THE OFFICIAL FIRST JOKE ABOUT THIRD-RATE PRO BASKETBALL PLAYERS WHO ADMIT THAT THEY ARE GAY

IN HONOR OF THE "COMING OUT OF THE CLOSET" OF SOME WASHINGTON WIZARDS BASKETBALL PLAYER NO ONE HAS EVER HEARD OF, WE PROUDLY PRESENT THE FIRST JOKE ABOUT HIM:

Q: How do you keep a gay Washington Wizards B-Baller from dribbling?

A: Put a condom over him!!

Har de har har....

APROPOS OF ABSOLUTELY NOTHING : CARROT CAKE AND OTHER STUFF

Man, am I ever tired of writing about the Current Resident and murderous Chechens here in America. Maybe I can't do anything about those mooks, but maybe I can bitch about one of the small things that for some reason just irritate the living fuck out of me.


Why the hell is it that whenever you see a slice of carrot cake; for some stupid-ass reason whoever made the shit feels the need to decorate each individual slice with a fucking little bitty orange carrot on the white icing? Nobody makes a litttle angel out of icing for angelfood cake. Ditto no little red pitchfork for devilsfood.


It's really fucking ri-god-damn diculous. The other day, I was in the 7-11 and saw a plastic box with a slice of carrot cake inside. The label clearly said "CARROT CAKE".  So if you like carrot cake then yum fucking yum eat it up. Yet there atop the icing sat a little orange carrot shaped piping of icing.

To me, carrot cake is like rhubarb pie. I can take it or leave it (although I prefer to leave it). Serve me carrot cake and I'll eat it and I won't make disparaging comments. Thanks for the hospitality, etc. So long as you don't do something like put french fried muskrat assholes before me, then thanks. 

But I can't help but wonder if you people who bake and serve and enjoy carrot cake might not be the most insecure people on this planet. It's not enough that everyone knows that it's carrot cake. It's not enough that the packaging clearly says it's carrot cake. There just has to be that little edible carrot symbol on the top.

I have noticed that  a disproportionate number of folks of my acquaintance who love carrot cake seem to be male homosexuals and female nymphomaniacs. Maybe the carrot is a phallic symbol? Or perhaps it's some kind of fertility icon?  Or maybe someone is allergic to carrots, but they don't ice Reese's Cups with a peanut symbol now, do they?

Oh cripes. It just occurred to me that you carrot cake fanatics out there are going to start lobbying for exactly that.  That's another thing about carrot cake. If someone serves you a slice of cake with a little orange carrot decoration on the icing, 99 percent of the time you will be dealing with a liberal Democrat. 

So hey, thanks for the warning.

MARYLAND LIVE! CASINO: DON'T.

I have noticed quite a few people searching  this E-rag for information regarding the new Maryland casino "Maryland Live!". Well, today I had occasion to visit and observe, having taken a pair of ladies to Baltimore-Washington International.  Actually, I had much the same opportunity two days ago, but the gentleman paid me with cash. With his payment I had over three hundred cash in pocket, and I could ill-afford getting caught up in "casino fever" since all of those semoleons had a destination they were due at in a few hours.

 

But this morning was different. And I figured that five AM on a Sunday was probably not a peak gambling period and that table minimums would be dialed back and I could play three hands of ten dollar blackjack OR two hands if the minimum was fifteen.

 

BLACKJACK MINIMUMS STARTED AT FIFTY BUCKS WITH A CAP OF A GRAND. And as I said this on a Sunday morning with a very sparse bettor population.

 

Every other table card game had a minimum of $25. But most of these are games such as 4-card Poker where you have to make an initial bet and then after looking at your hand decide whether to fold (and lose your 25 bucks) or bet one to three times more to continue playing (and possibly lose another 25 ducats - or more). The only two exceptions were "Three Card Poker" with a minimum of fifteen bucks (and if you don't fold you lay down another fifteen smackeroos on the line. It's pretty fast paced, too; and your wallet can get hoovered fast even at a five-dollar 3-card table). That, and baccaraat; with a whopping hundred dollar minimum and a limit on "tie" winnings of $695.00 (Most other places, a tie bet pays 8 to 1)

 

Wow, what an effing clip-joint.

 

Well, out-of-control table minimums can be forgiven if the slots are decent. Maryland Live! has a good assortment at first glance. But for example you cannot just play one line on a nine-payline nickle slot. The machine forces you to play at least "nine credits" or $.45 (forty five cents) per pull of the handle. I will say this much for the joint: At these minimums they can't afford to piss off the Senior Citizen bus-ins too much, so the slots are not all that tight. I wound up wagering and ultimately losing about $27.00, but at one point I could have just left about $80.00 richer.

 

No matter. I had over $250 in credit card reciepts and vouchers that have to be turned in to the cab company before that revenue can be spent, and I still had about $30 cash in pocket when I left. I rather doubt I will be back. If you are the kind of bonehead who actually likes the idea of laying fifty bucks on the line for one hand of blackjack, then by all means stop doing it at Charles Town. Why should you when Maryland Live! is half the distance away and over better roads, to boot?

 

Meanwhile I'll bet Charles Town's "Hollywood Casino" is going to have to start bringing down table minimums due to the competition in Maryland. Guess I'll put in a CD of Flatt and Scruggs playing "Foggy Mountain Breakdown" and hope I don't break down on some damned foggy mountain in a few weeks when I revisit Charles Town with about five hundred bucks on me (and fifteen hundred more where I can't get at it).  I'll let you all know how that works out.

ALEXANDRIA POLICE OFFICER PETER LABOY MAKING SPECTACULAR MIRACULOUS RECOVERY

Back in February we wrote about the shooting of Alexandria Va. motorcycle police officer Peter Laboy during a routine traffic stop. Officer Laboy was shot once in the head with a nine-millimeter round fired from a Sig-Sauer semiautomatic pistol.

 

When Officer Laboy was being attended by the responding EMTs, they did not expect him to survive the helicopter ride to the hospital.

 

But not only did Officer Laboy live, he has recovered to the point that he is walking, talking, and even joking with his fellow cops. Yesterday he was taken to Alexandria police headquarters for a reunion of sorts with his brother and sister officers. We are delighted to report that some of his fellows dare to hope that he will once again saddle up his iron horse and patrol the streets of Alexandria once more.

 

Early this morning, we decided to symbolically honor Officer Laboy by driving straight through seven traffic signals on Patrick street. No, we did NOT "run seven red lights in his honor". 

 

You see, these signals are set so that if driven through at the posted speed limit they will turn green in succession. This is sort of symbolic of what the law in general is supposed to do - to make things flow in an orderly manner. If everyone clips along at the posted limit, no one is inconvenienced by a red light.

 

But there are those who peel out from the first green and do 50 to the next one and slam on the brakes, making everyone else stop behind them. Some of these folks even just ignore the red signals altogether. Peter Laboy and his fellow officers provide the remedy for (in addition to many other things) this situation.  

 

Some time during the weekend, if you live in Northern Virginia and especially if you live in the City of Alexandria, then go out at about three in the morning and head north on Patrick street from Duke. Wait for the first green, set your cruise control for exactly 25 MPH, and sail through green after green until you get to Slaters Lane. (but stop if the signals malfunction and you get a red light!). 

 

And as you marvel at the convenience and expediency supplied by the simple obedience to the law; be  mindful of the fact that this and all the other facets of the order and peace that allow us to function as a society are guarded by such as Alexandria police officer Peter Laboy. We at the Alexandria Daily Poop join his fellow officers in the hope that he will once again patrol our community.   

THE BABY KILLER

Gentle readers, we do wish we could be as prolific as Tucker Carlson (who has actually been a passenger in our taxicab) and have a blog with multiple postings daily on a variety of topics.  But we usually have to be selective and pick out one topic to write about per day, if indeed we can post that much that often.

 

Today we sifted through a number of things, among these the fact  that the surviving Boston bomber is NOT a "tea partier" as the media and the Democrat Party had hoped, but rather was an Islamic extremeist (boy howdy) WHO VOTED FOR OBAMA.

 

However, up in Philadelphia there is a doctor on trial. His name is Kermit Gosnell, and from accounts given at trial he is a soulless and ghoulish butcher of infants. 

 

Yes, we are aware that the "pickled fetus crowd" says that about every abortionist. But Gosnell is - very credibly - alleged to have murdered living fully born infants who survived his attempts to kill them in the womb.

 

There has been testimony about multiple instances of Gosnell using a pair of shears to cut a screaming infant's spinal cord. In one instance it was alleged that a baby was delivered into a toilet bowl and allowed to drown.

 

According to testimony, corpses of infants murdered in this manner were stacked in the very refrigerator used to store employee lunches.  The sanitary conditions in Gosnell's murder factory are alleged to resemble the gore-flecked killing rooms in the "Hostel" movies.

 

The liberal media mentions this case in passing, and if you want to find out the latest information you will have to look through your local paper carefully. We find it strange (or maybe not, maybe entirely predictable) that if some nut kills a score of kids with a rifle, you never hear the end of it; but let some asshole use scissors to kill newborns, with not a shred of feeling for the poor things and not because he is nuts but because that is how he shingles his roof; and the lamestreams just shove it under the rug and tell you that the lump in the floor covering is "nothing". 

 

We feel that we should make our readers aware of the Gosnell trial, and tell others about it.  Google "Kermit Gosnell" and find out what kind of horror is being kept from you in the name of keeping the abortion industry's image "respectable".

 

 

THE BOSTON BOMBING PART IV: CONCLUSIONS

Now that one of the "alleged" Boston Marathon Bombers is dead and the other captured, the murk is beginning to clear and certain conclusions may be drawn.

It is all but certain that these two brothers were NOT part of a larger conspiracy, or at least not a larger conspiracy that has any idea what it or its participants are doing. They had no idea that surveillance is everywhere, and so did not bother to conceal their identities as they did their dirty work. Evidently they thought they could hang around and continue to do their personal interpretation of "jihad" and terrorize the Boston area (and who knows where else). But when their photographs were shown on TV, they immediately knew they would have to get the hell lost. The problem was that they had not prepared for this contingency. Neither had any third party counselled them, because the possibility of capture of a member of the conspiracy could have been catastrophic.

 

Most likely the younger brother was following the lead of his elder, who had been "radicalized" by Islamic "preachers" both in the media here and - likely - by even more virulent elements during a visit "back home". In fact,Russian security had warned the FBI about the elder brother. The handling of this intelligence by the Obama administration was spectacularly inept, and Obama's flunkies are engaged in maximum spin control over this.

 

In any event, the brothers were suddenly confronted with the reality that they would need to flee. Evidently they sought to finance this by hijacking a private car in the parking lot of a convenience store in which they had - again, without disguises - made purchases.

 

After forcing the owner of the hijacked vehicle to draw money out of ATMs, they left him alive on the side of the road. When he contacted authorities, the convenience store surveillance provided even clearer images of the duo. The car was spotted by police and chased into Watertown, MA; where a gun battle ensued that left the elder brother dead. The younger reportedly ran over the body of his dying sibling as he fled.

 

So what happened here?

 

Well, the elder brother became "radicalized". His younger sibling acted in support of his brother for reasons that psychologists know well.

 

But these two are "lone wolf" terrorists. They had no connection to al-Qaeda save that the elder brother was influenced by a Salafist philosophy he picked up on the Internet and brought that influence to bear upon his younger brother. Ironically these two are just the kind of stooges alQaeda seeks to carry out attacks. It's nothing new. These two brothers are what Vladimir Lenin called "useful idiots". And who knows how many more "useful idiots" are waiting in the wings to do death and destruction at the behest of the radicals?

 

Here at the Alexandria Daily Poop, we realize that these two kids' careers in terrorism have been brought to a screeching halt by our brave law enforcement professionals.  

 

These two might be nothing more than idiots. That's the good news.

 

The bad news is that America is chock-full of idiots.  

THE BOSTON BOMBING PART III - SLAP-DASH JOURNALISM

A famous newspaper editor once said he had two rules for his reporters: Get it first, and get it right.

 

 

Today's pack of so-called "journalists" (which include TV and radio reporters) have scrambled headlong after the first rule and have tossed the second right out the window.

 

First, they had a Saudi national "in custody"; then he was being held under guard in the hospital. Then he was "not in custody but he is not being allowed to leave" (WTF?) Then his house was supposedly being searched, next he was "a person of interest" and THEN it turned out - after all this nonsense - that he was never a suspect at all. This is known as the "Groucho Marx school of journalism".

 

Supposedly the cops had found four (or five or six depending on which news channel you were watching or listening to) other devices that had not detonated and had disarmed them. It turns out that no such thing had occurred. This is known as the "Joe Isuzu school of journalism".

 

And remember the third "terrorist explosion" at the JFK Library? The one where black smoke (not white) was pouring out? Whoops. That was just your common everyday electrical fire. This is known as the "Wrong Way Corrigan" school of journalism. (We know Corrigan wasn't a journalist, but then again neither are these "reporters").

 

As we predicted here, the fog of rumor and panic has begun to subside, and more reliable information is coming in. The FBI has recovered surveillance photos identifying a man carrying a satchel that they really want to talk to (the man, of course, not the satchel. The "Journalists" however are trying to get an exclusive with the satchel.) 

THE BOSTON BOMBINGS PART II

We would like to commend DC area talk show host Chris Plante, to whom we are listening right now as he talks with a typical, name-calling Leftist. As usual the Leftie - whose name is Jim - is trying to hang the bombing of the Boston Marathon on the TEA party by equating them with the white supremacists and the "soveriegn militia" movement and other crackpots he calls "The right wing".

 

The "push-back" Chris and other hosts have been giving to this smear attempt is that it was more likely al-Qaeda. One thing that is damn near certain is that it wasn't. Al-Qaeda would have immediately boasted of the "operation" and begun issuing threats that more was on the way. As we said in our first post, this bombing seems to be the work of what are known as "right-wing" nutbars. 

 

However just as likely is the prospect that this was a "false flag" operation by a group of Leftist scoundrels to further this "hang it on the TEA party" business.

 

We  don't care which group the parties responsible for the murder of an eight-year-old kid belong to. What with the hay the Left is trying to make out of this, it is especially important that these bums be captured and investigated.

 

And then thrown into prison, where they will find out how even the worst career criminals feel about guys who murder innocent kids.

THE BOSTON MARATHON BOMBINGS

We are watching the events in Boston unfold as we write this. As with every event of this kind, facts have yet to be sorted from rumor and speculation. What follows is OUR speculation on what happened, based on the footage on TV and past history.

From the relatively small size of the explosions and from all the smoke, it appears to us that the devices consisted of about five to ten pounds of black powder, possibly augmented by the addition of some sort of shrapnel. That and the place and date of this event are signifigant.

The time around April 15th is notorious for being the time in which domestic anti-government nutbars pull their crap. This took place in Massachucetts, where the first shots of the Revolution were fired. And if the explosive was indeed black powder, then remember that those first shots were fired by rifles powered by that substance.

 

Given all this, we would speculate that some small group of idiots pulled this. They certainly weren't very smart. Video surveillance is everywhere. We speculate that at some point the cops will observe whoever planted the device on tape and in the act.

 

This doesn't look to us like a Jihadi operation. More like three to five guys who call themselves the "Sovreign Patriot Alliance" or some such twaddle. al-Qaeda terrorists would have hit a target with a lot more people and killed a lot more, probably with a suicide bomber who yelled "Allahu Akbar" beforedetonating himself, just to put their stamp on it.  That's their "symbolism".

 

Domestic nuts use stuff like black powder,  an historic location, and the date April fifteen to make their statement. So far these morons have killed three people, freaked out the entire country, and shut down Logan Airport and cancelled the Bruins game. We predict they will be arrested before the weekend is up.

OBAMA'S SCHEMES ARE BEGINNING TO BACKFIRE

The best-laid schemes of mice and men sometimes go astray. And if you are scheming to ruin the economy of the United States of America, you are certain to fall to ruin.

 

 

Current Resident Obama and his little cabal of pinkos had thought to bring such disaster on this nation - while, of course trying to blame it all on the Republicans and George Bush - that we would go completely to pieces. Then, they thought, they could get authorization from a desperate populace to remake it as they thought it should be.

 

 

And prices were rising, and jobs were gettting low. Folks were going crazy and didn't know where to go. But a funny thing happened on the way to the "New Foundation for America".

 

The American economy drives the global economy. And when things get bad for us, eventually they get worse for everybody else, even for a supposed powerhouse like China.

 

And when that happens, when China and India aren't using as much oil (for example), then the price of oil starts falling like a head-shot goose. Energy gets cheaper, and the cost of doing business in America gets cheaper too.

 

All comodities get cheaper.Remember what we wrote here about these people who ran ads saying that the dollar would soon be worthless, so you should trade in your soon-to-be worthless dollars for all this infinitely valuable it's-going-through-the-roof gold they had to sell?  Yeah, new lamps for old. (one of those ads is playing right now on Limbaugh, where this has been discussed.)

 

If you're an oil speculator or a gold bug, right now you are taking a bath. We hope George Soros has bought lots and lots of gold. And the more it falls, the more people want to sell it and cut their losses.

 

When the American economy sneezes, the global economy catches pneumonia. Then everything gets cheap again, and the American economy recovers and rescues the planet.

 

This is the quandry Obama is faced with: To completely win through, he has to completely wreck the American economy. But we have safeguards to prevent him from being a dictator and the Constitution constrains him from doing as much and as fast as it would take to do that BEFORE the rest of the world gets really sick. When this happens, it helps OUR economy which, by bouncing back, brings the rest of the world with it.  

 

Obama and his henchmen cynically act on H.L. Menkin's famous quote that "nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American people". 

 

Well, maybe. But here's another thought: Betting against the American economy is a sure way to lose your ass.  And you can take that to the bank.

 



WHAT EXACTLY IS "CONSERVATIVE NATIONALISM"?

When I describe myself as a "rabid conservative Nationalist", lots of people interpret the term in lots of different ways.

 

I'll address the "rabid" part later. For now, let's talk abot the "conservative" part.

 

 

"To conserve" means to keep and steward with an eye toward preservation. There are "fiscal conservatives"  and "social conservatives".  Both terms are bullshit, yet both have roots in the true meaning of conservatism overall. True conservatism is the stewardship of the preservation of the sovereignty of the individual Citizen.  The Bill of Rights enumerates certain rights that the powers that be must not fuck with.

 

 

The natural enemy of the "conservative" is the "progressive". Basically, whilst the conservative sees the Constitution as being a rudimentary set of rules, written in plain English; "Progressives" see it as what it pleases them to call a "living, breathing" set of general principles.

 

This "living, breathing" crap is straight out of Alice in Wonderland. "When I say a word, it means exactly what I want it to mean".

 

So do "progressives" see the Constitution as Holy and Sacred when it suits their agenda, and outdated and irrelevant when it does not.

 

A few years ago - back when a Citizen could just walk into the Capitol and more or less have free run of the place - you could just walk in and pester your Senator or Congressman (as is your right). Now you need an appointment,or else have to be lead around

by the nose on a guided tour. That's the way Communist regimes handle tourists.

 

Now the justification for all this flows from the terrorist attacks of 2001, and a lone nut who shot his way past the metal detectors some years ago. But in 1958, a bunch of Puerto Rican "nationalists" shot up the Senate floor from the gallery. And for more than fifty years thereafter, the Capitol remained open and freely accessible. But now, these politicians so fear the public that they restrict access severely.

 

(Meanwhile here in Virginia, citizens who have a readily obtainable State concealed weapons permit can roam the buildings and State Capitol grounds at will).

 

"Conservatism" means believing that the Constitution means exactly what it says. Don't like the Second Amendment? Well then, there are procedures outlined to repeal it. And much good to you. You might be a  "social" or a "fiscal" conservative.But if you don't believe what I've written here; if you are trying to twist the Constitution to your own personal custom desires; then in my opinion you are just a "left wing" or "right wing" "Progressive", and fuck you very much for your (dubious) contribution to our political debate.

 

Now on to Nationalism.

 

Nationalism has been tarred and feathered - mostly from the Left - as being "Facsist". Odd that, since the very founder of facsism Benito Mussolini self identified as a Leftie. Hitler's Germany was called a "National Socialist state".  But look at how Nazi Germany was run. Take away the Gestapo and the death camps, and you have Sweden.

 

Granted there are several definitions of "Nationalism".  The defnition we here at the Allexandria Daily Poop espouse is the belief that our Nation is unique and that we should do NOTHING that is not in furtherance of our National interests.

 

As to "rabid", we are indeed passionate in our beliefs. We here at the Alexandria Daily Poop hope you get the message.

JOHN KERRY, IDIOT

My last post here was a continuation of my plea for support from my readers. And believe me, my situation is quite dire.

But folks, the whole point of this blog is to try to avoid the even more dire consequence of having this ENTIRE NATION being taken over by a pack of idiots. Yet our current Secretary of State, John "Ketchup" Kerry, is a spectacular blazing screaming idiot of the first water.

 

What a time to send a moron like Kerry on a diplomatic mission. (Not to mention, what a time to engage in diplomacy). North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Un is absolutely nuts. His latest statement is that nuclear war is "inevitable". HOLY FUCK!! Now, I know and you know that if Kim makes an overt move toward that end, he will quite literally be "toast". The threat and the danger lies in the fact that Kim doesn't quite seem to grasp this fact.

 

And so what does Ketchup Kerry say about North Korea's nukes? Well, the goddamn idiot first says that "North Korea will not be accepted as a nuclear power". But almost in the same breath he acknowledges that North Korea possesses "a number of devices".

 

Hmm. WHAT THE FUCK? That's like saying you won't accept your neighbor's dog as a male but admitting that he has a set of balls and a dick.

 

This is an EXTREMELY dangerous situation. Today Kim said he was planning to attack Japan with his nukes, and credible evidence shows that Kim has managed to reduce his (puny) nuke warheads to a size suitable for ICBM cargo.

 

Do you think that if Kim hit Honshu with a six-kiloton nuke that it would just be a shocking announcement on the news?

 

Back at the beginning of the second decade of the last century, a young nutbar named Gavrilo Prinzip fired three shots from a pistol and set Europe on fire. And here we are at the beginning of the second decade of this century, with a young nutbar who has much more than a pistol, and who may just manage to set the PLANET on fire (and possibly with nothing more than his stupid fat mouth).

 

And who do we send to deal with the situation? John Kerry, who is a clueless moron. Who would send a moron to reason with a psychopath?

 

Well, Barack Obama, it would seem. Thanks a big, stinking, orangey pantload for staying home on election day, you Ron Paulistas.

MOPERY

Gentle readers, there is a sort of joke among police, criminals, and lawyers. It's a spoof of "common law", and it is the crime of "mopery" (Probably where the word "mope" comes from. read on...)

 

 

The offense consists of a blind man spying on a naked woman in the dark.

 

 

I know. "Oh, posh" you're thinking. How preposterous.

 

 

Hold on.

 

 

It really isn't that silly. After all, aren't we trying to make sure everyone is treated equally? If a normally sighted person were peeping at M'lady in total darkness, he would see exactly what the blind man sees: PITCH DARKNESS. So, in the daytime only a sighted person could be charged with "Voyuerism". But in the dark, the blind and the sighted see the same thing.

 

There are hundreds of finely graded and shaded ironies in this one joke. Imagine if Mopery was a statutory offense. Imagine the trial of the blind man, with prosecutors and defense lawyers arguing it all the way up to the Supreme Court.

 

Now, if confronted with a case of mopery, the only reasonable opinion from SCOTUS would of course be (Chief Justice Roberts, writing for the unanimous Court):

 

"We hold that the premise of charging a blind man with a crime solely because he is able to see as well as anyone else when there is no light to be completely ri-god-damn-fucking-DICULOUS.'

 

'We further find that the statutory definition of "mopery" to be frivolous, and therefore find that the State's  arrest, prosecution, and conviction of the plaintiff to be null and void. We reverse the conviction of the plaintiff. Further, and so say we all, we urge the plaintiff to pursue civil action to the extent that he can; if only to give persons in the several State legislators reason to think before they enact idiotic legislation."

 

 

Of course, that's NOT what would come out of SCOTUS. There would be nine different opinions, with all knds of whacky twaddle in each one. The only person on the Supreme Court whom I would trust to write something like the honest opinion I have posited above is Justice Antonin Scalia.

 

And given the upholding of the BLATANTLY un-Constitutional Obamacare, I honestly don't know if the blind man would have to actually go to prison for looking at a naked woman in a dark room. If the Supreme Court upheld Obamacare - and they did - then why wouldn't they uphold a conviction for mopery? Hmm?

A GREAT IDEA FOR DEALING WITH NORTH KOREA

Here at the Alexandria Daily Poop, we do try to give credit where credit is due. Even if it goes to some leftie.

 

 

We were peusing the latest HuffPost article about North Korea's current tantrum when we ran across a comment from some or another person who said that the regime could easily be overthrown by dropping - not bombs - but crates filled with meatball subs marked "from your friends in America".  The commentor said that this could be done "at a fraction of the cost of war". 

 

 

Actually this is not a bad idea. It's a great idea, in fact. The North Korean regime tells the people - when they dare ask why the food rations are light - that (get this bullshit) "The Americans sank the rice ship".  No kidding, that's what the Commie thugs tell their starving people. America is to North Korea's dicatorship what George Bush is to Barack Obama.

 

Now, the only thing we are worried about in this plan is that Kim Jong-Un's propaganda machine will probably try and warn the people not to go near the subs because "the Americans have poisoned them" or something. Yeah, right. Just try getting between a starving man and a meatball sub. Just try.

 

Last we checked, a meatball sub at Subway goes for about ten bucks for a footlong. There are about 25 million people in North Korea, so a quarter-billion dollars could give them what most of them would consider the happiest day of their lives. Of course we'd need to design special packaging, something that could be dropped from a bomber and be designed so that a parachute would slow it down so that nobody got hurt. And we'd need to know where to drop the stuff so we'd be feeding the commoners and not Kim's pudgy ass.

 

 

All in all, though, not a bad plan. I say let's do it.

THE BEST AND WORST COMMERCIALS CURRENTLY RUNNING ON AMERICAN TELEVISION

There are two commercials presently being run on American TV. (Okay, there are hundreds of them, but these particular two are the best and the worst).

 

 

First, the best. That would be the Cheerios commercial which at the end features a closeup of a really cute infant in a high chair grubbing at a pile of Cheerios and stuffing them in his (her?) mouth and babbling "Num, num, num". 

 

 

How very precious. It didn't make me want me to rush out and buy a box of Cheerios, but awwwww....

 

It's a heck of a lot better than the Cheerios commercial I saw as a little boy. In that one, "Cheerios Sue" was in a castle tower being besieged by a freaking dragon. And a damn scary dragon it was, too.  And even though the "Cheerios Kid" defeated the dragon (after, of course, wolfing down a bowl of Cheerios), that damn commercial gave me some of the worst childhood nightmares I'll never forget.

 

So, General Mills, you are hearby awarded the Alexandria Daily Poop's 2013 award for "Best Commercial on Broadcast Television".

 

 Having accentuated the positive, we shall now attempt to eliminate the negative by asking our gentle readers to write AAMCO and tell them to pull this damn ad from the airwaves.

 

This disgusting travesty is the one where the voiceover admonishes the viewer that "You wouldn't trust just anybody to sit in your cubicle" as the video shows a man licking a computer keyboard only to be confronted by a shocked female co-worker.

 

The camera cuts to a scene of an apprehensive elderly woman being embraced by a bare-chested hairy ape as the announcer intones: "Or hug your mother".

 

The next scene is of a guy laying on a massage table as a Mexican wrestler perches on a bookshelf. As the announcer says: "Or be your massage therapist", the Mexican wrestler crouches, gives off a high-pitched scream, and launches himself off the bookshelf at the table.

 

That commercial is so bad that I fumble for the remote and change the channel every time it comes on. I have even gone so far as to unplug the TV when that option is handier than trying to find out where the remote has gotten off to.

 

Gentle readers, I ask you to write or Email General Mills and tell them that you love their ad. After all, in these crazy times it is precious, is it not?

 

 

And do the same for AAMCO. Except in that case tell them to get that damn ad off the air.

 

I mean, what would you rather see? A keyboard-licking pervert or a happy baby?

 

In our opinion, no contest.

SCREEN RIGHTS FOR "THE PETERSON INVESTIGATION" AND "GEORGETOWN IN PLAINCLOTHES" FOR SALE!

That's right, folks. I'm offering the TV and movie rights for my two novels for sale. The buyer may do as he likes with "Georgetown in Plainclothes" but there are a few conditions with "The Peterson Investigation".

 

 

First, "The Peterson Investigation" MUST be shot on location in the Miami Valley in Ohio. All ancilliary services such as catering and limousines MUST be provided by businesses based in the Cities of Dayton, Ohio and Huber Heights, Ohio. This is non-negotiable.

 

 

Second, insofar as possible all casting must be done using people living in the Greater Dayton Area. Particularly Amy Jane Adams and her sons Jason and Alex MUST be Miami Valley residents. I wouldn't object if you got Matthew Gray-Gubler to play Detective Ronnie Baird, for instance. In fact that's who I had in mind when I wrote the character. And if Justin Beiber were to play the role of Larry McMasters, I'd be delighted. He'd be perfect, IMHO. But the likes of Manny Radosevic, Gary Cohen, the Vandalia cops, the BCI agents and other minor players MUST be current residents of the Miami Valley.

 

Third, I MUST be hired as a consultant, and my travel, lodgings, and meal and other expenses MUST be paid for IN ADDITION TO THE SALE PRICE OF THESE MOVIE RIGHTS.

 

In addition, the sale price does NOT include the cost of the lawyer I will need to hire to ensure that I am not left with a pittance while the buyer of these rights makes a gazilion dollars. That cost will of course be assumed by the buyer.

 

I would suggest that the screen adaptation would lead off with the 1969 drag race on Rip Rap Road that started the action. Somebody recorded a song called "The Ballad of Rip Rap Road" about the drag races that would occur there. I suggest that as the opening theme.

 

 

The price for these rights is as follows:

 

 

For the rights to "The Peterson Investigation": One hundred fifty thousand dollars.

 

 

For the rights to "Georgetown in Plainclothes", Two Hundred Thousand Dollars.

 

 

For the rights to both works, Two Hundred Fifty Thousand Dollars.

 

 

Contact me in "comments" and provide a telephone number or an e-mail address so I can check your bona fides.

 

This is a serious offer. Contact me if interested.

THIS IS LEADERSHIP? NORTH KOREA THREATENS NUKE ATTACK, OBAMA LIES ABOUT FIREARMS

Nutty North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un has declared that a "state of war" exists between North and South Korea. Well, that's not news, because the Korean War never did end.The fighting was ended with an armistice (truce), but there have been skirmishes from time to time. So everybody pretty much yawned.

 

 

We guess Kim got a little ticked at that, so he upped the stakes by saying that he has authorized his military to attack the United States with nuclear weapons. Man, that dude is super-deluxe nutso.

 

It's doubtful that Kim has missiles that could hit even the West Coast, although Hawaii and Guam may have some little bit to worry about. However, it's doubtful that North Korea is able to produce a missile warhead... yet.

 

On the other hand, they MIGHT be able to send a submarine armed with a nuke on a suicide mission into Pearl Harbor. So here we have a nuclear armed madman threatening a nuclear attack. So what does the Current Resident of 1600 Pensylvania Avenue, Northwest do?

 

He sends Secretary of State John Kerry our to wag his finger and call Kim's pronouncements "unacceptable" (Our military has also posted Aegis guided missile cruisers where they can shoot a North Korean missile right out of the sky).

 

Obama, on the other hand was in Colorado, delivering a lie-filled speech aimed at ginning up support for abrogationg the Second Amendment. What a juxtaposition: Faced with an enemy threatening the American People, Obama concentrates on convincing them to lay down their weapons.

 

One absolutely bald-faced lie Obama said was that the so-called "gun show loophole" should be "closed" because it "results in up to 40% of all firearms sales" to be conducted without a background check. That is UTTER BALONEY and Obama knows it.

 

Obama cited polls to show the "support of the American people" for his anti-gun agenda. These polls contain loaded questions such as "do you favor promoting the right to have a gun OR do you think it's more important to deal with the issue of gun violence?".  Lies based on push-polls, told with grieving relatives of shooting victims used like props for a backdrop; lies crafted to get people to think with their emotions instead of their intellect. And this he does with the Korean Peninsula set to explode. This he does with the situation in Iran and the Middle East bubbling away, this he does as he DELIBERATELY tries to make the budget sequester as painful as possible, this he does when we have all this other trouble.

 

Note all this well. And remember it in November of next year when it's time to vote in the mid-terms. In fact, remember it now. Because the campaign is now. Pay attention.

 

 

Side item: I wasn't kidding about needing your help, friends. Thanks.