRST BLOOD IN WASHINGTON D.C.

2011-02-18T14:27:00.003-05:00

SHOCK WAVES ROLLED THROUGH WASHINGTON THIS WEEK WHEN CONGRESSPERSONS SENT TO D.C. BY THE TEA PARTY DEFIED THEIR PARTY LEADERSHIP AND VOTED DOWN A CONTROVERSIAL "SECOND ENGINE" FOR THE JOINT STRIKE FIGHTER.

Although the Washington Post and other leftist news organs tried to spin it as a "Republican defeat", the truth is that what the Left has been saying as a mantra; that the TEA partiers will soon be lulled into "business as usual"; has been shown to be wishful thinking on their part. The TEA partiers OPENLY DEFIED the Republican leadership. "Business as usual" in Washington D.C. breathed its death rattle with the voting down of the spare engine.

True, to effect this result the TEA partiers had to vote with some leftist anti-defense types. The lefties however did not want to avoid wasting money, they merely wanted to save the money for their own wasteful pet projects. While they found allies in the TEA partiers on this vote, when time comes for them to put forward their own loony ideas for spending the money, the same TEA partiers will kick their asses.

Useful idiots, don't you know.

Don't let the leftist media spin effort fool you. Political Kabuki is over. The TEA party uses kung-fu, and kicks in the balls are entirely kosher.

"Game Changer"? We'll say. The tactics advocated by Saul Alinsky are about to be reflected back at the Left, as Perseus used his shield to reflect Medusa Gorgon's face. We hope these Lefties still enjoy being "stoned".

WHAT A DIFFERENCE A WHOLE LOT OF DAYS MAKE.

2011-02-14T13:58:00.003-05:00

I imagine that at least one of the three people who read this E-fishwrap wonder where the hell I have been for a month. Sorry to disappoint any lefties out there, but no, I have not been arrested. I knocked over a beer onto the keyboard of the laptop I was using and fried the guts of the machine. Fortunately the hard drive is okay, but I had to refurbish my other computer to accept the files and programs. Now that's done at a cost of $250; so here I am, patriot friends and leftist cocksuckers.

Speaking of leftist cocksuckers, I ran into one at the pub down the street about a week after I drowned my laptop. He had read my last post and told me I was "morally reprehesible" because I called the Tuscon shooter "a nice young man".

Now this is how the Lefties work, folks. They sort through a field of statements they cannot refute, take a few words completely out of context, and attack ad hominem. This is not news to me, and this time it backfired. Someone overheard, wanted to read the post, and told him he was full of shit. Lesson to the Lefties: Your crap won't work anymore. People are paying attention, they are noticing, and you are doomed.

I am glad to report that the Leftist/Brady Bunch effort to eke out at least a little victory for themselves via this tragedy are now looking like fools (again). The plan was to get the camel's nose under the gun-owner's tent by calling for a ban on "high capacity magazines". But even with intense research, all they could come up with was that since the end of the so-called "assault weapons ban"; Virginia police have seized "high-capacity magazines" at a greater percentage of crime scenes. There was NO indication that more folks have died because of the high-cap magazines, and obviously the magazines did not commit whatever crime they were seized at (which could have been something completely unrelated to firearms, such as a whorehouse). So, pooh. Rahm Emanuel must be livid, another crisis gone to waste....

FINALLY, there is the little matter of Hosni Mubarek's early semi-involuntary retirement. For right now I am withholding judgment. That's the Egyptians' problem. They better have more sense than to try to make it our problem. Because we will solve it for them, and maybe they won't like the way we do it.

VILE BEYOND BELIEF

2011-01-10T11:54:00.002-05:00

You would have to be Helen Keller not to know about the tragic shooting spree in Tuscon Arizona over the weekend. Six people are dead, including a Federal judge and a nine year old girl, and at least fourteen more are wounded to varying degrees. The primary target of the deranged young man who did the shooting, Representative Gifford, has so far survived. (Evidently the kid was using full metal jacketed ammunition, which does not "expand"; so the round went straight through Gifford's brain. A hollow-point round would have transferred much more of its force to Gifford's brain, and would probably have been immediately lethal).

Before the cartridge casings had been picked up off the ground, the Sheriff of Pima County (who is charged with finding the facts of this case) weighed in with a partisan screed right out of the Leftist playbook. This shooting, he assured us, was the natural result of the "vicious, angry" political discourse by people who "seek to obstruct those who would make this country a better place"; that it was a symptom of "bigotry" blah-de-blah.

The rest of the Left, especially the various anti-2nd Amendment groups, had to wait until they had finished dancing jigs before they came out to the cameras and solemnly pronounced that this was the last straw, that it's time to crack down on guns (rather than criminals, of course.)

From the bull crap flowing from the Leftist media trolls and congressmen like my Representative James P. "Bugs" Moran, you would think that the gunman was the founder of the TEA party movement and President of the National Rifle Association.

Even as the facts about the shooting and the gunman trickled out, even as it became plainer and plainer that here was a nutball kid with a Wack-A-Mole game where his brain should be, the drumbeat continued that he had been influenced and inspired by conservative "anger". In fact he seems to have been inspired by nothing more than his own paranoid fantasies. The media reported that he liked to read "Mein Kampf". But they left out the fact that he was equally if not more so fond of Karl Marx's "Communist Manifesto".

This young man had a You Tube channel, which I have reviewed. His uploads consist of scrolling text that is so convoluted as to be almost unreadable, consiting of pontifications on "conscience" (I am pretty sure he meant "concious") dreaming. The text is accompanied by dramatic music. It should have had a cuckoo clock sounding in the background. The kid is a real screwball, and certainly no representative of the TEA parties nor of the Conservative movement. He was rejected from the Army for being a pothead. And he had been stalking Giffords since the last years of the Bush administration, long before the advent of the TEA party. He was influenced by nothing more than the voices in his head.

But never mind all that. The Left is in a full-court press to blame his actions on the "easy availability of handguns" and the voices of the Conservative Movement.

Perhaps more ominous than the cavalier suggestions for the abrogation of the 2nd Amendment are the restrictions on free speech the Left is hinting - if not openly calling for. One Pennsylvania Democrat is calling for criminalizing the criticism of (Democrat) legislators.

Well, Demon-Ratz, here's what the Alexandria Daily Poop has to say to you:

First, if you fear the climate of "anger" you percieve, THEN FUCKING STOP PISSING THE PEOPLE OFF.

Second, if "TEA partiers" plus "easily available semi-automatic weapons" are the essential ingredients for mass shootings, THEN HOW COME YOU NEVER SEE A MASS SHOOTING AT A GUN SHOW??

If you goddamned Leftists want to portray your opponents as assassination-mongers, if you think that advocating "violent solutions" is such a bad fucking thing, THEN WHY THE HELL DID WE NOT HEAR HOWLS OF PROTEST FROM YOU WHEN A PHONY DOCUMENTARY (crockumentary?) WAS MADE PURPORTING TO DEPICT THE ASSASSINATION OF GEORGE W. BUSH??

You frauds go right ahead and try and ban everybody from Rush on down to me from speaking our minds in the public square. You go right ahead and try to restrict the Constitutionally Enumerated Right To Keep And Bear Arms. I for one will not lay down my arms, shut my mouth, and obey you. Go right ahead and talk all you want to, and broadcast it all over; and expose yourselves for the Statist fascists you most certainly are. You may yet get your wish and get to engage my side in street brawls (which you lefties love, judging from the way your political rallies are conducted). You are slime. Jared Whazizname, the gunman, is morally superior to you. My evidence of this?

Jared took a taxicab to the event. Before he started shooting, he went to an ATM, withdrew cash, and paid the driver. He could have just as easily mown the driver down.

What a nice young man, especially compared to you Ratz, and hey, Bugs? I especially mean you.

THE READING OF THE CONSTITUTION

2011-01-07T16:09:00.003-05:00

YESTERDAY THE BIG MOMENT FINALLY ARRIVED: THE PROMISED READING OF THE HIGHEST LAW IN THE LAND, IN CONGRESS ASSEMBLED, FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HISTORY. We here at the Alexandria Daily Poop think it's about time.

The need for this reading was made evident by the reaction to it by the Leftist scum. The Constitution was pooh-poohed as a "Document that is over 100 years old" - that is to say, obsolete. Scorn was heaped on those who "worship" the Constitution, and "legal scholars" ran on about the "complexity" and difficulty of interpretation of the Constitution, which was written so that an eighteenth-century teenager could understand the very plain English therein.

This is the Leftist take on the Constitution of the United States of America. When their favorite terrorist is being detained and prosecuted, it is the shining Beacon of Freedom and must not be touched, to be read word for word and taken literally. When one of its provisions gets in their way and blocks what they want to do, it becomes a "Living, Breathing Document" (which means that it says what they say it says, even if it says the exact opposite.) And failing that, it is a quaint old piece of parchment that has outlasted its utility, a relic of bygone days having no relevance to the modern world, until some guy who has been planning to kill innocent Americans in the name of "Allah" starts getting the business. Then it transforms into a Magnificent Protector of Liberty.

The reading of the Constitution at the opening session of Congress has the Lefties scared shitless. They nervously point at it as "merely symbolic". It's symbolic, all right. But there's nothing "mere" about it. Every word of the reading fell on their ears as the pronouncement of a death sentence falls on a murderer's. The new Representatives, products of the TEA party revolt, mean to turn the revolt into a revolution. The reading reminds everyone that the government is restrained by the Constitution, that the powers of these statist, leftist tyrant wannabes are finite and few.

And so they dismiss, ignore, even excoriate the Constitution. Representative John Conyers denounced it as a "racist" document (rule one: if someone or something disagrees with a Leftist, they're racist); bitching that the parts of the document which accommodated slaveholders were "redacted" from the reading (which they were, because the reading was a reading of the Supreme Law of the Land, and those provisions were nullified by several Amendments, which WERE part of the reading. Conyers wanted those provisions read so as to make it appear as though they were still effective, so as to make the case that such a "racist" document need not be obeyed unless he, a black man, says it ought to; and then only to the extent he says).

The Left has good reason for concern. But they cannot help themselves. Their open diplay of contempt for the Supreme Law and for their own countrymen - indeed, their own country - is being loudly and openly displayed. The Constitution was designed as a sword against their ilk, and they tremble as the conservatives and patriots unsheathe it.

SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS!!!!

2010 IDIOT OF THE YEAR AWARD AND PREDICTIONS FOR 2011

2011-01-01T13:14:00.004-05:00

WE DID NOT HAVE TIME LAST NIGHT TO POST THE 2010 "IDIOT OF THE YEAR" AWARD, SO HERE IT IS.

To recap the qualifications, "Idiot of the Year" is a person I have met in the course of my duties as a cab driver in the National Capital Area who either does, boasts about, or says something in my presence which marks them as a complete dumbass. The idiocy must be such as one would not expect from a person of the candidate's education and station in life. The mentally deficient and the mentally ill are exempt from consideration. The successful candidate will be stone sober, because in the competition for Idiot of the Year, alcohol is a performance enhancing drug (exemptions may be made for people who got bombed even though they knew disaster might result, if in fact a fiasco did ensue and, when reflecting on the matter while sober fail to see the obvious connection. This exemption does not apply to alcoholic denial however).

AND NOW THE MOMENT ALMOST NO ONE ON THE PLANET HAS BEEN WAITING FOR. THE IDIOT OF THE YEAR FOR 2010 IS......

MS. HAPPY PEARL HARBOR DAY!!!!

You three people who read this tripe I write doubtless remember the young lady I met ind posted about earlier; who upon being told it was Pearl Harbor Day wished me a happy one. And so, Ms. Happy Pearl Harbor Day, since you work for our government and don't know that Pearl Harbor Day comemorates a deadly sneak attack on this country rivalled only by 9-11-2001; I find your ignorance to be not only born of stupidity but dangerous to our country into the bargain. Do us all a favor and get out of government service. Go over to McLean and see if the folks at Mars can get you a job at the M&M factory culling out the Ws. And get your tubes tied so you don't wind up birthing any more retards like yourself. Dumbass.

PART II : PREDICTIONS FOR 2011

POLITICS: The new Republican majority in the House of Representatives will prove to be well-prepared to turn the slimy tactics of the Democrat left back on them. Unconstitutional laws will be scrapped, Congressional review and approval of executive regulations will be required, and the overriding theme will be "there ain't no fuckin' money, dumbass". In the Senate, Rand Paul will unloose fiery invective on the debating floor and twist arms in private to obtain votes to block vetoes or support or thwart filibusters.

The TEA party activists - which will by end of the year mean 60 percent or more of the citizenry - will not let up pressure despite the best efforts of leftist goofballs and thugs to marginalize, discourage, and intimidate them. By year's end, groups of leftists and patriots will be sporadically going at it in the streets, and heads will get bashed - most of them Leftist; and we say that's a good thing.

We are not ready to say that "president" Obama will be impeached, but it is a possibility.

The actions of the Democrat party will inspire a new dance called "struttin' all over yo' own dick".

ECONOMIC: The Euro will tank like a lead submarine, and all those smartass leftist dancing monkeys who snottily had their recompense pegged to the Euro will wind up broke. Leo DiCaprio will wind up wishing he was still all cute so he could suck a dick to get a contract in dollars. Gold will drop to four hundred dollars an ounce, and oil will sink to $65 per barrel as the European market for Chinese goods goes bye-bye, taking with it China's demand for energy.

SOCIAL: First Germany, then France will start kicking out their Moslem populations. By November, Spain will remember the legacy of El Cid and kick out their bunch. The idiotically tolerant Scandinavian countries will wake up last of all. The Mahometans will of course try to run over here, only to discover that we have finally awakened to the fact that Mahometism is not a legit religion but a political ideology hellbent on establishing world dictatorship.

POPULAR CULTURE: Gay, gay, gay. Justin Bieber will announce that he is homosexual. In the comic strip "Sally Forth", the Forth's daughter Hillary will be discovered to be in a lesbian affair with her tomboy pal Faye. In "Sherman's Lagoon", Hawthorne the Crab and that nerd turtle will be delighted to find out that sharks have twin penises, so they can both suck Shermie off at the same time. We can only hope that "Hagar the Horrible" doesn't get drunk and decide to sample the delectible little bunghole of his 'tweener son Hamlet. Elsewhere, pop culture will be as it ever was: juvenile and insipid.

In short, different year, same crap.

Happy New Year from the Alexandria Daily Poop.

It's 2011 ALREADY!!!!

2010-12-30T17:00:00.002-05:00

Yes, folks- although it's only December 30, it's been the New Year for about four days now.

See, during the blizzard, NYC Mayor Bloomberg "dropped the ball". So....

THE NARRATIVE

2010-12-29T16:34:00.002-05:00

THE DEMOCRAT PARTY HAS WASTED NO TIME IN ATTEMPTING TO PORTRAY NOVEMBER'S REPUBLICAN GAINS AS A "PYHRRIC VICTORY"; GLOATING THAT "RINO" REPUBLICANS WILL ENSURE THAT "PRESIDENT" OBAMA GETS HIS WAY.

This slobbering idiocy is presented as fact, with "proof" cited in the lame-duck session's votes for several grossly unpopular bills. The point the Democrat leadership and their catamites in the media hope to make is that the new Republicans have been hopelessly out-maneuvered by the gang who foisted "President" Obama on this Blessed Republic, and resistance is futile.

There is just ONE LITTLE DETAIL the rats are leaving out:

THE NEW REPUBLICANS HAVE YET TO BE SEATED!!!!!!

We of the TEA party movement have read Alinsky's book. Soon after January 5, (when the new people will be seated), the halls of the House and the Senate will reverbrate with the howls of hit dogs who cannot take their own medicine. and no "narrative" will save them.

Little darlings, the smiles will be wiped off your faces.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

2010-12-25T18:10:00.001-05:00

WE ARE RATHER FATIGUED AT THE MOMENT, SO WE APOLOGIZE FOR THIS BIT OF EDITORIAL LAZINESS. However, we also can think of no better Christmas post than last year's. To get it, just type "Ebenezer Scrooge" into the Blog search box.

Enjoy, and Merry Christmas!

HAPPY PEARL HARBOR DAY

2010-12-07T18:01:00.004-05:00

Shocking headline, isn't it?

Well, people, the words aren't mine. This morning I picked up a rather scatterbrained young lady in her mid-20s who was headed for Reagan Airport. Her credit card indicated she was a Federal employee. And when I mentioned that today is Pearl Harbor Day, she said:

"OH, ummm, it is? Well, uh, happy Pearl Harbor Day!!"

I didn't bother trying to inform her.

If you have a ditz story that can top THIS, do let me know.

THE WIKILEAKERS

2010-11-29T18:41:00.001-05:00

THERE IS A SIMPERING FAGGOTTY AUSTRALIAN SISSY SOMEWHERE ON THE FACE OF THIS PLANET WHO DESIRES TO BRING THE uNITED sTATES DOWN. This asshole is the founder of "WikiLeaks", the website which has dumped thousands of pages of classified United States government correspondence into the public domain.

We are quite sure you have heard of this siituation.

Long story short: Mr. "WikiLeaks" needs to be found dead in some public place where he wil be discovered by some jogger; with his genitals cut off and stuffed in his fucking mouth with his tiny dick sticking out.

Hey, CIA. I volunteer for the job. Let's talk about it.......

THANKSGIVING 2010

2010-11-25T16:52:00.001-05:00

NO AMERICAN PUBLICATION WORTHY OF THE TITLE WOULD LET THE THANKSGIVING HOLIDAY PASS WITHOUT SOME ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF THE OCCASION. WE HERE AT THE ALEXANDRIA DAILY POOP HOPE YOU WERE ABLE TO SPEND THE DAY WITH LOVED ONES AND ENGAGE IN THE TRADITIONAL FEASTING.

As for us, our parents have passed on, and the family is scattered, so we dined on a rather overpriced buffet and are about to turn on a football game and fall asleep watching it. Tradition, don't you know.

While we have much to be thankful for - among them the outcome of the recent elections - we find that we are most thankful for our woes and ills, our heartaches and our pains. Not so much because we enjoy the effects of these things, but rather that the particular basket of trials we have been subjected to is not the worst possible by a long shot. As the saying goes. I was sad because I had no shoes until I met an man who had no feet.

(What the saying doesn't tell you is the man with no feet lost his feet due to frostbite, because he didn't have any shoes, but whatever.)

Happy Thanksgiving.

WHERE DO WE BEGIN?

2010-11-19T15:37:00.003-05:00

Honestly, dear readers, so much has been happening recently that we have been having a hard time figuring out what to comment on. Not only that, but by the time we have found time to issue a post, the situation has taken a new twist. Fourteen hours of driving a taxi for a living leaves us precious little time, so right now we are going to try to play a little catchup on the following:

DEMOCRAT REPRESENTATIVE CHARLES RANGEL, who was recommended for censure; who stood in the House Well and tearfully begged mercy from his colleagues. This from the man who has for years written the Nation's tax laws as head of what they like to call "the powerful House Ways and Means Committee". (The Obamacare bill by the way originated in that committee, and - just as we predicted in this Blog - now that the "individual mandate" is being challenged in court as an abuse of the "Interstate Commerce Clause", the Ratz are indeed trying to cite the taxing power of the Congress as their authority for it.) But the tax laws he burdened the common citizen with were not for him, or so he thought. Censured? He should be arrested.

AIRPORT SECURITY SEARCHES, which entail the choice of either having someone being able to see your naked body (while being zapped with X-rays into the bargain) OR being felt up most intimately. This is done to ordinary schmoes in the name of preventing reliance on "profiling". How singling someone out because he or she exhibits a certain pattern of characteristics and/or behaviors is worse than letting an adult stranger feel around a 12-year-old kid's genitals sure does beat us, but sundry government officials assure us that this is indeed the case. Sounds like BULLSHIT to us.

DEFUNDING PUBLIC BROADCASTING is an idea whose time has come. NPR's infamous firing of Juan Williams was the last straw for most of us, but more than that; "Non-Commercial Public Broadcasting" has for years been running what are in- all-but-name advertisments for various businesses, complete with short descriptions of their products. Common citizens are acknowledged as "viewers like you". Which is strange, since viewers like me flip the channel when they start begging for money. Let 'em sink or swim like everybody else.

SENATOR RAND PAUL (R-KENTUCKY)

2010-11-04T18:34:00.002-04:00

OF ALL THE INDIVIDUAL VICTORIES IN THE RECENT ELECTION, PERHAPS NONE IS MORE SIGNIFIGANT THAN THAT OF RAND PAUL.

Paul is first and foremost a defender of the Constitution. In his acceptance speech he made no bones about the fact that he believes, as do we at the Alexandria Daily Poop, that the mission of the new House majority and the Senators newly elected is to restore the rule of law and a newfound respect for the Constitution. This must take place in the Halls of our Congress. We the people are growing rapidly exaspirated with the simpering elitist fools who hide behind "minority" or other status, claiming the title of "victim" even as they atte,pt to take over and rule those of us whom they see as their "intellectual inferiors".

Paul was derided by the Left when some of his supporters, encountering a timorous, smug woman carrying a snide sign into a Paul rally, shoved the woman to the ground and gave her a couple kicks to the head. Maybe not the most civilized thing to do, but necessary.

Had this election not come out the way it did, we believe civil war was just around the corner. The Paul supporters who beat that idiot woman were expressing the exasperation felt by more than half of our nation at her ilk. More patriots need to smack around more traitors, in our opinion.

The incident, please note, did not keep Paul from being elected.

Paul's victory speech put the Senate on notice. They have recieved a firebrand for freedom. Respect for the Constitution must be restored among these legislators who think they can do whatever they want, knowing that the cost of legal challenges will likely give their illegal legislation time to "set" like a dog-poop stain in a silk shirt. The end of this attitude, God willing, has come in the personage of Senator Rand Paul, Kentucky Republican.

SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS!

VICTORY 2010!!!

2010-11-03T07:48:00.002-04:00

THE REPUBLICAN PARTY, POWERED BY THE ENERGY PROVIDED BY THE POLITICAL SUB-CULTURE KNOWN AS THE "TEA PARTY", WRESTED CONTROL OF THE UNITED STATES HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES YESTERDAY. By the time everything gets sorted, Republicans might have as many as nine more seats in the Senate, to boot. If a seat won by a Democrat is a close call, a recount could hand the Republicans the magic tenth seat and control of that body, too.

Here at the Alexandria Daily Poop, we are somewhat dismayed that the foul-mouthed Jew-hating wife-beating little Black kid-abusing drunk Jim "Bugs" Moran is still our representative in Congress. (In a truly appalling action, Moran, upon spotting a volunteer for his opponent handing out campaign literature at a Metro station on Monday, launched an obscene rant at the Murray rep. What a jerk).

But overall, a great day for freedom. There is a lot of talk about Obama's veto power, but right now those Democrats left standing will need to think about what will happen in 2012 before they decline to help override those vetoes. And in any case the Republicans now have the power of the subpoena and all the Committee Chairs. So at a minimum, they can turn on a little stopping power.

Now if only they can find some reason to impeach Biden, select a TEA party approved Veep, and THEN impeach Obama, giving us a Republican President. (Shut up. We reserve the right to dream.)

If I could offer but one word of advice to the incoming Republicans, it would be this: ALWAYS REMEMBER that Democrats define "Bipartisanship" as "Republicans drop the soap in the shower". So don't drop the soap.
Sweet victory. Good luck.

JON STEWART'S RALLY

2010-10-31T04:46:00.002-04:00

YESTERDAY "COMEDY CENTRAL"'S "DAILY SHOW" HOST JON STEWART HELD HIS MUCH-VAUNTED "RESTORE SANITY" RALLLY ON THE NATIONAL MALL IN WASHINGTON, D.C. This affair was touted as some kind of antidote to the alleged "racism" of Glenn Beck's rally a few months ago.

One of the main complaints about Beck's rally was the alleged absence of "people of color". But this "Restore Sanity" affair was whiter than Beck's was. The difference is that Stewart's rally was populated by fools, each more ridiculously dressed than the next.

As rallies go in D.C. this one wasn't anywhere near as big as Beck's, but the idiots who attended evidently couldn't work Metro's farecard machines, as lines into the Metro stations stretched for hundreds of feet, causing many folks to seek the assistance of cabdrivers such as Yours Truly.

So thanks, you idiots. I made three hundred bucks off you yesterday. Which goes a long way toward maintaining MY sanity.

AND NOW A FEW WORDS ABOUT THE MARYLAND GOVERNOR'S RACE

2010-10-23T13:14:00.004-04:00

O'Malley is white. So what?

Big deal.

THE DUMBEST BUSINESS PLAN OF ALL TIME? MAYBE NOT

2010-10-21T16:33:00.003-04:00

AMID THIS FINANCIAL CRISIS, I WONDERED WHAT COULD CONSTITUE THE STUPIDEST BUSINESS PLAN POSSIBLE. Now I have the answer.

The most idiotic business plan that could possibly exist is a gambling casino which offers money back if not completely satisfied. See, if you lose, you won't be (in most cases) satisfied at al.

ATTENTION OHIOANS AND NORTH CAROLINIANS

2010-10-11T14:39:00.003-04:00

I WAS BORN IN INDIANAPOLIS, INDIANA, BUT GREW UP IN HUBER HEIGHTS, OHIO JUST NORTH OF THE CITY OF DAYTON. Now I live in the Virginia suburbs of Washington D.C. (and refer to the Potomac River as "the Moat", but I digress...) I keep seeing North Carolina license tags with pictures of the Wright Flyer and the legend "First in Flight". And every now and then I will run into one of you North Carolina jaspers who wants to tell me the airplane was actually invented in North Carolina.

The first heavier-than-air craft was designed, wind-tunnel tested, and built by Wilbur and Orville Wright in their bicycle shop in Dayton Ohio. The Wrights then looked for an area that would have sufficient headwind to launch the craft, a sparse population for safety, and something soft - like beach sand - to crash on in the event of a failure. Kill Devil Hills in North Carolina provided just the ticket.

The Wrights then took their invention apart, trucked it (using turn-of-the-century transport over turn-of-the-century roads) to Kitty Hawk, NC, and set up to test their invention. Adding to the difficulty was the fact that they did this in December to take advantage of the colder (thus denser) air. And what they invented in Dayton, Ohio flew for the first time over the soft sands and cold winds of North Carolina.

But to claim that the airplane was invented in North Carolina is as specious as IBM claiming that Windows Vista was invented by them on the grounds that Bill Gates tested his prototype "MS/DOS" in their laboratories.

North Carolina has much to reccommend it. There's no better barbecue to be found, in my opinion, than that produced by North Carolina pit-masters.

But North Carolina's sole contribution to the history of aviation is the winter winds in the vicinity of Kitty Hawk.

So, on behalf of the Wright Brothers, may I say: "Thanks for the blow job."

Now stop saying you invented the airplane. You didn't.

WESTBORO BAPTIST CHURCH

2010-10-06T13:50:00.003-04:00

TODAY THE LUNATICS WHO CALL THEMSELVES THE "WESTBORO BAPTIST CHURCH" OF TOPEKA, KANSAS ARE APPEARING BEFORE THE SUPREME COURT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA TO ASSERT WHAT THEY DEEM THEIR UNALIENABLE RIGHT TO SCREAM "THANK GOD FOR DEAD SOLDIERS" AT PEOPLE AS THEY BURY THEIR DECEASED LOVED ONE, shouting that their son is burning in Hell because he fought for a nation in which homosexuality is "tolerated". Given the brutalization of Matthew Shepard and the recent suicde of an "outed" Rutgers University student, we at the Alexandria Daily Poop can only conclude that these loons are either actually a family of very bad improvisational comedians (and tasteless into the bargain) OR that they will not be satisfied until the United States establishes an official Inquisition empowered to root out and stone to death every single person who ever so much as experimented with homosexuality as a child. (We are guessing it is the latter).

While we were listening to news reports and commentary about this event, we got the idea for what follows......

The following is satire, for those of you who don't know how to recognize it.

SUPREME COURT DECLARES EDITOR OF BLOG "ALEXANDRIA DAILY POOP" TO BE ACTING CHIEF JUSTICE AND SOLE MEMBER OF THE COURT FOR DECISION IN CHURCH GROUP CASE, OPINION GOES AGAINST WESTBORO BAPTIST CHURCH

October 6 2010
In a shocking move, the entire Supreme court voted unanimously to recuse themselves from the case involving the Westboro Baptist Church, or Snyder v. Phelps as the case is styled. They then appointed F. Allen Norman, the editor of an obscure Internet web-log called "The Alexandria Daily Poop" as Special Chief Justice and Sole Member Of the Court for the specific and sole purpose of deciding this case, and pre-emptorily declared this action to be Constitutional. "This case makes us all want to vomit, for different reasons of course" said Justice Antonin Scalia. Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg said: "No sane person would want to be making the final decision on this case. There's no nut like a Nationalist nut, so I guess Mr. Norman is nuts enough to decide this."

Special Chief Justice Norman ordered a transcript of the proceedings to be disstributed immediately after the hearing. Special Chief Justice Norman heard no arguments and delivered the following commentary, opinion and ruling:

"Ladies and gentlemen, please be seated.

Before we begin, I want to say that I am almost as shocked to be here as you are to see me here. I only read the briefs for both sides yesterday, and I find that these have been sufficient for me to form an opinion and a ruling. I do not need to hear anything either side has to say. The insane lunatic ramblings of one side and the statements of obvious truths by the other need not be repeated in different words but identical content for me to understand them.

The appellant was awarded five million dollars in a lawsuit against the appellee in the sum of five million dollars for emotional distress suffered due to the conduct of the appellee during the funeral of his son, a United States Marine who died in a motor vehicle accident in a combat zone in Afghanistan. The facts here are not in dispute. The appellee and/or his agents placed themselves in a position where they could heap scorn, ridicule, and insult upon the grieving family as they accompanied the Earthly remains of their deceased loved one to his final resting place. I find that any reasonable person would know that such behavior would inflict extreme emotional distress on the bereaved. Such behavior is so vile as to be offensive to almost anyone's sensibilities. When the infamous child rapist and murderer John Wayne Gacy was executed, did anyone think to do such things to such loved ones as he had as he was laid in his grave?

The appellee appealed this judgement and had it reversed on the grounds that the judgement violates their right of 'free speech" as guaranteed by the First Amendment to the Constitution of the United States.

This Amendment states that "Congress shall Pass no law respecting an Establishment of Religion, nor prohibiting the free exersise thereof; or of Speech or the Press, or the Right of the People to Peacefully Assemble for the Redress of Grievances". The judgement against the appellee violates none of these provisions.

It is the opinion of this court that too many cases have been brought before this court and others, seeking to use the guarantee of the First Amendment as a cloak for, not speech; but reprehensible and outrageous behavior. And while behavior may be "speech", when it is directed not toward the government but against private citizens acting in what is universally recognized by any decent and reasonable person as a private moment of greif; when it is deliberately calculated to disturb the family of a deceased loved one be that loved one a vile hoodlum or a brave hero fallen in the performance of his duty; and when that distress is a desired result of such speech, be that distress the whole part or a component of the desired result of the actor; then the First Amendment does not apply.

It is amply evident that the appellant was reckless in the extreme in the foregoing. Part of the appellee's intent was clearly to inflict suffering on the appellant. The Ninth Amendment clearly states that just because a right is not enumerated in the Constitution does not mean it does not exist. It is the finding of this court that if there is any right commensurate with those enumerated, it is the right of a grieving family to accompany their loved one on his or her final journey on this Earth in peace. The appellee has egregiously, willfully, wantonly and knowingly violated this right, and seeks to have this court recognize their violation of an unenumerated right by claiming the aegis of an enumerated one.

By the agreement and conditions of my appointment, I may rule only on this case and my ruling shall set no precedent. But also my ruling is binding and final.

Therefore, it is the ruling of this Honorable Court that the judgement of the original court against the appellee and for the appellant is not only re-instated but increased five-fold to twenty million dollars; and the court further directs the United States Marshalls Service to sieze and inventory all property of the Westboro Baptist Church; to include the real and personal property of its officers; and the bank accounts and other assets; and dispose of such property money and assets in such a mannner as to render to the appellant the sum of this judgement plus his costs and attorney fees; and to apply the remainder to the costs of the execution of this judgement; and if there be remaining any funds that they be returned to the appellee; but if there is insufficient money to pay the foregoing, the assets of the appellee shall be levied upon until all this judgement is paid in full.

This case is closed, and this court is adjourned.

RETIRE REPRESENTATIVE JAMES P. "BUGS" MORAN ON ELECTION DAY

2010-09-17T15:14:00.002-04:00

HOW IS IT POSSIBLE FOR EVEN A DEMONRAT TO VOTE FOR A DICK LIKE JIM MORAN YEAR AFTER YEAR? The man has smacked women around, bad-mouthed Jews as a people repeatedly and even went so far as to manhandle a little Black kid when the kid "messed with" his automobile. Look, Ratz; I know he votes your way. But can't you find someone who votes your way who doesn't beat his wife, hate Jews, and manhandle little African-American tots? I know that if a Republican had even ONE of these flaws, you would hound him out of town, let alone town politics.

Is it because you don't want any competition in being the Party of wife-beating, Jew-hating child abusers?

We at the Alexandria Daily Poop have noticed, though, that "Bugs" Moran is getting nervous. For our main exhibit we point to his sudden alarm at the fact that the soon-coming "Pentagon Management Center' near the intersecton of Interstate 395 and Seminary Road will create a completely untenable traffic situation. When this monstrous building opens, well over six thousand people will descend on it every weekday. And since it is located at least four miles from the nearest subway station, this translates into a tsunami of automotive traffic along the already beleagured 395 corridor. A ramp will have to be built through a wildlife sanctuary to handle the exiting traffic.

Moran's opposition to this debacle would be laudable except for the fact that he is rather late to the dance. The building is nearly finished, and road "improvements" nearby are already screwing up trafffic. Meanwhile, debate over this has been raging since before ground was broken. And only now, when his seat is up for grabs, does he decide to point with alarm to the consequenses??

What are the Demonratz thinking? My opinion is that they see this as a game of "Monopoly". The new Pentagon Center is to them like a hotel on a space on the board. Let it get built, THEN suddenly notice the consequenses, sue to prohibit its use; but count the building as an "improvement" and no matter the outcome dun the property owner for much higher taxes. And then collect the political capital along with the increased tax revenue.

As we said, the building is almost ready. It has been known for some time what the possible consequenses would be traffic-wise. Moran had ample time to object, even stop it. Yet only NOW does he notice?? He is either a dumbass of the first water OR a lying fraud.

Either way, it is high time to replace him. Most of the Alexandria City Council needs to be returned to honest work, also.

A WORD ABOUT OUR NEW COMMENTS POLICY

2010-09-17T15:01:00.003-04:00

WE ARE A BIT WEARY of intercepting idiotic and treasonous comments from assorted Leftists, and having to delete them. After all, you lice on the Left already get your voices heard in the Washington Post and the New York Times. I will not allow you to speak on MY publication, and - what joy! - you cannot do one damn thing about it!

I do allow comments from reasonable people who disagree with me, but I have had to delete so many personal attacks and spit-flying lunacy that I had to do something.

THEREFORE. Henceforth all comments will be reviewed before they are published. I will endeavour to check for comments every day and allow the good ones to see print. Thank you for reading the Allexandria Daily Poop.

BOOK EXCERPT - FROM THE NOVEL IN PROGRESS "THE PETERSON INVESTIGATION"

2010-08-28T13:01:00.003-04:00

THE FOLLOWING IS AN EXCERPT FROM MY UPCOMING NOVEL "THE PETERSON INVESTIGATION". The story is basically about a D.C. Homicide detective who grew up in Huber Heights, Ohio; who retires in 1995 and is asked by one of his boyhood friends, who is now the Chief of the Huber Heights Police, to return and command the HHPD Criminal Investigation Division. He accepts, thinking he is in for a laid-back (compared to DC) post=retirement gig. But three weeks after he is sworn in he is confronted by a horrendous murder that is a stone 'whodunit".

In the scene below, Detective Sergeant John Philip Waterman and Chief (Colonel) Kyle David Meadows are on a drive through the City of Huber Heights so that Waterman can see the various changes to the territory since he left town for the Air Force. They are on Rip Rap Road and are passing an enclave called Miami Villa when the conversation triggers a memory for Waterman about a tragic illegal drag race in 1969, which will have a major bearing on the plot later.

This is FICTION. Any resemblance of any character to any real person, living or dead, is purely co-incidental. Copyright 2010 by F. Allen Norman, Jr.; ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

From "THE PETERSON INVESTIGATION"

Chapter II

The Territory

A few miles later we arrived at Miami Villa. "The Villa" was and is a community of mostly very blue-collar folks. Back in the day, they were nowhere nearly as well-off as the middle-class families living in what was then called "Huber Homes". They constantly dealt with flooding, as the community is hard by the Great Miami and the river overtops the levee from time to time. The houses mostly use propane for heating and cooking. But they are very well kept up, and the driveways and yards are home to boats and some of the best, fastest, and most well-maintained "muscle cars" in the region. The kids attend City schools, and in our day they were called the "Villa Rats" (but never to their faces unless the caller wanted an ass-kicking.) They were some of the toughest kids I have ever known. These folks were mechanics and machinists, mostly. They were salt-of-the-Earth people, but they were fiercely independent. If they could have issued passports to their community, they would have done so. "Generally' Kyle said, 'We don't go in there unless they call us or unless we have business there. They like to take care of their own problems, so unless someone gets killed or something we sorta let them be. But they've given us a couple of good cops. Jimmy Lawson, the guy you replaced, he's from the Villa. Remember Johnny Lawson, the Villa boy in our class who got killed in that drag race? Jimmy is his kid brother."

Johnny Lawson was a Villa kid who was known for his 1957 Chevy Bel-Air. He had worked for that car from the age of thirteen, raking leaves and shoveling walks, weeding gardens, whatever he had to do to get the money. When he was 15 he bought it, and it sat in the family carport while he kept working every chance he got. Weekends he might be found working on it with a clutch of older boys, souping up the engine and drive train, or sanding down the body by hand for the paint job he wanted for it. The day he got his driver's license, he celebrated by driving the primer-coated monster into Vandalia for painting.

What emerged from A&L Body and Paint was a 1957 Chevy sedan with full-moon hubcaps, a chrome air scoop on the hood, a tachometer installed outside the windshield, and a four-speed floor mounted Hurst shifting setup. The interior was as plush as a New Orleans whorehouse with black crushed velvet seats and chrome trim galore. The beast had been painted metallic "Candy-Apple Red" with a gloss-black racing stripe running from front to rear on the hood, roof, and trunk. The rear end was jacked up as high as State law allowed, and the engine sang through fiberglass- packed "Thrush" mufflers muting the twin exhaust. It sounded like a hungry tiger, and Johnny soon became king of the local street-racing circuit.

A section of Rip Rap Road that was arrow-straight had for years been marked with "START" and "FINISH" lines. It was uniquely suited to illegal street racing because this particular stretch of the road was entered at the south from Wagner Ford Road via a bridge over the Great Miami River. After a slight bend, the road went as straight as a rifle shot for a mile before bending again and re-crossing the Miami to continue north. This enabled the posting of lookouts, and during the summer drag-racing on Rip Rap was a popular - and dangerous, not to mention highly illegal- pastime. Johnny won a lot of money there. He also won two "title-for-title" races and sold the cars for a good profit. I realized as we drove along that it was on this same day and the same road we were on that Johnny Lawson lost his life.

He had been racing a Northridge boy who was driving a Chevy El Camino. It turned out later that two of the Northridge boy's pals and he were out for vengance, since Johnny had taken the title to a cousin's car in a race. The Montgomery County Sheriff's investigators had found that the other two Northridge boys had stood among the other spectators and thrown roofing nails into Johnny's path. Johnny hit those nails going at least 150 MPH. His right front tire blew, shredded, and his car left the road, rolling over at sickening speed ; then hit a tree on the riverbank and ejected him into the swollen Great Miami River. The next day I had gone to see the County rescue squad dragging the river with grappling hooks as the Lawson family watched and wept. I suddenly realized that the 10-year-old blond boy who was clinging to his father weeping that day must have been Jimmy. I sighed and - although I am not Catholic - crossed myself. Little did I know that this 1969 case of aggravated manslaughter would come roaring back with awful consequenses here in 1995, fully 26 years later. "Hey' Kyle said, 'turn up Fishburg. See that bar on the corner?............

END OF EXCERPT.

WHY DON'T WE PAY OBAMA ONE BILLION DOLLARS TO RESIGN?

2010-08-27T17:12:00.003-04:00

REALLY. WE ARE BEING COMPLETELY SERIOUS HERE. Look at how much money this shithead ignorant "president" has spent in the name of "saving the economy"; only to see things get WORSE.

Not only this, but look what he and First Lady Michelle are doing: Jetting off to exotic locations, stuffing their faces with the finest grub, and living LARGE, baby, LARGE! When everone in the country is feeling the misery of these financial woes, Barack and Michelle live as though they were a pair of Alabama trailer park denizens who just hit the Powerball for half a billion dollars.

So I say, give Barack Obama and Michelle one billion dollars, on the condition that Barack resign the Presidency. That is half the cost of a B1 bomber, and among other benefits this stipend might help assure we never have to use a B1 in a war with a nuclear armed Iran. Not to mention he won't be ordering up new "entitlement spending" and otherwise throwing away money willy-nilly like Micheal Jackson at the FAO Schwartz toy store.

AND NOW A MESSAGE FROM YOUR TAXICAB DRIVER ABOUT PAYING WITH PLASTIC

2010-06-26T09:15:00.003-04:00

OKAY, FOLKS. I'LL GET RIGHT TO THE POINT. DESPITE WHAT YOU SEE IN THOSE GODDAMN VISA COMMERCIALS WHERE THE CAB DRIVER SMILES BECAUSE HE'S SO DAMNED HAPPY TO BE PAID WITH A CREDIT CARD, I CAN ASSURE YOU THIS IS BULLSHIT. WE CAB DRIVERS HATE BEING PAID IN ANYTHING BUT CASH. IF YOU ARE WONDERING WHY THIS IS, READ FURTHER.

First thing is, hacking a cab is a CASH BUSINESS!
All our expenses have to be paid in cash. Gasoline, lunch. oil changes, maintenance, tow trucks (God forbid) and emergency repairs CANNOT BE PAID FOR WITH THAT FUCKING SLIP OF PAPER YOU SIGN.

Well then, turn it in at the cab company for cash, you say.
Ho, ho, ho. If a driver turns in a credit slip, and he has fees due the company in the next few days, they apply the money to the fees. If the fees are less than the amount of the credit card slips, they write him a check at the end of the week. This does him no good if he has to pay for a brake job right NOW.
Speaking of fees, the cab company charges a 5% (or more) processing fee to the drivers, and this applies to the entire amount including the tip. It is to them just another way to screw us over.

Next thing is, you say "convenience"? Convenience, my ass.
It really chaps my ass when some airhead takes a cab ride to some busy club downtown, and with all the hurly-burly outside the club and valets and cops yelling move, move; pulls out a goddamn card that I have to zip , get signed and then run through the computer. I can make change for ten fares in the time it takes to process your piece-of-shit plastic. Time is money. Thanks a pantload for wasting mine.

"Plastic money" is an insidious threat to liberty. Really.
First thing, EVERY TIME you pay with plastic, there is a permanent record made somewhere of where you just were and what you just did. Wonder why you get all that junk mail? Now you know.
Second, not having to actually see the money you are spending divorces you from reality. That's what a lot of merchants count on. The bank loves it too, because it rolls up those fees. And all this encouragement to use credit/debit cards is aimed at eventually replacing hard currency with plastic. Once that happens the government will be able to determine exactly what everyone has, where they got it, from whom; as well as how much money you have, and to the penny. Feel good about that? (If the answer is "yes" then you are a fucking IDIOT)

Oh, and you minority folks who say "Here mah credicks card" and hand me a debit card: You are not fooling anybody. It's a debit card.

So everybody, stop with the giving cab drivers plastic. We want MONEY. Pay with MONEY. Got it? MONEY, MONEY, MONEY, MONEY, MONEY.

NEW COCKTAIL INVENTED IN HONOR OF HELEN THOMAS

2010-06-10T09:22:00.002-04:00

WE AT THE ALEXANDRIA DAILY POOP ANNOUNCE THE INVENTION OF A NEW COCKTAIL IN HONOR OF HELEN THOMAS, the "veteran whitehouse reporter" who recently said that the Jews should "get the hell out" of Israel and go back to Poland and Germany. Why there she did not say, but from her tone presumably it was so the job begun in the 1930s could be finished.

So we announce the cocktail we call "The Screwy Old Bitch": Pour two shots of vodka over ice in a tall glass and serve.

You see, it's basically a Screwdriver without any juice. (Juice, Jews,.....Get it? Forget it.)

COMING ATTRACTION

2010-06-07T15:09:00.002-04:00

We are working on an overview and explanation of the United States Constitution. This along with our work and our novel is taking much time. Tune in every now and then, we will post when we can, but although time is infinite, our time is not. Thank you for reading The Alexandria Daily Poop.